Tag Archive | grieving families

When A Loved One Is Battling Cancer…

It’s been a crazy few weeks.

My brother had a heart attack, and then my dad suddenly became extremely ill after a biopsy (which came back clear) … and a few weeks later was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastasized cancer.

With my dad, it came out of the blue. Nine weeks ago, we were working out together, as we had been doing, three times a week. He was out-lifting and more fit than many people half his age at the gym. He also always walked at least 10,000 steps a day and was taking care of his health since beating cancer a few years ago (you can read a blog post I wrote from my dad’s first cancer journey here: https://griefbites.com/2016/07/27/the-thief-grief-of-cancer/).

My brother’s heart attack also came as a shock. It happened on Mother’s Day and was a complete surprise.

Having two family members go through dire, life threatening illnesses within mere weeks of one another has been extremely stressful and heart wrenching.

As I was talking on the phone with a friend, telling her how I felt after she asked how I was doing, I put it into words. She said, “Kimmy, you need to blog about this. I’ve never heard such an accurate description.”

This is for my dad…my mom…our family…my two additional family members who are battling cancer…our friends…the grief and cancer communities.…everyone who has had cancer or has watched a loved one suffer through such a devastating illness.

May God grant all of us His mercy, compassion, healing, and His help as we walk through the incredibly hard journey of cancer.

😢🌷When A Loved One Is Battling Cancer🌷😢

Having a loved one go through sudden advanced aggressive cancer is the equivalent of your whole family being thrown into hell in a big bubble without warning.

The whole family is in an air conditioned bubble among the flames — except your loved one who is battling cancer — and you’re watching your loved one…who is outside the bubble…greatly suffer.

You can’t open the bubble to let them in…and you can’t exit the bubble to offer them relief or help.

You have water and you’re willing to give your loved one all the water in the world to refresh and help them – to put out the flames, to offer them a drink, to cool their suffering…but you can’t.

Every time you hear them cry out or wince in excruciating pain…you can’t help. You can’t take away the pain at all.

When they’re so weak they can barely walk or talk…you can’t strengthen them or be the breath their lungs so badly need.

When they are rapidly losing weight…you may be the best cook in the world, or offer to get them any food they want from any restaurant…ANY restaurant…but there’s nothing you can do. You can’t give them the gift of appetite or take away their nausea. Seeing your loved one lose weight – my dad lost 40 lbs last month – you feel like you’re in a nightmare. You learn that when they do feel like eating, you take full advantage of it – and pray they’ll be able to keep it down.

You love them so much that you’d willingly trade places with them…you even tell God you’re willing…but it’s not an option and you can’t take any of the burden off of them.

You see your other loved ones processing it…you can’t really help them either. Words of encouragement are empty…it feels so fluffy and artificial. Just like grief, there are no words in the human language to provide relief or comfort.

You want to say, “I love you,” and hug them a billion times a day…actually, you want to hold them tight and never let them go…but you can’t because it’ll just freak them out. They’ll wonder if they’re closer to death than they realize.

And the pain…the horrendous pain…you desperately want to make it better for them. Sometimes their pain is so great that gentle hugs are physically painful to them. It’s miserable not being able to alleviate their pain. You can’t make them more comfortable either…and due to the pain, no position – sitting or lying down – feels good. Temperature means nothing. They’re burning up one minute and another minute, they’re freezing. It’s so frustrating to them.

You want to cry…but you don’t dare because you need to keep your loved one’s spirits and hope up as high as possible. So much of the battle of beating cancer is in the mind and spirit. You’ll do whatever it takes to help them have the best odds, and most favorable mindset, of beating this dreadful illness.

You want to say stuff like, “it’s going to be okay” – but how do you tell someone it’s going to be okay – when you don’t even know if things will be okay? So you instead say, “We are going to do everything possible to beat this! We’re in this together!”

You want to 100% focus on your loved one battling cancer…but there will be times you won’t be able to since you still have work responsibilities, chores, etc – and you’ll feel so torn. You’ll strive for as much time with your loved one as possible – because you fully understand that any day could be “the day”…and as a result, you’ll cancel any and every unnecessary appointment, social event, anything unnecessary, everything. You realize an awful truth and it breaks your heart into a billion pieces: if God doesn’t grant you the miracle you’re seeking, you are on borrowed time…and the time is short.

You so badly want your loved one to stay on earth…you ignore reality and pray boldly in faith. You’ll be praying for huge miracles – because you want your loved one to stay here. You can’t imagine life without them…and you know you can’t “go there” and especially cannot “camp out there” in your thoughts because this can absolutely depress you. So you ask God for more faith, strength, and a miracle. You’ll even try to barter with God. You focus on prayer…you realize that intense prayer – and even fasting for your loved one (after talking to your doctor) – is the best way to help them. And you don’t just want to save them because you love them so much…you want to save them because you don’t want to see a bright light go dim…they’re doing so much for God on earth, so you continue to beg God for a miracle — multiple times each day. Even though things look bleak, you stand firmly in faith and claim any scripture you know or can find on healing.

Since you’re not crying in front of your loved one…God, other family members, the shower, and the car become your best friends. You cry out to God in your heart…your insides do the crying – and no one around you is aware of it. You turn on music and cry in the shower – where no one can hear. Sometimes, you’ll slump to the ground and pour your ever living heart out to God – especially on the frustrating days where you feel so powerless to help. You get it all out. The car is a great place to pull over and just cry on the hardest days, too. And you do this so you can reset and be your absolute best for your loved one.

You get upset that it’s your dad or family member…and will ask God, “why my dad?why my loved one?” My dad is the nearest thing to a walking angel. Seriously…he is SO good to God, my mom, his grandkids and greats, my siblings, my husband, me – all of our family. I’ve never met anyone who has more integrity than him. Here’s how well-known of how great a person my dad is: At my dad’s birthday party, my sister (as a party game) had a quiz about my dad…one of the questions on the quiz was “Where was Gramps born?” Someone replied, “Don’t say in a manger!” My dad isn’t just a good man…he’s literally the godliest man I’ve ever known. He loves others and lives out his Christianity 24/7.

So many thoughts and emotions these past few weeks!

Whoever pegged the saying “Cancer Sucks” … they were absolutely right. It so very much does suck.

……………..BUT……………..

Make no mistake…there is always hope!!

Cancer – even though it sucks so bad – it does not and will not have the last word! It will refine you…absolutely allow it to refine you…you’ll also find out who your real friends and caring family members are…this refinement is a gift! It will cause you to completely reprioritize your life and relationships. You find out quickly what is truly important – and what is not.

It’s not always doom and gloom…you’re not always a crying, bumbling mess…because you’re also enjoying the heck out of your loved one. You’re doing everything in your power to bring them encouragement, hope, and joy.

Every. day. is. a. precious. gift. A gift not to be wasted.

You’ll have some of the deepest, richest, best conversations ever…and you’ll laugh with your loved one, too.

I’ve had some of the most meaningful conversations with my dad lately…and I’m writing down these precious words, too. I never want to forget these very meaningful talks — and the precious advice he’s giving me. He’s also sharing with me things to say to our loved ones at a future date. His focus isn’t on himself…his focus and his heart is on God, the love of his life (my mom), his treasured grandkids, my siblings, all of our family, and me. My dad’s entire life and world is God, my mom, and our family. Cancer hasn’t and will not change that.

I did mess up and cry around my dad – on Father’s Day – and my dad said something that blew me away. He said he feels his cancer is a privilege to walk through…that it’s a blessing in disguise – even though it doesn’t look like one right now – BECAUSE God will be glorified in this extremely tough situation. He said his cancer will draw our family closer together — and we have the opportunity to allow this trial to refine, teach, and remind us what life, family, forgiveness, and love are all truly about.

I know God is going to carry my dad, my mom, and us through this excruciatingly painful time…no matter the outcome…because God is good. So very, very good!

There are days I feel helpless. I HATE not being able to help my Dad. It’s my nature to help…love…encourage…prevent tragedy…console…save…and protect those I love deeply. I’ve wondered a hundred times how we got here…my dad had been to the ER a few times and was hospitalized twice as well…how did nobody catch this?🥲 Questions like these are futile. My dad told me to focus on the “here and now.” Although this all took us by surprise…this did not take God by surprise. And God is sovereign.

