Tag Archive | love

Entering The New Year Without A Treasured Loved One

Pre-grief, the New Year was previously a happy time of celebration…a Happy New Year filled with fresh possibilities…brand new opportunities…new memories to make with loved ones…

Post-grief – especially the very first New Year after the loss of a treasured loved one – the New Year can be incredibly heartbreaking and can even feel scary or daunting.

The thought of a new year without your loved one is painful. Making memories that no longer include your precious loved one — each step forward can seem like a heartbreaking step away from the one you miss so very much. It can all be excruciatingly painful.

So, how do you move forward into the New Year with as little pain as possible?
Incorporate your treasured loved one into the New Year.

There are a variety of meaningful ways to ensure your treasured loved one will always be remembered.

It’s not, “goodbye”…it’s, “I’ll see you later.” A meaningful New Year – and a meaningful life – is possible, as you navigate your heartache and grief.

💗Consider doing these special activities in your loved one’s memory and honor:

• go on that trip or event your loved one always talked about.

• try out that new hobby they always wanted to start but never found the time to do.

• ask God to tell your loved one a message to share with them. I truly believe God is compassionate enough to tell our loved ones we love and miss them…or even ask them to forgive anything we didn’t quite get right while they were here on earth.

• go out to eat and celebrate on your loved one’s birthday…give the waitress a tip in the amount of what you would’ve spent on a gift.

• set a place setting for them at the holiday table with a candle or photo of them.

• plant a garden, buy a houseplant, or adopt a pet in your loved one’s honor to lovingly remember them. Having something to care for in a loved one’s memory can be very healing.

• volunteer at an organization that meant a lot to your loved one.

• If your loved one passed away due to cancer, another illness, or suicide – or any other way, consider getting involved in helping others to heal/fight the same circumstances or illness. Making a difference in your loved one’s honor can be very therapeutic and meaningful.

•Host an annual cookout, event, or party, or a weekend getaway, as a remembrance to your loved one.

• Pour your heart & entire self into God & your remaining loved ones. Death shows us that life is incredibly short – and extraordinarily meaningful. A lifetime is short; redeem it as wisely and as much as you can…whenever you can.

• Live life as big and as well as you can in your loved one’s honor. Make them proud. Show them with your life that their life was so treasured by you – that you will celebrate their life through you in the New Year.

Think about what was special to your loved one. There are so many ways we can include our loved one(s) in our New Year.

We’re not walking into a new year…or creating memories without our loved one(s); we are including them and holding them safely & preciously in our heart until we can see them again in heaven.

We will definitely have sad days…bad days…days where we won’t feel like doing much at all…grief is so incredibly heartbreaking and hard…
…But…
…Like I said, when a loved one dies, it’s not, “goodbye”…it’s, “I’ll see you later.”

When we see our loved one(s) again, we’ll be able to share with them all we did in their honor, as they share with us all they’ve been doing in heaven. More importantly, as we grow closer to God and do His life purpose for us here on earth, just imagine all we will be able to talk about and share with God and our loved one(s) once we arrive.

Here’s to loving and honoring God, honoring and remembering our loved one(s), and living a wise, meaningful, and well-lived life in 2022.

Wishing all of the Grief Bites family a very blessed & meaningful New Year filled with healing, hope, & love!🎉❤️

~Kim

©2022 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

8. The True Treasure of Christmas: https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/28852

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Can You Imagine? Something To Ponder This Christmas❤️

Christmas  Eve.
The peaceful night before our Lord was born.

Truly ponder what an incredible night that was!

Father God knowing what was about to happen…

…how His majestic Perfect Plan would make way for the world to forever change in 33 or so years through His sweet, newborn Son.

I can just imagine what an incredibly special, awestruck, and brilliant moment it was when Father God would soon hear His precious Son’s first breath! Can you imagine?

And with Father God also fully understanding what would happen to His beloved Son in 33 years…

…how the creation He so deeply cherished and loved would have the ability to finally – and thoroughly – connect with Him in deep love and friendship through His Son.

…knowing how His newborn Son would greatly suffer one day…

…realizing what horrible pain and agony His Son would experience.

As the Father anticipated hearing His precious newborn’s first cry, the Father fully already knew of the terribly anguishing cries of the Cross…

…yet in His great, GREAT love for us, He STILL chose to sacrificially carry out His extravagantly loving plan.

I can just imagine how Father God’s great big beautiful heart carried the most awful, crushing, yet beautifully bittersweet feeling.

That precious, soon to be incredibly important day in all of history.

That incredible Christmas Eve when the angels waited with great anticipation and great expectation.

That glorious next day when the King of all Kings would be born in a simple, peaceful, humble stable.

The Father knowing, on that very first Christmas, His Son would choose to die for all mankind. Knowing His Son’s birth would ultimately lead to being painfully pierced on the cross … to save the humans He loved so very much … including you and me.

That distinguished night when this magnificent, splendid, beautiful Son’s purpose was about to unfold and begin…to one day willingly lay down His life and take on – and fully feel and experience – every heartach, sin, and facet of brokenness of all those He loved.

…Every heartache

…Every sin ever committed

…Every disappointment

…Every grief event

…Everything.

He willingly submitted to God’s plan to save a doomed, hurting, sin-filled, and dying world.

Can you imagine?

And He promises:

…To heal every hurt

…To wipe away every tear

…To help, carry, and see us through every life challenge

…To forgive every sin

…To give each of our lives true and abundant meaning

…To give each of us a specific Life Purpose – a purpose so unique, only we can fulfill it

…To be the most exceptional Best Friend we’ll ever have, experience or know

Ponder…truly ponder…the incredible love and miracle that was about to unfold that very first Christmas night.

You are incredibly loved, cared for, and have a Father God who mightily declares, “You are My beloved…My heart…I love you more than anything…YOU are my treasure.”

Christmas Eve is the night before the most significant day in all of HIStory.

What an extravagant miracle and promise Christmas Eve holds!

Can you imagine His great love for you?

Truly – truly – ponder it!

Prayer: “Father God, I cannot even comprehend how Your great heart felt the night before Your precious Son was born — and I cannot even comprehend what great joy and pain coincided in Your heart the day Your precious Son was born. Thank You, Abba Father, for your extraordinary plan and for Your Son’s magnificent sacrifice! We certainly have done nothing to deserve such a lavish, extravagant, and sacrificial Gift…but we are extremely thankful You love us so much that You orchestrated the most marvelous, perfect, miraculous plan! This Christmas Eve, may we not only see the beauty in Your precious, perfect plan, may we also be so humbled as we celebrate the birth of Your Son and His great sacrifice! There are simply not enough words to thank You – and show love to You – for Your special Christmas Gift! We love, cherish, treasure, and adore You so very, VERY much! Father, THANK YOU!! In Jesus name we pray, Amen!”

Lookup: Titus 3:3-7, Luke 2:17-20, Luke 2:10

This #YouVersion devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved. Used by permission

Get to know Jesus for yourself❤️: http://www.peacewithgod.net

Grief Bites blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Check our Pastor Rick Warren’s (of Saddleback Church) book ‘The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?”

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

An Important Prayer For Families & Marriages ~ Especially When Hurting

As I was enjoying my quiet time with God today, He placed the importance of family on my heart. The information I’ll be sharing is vital – possibly even life & relationship changing – so get comfy in a chair and allow this to speak to your heart. This may be the most important post someone reads today. ❤️

If short on time, please feel free to skip to the prayer in bold below.

I once heard a quote: “Family isn’t just an important thing…it’s the most important thing.”

As I’ve walked through grief and life challenges, I have found it to be truer than I ever thought. My family has loved me…encouraged me…carried me through tough times…cared enough to make the best memories with me…corrected me when I needed it…been there for me…they’re my absolute favorite people on earth.

Family is a gift…an extraordinary gifteven if family members don’t always act like one (ourselves included). Families can hurt one another…get too busy…be thoughtless at times…or miss the mark. Any human relationship is flawed. That’s why we need God and prayer.

Family. is. worth. it!

Family (God, grandparents, parents, siblings, spouse, children, in-laws…yes, even out-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, etc)…are the precious people who have been personally chosen and handpicked by God Himself for us to do life with. To mistreat or reject them is to mistreat and reject God.

But what if your spouse or family (or church family) has wounded your heart? What about the times a spouse or family member rejects, dishonors, or mistreats us? Let’s go deep and honest here: what about the times we’ve failed or hurt others, too?