My dad said the battle isn’t mine…that I need to be still and know that God is God. He also said not to be upset with God…that God is good. My dad’s right: The battle isn’t mine. And God IS always good. He isn’t just good…He is 100% faithful…capable…loving…kind…and He is for my dad and our family.

Now that I’ve had a few cry-fests, I’m learning how to better shift my emotions, perspective, thoughts, and focus from an earthly perspective to an eternal perspective…to take (like my siblings have advised) “one hour/day at a time” – which isn’t always easy.

We always say, “I trust God”…and times like these reveal the contents of our hearts…they are also an exclusive opportunity to prove that we do indeed trust God.

So I need to remind my heart: We walk by faith not by sight…God can do more in a moment than I could ever hope to do in a lifetime…God’s Perfect Will – even when we don’t like or agree with it – is exactly what we all would want if we knew ALL the facts…God doesn’t need my help. At all…God is God – and I am not…sooo…I lovingly place my dad, his care, and his very life into the hands of the One who loves him most.

Anyone who has been through this gets it – our family, sadly, is not the only ones to go through this. Millions of people experience this every year. Two other family members are experiencing cancer as I write this. My heart goes out to all who have – and are – experiencing illness.

My focus is on God, my dad, family, and others who are grieving a loved one or battling cancer.

Instead of focusing on the cancer on the toughest days…what could or could not happen…what may or may not be…I will turn my focus – in faith – onto God.

Instead of crying in the car and shower…I will turn these times into deeper times of prayer and praise to the One who loves us most and best.

I will love and enjoy God…my parents…my spouse and kiddos…my entire family…to the very best of my ability.

Yes, I will absolutely still lift my dad and family up in prayer every single day…but my focus will not be on the storm…my focus will be on my God who controls the storm.

And I know I’ll get to know God at a much deeper, richer, and more treasured level through these trials. Like my dad said, this is a blessing in disguise…and God will create good from this situation — because God never wastes a hurt.

I’ll do what my dad has requested: turn my tears into prayers…my worries into praise…my fears into trust…and believe this trial holds a greater purpose.

I. will. not. quit. praying…and I will help my dad stay positive as his treatments become more intense and painful. He said this type of chemo (FOLFOX) made his first cancer treatments feel like a cake walk. I’ll continue to encourage, strengthen, and help him.

I pray anyone who has been affected by cancer will be comforted, encouraged, and healed. And I pray fervently that my dad – and your loved ones, too – will make it and will be healed.

Please pray my dad and all who are battling cancer will win their fight starting today…and may each and everyone of us experience a brand new facet of God as we walk – and continue to love, trust, and praise Him – through the storms we all face. 💗

No matter what storm you’re facing today, always remember you are loved and I am praying for you!

~Kim

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

“How am I ever going to get through this?”

As a grief and marriage coach, I am frequently asked by others, “How am I ever going to get through this?”

Grief and loss are so incredibly hard to experience…and so many are caught off guard and unprepared for how to get through the toughest days of their life.

There is no such thing as a cookie cutter answer to those who are seeking help and answers. There are commonalities among grievers but grief is so individual.

You take one minute at a time…until you take one hour at a time…then you take one day at a time…then one week at a time…then one month at a time.

Sometimes, all you’ll be able to initially do is make the decision to “exist.”
Then you’ll go through the motions.
Yet, during these times, it’s important to feel what you need to feel. Sometimes, this will feel like a much needed release, but other times, it’s far too painful…so you’ll choose to wait an hour or two – maybe even a day – when you feel you can better handle it.

Allow trusted family & friends to hold you up until you’re able to process your grief.
Key word here is trusted. There’s a big difference between someone who genuinely cares and loves you…and someone who just wants “the scoop” and will use your most vulnerable emotions and details to share with the world.

You’ll initially feel frozen – like the whole world has stopped…then you’ll crawl…then walk…fall down…then get back up and learn how to jog…fall down again…then fully run with God’s grace and help. Then you find out what every griever eventually finds while running: one memory…one song on the radio…one random holiday can trip you out of nowhere…even years later…and the timeline is different for each griever. That’s why it is so vital to stay so close to God…He will lovingly pick you back up. Every. time.

Something that surprised me was random emotions during grief. Your emotions might surprise you too. You may feel irritated or angry out of nowhere. Angry at your loss. Angry at God. Angry at the illness that stole your loved one. Angry at the doctors. Angry at how unfair your situation is. Your anger isn’t just merely anger – it’s a very deep form of grief. It is so important to never allow this part of your grief to win. It will cost you far more than you’ll ever want to pay. Feel what you need to feel…absolutely…just please don’t permanently camp out there. Run to God full force…even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to.

Never give up hope! It won’t always feel or be as bad as the way it is today…but it takes time and grief work. You’ll get there.💗

Be kind to others and be kind to your own heart. You’re going through one of the toughest times of your life.
Give yourself (and others) compassion and grace.

One day, you’ll realize you smiled for the first time…and laughed…and you might even feel guilty…but choose to press forward. Your treasured loved one enjoyed seeing you happy while they were on earth…they want you to discover happiness and joy again. They want you to have a good life.
It’s tough at times though because each new memory is a new memory without them. It’s okay to feel that tremendous loss…choose to walk through that pain and then also choose to open yourself up to feel the happiness and joy your heart deserves. Fully enjoy the gift of life when you feel ready to do so.

Always remember and honor your treasured loved one…and don’t feel bad or apologize for it. You will never “get over” your loved one or your situation of grief, as some may pressure you to do.

Realize that grief isn’t something you get over, it’s something you eventually get through. The greater the love, the greater the grief. The goal isn’t to get over someone you love…the goal is to eventually warmly smile when you think of your loved one and live life to the fullest in their honor. Make them proud.💗

Look for ways to make a difference in your loved one’s honor…to celebrate their precious life. Do something special for someone in your loved one’s honor – perhaps a family member or friend – every birthday and anniversary…the days that hurt the worst. Maybe go out to eat on their birthday to their favorite restaurant- and then tip the waiter or waitress the amount you would’ve spent on your loved one for their birthday or your anniversary. Or pay for the car behind you in a drive thru. You’ll be surprised how healing this can be as you keep your loved one’s memory alive each year.

When going through grief…be patient with yourself (and your loved ones).
It’s literally as though you’ve been in an emotional “car crash”…it takes time to heal.
If you were in a car crash, you’d need triage help at first…maybe even multiple surgeries…then perhaps physical therapy and occupational therapy to help you learn how to live life again.

Grief is no different.

Take the time you need to learn how to live life again. God is with you every step of the way.

You are valuable. You are so very loved. I’m glad you’re here…and that you are continually choosing to remain here. Your life holds exceptional purpose and value.

Grief is a mixture of so many emotions. It’s one of the toughest events you’ll ever experience in life.

You’ll never be the same.

You’ll see every part of life so differently.

And you’ll grow.

You’re going to make it through this heartbreaking, gut wrenching, terrible time. With God’s help, love, mercy, grace, and encouragement, He’ll help you pick up every piece of your life that was shattered. Simply ask Him. He is there. He deeply cares. He loves you more than anybody ever has and ever will.

Never give up hope!💗

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️Some additional blog posts that may encourage your heart:

The Value of Anger in Grief: https://griefbites.com/2017/04/03/the-value-of-anger-in-grief/

What To Do When You Can’t Take Anymore: https://griefbites.com/2021/02/27/what-to-do-when-you-cant-take-anymore/

When God Doesn’t Give You Your Fairytale: https://griefbites.com/2018/03/21/when-god-doesnt-give-you-your-fairytale-2/

7 Things To Realize About Someone Going Through A Hard Time: https://griefbites.com/2016/02/20/7-things-to-realize-about-someone-going-through-a-hard-time/

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

💗

What To Do When You Can’t Take Anymore

Everybody goes through heartache and discouragement … but what do you do when your heartache is so deep, it feels as though you may drown in your tears and despair?

I’ve been there. My grief ran extremely deep. I felt like I was dead but couldn’t die…crying was physically painful because my eyelids were so tender and raw. I felt as though I couldn’t catch my breath.

If you’re at that very tough place right now, it’s very important to know: there is hope.

If today your broken heart is crying out, “I can’t do this anymore”…

…that’s a signal.

It’s a signal to place all of the broken pieces of your heart into God’s more than capable hands.

Something to always remember: when we feel we can’t go on…GOD CAN & WILL CARRY US! He can comfort and heal a broken heart more in one moment than we could ever hope to do in a lifetime.

As we walk through our pain, God will be right beside us. He is faithful to carry us in those heart-wrenching times.

When we give God each shattered piece of our heart, He can take the broken pieces and lovingly rebuild each piece back together – and eventually create something of great value.

Our heart won’t be the same. Instead, it will have new space to hold more depth, compassion, wisdom, and much more understanding about life due to experiencing deep grief.

And there will be pain in the process…but as Pastor Rick Warren always says, “God never wastes a hurt.”

Having been through multiple grief experiences, I have found this to be more than true.

So if you are deep in heartache or discouragement today…ask God to come in and help you.

You couldn’t ask for a better Companion throughout your grief.

He truly is a Faithful Friend – and He’s always there 24/7.

God loves you…He cares for you…and He can genuinely relate to your pain.

God sees every chapter of your life – start to finish.

I promise you: God is not through with you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you.

You may be in the worst chapter of your life…but it won’t always be like this…and you have better days to come in the upcoming chapters. With God, some of your very best days may not have even happened yet.

Hold onto hope!

TRUST God.

Feel what you need to feel.

Always remember God loves you more than anyone ever has…and He loves you more than anyone ever will.

God’s heart is good and He is FOR you!

So run to His heart and trust Him when you feel like you can’t take anymore.

No matter the grief…no matter the situation…He is always waiting for you with open arms.❤️

Looking for true peace? Whatever you’re going through, God knows—and cares. Find real hope today.

Psalms‬ ‭27:13-14‬, “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

Isaiah 66:9, “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.”

Philippians 1:6, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a futire.”

Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Deuteronomy 31:6, “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Ephesians 3:20, “Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.”

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Are you hurting? Feel like giving up? Please read this.

Today, somebody is wondering how they’re going to get through what they’re going through. They’re in so much pain, and they genuinely have no idea if life will ever get better.

The pain in their heart is deep…they may feel as though grief or an extremely tough situation is attempting to steal their heart & breath…and they desperately need hope breathed back into their soul. They need to be encouraged and loved back to life.

Perhaps you are deeply mourning a treasured loved one…or you’re going through a heartbreaking divorce or separation. Maybe you’re in the midst of freshly finding out your spouse committed adultery…or you found out awhile back and they haven’t cared enough to invest time in healing your heart and marriage. Perhaps you or a loved one received devastating medical news…or maybe you’ve battled illness for years and your heart and body are frustrated and exhausted. Or you’re experiencing marital or family conflict…or estrangement. Maybe the pandemic has been extremely costly and you feel alone – you’re experiencing terrible financial issues. Perhaps you or a loved one have COVID-19 right now, or you’ve had it and you just aren’t feeling better. Maybe you’ve been rejected, betrayed, abandoned, or you feel unloved or unimportant – by those who should’ve had your back (and your heart) – especially during grief or a life challenge. You (or a loved one) may be battling addiction, and your heart is absolutely miserable and weary. Maybe “life” continues to be one big disappointment, hurt, or letdown…one after another…and you feel defeated – perhaps even bitter.

There are so many reasons we can feel hopeless — or like all is lost…

…but I want you to know there is hope.

Whatever you are going through, God truly understands the devastation…the deep heartache…the excruciating pain in your soul…the tears that have fallen from your eyes…the trauma from the life event that is keeping you up at night.

If this is you, please know there is a God who deeply cares. He sees your tears…He understands your deep heartache…He knows your entire grief event or tough situation from beginning to end. And He already knows how He is going to help (and deliver) you through this hard place.

God will not leave you…He will not abandon you…He will not leave you where you are at.

Take time right now to share your heart with God. Tell Him all about your grief and situation…even the hard stuff…especially the hard stuff. Ask Him for the comfort, love, encouragement, healing, and help you are needing.

Just like a good father would never turn their back on their children when they plead for help, God will never turn His back on His children either.

It won’t always be like this.

The pain and heartache won’t always be this intense.

You are valuable.

You have purpose.

You are extravagantly loved.

In Him, you have everything your hurting heart needs.

Please hang in there and remember this very important truth; Your best days may not have even happened yet. It may not be the life you once knew and enjoyed…but when we give God all of the shattered pieces of our heart and life, He can truly create something new out of our pain – when we trust Him.

So please do not quit.

Not today.

Not tonight.

Not a week from now.

Not a month from now.

Not a year from now.

Not ever.

Run to Abba Father’s heart, love Him, trust Him, and allow Him to love you back to life. Ask Him to breathe new hope into you.

Thank Him for what He’s about to do in your life and heart.

There will be tough days ahead…but God will be with you every step of the way.

I can promise you this: even when our life/situation isn’t good…God still is.

With God, we ALWAYS have hope!

When you can’t see or trust God’s plans…or even agree with His plans…trust His heart. God is always up to something good.

God truly does care and He has a very good plan for your life! Ask Him right now to begin revealing to your heart His great plans for you.💗

PS – Periodically ask your loved ones if they’re ok. This year has been so very challenging and hard for so many. Anytime you have an opportunity to care for, love, or encourage family and friends, please do so. Just like your loved ones may not realize what you’re going through, you never know what battles they’re facing, fighting, or going through as well. Always choose to be the rare treasure who actively cares.💞

May God bless, keep, heal, and help all of you and your loved ones!

Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🙏🏻Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

🎄Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Always Be Kind…Here’s Why.

“Be kind.”

We’re always told to be kind. In fact, I imagine everyone was taught this as a child.

Yet many don’t take the time to truly contemplate the importance of kindness.

Just look at social media – it is overrun with unkindness.

Yet…

You never know what people are privately going through…you never know when it will be someone’s last breath.


You’re guaranteed this: one day, with each person you’re close to, it’ll be your last conversation with them…and you won’t even know it at the time.

So be the kindness, love, respect and compassion you want to receive.

Be mindful – so very mindful – of kindness…especially in your closest relationships.

…the people you love

…the people who love you

…especially the people who have proven beyond any shadow of doubt they love you.

The ones who have stood by you after everyone else walked away…

…the people who believed in you when no one else did

…the people who encouraged you when no one else would

…the people who deeply pray for you consistently

…because all of these people are exquisite gifts loaned to you by God.

Loaned. Meaning, you never know when God will need them back.

Treat your loved ones right.

Have conversations you won’t regret or be ashamed of at a later date.

Set aside time this holiday season to reach out to your loved ones and tell them…

…you love them.

…you care about them.

…how important they are to you.

…that you’re always there for them.

…and thank them for being there for you and loving you so well all the times they have.

And above all, always love your loved ones so very well and always be extra kind.

Because just like you have had hard times in life and you never shared it with your loved ones so they wouldn’t worry…

…the people you love most may be going through a hard time and you not even know it for the same reason.

So always, always, always be kind.

I’ve talked with many grievers who have such heartbreaking guilt and regrets after a loved one died…

…words left unsaid.

…words spoken that were unkind.

…last conversations that were less than ideal.

…texts/phone calls that were deliberately ignored.

…pride or embarrassment that kept families from truly working things out.

Nobody ever weighs the consequences of unkindness…until the time comes and you can’t undo it.

Also, children watch how parents behave and treat others. I’ve seen parents in deep grief after their children grew up and now treat the parents in similar ways they’ve seen them treat other family members and others. Character – whether good or bad – is more caught, than taught.

So starting today…

Forgive others…

Forgive yourself…

Be kind…

Love your family extraordinarily well…

Treasure those God has placed in your life…

…Choose to do better.

When their last breath or your last breath comes, you’ll know you intentionally treasured, loved, and treated each other with love, compassion, respect, and kindness…and gave the very best you absolutely could give.

Each day, your legacy of kindness is in the making. Make each day a great one worth remembering.