Just like marriage, family relationships are designed to make us more holy than happy…to build our character more than our comfort — ultimately, family is designed to make us more like Christ. We shortchange ourselves (and what God can accomplish in us and our loved ones’ lives) when we merely throw our hands up in the air and refuse to care or repair disagreements, hurts, or what’s been damaged or strained.

Of course, God’s perfect design is for families to treat each other right…to bring each other joy…to live in harmony with one another…to learn from each other…to help one another…to comfort one another…be loyal to each other…to protect one another. Even the Bible says when someone continually causes conflict or hurts, this can separate even the closest of brothers. There are so many facets and responsibilities God has entrusted to us by giving us the gift of family.

This includes making things right when we’ve done wrong. When we drop the ball of family, or fail in our responsibility – any gift in life has responsibilities – we can create a huge mess. In fact, conflict comes when we (or a family member) fails to do the above.

Every problem in life, and even in the world, is directly because someone has failed to be responsible or failed to treasure, respect, love, or value God, another person, or themselves.

Ultimately, when we fail to do our part (our responsibility in our God-given relationships) or we fail to care about God’s design for marriage or family, we truly can do a lot of harm to God’s heart and one another. Where there is conflict (or problems)…it is completely linked to not obeying or honoring God and His precious Word…and failing to treat others well.

Even under normal circumstances, life and relationships can present normal challenges…but today, due to the pandemic, financial challenges, and the social/political climate we live in, marriages and families are going through even tougher times. It is so important to seek God’s help and deeply pray.

There are true enemies of family and marriage these days…and the goal of the enemy is to kill, steal, and destroy God-given relationships … (John 10:10, Ephesians 6:12) … It is so important to realize the warfare at hand…or we can continually react to those we love best. Eventually, families and spouses can tear each other apart…even destroy one another…if wisdom and understanding are not applied (Galatians 5:15).

We need to deeply realize: Conflict in marriage/family is spiritual warfare. Divorce is spiritual warfare. Problems with in-laws is spiritual warfare. Adultery is spiritual warfare. Rebellion is spiritual warfare. Not being respectful and responsible in your marriage and family relationships is spiritual warfare. Failing to genuinely love your spouse is spiritual warfare. Failing to make time for family is spiritual warfare. Choosing not to love, cherish, and put your children’s needs above your own is spiritual warfare. Addiction is spiritual warfare. Not loving, respecting, and honoring parents or family members is spiritual warfare.

So how did everything get so messed up? One. choice. at. a. time. How does each spouse or family member repair the damage that has been done – and prevent future conflict and harm? Same thing – one. choice. at. a. time.

It takes less time to get into a mess than it takes to clean it up…cleaning up relationships is rarely fun…but God will ask us to give an account one day of what we did with the gifts He blessed us with…especially how we treated Him and our loved ones.

The choices we make – whether positive or negative – do make a huge impact…especially on our loved ones. Our attitudes…our words…our actions…how we treat one another…our character…it all carries blessings or consequences.

We don’t live in a perfect world…so how do we create and maintain strong families and marriages when there are so many things fighting against this?

“Life,” grief, busy schedules, and day-to day stress can place a tremendous amount of pressure on marriages and families. Conflict is at an an all time high. So how can marriages and families heal … and grow?

Best line of defense – and offense – is prayer.

Of course, action has to back up each prayer…but when we entrust our marriage and family to the Lord, He is faithful to enrich and sustain our relationships with those we love best. God loves us and is for us. He loves our family members more than we do. With God, all things are possible. Healing is possible.

Today, let’s dedicate our families and marriages to Him…for His good purpose. Let’s commit to daily praying for our marriages and families (as well as our homes and churches).

“Dearest Heavenly Father,

We thank You so very much for the gift of marriage and family!

Families and marriages are at an all time high of being attacked.

Life has sped up…there are so many activities and things that compete with You, as well as marriage and family time. May we always choose wisely and put our relationships with You and family first. Absolutely first! Refine our priorities, activities, finances, and time so we always put You, our family, and the “best yes” above everything else. Show us the activities and things we need to rid our lives of to clear our schedules and improve our priorities…give us the grace we need to actually act on this and effectively do it.

Help us to see what a tremendous gift You and family truly are. Help us to not only treat our spouse and family right…help us to greatly love and treasure them as You do. Help us avoid regrets.

Help us to be so very mindful of the condition of our hearts…our actions…our words…our attitudes…our love level…our choices. Especially when it comes to our relationship with You and family.

Please help us see the 90% of what’s right about our loved ones instead of focusing on the 10% of what may be wrong. Help us to see we are so in need of grace and mercy, too. Help us to pray for, speak, and encourage our loved ones’ potential instead of continually looking at or speaking their flaws. Help us to also be mindful that we are not perfect either…help us to be humble – take away our selfishness and pride – and fill us and our loved ones full of grace and the willingness to forgive.

Convict our hearts when – actually before – we are about to disobey You, or hurt You or our family.

Where there’s been conflict, May there now be harmony and genuine love.

Where there’s been judgment, May there now be grace and sincere prayers going up to heaven for family members and the hard things they’re facing in life.

Where there’s been backbiting or gossip, May there now be loyalty and encouragement – and deep prayers.

Where there’s addiction, May there now be conviction, grace, sobriety and a making up of precious time that has been lost.

Where there’s been any abusive behavior – spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, verbal, etc, May there now be repentance, tenderness, self-control, and kindness.

Where there’s been hard-heartedness or rejection, May there now be sincere love, willingness to forgive, and acceptance.

Where there’s been a disconnect, May there now be connection and a deep understanding of one another.

Where there’s been a turning away from God and faith, May there now be a sold-out love and iron-clad full devotion to You.

Where there’s been a lack of forgiveness, bitterness or resentment, May there now be mercy, grace, genuine concern, love, and forgiveness.

Where there’s been dishonor or disrespect, May there now be honor and consideration for one another’s feelings.

Where there’s been division, May there now be true restoration, peace and rich family fellowship.

Where we’ve focused on the problems, May we now focus on the solutions.

Where there’s been apathy or a lack of care, May there now be a willingness – a fervency – to do what’s right, love our family extravagantly, and care more than ever.

Help each of us to fully understand the great value and extravagant gift of You and family! May we never take You or family for granted.

Help us to choose our actions and words wisely – especially during hard times and when having tough conversations. Holy Spirit, guide our thoughts, actions, beliefs, and words.

May each of us seek to obey You in how we love and treat You and one another. Help us to richly strengthen our God-given relationships and homes so they are a sweet aroma and blessing to Your heart.

Heal us. Bless us. Equip us. Sustain us. Build up all of our relationships with You and our family members.

May we seek to be a blessing and a source of love and encouragement in everything we do.

Ultimately, help us to see that all conflict originates from a lack of, a flawed, or hurting relationship with You…and that family and marriage conflict harms not just us, but Your reputation. Give us an abundant amount of wisdom and grace to be right with You! You are our greatest treasure! Never allow us to make our loved ones an idol or place them in front of You! Forgive us for the many times we’ve placed loved ones, activities, goals, or things above You. Life is meaningless if we don’t have You in it! May we first and foremost heal our relationship with You and love and deeply treasure You above all!

We look forward to seeing how You will “work all things together for our good” in our relationship with You, our marriages and families as we seek Your heart, trust You, and love You most.

Please abundantly bless each person who is praying for their family today! Please answer their heart’s cry and prayers. We ask You to heal, restore, and do more than we can ask, think, or imagine!

We love You so much and ask all of these things in Jesus’ precious name, Amen!”

To all who are reading this, God’s got you! He’s got your loved ones! He loves you and your loved ones so very much!

Praying God richly blesses you and your loved ones today!

Here are a few other blog posts on conflict resolution to encourage your heart:

https://griefbites.com/2014/06/18/10102-resolving-conflict-with-20-questions-2-commitments/

https://griefbites.com/2014/06/26/conflict-resolution-during-grief-pt-2/

https://griefbites.com/2014/07/01/conflict-resolution-pt-3-75-character-qualities-that-can-change-your-life/

https://griefbites.com/2015/12/31/22-questions-that-can-powerfully-change-your-life-transform-your-regrets-daily/

https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/

https://griefbites.com/2021/10/07/what-to-do-in-tough-situations-when-youve-done-all-you-can/

Perhaps you’re reading this today and you’d like to get to know God better. Maybe you’d like to make peace with God and allow Him to make a difference in your heart, your marriage, or your family. He’s made all the difference in my life! Please allow me to introduce you to my Best Friend: http://www.peacewithgod.net

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

PS – It would be irresponsible of me to not say: Certainly, if there is blatant disregard or legitimate abuse, it is important to seek wise counsel from a pastor or Bible-based therapist to help create wise boundaries. There is a big difference between someone doing evil and normal human/family error. I believe 99% of issues can be worked out…and with God’s help, can be worked out…but nobody should subject themselves to anything illegal or harmful. If there is sexual or physical abuse…addictions…anything that could put someone in jail…legitimate safety concerns…or ongoing adultery…that’s never to be overlooked, ignored, or condoned. Seeking help is much needed.