It could literally make all the difference in the world.💕

May all of you have a blessed Thanksgiving!🍂🧡🍂

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

The Time A Goat Attacked My Son & The Powerful Lesson I Learned

This week, I decided to watch some home videos. Now, I have a plethora of home videos to choose from, due to videoing many family and life events the last few decades.

Experiencing the deaths of multiple family members and friends has taught me to make memories and preserve them through photography and videography.

The home video I randomly chose today was definitely from the vault…it’s over two decades old. It was a video of when my son was pounced on by a goat at Disney World. My son (who is now an adult) was – and still is – an animal lover. This particular day, he was super excited to spend time with the animals at the Affection Section part of Conservation Station at Animal Kingdom.

As soon as we entered the gate, my son got a brush so he could pet, brush, and interact with all of his animal friends. No sooner than he had gotten the brush, a goat pounced my son and then accidentally bit him as this new furry friend tried to eat his shirt.

My son (who was seven years-old at the time), sweetly placed his hand on the goat’s shoulder and said, “Now you quit that, Mr. Goat!”

My son then used the brush in his hand and started combing the hyper goat to calm him down.

My son then said, “Poor lil fella, you must be having a bad day.”

My son taught me a powerful lesson that day. My husband and I had a disagreement earlier that morning…and seeing my son handle conflict the right way sure convicted this mama’s heart.

People in our lives (and we) can be like Mr. Goat: attempt to pounce you and steal your joy…snap at you…be rude…create chaos…be difficult…

…but our response can either add to the chaos…or diffuse it.

The secret is in our character.

My son could’ve chosen to have poor character when that goat pounced him. He could’ve screamed at the goat…could’ve pushed or shoved the goat…could’ve even chosen to do something uncharacteristic by hitting the goat with the brush in his hand…but he chose:

  • gentleness instead of wrath
  • compassion instead of indifference
  • respect (and self-respect) instead of attitude
  • to honor God’s creation instead of mistreating or abusing it
  • discernment instead of quick judgment
  • to forgive, bring peace to the situation, and show kindness

Anytime we are mistreated by a loved one, we, too, have an opportunity to respond the exact same way:

  • Do we choose to use gentle words that heal…or do we blow up and display wrath?
  • Do we choose to look at the entirety of the situation and use compassion…or do we choose to be indifferent to the situation and the other person’s feelings?
  • Do we choose to show respect (showing respect is also evidence we respect our own self)…or do we choose to lack respect and self-control by drenching the other person with attitude or ignoring them?
  • Do we choose to view the person with God’s eyes (as His precious, treasured child/creation)…or do we choose to behave in an abusive way towards those God has entrusted in our life?
  • Do we choose to discern what a loved one is truly feeling or may be going through…or are we quick to judge and discard them?
  • Do we choose to work out the problem and extend forgiveness, peace, and kindness…or do we hold a grudge, speak poorly about them, and look for their flaws, holding it over their head?

By the way: I’m talking to myself here as much as I’m talking to y’all. This is a topic we all need to work on, am I right?🤗

Think of the people you have had conflict with.

How did you handle it?

How did they handle it?

How do you wish you had handled it?

How do you wish they had handled it?

Sometimes, we are the goat. We’re the instigator. We’re the one who is creating chaos or conflict by our own thoughts, actions, words, and deeds. We all think we are the innocent one…but everyone has mistreated loved ones at some point. Dig deep to the root of the conflict and have the courage to genuinely self-reflect. What was their contribution to the conflict? What was your contribution to the conflict? Majority of conflict is not one-sided. We all must look inward and take responsibility for our part. 

Sometimes, we are the one who was hurt or offended. Even though we were wronged, we are still responsible for our part…our reactions…every subsequent thought, action, word, and deed. It’s a good time to reflect on what change is needed by the other person…but it is also an excellent time to do a self-check to see if we’ve done something similar to God, to them, or to another person.

God sums up relationships and life in one simple and ultimate command — Love God, love others.

Mark 12:30-31, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

None of us are perfect. None of us will float through life without hurting or offending our loved ones…

…but…

…it is up to us to make things right when we wrong our loved ones…to work things out…to forgive our loved ones when they wound us…and ultimately to obey God by loving Him and others – and treat others how we want to be treated.

When we hurt or offend others, God desires for us to do the right thing – by apologizing and asking for forgiveness…to reconcile. It’s so important to God that He offers this instruction:

Matthew 5:23-24, Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Whatever conflict you are going through (or have ever experienced), take the time to look at it not just with your own eyes and viewpoint, but through God’s and the other person’s eyes and viewpoint. Combining all three perspectives brings balance and resolution to the situation – which can ultimately provide healing.

Just a note: If someone is abusing you – especially things that could put them in jail – seek help from a qualified pastor or professional. In no way am I advocating tolerating, overlooking, or excusing abuse.

Spend some time with God today and sort through the times of conflict you’ve experienced in life. Talk with God about who has hurt or offended you…then talk to God about those you know you have hurt or offended. Next, ask God to reveal to your heart anyone you may have hurt or offended but didn’t realize it. Finally, ask God for wisdom and for Him to guard, guide, and direct you in any steps of forgiveness and reconciliation He may want you to take.

The next time you experience conflict, remember Mr. Goat…and be the mercy today that you’ll hope to receive tomorrow.

Did you know God has a lot to say about conflict – and peace? God promises to bless those who seek to be a peacemaker. Some important verses to read and ponder this week:

Matthew 5:9, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 7:12, So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬,Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

2 Corinthians 13:11, Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

Psalm 34:14, Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Ephesians 4: 29-32, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Hebrews 12:14, Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

Mark 11:25, And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Proverbs 16:7, When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
James 1:19-20, Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Hope this post brought encouragement and hope to your heart! May we all seek to be peacemakers in all of our relationships!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

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❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

🍃

⭐️For more encouragement:

🍃

💞Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🍃

📚Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

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🌸Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

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⭐️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

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🌺FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

🍃

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

How To Build A Hedge Around An Unfaithful Partner

In my grief ministry, there are so many who reach out and desperately need help, encouragement, and hope in the areas of marriage and adultery.

I will be writing a series of blog posts on these topics starting today.

I deeply understand the heartache of marriage issues. I, myself, have been through harrowing, heartbreaking, and stressful times in my own marriage. I hope my (and my husband’s) experiences will truly help others.

We almost lost our marriage in 2008. I remember how excruciatingly painful it was to walk through those very tough days.

I appreciate my husband being willing to give his permission to talk about our marriage…God did an amazing work in our relationship and brought much good out of our pain. My husband rededicated his life to the Lord due to that tough time — and out of that very painful time, we became marriage coaches through our church. We’ve coached dozens of other hurting marriages with the insights we gained through our own experiences in 2008. Due to God’s mercy, grace and goodness, we have a 90% success rate in helping couples to heal their marriages.

Today’s blog post is an excellent resource! I used this information as a starting base to save my own marriage.

If you are going through the painful experience of a disconnected or adulterous spouse, you will certainly appreciate this information.

Stay tuned…I will be writing many blog posts in the upcoming weeks on the topic of marriage — and how to save or greatly enrich a marriage.

Take care and know that with God, there is HOPE! The Lord can do more in a moment than we could ever hope to do in a lifetime. God loves you and He is very faithful!❤️

HOW TO BUILD A HEDGE AROUND AN UNFAITHFUL PARTNER

“I SOUGHT FOR A MAN AMONG THEM THAT SHOULD MAKE UP THE HEDGE…THAT I SHOULD NOT DESTROY…” (EZ.22:30)

A certain man discovered that his wife was secretly seeing another man. She would meet him on business trips and spend long hours after work with him. For months she had neglected her home responsibilities.

He learned about the “hedge of thorns” that he could claim in prayer for his wife, and one day he used it. That evening when he got home from work, his wife was in the kitchen making their first meal in four months!

A wife learned that her husband was spending time with a younger woman. She learned further that he was planning to leave her and marry this younger woman. She was told how to pray for a “hedge of thorns” around her husband. The next evening he received a phone call from the young woman telling him that she wanted to break off their relationship.