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

💗Truly Think About This💗

Think about your life for a moment.

🌼All of the relationships you have

🌺The memories you plan to make with loved ones.

💗The broken marriage, parent/child relationship, or family relationship that needs mending.

🌴The future vacations you want to enjoy.

💃🏻Those bucket list activities you hope to do “someday”.

🧑🏻‍🍳The career change you’ve always wanted, but haven’t dared to make.

🕺🏻Those hobbies/skills you have always wanted to learn or better develop.

What if you were told today that you’re dying?

What would you do…how would you love…how would you live…differently?

Well….I have some very important news:

You are dying.

Every. one. of. us. is.

From the moment we are born, we are literally one step closer to death with each and every day that passes by.

Not being negative…in fact, when truly pondered, life can hold brand new meaning if we truly think about this.

Each year we’re alive, we pass by our birthday…but there’s another equally important date we pass by every calendar year…the date of our future death.

We pass by this date each and every year, so we need to be just as mindful of this date as we are of our (and our loved ones) birthday.

Soooo…..

…truly get to living.

🤗Make the most of each & everyday

🙏🏻Love & treasure God with all your heart

🪴Choose to find & live out a purpose greater than yourself

🥰Love your loved ones extravagantly

🤩Give your kiddos, nieces, and nephews – all of your family – the gift of knowing they’re truly treasured, important, accepted, & loved

💋Go all out cherishing and showing love to your spouse

🌹Do what needs to be done so you can genuinely live a healed life – spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically

😍Be extra kind to everyone

🙏🏻Trust God with the difficult situations in your life…know and trust that He can – and if you ask, He will – make Romans 8:28 come to life for you

💕Repair the relationships that need repaired

💐Be a source of encouragement and joy to others

🧁Enrich your (& your loved ones) life with great memories & cool experiences

⭐️Frequently visit those you love and spend time with them

👠 Buy that pair of shoes – or that one outfit – that makes you feel like a million bucks

🕺🏻Dance in your living room

🍎Take the time to improve your health – health (& being “here” for family) truly is wealth

🍃Do the tough work of grief work and self work so you have the ability to heal and create your best days yet

🎵🎶Enjoy good music everyday

📔Be well read – read the Bible for encouragement and wisdom…read good quality books for self improvement…and read books for fun. If you have kiddos, read to them every night to develop their love for books and need for creativity

✏️Journal…Create a bucket list…Write thank you notes…Send letters of encouragement and gratefulness to those God places on your heart

🎉Celebrate every holiday and special occasion BIG…celebrate life…celebrate loved ones

❤️Make a difference

😇Forgive others – be the grace today that you’d hope to receive tomorrow

🐶Love (or get) a pet

😂🥲Celebrate, enjoy, and rejoice with those who rejoice … and intentionally grieve and mourn with those who grieve and mourn. Be a source of love, encouragement, compassion and comfort.

🌷Intentionally develop and leave a great legacy worth remembering

Get to it because at the end of your life – or your loved ones’ lives – you’ll either say, “If only I would’ve” … or … “I’m so glad I did!”

We (our loved ones, us) are all on loan from God…and one of these days, He will call each of us back…so make the most of every relationship you have.

Today’s the first day of the rest of your life…

Each day is a gift…and we get to decide how to daily unwrap it…so don’t waste a single precious moment of it.

Redeem the days.

Choose today, going forward, to live a full life of no regrets.

Happy weekend, everyone!

You are treasured.
You are important.
You are loved.

Your life is so very valuable and worth living!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. Sharing the link is fine.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

The Very Best Time You Can Spend Today – It Can TOTALLY Make A Difference!

🎄❤️🎄Good afternoon!
Today is a great topic (and so very needed in the world today)! Hope it encourages your heart and enriches lives!

As you read this, consider who you can do this for!💕

Have you ever received a note or word of kindness or thankfulness?

One time, I spoke at a school and shared my testimony. A few days later, I received dozens of homemade cards sharing many kind words to tell me, “thank you,” for speaking at their school. My heart was beautifully overwhelmed with gratitude!

Life-giving words of affirmation are so very important – spoken or written.
When people take the time to pour into the hearts of others, it makes the recipient’s heart happy – but more importantly, it blesses God’s heart, too!

When I was in college, God blessed me with the idea to write notes of gratitude to anyone who had invested in my heart or life.
As I sat down and made a list, I included Jesus, my parents, grandparents, siblings, other family members, good friends, all of my teachers and professors, my Sunday School teachers, pastors, youth group leaders, previous and current employers, the doctors who saved my life when I was 12 and 17…anyone who had benefited my life, invested in me, or poured their heart and prayers into my life.
I received several letters back and was very surprised when many shared I was the only one who ever wrote to thank them for their kindness or investment.

So many are truly thankful for how others have blessed their life or invested in them, yet we assume others understand how grateful we are without sharing our gratitude with them.

Who can you write a beautiful note of gratitude to today? Who can you call or visit to say, “thank you,” or share with them how much you love them and care about them?

Thankfulness, notes of gratitude, and words of affirmation and blessings are all beautiful, priceless gifts we can give to Jesus, our spouse, children, parents, family, friends, educators, doctors, those we know in the military, people who serve us in our communities — everyone.

Let’s take some time to truly thank Jesus for all of the great people, blessings, and things we have in our life!

Never miss an opportunity to pour the extra special blessing of thankfulness and words of affirmation into the lives of others!

🙏🏻Prayer: “Jesus, thank You so much for all of the love, words of affirmation and blessings You pour into our lives! We also thank You for the many times people have invested in us, raised us, prayed for us, poured into our hearts and lives, educated us, taught us how to love and serve You, sacrificed for us, helped us, and all of the other ways people have contributed to our lives! I pray a special blessing right now for those who have done this for us and our families. Jesus, please help us to live lives of love, thankfulness, and gratitude. Help us to truly see how much those around us pour into our lives, love us, and care enough to bless, help, and encourage us through life‘s events. May we never take anyone, anything, or any act of love, concern, care, kindness or investment for granted – and may we never fail to give proper thanks to You and others. Jesus, please place on our hearts the names of people You want us to write a letter of gratitude to, and please also place the names of people You would like for us to call to tell them a heartfelt “thanks.” Who needs to hear positivity, love, and encouragement from us today?Also – saying “sorry” to those we have wronged and asking for forgiveness is a powerful act of gratefulness, kindness, affirmation, and love — it shows someone we truly value their heart. Please show us who we need to apologize to today.
Help us to be people of extreme gratitude and extravagant love! We love You! In Your precious name we pray, Amen!”

⭐️Activity #1: thank Jesus for all of the good He has blessed you with, and is currently blessing you with, in your life! Write a beautiful letter of gratitude to Him! Share with others how good Jesus is!

⭐️Activity #2: make a list of all of the people throughout your lifetime who have invested in your heart, spiritual walk, education, health, and life….anyone who has invested or sacrificed so you could have a better life…anyone who has encouraged you during a time of stress, heartache, and grief…anyone who has gone out of their way to make your life better. Write or call them today to say, “thank you!”

⭐️Activity #3: reach out to your loved ones who are going through grief. Ask God for ideas for loving and encouraging your loved ones today.

⭐️Activity #4: if you have children, nieces, nephews, or little people in your life (this is also great to do for the big kiddos in your life, too!), consider giving them the gift of a daily spoken blessing. I’ve continually spoken a specific verse vocally to my son…I’d rub my tummy and say this blessing to him while he was in my womb, and randomly say this scripture blessing out loud to him throughout his life (Numbers 6:24-26).
You can choose a specific Bible verse as a blessing or just use loving, positive words of encouragement. Loving words of blessing and encouragement are one of the most powerful gifts you can give to loved ones!💕
(If it feels weird to give loved ones spoken blessings, just tell them you’re starting a new tradition. They’ll love it!)

❤️Read: Numbers 6:24-26, Colossians 3:16-17, Psalms 9:1, Philippians 4:6-7, Psalms 100:4, Psalms 103:1-5

(From the YouVersion reading plan Experiencing the Holidays with Jesus: Christmas. This devotional © 2018 by Kim Niles. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

🎄💕🎄

🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Always Be Kind…Here’s Why.

“Be kind.”

We’re always told to be kind. In fact, I imagine everyone was taught this as a child.

Yet many don’t take the time to truly contemplate the importance of kindness.

Just look at social media – it is overrun with unkindness.

Yet…

You never know what people are privately going through…you never know when it will be someone’s last breath.


You’re guaranteed this: one day, with each person you’re close to, it’ll be your last conversation with them…and you won’t even know it at the time.

So be the kindness, love, respect and compassion you want to receive.

Be mindful – so very mindful – of kindness…especially in your closest relationships.

…the people you love

…the people who love you

…especially the people who have proven beyond any shadow of doubt they love you.

The ones who have stood by you after everyone else walked away…

…the people who believed in you when no one else did

…the people who encouraged you when no one else would

…the people who deeply pray for you consistently

…because all of these people are exquisite gifts loaned to you by God.

Loaned. Meaning, you never know when God will need them back.

Treat your loved ones right.

Have conversations you won’t regret or be ashamed of at a later date.

Set aside time this holiday season to reach out to your loved ones and tell them…

…you love them.

…you care about them.

…how important they are to you.

…that you’re always there for them.

…and thank them for being there for you and loving you so well all the times they have.

And above all, always love your loved ones so very well and always be extra kind.

Because just like you have had hard times in life and you never shared it with your loved ones so they wouldn’t worry…

…the people you love most may be going through a hard time and you not even know it for the same reason.

So always, always, always be kind.

I’ve talked with many grievers who have such heartbreaking guilt and regrets after a loved one died…

…words left unsaid.

…words spoken that were unkind.

…last conversations that were less than ideal.

…texts/phone calls that were deliberately ignored.

…pride or embarrassment that kept families from truly working things out.

Nobody ever weighs the consequences of unkindness…until the time comes and you can’t undo it.

Also, children watch how parents behave and treat others. I’ve seen parents in deep grief after their children grew up and now treat the parents in similar ways they’ve seen them treat other family members and others. Character – whether good or bad – is more caught, than taught.

So starting today…

Forgive others…

Forgive yourself…

Be kind…

Love your family extraordinarily well…

Treasure those God has placed in your life…

…Choose to do better.

When their last breath or your last breath comes, you’ll know you intentionally treasured, loved, and treated each other with love, compassion, respect, and kindness…and gave the very best you absolutely could give.

Each day, your legacy of kindness is in the making. Make each day a great one worth remembering.

It could literally make all the difference in the world.💕

May all of you have a blessed Thanksgiving!🍂🧡🍂

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

An Important Prayer For Hard Times & COVID-19

With the coronavirus affecting and impacting so many people and countries, we can be tempted to fall into uncertainty, fear, worry, or anxiety about the future.

Prayer is effective…it can literally change everything – especially ourselves when we pray and petition God. The following is a prayer that I hope everyone will pray out loud. If you have a family member or friend you can pray with, that’s even better (Matthew 18:19-20).

God is not surprised by any virus, illness, pandemic, or financial crisis. I pray He will use this tragic time to draw everybody close to His heart – a true revival.

Praying for all impacted by COVID-19.💗

Please feel free to share this with your family and friends…the more prayers, the better!

An Important Prayer For Hard Times (pray out loud if possible):

“Dear Most Gracious Heavenly Father,
We come before You and thank You for being in full control – and also for every evidence of good in our lives that You have blessed us with. You are better to us than we deserve.
We ask and thank You for your protection and provision. We ask for Your continual forgiveness, protection, safety, mercy, grace, and favor.
Lord, we ask You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ to powerfully shut down, cease, and halt COVID-19 – and all other viruses, illnesses, disease, and pandemics. We ask for supernatural healing, help, and protection for everyone…and each community, city, state, and country…that is being affected by this tragedy.
During uncertain times, it can be easy to freak out…to think the worst case scenarios…to give way to major anxiety, worry, and fear…and even doubt.
I ask that You completely strengthen each of us and our families and give us the grace to seek Your heart..to walk by faith and not by sight…to pick trust in You over fear…to choose Your peace that passes understanding over worry and anxiety.
Help us to be voices of comfort, love, compassion, encouragement, helpfulness, kindness, and hope to our loved ones – and please allow this tragedy to draw people close to Your heart. Lord, so many are worried about finances. Pandemics are so hard on the economy. During times of tragedy, finances can be quickly drained. Please provide for our every need…You know each and every need and financial challenge. I also pray for businesses and their employees. Please protect them and provide their every need. Give fresh creative ideas of how to sustain – and even prosper – during this extremely tough and trying time. We pray for speedy healing and recovery in every way.
Lord, we ask and pray for a miracle! No weapon formed or forged against us shall prosper, in Jesus’ Name! I pray You protect us…help us…encourage us…prosper us…and bless us with a deeper understanding, loyalty, honor, and love for You. Please keep safe and bless our leaders, families, friends, neighbors, citizens, and all emergency personnel and medical staff. We lift up our president, leaders, governments, and those who are working around the clock to create vaccines and cures…please grant them Your incredible wisdom, discernment, and understanding. Provide all of us with the wisdom to know how to navigate these hard times. Give all of us fresh ideas and creativity for resourcefulness, healing, and restoration. While we are going through tragedy, especially since many are staying home, bless our time with our family and loved ones…help us to use our time wisely and build these important God-given relationships. May we all find true joy in our relationship with You and our families as we get through this trial together…and may we appreciate the simple joys in life. If anyone is alone, I pray You grant them Your perfect Friendship, love, security, and comfort. Especially bless and enrich all of our time with You. Give us new inspiration for growing closer to Your heart. What the enemy meant for evil, we pray You turn it around for good! I specifically pray for people to turn back to You…and I pray for grace and more time. There are so many who do not know You…and some who have fallen away due to grief, heartache, anger/bitterness over an unfair life event, and tough life experiences. Please have mercy on them and give them the extra measure of grace they need to turn to You and turn back to You. Grant us Your blessed assurance, hope, a deep trust in You. and peace during times of uncertainty. If anyone doesn’t know You, I pray You’ll reveal Yourself to them and draw them to Your heart. Give us all the grace to see You work mightily through this pandemic…that we would clearly see You, hear You, and open our heart and lives fully to You…and gratefully give You the credit.
Please do more than we can ask, think, or imagine. Pour Your love, comfort, help, reassurance, supernatural resources and provision, encouragement, HOPE, and peace into each of us, our loved ones, our neighbors, and the world.
Help us to fully love and obey You – and turn our hearts completely toward You.
We love You, thank You, adore You, and ask all of these petitions in Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen.”

❤️~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~❤️

🌴Need peace and assurance?
http://www.peacewithGod.net

🌺Feel free to share with loved ones for hope & encouragement.

⭐️IMPORTANT BIBLE VERSES:
(to claim for you, your family & friends, your city, state, country, and the world):

Matthew‬ ‭18:19-20‬, “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

Exodus‬ ‭22:27‬, “When they cry out to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate.”

Psalm 91:10, “Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place — the Most High, who is my refuge — no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

2 Chronicles 7:14, “ If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Psalm 5:11, “But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you.”

Luke 10:19, “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.”

Psalm 57:1, “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.”

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

1 Peter 5:6-7, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that in due time He may exalt you. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you”

Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬, “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’”

Isaiah 41:10,Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalms‬ ‭121:1-8‬, “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever.

Romans 8:28,And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Psalm 4:8,In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Isaiah 54:17, “No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”

Psalm 91:14,Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.”

Psalm 18:30,This God – his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”

Proverbs 18:10, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.”

Nahum 1:7, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.”

Psalm 121:7-8, “The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”

Psalm 34:7, “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.”

Psalm 118:8, “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.”

Psalms‬ ‭94:18-19‬, “When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

Psalm 91:1, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”

Revelation 3:10, “Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth.”

Psalm 16:1, “Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.”

John 10:28-30, “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

Genesis‬ ‭50:20-21, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.”‬

Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

If your community is being encouraged to stay home, consider watching church online. Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church, Pastor Craig Groeschel of Life.Church, Charles Stanley of InTouch Ministries, local pastors in your area, and many other churches are offering services online. It’s a great way to be – and stay – encouraged!