The wife of a young pastor left him and began working in a bar. She was planning to marry the barkeeper. The grieving husband learned how to pray for a “hedge of thorns” around his wife, and three days later, his wife called him up and was ready to return home.

These are only a few of the many illustrations which Christians are experiencing as a result of building a “hedge of thorns” or “hedge of protection” around their loved ones. However, there is far more to the story than just praying a certain prayer.

The Scriptural basis for the “hedge of thorns” is found in several passages. First of all, God looks for an intercessor to make up a “hedge” of protection. (Ez.22:30). Job is an example of such a man in the O.T. (Job 1:5-12)

He prayed for God’s protection over his family – including his sons and daughters whom he feared cursed God in their hearts. The result was that God “made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that He had on every side”.

By building a “hedge” around an unfaithful partner, his/her “lovers” lose interest and Satan is no more able to take your partner captive “at his will”. Satan must get clearance from God for whatever he does, and his actions become God’s dealings in love. II Timothy 2:25-26; II Corinthians 12:7; Job 1:5-10)

A further illustration of the hedge is found in Hosea. God promised to make a hedge of thorns around Hosea’s adulterous wife so that her lovers would lose interest in her. (Hosea 2:6-7)

After God built a hedge of thorns around Hosea’s unfaithful wife, and her lovers left her, she decided to return to her husband. However, if she was to remain under his authority and protection, there were several things that he had to do. These are listed in Hosea 2:14-16.

The NT counterpart to this truth is illustrated in Christ’s interecession for Peter (Lk.22:31-38) and for his disciples (John 17:12 – the hedge of prayer – none lost but the son of perdition). It is also illustrated in Paul’s prayer for those under his spiritual care.

The basic teaching of Scripture on the hedge is found in II Cor. 10:4-5 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.”

This emphasizes the fact that Satan is able to have powerful holds on our mind, will, and emotions, but that through God we can and must pull them down.

The purpose of “binding Satan” (Matt.12:29) and building a “hedge of protection” around your partner is so that you can proceed “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

(II Cor.10:5).

There are a number of cases in which a husband or wife build a “hedge of thorns” around an unfaithful partner through prayer, saw the return of that partner, and then failed to follow up on the victory. Soon Satan regained a foothold in that partner’s life. Thus, the following steps are very essential.

1. MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE A GENUINE CHRISTIAN.

God only hears the prayers of His own children. We become a child of God only through putting our full faith and trust for salvation in the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ, in dying for us and being raised from the dead.

“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us…” (Titus 3:5).

“But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

For more information: http://www.peacewithGod.net

2. CLEANSE YOUR LIFE OF ALL SIN

God delighted in building a hedge of protection around Job and all his family and possessions, because Job was “a perfect and an unpright man, one that feareth God, and…(hateth) evil,”(Job 1:8)

We can claim the righteousness of Christ as Christians by confessing our sins and cleansing our mind, life, and home of anything that grieves the Spirit of God and hinders His work in our life. “…Make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.” (Romans 13:14)

3. BUILD A “HEDGE OF THORNS” BY PRAYER

The following prayer is an example of building a hedge of thorns around an unfaithful marriage partner:

“Heavenly Father, I ask You in the name and through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, to build a “hedge of thorns” around my partner. I pray that through this hedge, any other lover will lose interest and depart. I base this prayer on Your Word which commands that what You have joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6)

4. RESTORE A SPIRIT OF ONENESS

Follow through on your prayer by getting alone with your partner (…”I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness..”), using gentle, kind, and loving words (“…speak comfortably unto her…”_, committing yourself to your partner’s needs and visualizing hope (“I will give her her vineyards…for a door of hope”), restoring your partner’s happiness (“…and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…”), and restoring a spirit of deep friendship (“…thou shalt call me ish (my husband) and shalt call me no more baali (my lord)). (Hosea 2:14-16)

5. CAST DOWN WRONG REASONINGS

In the spirit of friendship and fellowship, cast down false reasonings in the mind of your partner by wisely using God’s Word. Together, bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (I Cor. 10:4-5)

GOMER

Gomer was the wife of the prophet Hosea.

She was an adulterous wife.

In this account, God gives us a graphic illustration of how the “hedge of thorns” works

Hosea 2:6-16

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT A “HEDGE OF THORNS” AROUND AN UNFAITHFUL PARTNER?

1. He/she will lose direction.

“…I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths.”

2. Any other “lovers” will leave.

“…she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them.”

3. Troubles will prompt a return

“…then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband: for then was it better with me than now.”

Hosea 2:6-16

⭐️A “hedge will be ineffective if you have not resolved all past offenses, or if you do not follow through with Scriptural steps of actions.

THE PRAYER FOR A “HEDGE” INVOLVES THREE PARTS

1. YOUR SPIRITUAL ‘CREDENTIALS’

We are able to approach a holy God through the righteousness of the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ’s death and resurrection have already defeated Satan’s power. “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (I Cor. 15:57)

2. YOUR REQUEST

When we pray, we must be specific; the more precise we are in our prayer, the more able we are to judge its Scriptural basis and the more alert we will be in seeing His answer to it. “…Ye have not, because ye ask not” (James 4:2)

3. YOUR SCRIPTURAL AUTHORITY

Every request must be based on the will of God as revealed in His Word. God’s Word is the sword of the Spirit (Ep.6:17). Christians are able to overcome Satan “..by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony.” (Rev. 12:11).

GOD GIVES FIVE STEPS TO WIN BACK A WAYWARD PARTNER

(Hosea 2:14-16)

1. Allure him/her away from ungodly influences.

2. Speak gently and lovingly.

3. Reestablish responsibility and by it restore hope.

4. Cause him/her to sing for joy.

5. Build an intimate friendship.

From Bill Gothard Ministries

❤️

To all who are praying for God to bring healing and restoration to your marriage and family, I pray God will heal, restore, and bless you, your spouse, your marriage and your family.

Stay tuned: This next month, I will be answering a reader’s questions on adultery…will be sharing very specific, useful, and powerful prayers you can pray for your marriage and family…and will also be sharing incredibly important tips you can use to greatly improve your marriage and family relationships.

Always remember how much God loves you and your precious family! God has BIG plans for you!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

🎄Christmas Countdown ~ December 8🎄

🎄❤️🎄Good evening!
Today, we’re on Day 8 of our Christmas Countdown. Hope all of you are safe & well and are having a blessed week!

🎄🦌🎄❤️🎄🦌🎄 Day 8🎄🦌🎄❤️🎄🦌🎄

Have you ever celebrated Advent as a family, by yourself, with your church family, or with friends?

As a young parent, I always looked forward to this extra special time, as I looked for ways to bring Christmas to life!

My favorite advent book to follow has always been ‘Christ in Christmas: A Family Advent Celebration.’ It clearly explains Advent and it’s history. It has wonderful writings by Charles Swindoll, James Dobson, R.C. Sproul, and James Montgomery Boice, and has a great layout for building up to the joy of Christmas Day.

Advent is a time of great expectation, waiting, and preparation of the celebration of Christ’s birth and the nativity, and the second coming of Christ when He returns.

Participating in Advent truly prepares our heart to keep Jesus the main focus, the true Reason for the season. As we focus on Christ and celebrate Advent, we keep an Advent calendar, do a special daily devotional, pray, sing carols, read Scripture together, and build a Christmas wreath with special candles.

The anticipation of waiting for Christ’s birthday to arrive – so we can fully celebrate Him – is a very special time!

Consider celebrating Advent this Christmas season. It will surely bring you closer to God’s amazing heart!

🙏🏻Prayer: “Father God, thank You so much for Your perfect plan in bringing Jesus to earth. We love and adore Your precious Son and we are so grateful that through Him, we have the opportunity to have eternal life! What a most precious, extravagant, and treasured gift! Father, I pray we will clearly see Jesus throughout this entire Christmas season. May we continually ponder, treasure, be sincerely grateful for, and enjoy the true Reason for the season – oh, come let us adore Him! We love and absolutely adore You! In Jesus name we pray, Amen!”

⭐️Activity: find a good Advent book, or look for free Advent resources through your church, and enjoy celebrating Jesus and Advent throughout the season! If you’re reading this after Advent has already started, no worries, you can always double or triple up the days.