Praying everyone stays well!

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

The Time A Goat Attacked My Son & The Powerful Lesson I Learned

This week, I decided to watch some home videos. Now, I have a plethora of home videos to choose from, due to videoing many family and life events the last few decades.

Experiencing the deaths of multiple family members and friends has taught me to make memories and preserve them through photography and videography.

The home video I randomly chose today was definitely from the vault…it’s over two decades old. It was a video of when my son was pounced on by a goat at Disney World. My son (who is now an adult) was – and still is – an animal lover. This particular day, he was super excited to spend time with the animals at the Affection Section part of Conservation Station at Animal Kingdom.

As soon as we entered the gate, my son got a brush so he could pet, brush, and interact with all of his animal friends. No sooner than he had gotten the brush, a goat pounced my son and then accidentally bit him as this new furry friend tried to eat his shirt.

My son (who was seven years-old at the time), sweetly placed his hand on the goat’s shoulder and said, “Now you quit that, Mr. Goat!”

My son then used the brush in his hand and started combing the hyper goat to calm him down.

My son then said, “Poor lil fella, you must be having a bad day.”

My son taught me a powerful lesson that day. My husband and I had a disagreement earlier that morning…and seeing my son handle conflict the right way sure convicted this mama’s heart.

People in our lives (and we) can be like Mr. Goat: attempt to pounce you and steal your joy…snap at you…be rude…create chaos…be difficult…

…but our response can either add to the chaos…or diffuse it.

The secret is in our character.

My son could’ve chosen to have poor character when that goat pounced him. He could’ve screamed at the goat…could’ve pushed or shoved the goat…could’ve even chosen to do something uncharacteristic by hitting the goat with the brush in his hand…but he chose:

  • gentleness instead of wrath
  • compassion instead of indifference
  • respect (and self-respect) instead of attitude
  • to honor God’s creation instead of mistreating or abusing it
  • discernment instead of quick judgment
  • to forgive, bring peace to the situation, and show kindness

Anytime we are mistreated by a loved one, we, too, have an opportunity to respond the exact same way:

  • Do we choose to use gentle words that heal…or do we blow up and display wrath?
  • Do we choose to look at the entirety of the situation and use compassion…or do we choose to be indifferent to the situation and the other person’s feelings?
  • Do we choose to show respect (showing respect is also evidence we respect our own self)…or do we choose to lack respect and self-control by drenching the other person with attitude or ignoring them?
  • Do we choose to view the person with God’s eyes (as His precious, treasured child/creation)…or do we choose to behave in an abusive way towards those God has entrusted in our life?
  • Do we choose to discern what a loved one is truly feeling or may be going through…or are we quick to judge and discard them?
  • Do we choose to work out the problem and extend forgiveness, peace, and kindness…or do we hold a grudge, speak poorly about them, and look for their flaws, holding it over their head?

By the way: I’m talking to myself here as much as I’m talking to y’all. This is a topic we all need to work on, am I right?🤗

Think of the people you have had conflict with.

How did you handle it?

How did they handle it?

How do you wish you had handled it?

How do you wish they had handled it?

Sometimes, we are the goat. We’re the instigator. We’re the one who is creating chaos or conflict by our own thoughts, actions, words, and deeds. We all think we are the innocent one…but everyone has mistreated loved ones at some point. Dig deep to the root of the conflict and have the courage to genuinely self-reflect. What was their contribution to the conflict? What was your contribution to the conflict? Majority of conflict is not one-sided. We all must look inward and take responsibility for our part. 

Sometimes, we are the one who was hurt or offended. Even though we were wronged, we are still responsible for our part…our reactions…every subsequent thought, action, word, and deed. It’s a good time to reflect on what change is needed by the other person…but it is also an excellent time to do a self-check to see if we’ve done something similar to God, to them, or to another person.

God sums up relationships and life in one simple and ultimate command — Love God, love others.

Mark 12:30-31, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

None of us are perfect. None of us will float through life without hurting or offending our loved ones…

…but…

…it is up to us to make things right when we wrong our loved ones…to work things out…to forgive our loved ones when they wound us…and ultimately to obey God by loving Him and others – and treat others how we want to be treated.

When we hurt or offend others, God desires for us to do the right thing – by apologizing and asking for forgiveness…to reconcile. It’s so important to God that He offers this instruction:

Matthew 5:23-24, Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Whatever conflict you are going through (or have ever experienced), take the time to look at it not just with your own eyes and viewpoint, but through God’s and the other person’s eyes and viewpoint. Combining all three perspectives brings balance and resolution to the situation – which can ultimately provide healing.

Just a note: If someone is abusing you – especially things that could put them in jail – seek help from a qualified pastor or professional. In no way am I advocating tolerating, overlooking, or excusing abuse.

Spend some time with God today and sort through the times of conflict you’ve experienced in life. Talk with God about who has hurt or offended you…then talk to God about those you know you have hurt or offended. Next, ask God to reveal to your heart anyone you may have hurt or offended but didn’t realize it. Finally, ask God for wisdom and for Him to guard, guide, and direct you in any steps of forgiveness and reconciliation He may want you to take.

The next time you experience conflict, remember Mr. Goat…and be the mercy today that you’ll hope to receive tomorrow.

Did you know God has a lot to say about conflict – and peace? God promises to bless those who seek to be a peacemaker. Some important verses to read and ponder this week:

Matthew 5:9, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 7:12, So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬,Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

2 Corinthians 13:11, Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.

Psalm 34:14, Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Ephesians 4: 29-32, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Hebrews 12:14, Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

Mark 11:25, And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Proverbs 16:7, When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
James 1:19-20, Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Hope this post brought encouragement and hope to your heart! May we all seek to be peacemakers in all of our relationships!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

🍃

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

🍃

⭐️For more encouragement:

🍃

💞Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🍃

📚Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

🍃

🌸Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🍃

⭐️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

🍃

🌺FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

🍃

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

How To Build A Hedge Around An Unfaithful Partner

In my grief ministry, there are so many who reach out and desperately need help, encouragement, and hope in the areas of marriage and adultery.

I will be writing a series of blog posts on these topics starting today.

I deeply understand the heartache of marriage issues. I, myself, have been through harrowing, heartbreaking, and stressful times in my own marriage. I hope my (and my husband’s) experiences will truly help others.

We almost lost our marriage in 2008. I remember how excruciatingly painful it was to walk through those very tough days.

I appreciate my husband being willing to give his permission to talk about our marriage…God did an amazing work in our relationship and brought much good out of our pain. My husband rededicated his life to the Lord due to that tough time — and out of that very painful time, we became marriage coaches through our church. We’ve coached dozens of other hurting marriages with the insights we gained through our own experiences in 2008. Due to God’s mercy, grace and goodness, we have a 90% success rate in helping couples to heal their marriages.

Today’s blog post is an excellent resource! I used this information as a starting base to save my own marriage.

If you are going through the painful experience of a disconnected or adulterous spouse, you will certainly appreciate this information.

Stay tuned…I will be writing many blog posts in the upcoming weeks on the topic of marriage — and how to save or greatly enrich a marriage.

Take care and know that with God, there is HOPE! The Lord can do more in a moment than we could ever hope to do in a lifetime. God loves you and He is very faithful!❤️

HOW TO BUILD A HEDGE AROUND AN UNFAITHFUL PARTNER

“I SOUGHT FOR A MAN AMONG THEM THAT SHOULD MAKE UP THE HEDGE…THAT I SHOULD NOT DESTROY…” (EZ.22:30)

A certain man discovered that his wife was secretly seeing another man. She would meet him on business trips and spend long hours after work with him. For months she had neglected her home responsibilities.

He learned about the “hedge of thorns” that he could claim in prayer for his wife, and one day he used it. That evening when he got home from work, his wife was in the kitchen making their first meal in four months!

A wife learned that her husband was spending time with a younger woman. She learned further that he was planning to leave her and marry this younger woman. She was told how to pray for a “hedge of thorns” around her husband. The next evening he received a phone call from the young woman telling him that she wanted to break off their relationship.

The wife of a young pastor left him and began working in a bar. She was planning to marry the barkeeper. The grieving husband learned how to pray for a “hedge of thorns” around his wife, and three days later, his wife called him up and was ready to return home.

These are only a few of the many illustrations which Christians are experiencing as a result of building a “hedge of thorns” or “hedge of protection” around their loved ones. However, there is far more to the story than just praying a certain prayer.

The Scriptural basis for the “hedge of thorns” is found in several passages. First of all, God looks for an intercessor to make up a “hedge” of protection. (Ez.22:30). Job is an example of such a man in the O.T. (Job 1:5-12)

He prayed for God’s protection over his family – including his sons and daughters whom he feared cursed God in their hearts. The result was that God “made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that He had on every side”.

By building a “hedge” around an unfaithful partner, his/her “lovers” lose interest and Satan is no more able to take your partner captive “at his will”. Satan must get clearance from God for whatever he does, and his actions become God’s dealings in love. II Timothy 2:25-26; II Corinthians 12:7; Job 1:5-10)

A further illustration of the hedge is found in Hosea. God promised to make a hedge of thorns around Hosea’s adulterous wife so that her lovers would lose interest in her. (Hosea 2:6-7)

After God built a hedge of thorns around Hosea’s unfaithful wife, and her lovers left her, she decided to return to her husband. However, if she was to remain under his authority and protection, there were several things that he had to do. These are listed in Hosea 2:14-16.

The NT counterpart to this truth is illustrated in Christ’s interecession for Peter (Lk.22:31-38) and for his disciples (John 17:12 – the hedge of prayer – none lost but the son of perdition). It is also illustrated in Paul’s prayer for those under his spiritual care.

The basic teaching of Scripture on the hedge is found in II Cor. 10:4-5 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.”

This emphasizes the fact that Satan is able to have powerful holds on our mind, will, and emotions, but that through God we can and must pull them down.

The purpose of “binding Satan” (Matt.12:29) and building a “hedge of protection” around your partner is so that you can proceed “casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

(II Cor.10:5).

There are a number of cases in which a husband or wife build a “hedge of thorns” around an unfaithful partner through prayer, saw the return of that partner, and then failed to follow up on the victory. Soon Satan regained a foothold in that partner’s life. Thus, the following steps are very essential.

1. MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE A GENUINE CHRISTIAN.

God only hears the prayers of His own children. We become a child of God only through putting our full faith and trust for salvation in the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ, in dying for us and being raised from the dead.

“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us…” (Titus 3:5).

“But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

For more information: http://www.peacewithGod.net

2. CLEANSE YOUR LIFE OF ALL SIN

God delighted in building a hedge of protection around Job and all his family and possessions, because Job was “a perfect and an unpright man, one that feareth God, and…(hateth) evil,”(Job 1:8)

We can claim the righteousness of Christ as Christians by confessing our sins and cleansing our mind, life, and home of anything that grieves the Spirit of God and hinders His work in our life. “…Make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.” (Romans 13:14)

3. BUILD A “HEDGE OF THORNS” BY PRAYER

The following prayer is an example of building a hedge of thorns around an unfaithful marriage partner:

“Heavenly Father, I ask You in the name and through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, to build a “hedge of thorns” around my partner. I pray that through this hedge, any other lover will lose interest and depart. I base this prayer on Your Word which commands that what You have joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6)

4. RESTORE A SPIRIT OF ONENESS

Follow through on your prayer by getting alone with your partner (…”I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness..”), using gentle, kind, and loving words (“…speak comfortably unto her…”_, committing yourself to your partner’s needs and visualizing hope (“I will give her her vineyards…for a door of hope”), restoring your partner’s happiness (“…and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…”), and restoring a spirit of deep friendship (“…thou shalt call me ish (my husband) and shalt call me no more baali (my lord)). (Hosea 2:14-16)

5. CAST DOWN WRONG REASONINGS

In the spirit of friendship and fellowship, cast down false reasonings in the mind of your partner by wisely using God’s Word. Together, bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (I Cor. 10:4-5)

GOMER

Gomer was the wife of the prophet Hosea.

She was an adulterous wife.

In this account, God gives us a graphic illustration of how the “hedge of thorns” works

Hosea 2:6-16

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT A “HEDGE OF THORNS” AROUND AN UNFAITHFUL PARTNER?

1. He/she will lose direction.

“…I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths.”

2. Any other “lovers” will leave.

“…she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them.”

3. Troubles will prompt a return

“…then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband: for then was it better with me than now.”

Hosea 2:6-16

⭐️A “hedge will be ineffective if you have not resolved all past offenses, or if you do not follow through with Scriptural steps of actions.

THE PRAYER FOR A “HEDGE” INVOLVES THREE PARTS

1. YOUR SPIRITUAL ‘CREDENTIALS’

We are able to approach a holy God through the righteousness of the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ’s death and resurrection have already defeated Satan’s power. “But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (I Cor. 15:57)

2. YOUR REQUEST

When we pray, we must be specific; the more precise we are in our prayer, the more able we are to judge its Scriptural basis and the more alert we will be in seeing His answer to it. “…Ye have not, because ye ask not” (James 4:2)

3. YOUR SCRIPTURAL AUTHORITY

Every request must be based on the will of God as revealed in His Word. God’s Word is the sword of the Spirit (Ep.6:17). Christians are able to overcome Satan “..by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony.” (Rev. 12:11).

GOD GIVES FIVE STEPS TO WIN BACK A WAYWARD PARTNER

(Hosea 2:14-16)

1. Allure him/her away from ungodly influences.

2. Speak gently and lovingly.

3. Reestablish responsibility and by it restore hope.

4. Cause him/her to sing for joy.

5. Build an intimate friendship.

From Bill Gothard Ministries

❤️

To all who are praying for God to bring healing and restoration to your marriage and family, I pray God will heal, restore, and bless you, your spouse, your marriage and your family.

Stay tuned: This next month, I will be answering a reader’s questions on adultery…will be sharing very specific, useful, and powerful prayers you can pray for your marriage and family…and will also be sharing incredibly important tips you can use to greatly improve your marriage and family relationships.

Always remember how much God loves you and your precious family! God has BIG plans for you!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2021 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Be At Peace — Why Your Life & Grief Have Exquisite Value Exactly Today

Where you are today.

Exactly where you are today.

You may be in the depths of despair.
You may be a quarter of the way through your grief journey.
Perhaps you’ve thoroughly been through several grief journeys, have found healing, and are currently loving/encouraging others through their pain.

No matter where you are, right now, today…
..you and your grief have great value.
Exactly where you are today.

There are multiple layers of grief – and multiple people who are grieving around you…you may not even realize who they are.
And somebody desperately needs your encouragement, your story, and your perspective.

Today…choose one day out of each week…to simply be at peace where you are in your grief, create peace in your life, and offer that same peace to others.

Instead of trying to figure out grief…let’s instead make peace with exactly where we are and just take the time to offer love, encouragement, and understanding to those around us and online.

The beautiful thing about life – and grief – is we don’t have to be fully healed or have fully arrived at healing to offer hope and empathy.

There are few things more important than love, empathy, encouragement and hope. Offering these rare, exquisite gifts can make all the difference in the world.

Who can you offer hope, love, empathy and encouragement this week?

How can you create more peace and loving acceptance for your own grief journey and heart today?

Ask God to pour His love, peace, encouragement and hope into you, and to make your heart sensitive to those around you who are hurting.
You never know how God can use you to help others who are drowning in their grief.

Your grief experience has far more value than you can possibly know…EVERY layer of it…

…you are going to be an absolute jewel to those who are hurting.

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

The Life Lesson You Won’t Want To Wait To Learn

There I was…sitting in a college classroom.

My books neatly stacked, pen and paper out to take notes, as I waited for my professor to start her lecture on the material that would be on the final exam in a few days.

It took everything in me to be present in class that day. My sister had just died six days earlier, and her funeral was the day before this particular class. And just a few weeks before my sister’s death, my other sister’s fiancé (who was also one of my best friends) had died. It was a small miracle I made it out of bed, but I didn’t want the whole semester to be wasted.

As I prepared to listen to my professor’s review, a girl sat right next to me.

This young lady began complaining to me (and the guy sitting next to us) for the next 10 minutes about her job, getting up early to make it to class, her boyfriend buying her the wrong color of roses over the weekend, and she complained about the manicure she had just gotten.

Then she complained about something that pierced my heart: she complained about having to go on vacation over Christmas break with her parents and sister.

Out of all of the mornings I had decided to arrive early to class, this was a day I wished I had slept in.

A mere month before, the young lady’s complaining would have gone in one ear and out the other. I would’ve thought, “wow…this girl is having a bad week.”