❤️Read: Mark 1:1-3

This devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it with others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

🎄Christmas Countdown ~ December 7🎄

🎄❤️🎄Good morning!
Today, we’re on Day 7 of our Christmas Countdown. Each day in December, I’ll be posting from one of our YouVersion Christmas plans. Hope all of you have a blessed week!

🎄🦌🎄❤️🎄🦌🎄 Day 7🎄🦌🎄❤️🎄🦌🎄

Christmas is such a fun, amazing time! But due to grief, family/marital issues, financial pressures, or challenging life events, Christmas can be an extremely sad or stressful time, too.

I love Jesus for so many reasons, but one of my favorite attributes of His is that He is truly a Wonderful Counselor.

When I go through tough life events, conflict, heartache, stress, or grief, I know without a doubt He is there for me.

If you’re going through a tough situation or a heartbreaking event in life…or you have some past issues you’ve never fully resolved or dealt with…Jesus is here for you, too.

He sees what you are going through.

He deeply cares about your heart.

He truly understands.

When we struggle with life challenges, or even temptation or sin, God truly cares and empathizes with us. He holds the power to help us overcome anything we’re facing.

If you’re experiencing a hardened heart due to heartbreaking or challenging events, Jesus genuinely cares about you! He is willing to heal your heart: – the Bible says even to the point of taking away a heart of stone and replacing it with a new heart that is soft and moldable by Him.

We have a Wonderful Counselor who is caring, loving, kind, and on our side – and He is a genius at healing hearts and lives.

Place your heart and life (and your loved ones’ hearts and lives) in His more than capable hands. He can do more in a moment than we could ever hope to do in an entire lifetime.
He is truly the Wonderful Counselor who genuinely loves and cares about you and your loved ones — completely!

If you are going through a tough situation or a tough time in life, God genuinely cares. There is nobody on earth we can better seek for the love, encouragement, and help we need…God truly is there for us 24/7.

🙏🏻Pray: “Jesus, I thank You so much for caring not just about my spirit, but also about my heart, mind, will, emotions, and wellness. Please help me to be completely honest with You and myself, so I can be healed and have a vibrant and right relationship with You at all times. Reveal anything in my heart and life that is displeasing to You, and please reveal to me any area of my life that is holding me back from fully experiencing the best relationship I can have with You. I thank You for being my Wonderful Counselor, the absolute Lover of my soul! Your extravagant love and care is priceless! Please be here for me throughout this Christmas season…and for the rest of my life. I love you so much, Jesus! In Your great Name I pray, Amen!”

⭐️Activity: Today, take some time to get totally real with Jesus. Don’t hold anything back! Fully pour your heart out to Jesus. He literally bends down from Heaven to hear your prayers – all of your joys, concerns, good happenings, life challenges, struggles, hopes, dreams, and heart’s cries. Jesus is more than willing to bless you with a brand new heart and a brand new spirit, too. All you have to do is ask. He deeply loves you and cares for you. Never forget that!

❤️Read: Isaiah 9:6, Psalms 116:2, Ezekiel 36:26, Psalms 56:8, Hebrews 4:15

This devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

🎄Christmas Countdown ~ December 3🎄

🎄❤️🎄Here’s Day 3 of our Christmas Countdown. Day 3’s Countdown shares how incredibly special and important you are! Never forget your value!❤️

(For those who didn’t see Day 1 & Day 2: each day, I’ll be posting from one of our YouVersion Christmas reading plans each day throughout December. I hope this helps each of you to feel less discouraged or alone…especially with the pandemic…and like you have a friend encouraging your heart during this very tough time of year.)

🎄🦌🎄 Day 3🎄🦌🎄

I love all of the symbols of Christmas – and one of my most favorites is a star.

When I was about five years-old, after my dad died, and we had moved into a new home, my mom took me out on a cold night during Christmastime, sat me on her knee, and showed me the constellations. She taught me the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, and all of the other stars.

Coming from a large family, I felt so special! How my mom took just me outside to teach me about God and His great majesty was a very special treat!

As she taught me about all of the stars and creation, she shared with me how God‘s thoughts of me were more numerous than all of the sand on the beach and more numerous than all of the stars up in the sky.

I will never forget that special night so many years ago. It made a great impression on my heart and allowed me to see God’s majesty and who He truly is – especially later on in life.

Did you know you are so precious to God that His thoughts of you are more numerous than all of the sand and stars in the world? He is so invested in you that He knows exactly how many hairs are on your head.

God created you so intricately and exquisitely that He gave you great gifts such as your specific personality, as well as specialized goals and dreams, likes and dislikes, and a very specific life purpose.

As you spend time with Jesus today or tonight, ask Him to reveal your life purpose to you. No one on earth can do your purpose except for you…you are that amazingly important, precious, exquisitely created, and special!

Every time you see a star in the sky, or a star Christmas decoration, I pray you will remember how much Jesus loves you! Let each star you see be a reminder to seek Him with all of your heart!

❤️Prayer: “Jesus, I want to thank You so much for giving me a life purpose that You planned for me — before I even breathed one breath. Thank You for creating me so specially and so specifically so I can serve You with all of the gifts You have given me. I pray I would use my personality, gifts, talents, and skills for You, Your glory, and Your purpose for me. I adore You, Jesus, and love You so very much! Please be with me every moment of my life and this Christmas season. In Your name I pray, Amen!”

Read: Matthew 10:29-31, Matthew 2:10, Psalms 8:3-4, Psalms 139:17-18

⭐️Activity #1: bake star shaped Christmas cookies and ask Jesus who He’d like you to bless or encourage by giving the cookies to them. Be sure to share some cookies with your family and friends, and also share the Christmas story of the most important star – and how God‘s thoughts of them are more numerous than all of the sand on a beach and all of the the stars in the sky.

⭐️Activity #2: ask Jesus to reveal to you His life purpose for you. Some good books on this topic are, ‘The Purpose Driven Life’ by Rick Warren and ‘Chazown‘ by Craig Groeschel. Both are excellent for discovering your life purpose!

⭐️Activity #3: if you have little people in your life (children, nieces, nephews, grandkiddos), teach them how to recognize the Big Dipper and Little Dipper and share with them how much God loves them!

Check out Pastor Rick Warren: https://www.purposedriven.com and Life.Church Pastor Craig Groeschel: https://www.craiggroeschel.com/books/chazown for more details to help you find your life purpose.

This YouVersion devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Wishing everyone a very blessed and Merry Christmas season!

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

❤️

🎄Christmas Countdown ~ December 2 🎄

Today, we’re on Day 2 of our Christmas Countdown.

Today’s countdown is very meaningful to me personally…it shares how God captured my heart. I hope you’ll allow God to truly capture your heart this Christmas season. He is SO worth it!

🎄🦌🎄 Day 2 🎄🦌🎄

Yesterday (Day 1), I recommended the activity of getting a Christmas tree. Today’s devotional shares how Jesus transformed my life using a simple, lit Christmas tree my mom left on one evening, many Christmases ago.

I  remember the year when God turned all of my Christmases around. I wasn’t yet a Christian, but God had been working on my heart for months. It was a Saturday night, and I had just arrived home late from spending time with my friends. 

As I went to the kitchen to get a glass of milk before bed, I noticed my mom had left the Christmas tree on for me (she didn’t like my siblings and me coming home to a dark house).

I went into the living room and put a cassette tape on to play (remember those?). The week before, a classmate had cared enough to give me a specific cassette to listen to. It was Margaret Becker’s ‘Immigrant Daughter.’

As I sat in the dark with just the Christmas tree aglow, these beautiful lyrics started playing…and began to stir and convict my heart. At that time, I had some things in my life I knew God and my parents were not proud of…yet God reached down from Heaven and loved my heart – right where I was – in the most extravagant way that very night.

My heart was being pursued by God as He was in the process of fully capturing it. Jesus was planting seeds of salvation deep in my heart that would fully bloom a few short months later.

Sitting by the Christmas tree and talking to God was so enjoyable and captivating, I decided to do this every night of the Christmas season that year. As I’d sit in the living room each night (after everyone else had gone to bed) and listen to either Margaret Becker or soft Christmas music, I’d enjoy talking to God about my day and life.