This particular morning though, I wanted to tell her – more like scream at her – how lucky she was to have both parents alive…lucky to have her sister to go on vacation with…blessed to have a boyfriend who bought her roses…and her fingernails…really?!…fingernails are something to complain about just because one chipped!? I thought, “wow…this girl needs some serious perspective!”

Sitting in that classroom, I wished my greatest problem was something as vain as a fingernail that could be fixed within half an hour. I wished my sister had her fiancé still here to buy her roses…she would’ve been grateful for any color. I wished I could go on a vacation…any vacation…with my sister and dad again. Instead, I was wondering how our family was going to make it through the grief and storm we were just catapulted into.

The fact is, grief deeply changes you. You see things so very differently!

It truly is like life is a glass “window” that has always been covered in thick glittery paint. Grief comes along and power washes all of the paint and glitter away.

…But having all of the thick glitter washed away doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.

Once you experience deep grief, and all of the glitter is washed away, you see people, things, and life – everything – much more clearly.

I’m not trying to be hard on the girl. I bet everything she was complaining about made perfect sense to her. It would’ve made perfect sense to me a few weeks earlier.

To be fair, I wonder how many times I have complained about trivial things to someone who was going through grief or a major life challenge?

And the bigger question:

How many blessings have I missed in life – especially pre-grief – due to not having a proper perspective or the ability to see a bigger picture?

The fact is, every “problem” we may have is an absolute lost “blessing” someone else deeply misses:

•The man or woman who is struggling to get along with their spouse? Someone else only wishes they could bring their spouse back from Heaven or back from divorce. Some are single and have never found love or marriage yet at all.

The job we may absolutely hate? Someone else has recently been laid off or disabled and would love to have their job back.

The child who is rebelling or making poor choices? Someone else would give everything they own just to have one more minute with their deceased child. Others have never been granted the privilege and gift of being a parent.

The person who complains about the wrong haircut, a bad manicure, or “having to go to the gym”? Someone else is in a hospital fighting cancer or battling another illness. They only wish they still had their hair or the energy to go run or workout again.

The person who complains about “having to go see their family,”…how long they have to stay at family gatherings and holidays…or who complains about their parents, siblings, children, extended family or in-laws? Someone else would give everything they own to have the luxury of having any family members at all. Family is a true gift – an EXTRAVAGANT gift – even if they (or we) don’t always act like one!

There are many more scenarios I could list of all the ways, and all of the people and things, we each take for granted or complain about. The opportunities and scenarios are unending.

Note: I’m not downplaying life challenges, difficult family members or challenging people, because life challenges and difficult people are always there and can be very painful. I, myself, have been guilty of complaining about people, things, and life events. I think we all have.

Once we truly put life in proper perspective though, and gain gratefulness in each area, the problems won’t seem near as big, annoying, inconvenient, or insurmountable.

We’ll find that some things in life are not quite the tragedy or crisis we make them out to be.

No matter what, at the end of the day, life is a tremendous gift! We may have to change our perspective, but life truly is.

Take some time today to truly see your blessings. Choose to continually create a grateful heart and genuinely appreciate each family member, person, gift, experience, opportunity, and modern day convenience we each are SO VERY blessed to have in our lives.

I have found that it seriously is a choice.

Rinse off the thick paint of the “window of life,” developing proper perspective, so you are clearly able to see, appreciate, and enjoy life…and the loved ones you have…to your best ability!

Don’t wait for life – or grief – to teach you a most painful lesson: The ability to see your pre-grief life with crystal clear perspective…to clearly see all of the treasure you once had in your life and held in your hand!

Learn this most important life lesson today…right now. Like great treasure in your hand, never allow perspective, blessings, or time to fall through your fingers. Life is precious. Family and good friends are a treasure. Time is a gift.

You may have already experienced a major loss or great grief. Perhaps you are currently going through a tragedy or crisis and life may not feel like a gift today.

Take the time to be kind to your heart. Even if it’s just baby steps, you truly can make it through.💗

🌺Encouraging quotes:

To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.” ~Stephen R. Covey

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.” ~Charles Richards

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” ~Oprah Winfrey

“The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.” ~Oscar Wilde

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone.” ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

“Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” ~Stephen Vincent Benét

“I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dropped it carelessly, Ah! I didn’t know, I held opportunity.” ~Hazel Lee

“If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance.” ~Andrea Boydston

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2018 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing The Holidays With Jesus: Christmas (available November 2018) http://bible.com/r/3V5

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.**

Have Questions for God?

All throughout history, people have struggled with the question, “Why did God allow this to happen?” – and accuse God of abandoning them.

Gideon was no different.

Judges‬ ‭6:12-13‬, “When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” (and here it goes: Gideon starts questioning what so many have thought or verbalized since the beginning of time)
Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.””

Gideon was in the middle of a crisis and his hope and trust were thin. Can you relate?

Gideon was an unlikely hero and conquerer – the odds were significantly stacked against the poor guy – yet God greatly used him in a huge, powerful way.
But first, God needed to work in Gideon’s heart.

In the 6th chapter of Judges, we find God revealed to Gideon some key things that needed to happen before He granted deliverance:

  1. A removal of a false God – what do we need to remove from our lives so that God can powerfully work? What “god(s)” are we choosing over the one true God?
  2. Sacrifice – God doesn’t NEED our sacrifices (Hosea 6:6 – another great book!) but He does desire a heart that is sold out to Him and Him alone. God wants us to give Him this: rightful first place in our hearts and lives. Loyalty. Love. Commitment.
  3. God desires for us to trust Him – we need to remove our doubts, our fears, and overcome our questions so we can have – and intimately experience – a dynamic encounter with Him.
  4. Obedience – whether it makes sense to us or not.

Notice as you read Judges 6 that God was patient with Gideon. When Gideon lacked hope or faith, or even had questions, God lovingly provided grace and evidence of His love and guidance.

God will do the same for us, too!

The most difficult times of my life have led to some of my greatest times with God. Difficult times are never easy – they’re painfully excruciating – but God has always carried me through these tough times. Faithfully.

When life throws BIG problems at you…these are often allowed so we will stop depending on ourselves and depend on God.
God-sized problems always open up the opportunity for God to provide God-sized love and answers.

Today, read Judges.

God will never abandon us. Ever.

Whatever “battle” we are going through in life, God has the power to bring total victory – no matter what the odds appear to be.

I challenge all of us to:

  • seek God’s face
  • remove the things/“gods”/sin in our heart that prevent us from truly putting God first
  • be fully devoted to God
  • Love and obey Him with all of our heart
  • ask God to remove our doubts, fears, and worries as we cast all of our cares upon Him
  • and ask to experience a dynamic encounter with Him

When we are tempted to question God’s Will, may we always remember this:
God’s perfect Will is exactly what we all would want if we knew ALL the facts. His ways are good and perfect – even if they don’t seem to be perfect and don’t feel good to us. He sees the big picture – start to finish.

Choosing to obey and trust God in difficult circumstances is a beautiful act of faith. And we need God’s continual love, help, and strength to accomplish this.

Let’s choose to love, obey, and trust God – and entrust Him with all the facts as we submit to Him today.
He loves you!💗

Hope all of you are safe and well,
Kim

©2020 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

❤️

Grief Bites

I previously posted this a few years ago, but thought it’d be a good repost since I am often asked how we came up with the name “Grief Bites” for our ministry. Hope this brings hope and encouragement to all who read it!💗

“Grief Bites.”

Such a simple sentence…yet complex and filled with incredible pain.

My sister called me one morning while I was in deep grief to ask how I was doing.

“Grief Bites” is all I could mutter through my tears.

Little did I realize how a little two-word simple sentence would transform my grief…and be the start of a significant plan pre-orchestrated by God.

That one random phone call, that one question, and those two little words – God would eventually develop it into 3 published books, a local grief organization, a national grief ministry that would encourage and give hope to people through multiple church campuses, an international blog that serves grief communities in over 150 countries, as well as several Bible Reading Plans on YouVersion (the Bible app that offers hope and encouragement to millions).

The morning my sister called me, we both were in the middle of experiencing a lot of grief.

I was going through multiple grief experiences – and my sister had just experienced the death of her fiancé.

I was sick of grief – and to be honest, I was sick of life. I literally felt like I was “dead but couldn’t die”…as though all of my breath and “life” had been sucked out of my lungs and heart. Anyone who has experienced deep grief can completely understand the intense heartache I’m describing.