How cool and amazing is it that God seeks out our heart and meets us right where we are?

He sees all of the good –as well as the not-so-good – and still seeks to have the most incredible, intimate, and special relationship with us?

I don’t know where you are at today, or what you are going through in life, but I do know there is a God who deeply loves you and cherishes you! He is pursuing your heart right now and treasures you so much!

God greatly desires to spend time with you each and every day. Time spent with Jesus will always be the best time you spend during the Christmas season – and the best time spent every single day of the year!

Have you decorated your Christmas tree yet? It could be a table top tree or the largest tree ever. The tree doesn’t matter…what matters is spending time with Jesus. Even if you don’t have a tree, Jesus is still waiting for you!

I absolutely love turning all of the lights out each night and sitting by the Christmas tree, with soft music playing, and spending time with my very Best Friend in the entire world, the One who loves my soul. 

I think you’ll find this is a very special time and meaningful tradition!

Make a commitment to spend time with Jesus each and every night. You’ll greatly enjoy this precious time throughout the Christmas season.

I love and treasure this special time so much that I decorate my tree early November (yes, I’m one of those people!) and keep my tree up until the end of January. I have found spending my full Christmas season with Jesus to be so meaningful and relaxing, and it has greatly deepened my relationship with Him!

No matter what has happened in life…no matter what you’ve done in life…Jesus loves you and He is FOR you! He treasures you and wants to walk with you – not just during the Christmas season, but every day for the rest of your life!

Share your heart with Jesus starting tonight! (And be sure to turn off your tree each evening).🎄❤️🎄

💗Prayer: “Jesus, thank You so much for Your extravagant love! When I think about the great miracle of You, my heart is so very grateful. Thank You for never giving up on us, and planting seeds of love, purpose, and salvation in our hearts so we can walk with You every day of our life. Jesus, I invite you into my heart and life and ask You to forgive me for all of my sins. Jesus, I believe You are Lord, and I believe and thank you for being born of a virgin birth and being raised from the dead. Please save me and guide me. Thank you so much for this beautiful miracle and this Christmas season – and especially for the incredible gift of You. You are the Greatest Gift and I look forward to unwrapping Your heart each and every day! We love you, Lord! In Your precious name I pray, Amen!”

⭐️Activity: listen to Margaret Becker’s album ‘Immigrant’s Daughter’ (or any other music that is meaningful to you) and ask Jesus to open your heart to the lyrics. I especially like the songs ‘Honesty,’ ‘Just Come In,’ and ‘Stay Close To Me.’ The lyrics will truly bring you to the very heart of God.

🎄Read: Romans 10:9, 1 Timothy 1:15-17, Romans 6:23, Titus 3:3-7

This devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

🎄Christmas Countdown ~ December 1🎄

🎄❤️🎄Tonight starts our special Grief Bites Christmas countdown. Each day, I’ll be posting a devotional from our YouVersion Christmas reading plan, Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas ~ http://bible.com/r/3V5).

I hope this helps each of you to feel less alone…and like you have a friend encouraging your heart during this very tough time of year.
Hope all of you are safe and well!

🎄🦌🎄 Day 1 🎄🦌🎄

I absolutely LOVE Christmas … It’s my favorite time of the year!
And I love and adore Jesus … He is my absolute Best Friend.

It wasn’t always like this.

After experiencing my 22 year-old sister’s sudden death on Thanksgiving Day, my grandmother’s death a few days before Christmas, my boyfriend’s death over Christmas break, and multiple other grief experiences around the holidays, I wasn’t exactly the cheeriest elf on the block.

But then…

I found God in the midst of my great heartache and pain – and it made ALL the difference in how I viewed and experienced holidays.

I found true peace.

I found genuine joy.

I found the most extravagant Love.

I found true life!

And I’ve never been the same since.

Growing up, Christmas was an incredible time of year! My mom did (and still does) holidays better then anyone I know. She decorates, bakes, makes candy, plans fun activities, and has always made Christmas the most magical time of the year.
Most importantly, she always taught us the true Reason for the season…Jesus!

In addition to all of the fun festivities – when we look past the decorations, tinsel, carols, candy, and garland – we find the true treasure and miracle of Christmas. And the treasure and miracle can be found, no matter your circumstances.

Regardless of what you are currently going through, whether your life is joy-filled or not, are you ready to experience the most meaningful Christmas season with Jesus?

This reading plan will guide you each step of the way to fully experience the Best Friend, and most extravagant friendship, you’ll ever find.
Each day will help you experience the true joy of the season and will allow you to find the amazing heart and treasure of Jesus Christ.
Each day will also have a fun or meaningful activity you can do with Jesus, too.

Let’s prepare our hearts to experience Christmas like never before!

Prayer: “Dear Most Gracious Heavenly Father, thank You so much for giving us the greatest gift: Your beautiful Son! Father, we want to thank You for all of the good – and also the bad – that is currently in our lives. Right now, we choose to leave it all – the joys, heartaches, relationships, job and finances, our hopes, dreams, schedule, and this Christmas season…everything – in Your more than capable hands! Father, please prepare our hearts for this Christmas season with You. We truly want to find Your precious heart! There is no one else we’d rather spend the holidays with each and every day. We ask You to show us Your truths, Your extravagant love, Your loving kindness, and we ask You to richly bless our hearts as we walk together through this most special Christmas season. We love you, Lord, and ask all of this in Jesus’ precious name, Amen!”

⭐️Activity: decorate a Christmas tree. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy, it just needs to be special for Jesus and you. Each night throughout this reading plan, light your Christmas tree, play some soft Christmas music or praise music, and snuggle up to Jesus. Share your heart with Him as you talk about your day and life. Ask Jesus to meet you by the tree each evening so you can daily unwrap the best gift of the season — the miracle of Christ, His love, and His beautiful heart!

“For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.”
‭‭~Isaiah‬ ‭9:6‬

This devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Wishing everyone a blessed, meaningful, and peaceful Christmas season!

~Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

A Good Reminder For The Holidays…

🎄❤️🎄Grief is difficult…and this time of year can be excruciatingly painful.

Intense sadness. Expectations – from others and of ourselves. Trying to navigate through grief as we try to redeem the holidays. It can all be overwhelming.

Take a moment – or several – throughout the day and just breathe.

Pray. God is a STRONG refuge & TRUE Friend.

Be kind to your heart.

Be so very good to others.

When you’re around family who aren’t acting like the gift they are – remember everybody needs love, acceptance, and kindness…us and them.

Love, care, and seek to be a blessing to others.

Remember and honor your treasured loved one(s) who you miss so very much.

Make a great cup of coffee or tea, put on some soft music, get cozy, and just relax.

If you need a good cry, let it out. It’s totally okay to grieve deeply.

Pamper your heart and soul by doing something peaceful and calming.

Enjoy a good meal with loved ones.

Eat some ice cream or a baked good…something to cheer your heart. I’ve never seen anyone sad while eating either.

Feed your spirit by feasting on the Word of God.

Put your pajamas on, wrap up in a warm blanket, and watch a Christmas movie or home videos.

Light your Christmas tree, turn on some soft Christmas music, and share your day with Jesus. I have found this to be the best way to end my day throughout the season.

If there is a special family member who has been there for you, thank them and share with them you need extra love, encouragement, and support over the holidays. We all need trusted family members and friends throughout grief.

I’m praying for all of you and your families!

Lift the burden of getting through the holidays with the help of our Heavenly Father who loves and adores each of us so much.

You matter. Your heartache matters. And God truly cares.

May each of you have a peaceful & beautiful holiday season!🎄❤️🎄

©2019 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book):  Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

🎄❤️🎄

Got Regrets?

Regret is such a small word that packs such huge consequences.

If we’re all honest with ourselves, there are some decisions we made at some point…knowingly or unknowingly at the time…that we can look back on and wish we had chosen differently.

…If someone is going through a preventable illness, it’s likely they wish they would’ve taken better care of their health.

…If they’ve experienced a bad divorce or a broken relationship, especially with their children, it’s likely there are many “if I had only…” regrets.

…If someone made poor or costly decisions, hurt or deeply failed someone they love, wasted precious time or resources, or failed monumentally in an important part of life, it’s likely they wish they could turn back time.

There are many situations in life we can wish we had taken a different…and much better…path.

No matter what regrets you are facing today, please do not allow your regrets to define you. You are not a failure, a reject, or a loser. No, you are simply a human being who made a poor decision…or maybe you are having to live with the consequences of another person’s regretful actions or decisions.

We each are made in the image of God.

Think about that incredible truth!

Since we are each made in God’s image, we are all incredibly special, loved, and valuable…God still has a purpose and plan for each person’s life that only they can do.

God has the power to make EVERYTHING work together for our good if we love Him.

Something a friend shared with me awhile back really put this in perspective. I hope it encourages you:

“God can turn your mess into a message, your test into a testimony, He can turn you from being a victim into a victor, and He can give you great triumph from your trials. He can turn your scars into stars and your pain into a pulpit”

It’s true! No matter what has happened so far in your life, God is not finished with you yet! Nothing you have done…or anything someone has done to you…has made him love you any less. He genuinely loves you so very much!

Take time today to have an intimate conversation with God about your deepest guilts and regrets. Pour your heart out to Him and ask Him to help you to truly put your life back together.

Good things are to come. You can’t do anything about the past but God can do everything with your future.

~From the YouVersion Bible reading plan, ‘Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships’.
Check it out here: http://bible.com/r/Ei

🌷ROMANS‬ ‭8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”‬ ‭

🌷PHILIPPIANS‬ ‭1:6‬, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

🌷ROMANS‬ ‭8:37-39, “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Grief, Guilt, & Regrets

Something that truly breaks my heart is when I talk with grievers who are dealing with guilt and regrets after a loved one dies.

They share how they felt they could have prevented the death of their loved one, or they had an argument (or regret) right before their loved one’s death.

Some never had an opportunity to make things right with their loved one…or say, “I’m sorry”…or…”I love you.

I also talk to other grievers who feel guilty for words left unspoken or not getting a second chance to say what was truly on their heart.

Some weren’t sure how to feel after a family member or friend’s death because the relationship was complicated (I’ll be writing about this topic – Complicated Grief – in an upcoming blog post).

I can genuinely relate to the pain of each of these situations.

I’ve been through times of grief where my guilt and regrets competed with my grief. It’s a terrible, agonizing feeling.

A few examples:

Right before my sister passed away, she and I got into an argument over something incredibly dumb. We very rarely argued so this particular incident was hurtful to the both of us. We both said things we ended up regretting. She was so mad, we didn’t talk for over a week. I ended up sending her flowers with a card that told her I was sorry and I missed her…but in my hurt and pride, I did not write the words, “I love you” on the card.

I’m grateful we worked the situation out before she died, but, boy, did this situation torment me for several years after she had passed away.

The guilt was thick…and my regrets ran deep. I asked myself a thousand times, “Why did you not tell her you loved her on that card?”…”Why didn’t you realize how sick she was or visit her in the hospital?”

I had told my sister I loved her tons of times throughout her life, and several times after that incident…we were best friends. And there’s no way I, or anyone else, could’ve realized how sick she was…she was only sick for a few weeks with what seemed to be seasonal allergies before she died. But after someone we love dies, we truly can balloon up every guilt and regret we have to a much bigger level.

Another situation of guilt and regret had deeply affected me a few years before my sister’s death:

I had a boyfriend who was going on a trip with friends. He came over to my house the night before he was to leave and told me he was considering calling off going…all I had to do was say the word. Not wanting to keep him from having fun, I told him I wasn’t going to tell him what to do…but I encouraged him to have a good time. We had plans the weekend after he was to get back so I explained we could spend time together then.

I’ll never forget my mom coming into my room with tears streaming down her face. She turned on the TV in my bedroom, and that’s when I saw on the news that my boyfriend had died while on his trip. Within half an hour, two of his best friends came over to my house to tell me what I already knew.

Seeing my mom’s tears, his friends faces…and especially seeing his mom at the funeral…left me with more guilt than I could handle. Why didn’t I tell him to stay?

It was several years before I had the ability to forgive myself for both of these situations.

I also had a lot of regrets to work through after a loved one committed suicide.

Guilt and regrets don’t just occur after a loved one’s death…they can also surface in many life situations: an event that destroys lives, adultery, poor decisions, parenting mistakes, estranged relationships, health/disability choices, a bad career move, abortion, unspoken grief events, not making wise life, marriage, or family choices, etc.

I know many people who struggle with deep guilt and regret from similar situations…stemming from both death and life decisions…or feeling as though they could’ve prevented a tragedy from happening…or unspoken words to loved ones who have passed on…or arguments and conflicts that never got resolved…or deep regrets from not communicating in a better way…or suicide issues…or holding back affection…or – and this is a big one – playing the tortuous game of “If only” and “I wish I would’ve”…etc.

So what do you do with regrets and guilt that torment you?

A few things that helped me significantly (and these may help you too):
1. Talking to God about the guilt and regrets and asking Him to heal your broken heart.
2. Asking God to ask loved ones for their forgiveness and asking Him to tell them how much you love and miss them.
3. Realizing that your loved one totally forgives you…In Heaven, they are not holding anything against anyone that had been said or done on earth. What once upset them here does not even remotely upset them in Heaven. They have forgiven others … and they truly want their loved ones to forgive themselves and live a purpose-filled, lovely life.
4. Writing your loved one a note about the situation then shredding it. As you shred it, imagine the situation being completely finished.
5. Forgiving yourself and realizing everyone is fallible. Hindsight is always 20/20. If each person would’ve known better, they totally would’ve done better. 100%! Our loved ones would want for us to know that they would’ve done better too.
6. I made it a priority to learn valuable lessons from my guilt and regrets. This isn’t always easy…but the lessons are there.
7. I chose and made a commitment not to ever repeat the same mistakes from this day forward. As you learn, you grow. Nobody will ever be perfect, but we can choose to continually improve ourselves daily.

I learned through guilt and regrets powerful lessons can be learned. I learned through the first situation to use my words much more carefully, to work out problems quickly, and to forgive others and myself…I also learned to say, “I love you,” to my loved ones more frequently. As a result, I am now very mindful of how I treat my loved ones and consistently treat them as well as I possibly can. I also am very mindful of considering the cost of any decisions I make.

I also learned life is precious. People can be here today and gone tomorrow. I do my best to not take loved ones – or life – for granted.

Grieving is tough. Navigating guilt and regrets is hard. But God is in the details and is willing to bring healing – if you look to Him.

God was so good to show me two Bible verses that gently hugged my broken heart and brought it back to life:

Psalms‬ ‭139:16‬,Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.”

Deuteronomy‬ ‭32:39‬, “See now that I alone am He; there is no God but Me. I bring death and I give life… No one can rescue anyone from My hand.”

Every day of my loved ones’ lives – their birth date and their death date – were pre-planned. I didn’t have the power to prevent tragedy.

God also surprised me with a bittersweet revelation: since Heaven is the ultimate goal…I could emotionally release my loved ones, my guilt and regrets, and all of my feelings to God and be thankful for blessing my loved ones with the gift of living with Him in paradise. Blaming myself was futile too…none of my loved ones would come back to earth if given the choice.

Guilt and regrets are agonizing when we look at things from an earthly perspective. When we look at things from an eternal perspective, that’s where we find healing.

If you are in the valley of guilt and regrets, I encourage you to pour your heart out to God. You have carried the guilt long enough. Carrying guilt and regrets may make you feel as though you are atoning for what happened in the past, but there is a better way: take your broken heart, guilt, and regrets to God, lay them in His loving hands, and ask Him to take these burdens from you. He has the power and ability to lift them as He truly heals your heart.

We cannot do anything about the past…but we can learn valuable lessons and choose to do better from this day forward.

God wants to take all of the heavy burdens life throws at us…and we continually need to allow Him to.

Life is precious! We need to spend time recovering our life, as much as we seek to recover from grief, guilt, and regrets.

I pray God truly and genuinely heals everybody’s heart who is going through guilt and regrets.

Gratitude, healing, & many blessings,

Kim

©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. ❤️NEW!❤️Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.