In the 3 years leading up to that phone call:

  • my son had been diagnosed with tumors and went through several consultations and three surgeries in hospitals in three cities and two different states for ten months
  • 3 of my son’s friends died
  • my grandmother died a few days before Christmas
  • 2 family members – one from my side of the family and one from my husband’s side – died on the same day
  • my husband betrayed me and our marriage crumbled almost to the point of divorce
  • I had two cancer scares that required 2 surgeries
  • my sister’s 2nd fiancé suddenly died on Easter (this was her 2nd fiancé to pass away..her 1st fiancé died a few weeks before our other sister’s death)
  • key family relationships I dearly loved deeply changed
  • a loved one battled major addiction
  • our family experienced deep wounding and hurt from our church … not just a little hurt – a pastor we went to for counsel said it was the worst thing he’d ever heard of church staff doing to a family
  • a friend committed suicide
  • a friend died
  • a family member committed suicide
  • I became extremely ill. I would eventually be diagnosed with a serious autoimmune illness due to stress…and was bedridden for a lengthy time (I eventually found an effective treatment so I can be fully functional)

With everything happening so quickly together, I felt incredibly defeated.

To go through several deaths, my son’s illness, my illness, heartbreaking issues, relationship losses and changes, among other losses…all within a short period of time…was very challenging…

…but I knew I wanted good to come out of it. I wasn’t about to allow life or grief to defeat me, and I wasn’t going to sit down, have a pity party, and become – or worse, remain – a depressed mess. I had already been tempted to do that when my sister died and that wasn’t going to be my reality again.

It was almost a “saving grace” that I had previously been through grief when I was younger. Grief had been second nature in my life since I was a child. In hindsight, I’m actually very grateful for the grief I went through while growing up because I don’t think I could’ve made it through my adult grief experiences without knowing what to expect through previous massive heartache.

While growing up:

  • my dad was killed
  • my grandmother (who lived with us after my dad’s death) died a few years later
  • after my mom remarried, we moved twice within months
  • our home completely flooded the week of Christmas and we lost everything. We ended up living in a motel for several months
  • my step-grandmother unfairly rejected and mistreated my mom, siblings, and me…just because my mom was a widow with children
  • I lost two grandparents, my step-grandmother, two uncles, two friends, and an aunt to cancer
  • A traumatic event happened and I was admitted to the hospital in ICU where I almost died (my sister saved my life)
  • my high school boyfriend died
  • I was in an abusive relationship in high school
  • a good friend died from suicide
  • a friend was murdered
  • a friend from my bible study group died from suicide
  • my dad was laid off twice and had to live in a different city away from us for two years
  • my older sister’s 1st fiancé died (her fiancé was also one of my best friends)
  • and a few weeks later, my 22 year-old sister suddenly died on Thanksgiving

All of this before I was 20 years old…so I knew what grief could do. I understood the heartbreaking days and nights, as well as how difficult it could be to get through.

BUT this time was different.

I didn’t want to just try to “get over” my grief. This time, I was desperate to get through my grief…and truly understand.

As I already previously did (while growing up), I didn’t want to be forever mad at God and “life”…I actually needed to deeply and heart-wrenchingly take my tough questions to God so I could come to genuine peace with Him.

I didn’t want to live in the shadow of grief the rest of my life. I wanted to find a new way of life that made sense … a new way of life that held meaning and purpose.

Majority of the grief experiences we go through will never make sense, but I found that purpose and good can come out of any circumstance…if you allow life – and yes, even grief – to teach you lessons. They are not fun lessons, but they do hold tremendous value.

And eventually I learned, (ironically through my grief), that God IS good. So very, very good!

It didn’t magically happen overnight, but God did heal my heart from major grief and heartache.

God is a genius at healing a broken heart and repairing a crushed spirit.

God can turn a test into a testimony…a mess into a message…a trial into a triumph…a victim into a victor…

The reason I share my grief is not to solicit sympathy or pity…absolutely not. I count grief as one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I don’t count the grief events – any of the heartache – as a good thing…goodness no...but how grief shaped my heart and life purpose holds tremendous value to me. It was through everything I went through in the past that made me who I am today.

I must say…I initially turned against God due to all of the grief I endured while growing up. I went through major rebellion initially…but I eventually became a Christian and submitted my heart and life to God’s plan when I was 18 years-old.

A good friend had challenged me to rethink my grief…and all I thought about God. He challenged me to read the entire Bible and get to know God for myself.

I’ve never been the same since.

As I got to know God, He eventuality revealed an important truth: With each grief experience He entrusted to me, God was widening my understanding, empathy, and ability to deeply understand grief – and eventually help and encourage others.

After sharing with my sister those two life-changing words, “Grief Bites,” we began discussing how we could help encourage other grievers through the grief experiences we each had faced.

Right before this conversation, I had begun writing a book to help encourage my son, mom, sister, and other family members through their deep grief. I had years of journals I had written of all God had shown me through multiple grief journeys and I was doing an in-depth Bible study on grief, loss, trials, hardships, and life challenges.

While attending a family member’s out of town birthday party, I didn’t know many people there, so I took out my iPad and continued to write the grief book I was writing for my family.

My brother (who is a pastor) had a fellow pastor friend there. This friend approached me and asked what I was working on. After showing him the book I was working on, he encouraged me to submit my book into the Women of Faith Book Writing Contest.

I didn’t expect anything to happen or come of it…but then I received the news that my book was chosen as a Semi-finalist.

My book, Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You, was published and was given out at two Women of Faith Conferences.

With my book, ministry, blog, YouVersion plans, and anything else I do, I take absolutely no credit. It is all God. I give God all of the credit and glory. I’m just a good listener who writes all the Lord shows me. And all of my book royalties are (and always have been) poured back into local grief communities and churches.

God (through grief) has taught me incredibly powerful lessons I never could have hoped to learn any other way. I’m a much better Christ-follower, spouse, mom, aunt, family member, friend, neighbor, grief coach, and church member due to my grief. My compassion, mercy, understanding, and ability to communicate with grievers was deeply developed through each grief experience I faced and – with the grace of God – overcame.

It is also through my grief experiences I found my purpose in life: I get the privilege of helping so many through their grief so they are able to live better lives.

Although extremely painful to go through, I finally (and through a lot of hard work) came to a place of peace with each grief experience.

So why blog, write, and speak about grief?

Because grief has a huge need to be more commonly talked about so people can find the hope, encouragement, and relief they so desperately need from grief — And so everyone can understand how to help and minister to those in grief, too.

And because grief doesn’t end on the day of the funeral — in fact, grief never completely goes away…because love never dies, grief velcroes itself to your heart. And the greater the love, the greater the grief. Grievers need hope, and to know how to travel through the treacherous roads of grief to get to the other side.

Grief typically doesn’t stay as strong as it is in the first few months or years…but it lingers and can come back full strength at the oddest times. It doesn’t have to be a thing that weighs your heart down though…it can become one of the greatest catalysts of growth you’ll ever experience.

Some grief experiences are minor, while other grief experiences are majorly debilitating. There is hope for major grief, but it takes grief recovery efforts to get to that point.

I count it a privilege to coach hurting people through that overwhelmingly tough journey.

I also talk about grief because there is a great need for grievers to share their experiences to help others who are going through grief. It is also helpful for grievers to help others who have never been through grief to better understand.

Like Pastor Rick Warren says: Who better to help someone through their grief than a person who has already walked the same thorny road?

This blog – as well as my book, YouVersion plans and other Grief Bites resources – is for anyone who has been through grief or loss…anyone who has been through a heart-shattering sleepless night…anyone who has had a broken heart…anyone who feels like their breath and life have been sucked out of them — yet they still want to live the best life they possibly can live in spite of any circumstance they face.

I hope something I write encourages someone. I hope it allows someone to obtain the hope they need to move on press forward in spite of the heartbreak they have experienced.

Notice I drew a line through “move on” because anyone who has been through deep grief knows how frustrating that phrase can be.

I say “press forward” because if you are going through intense grief, it has to be a personal choice to press forward with everything you’ve got. I am NOT suggesting forgetting about your treasured loved one(s). In fact, I am a HUGE advocate of honoring a loved one’s memory. I don’t believe in “Goodbye”; I believe in, “See you later!”…I’ll write more about this in the days to come.

By pressing forward after you have thoroughly grieved, you’ll prevent additional loss, guilt, and regrets from entering your life. If you stay still or stagnant in your grief, or ignore it, more loss develops…and then you will have so much more to deal with later on…and grief will have damaged your heart and life further than you want it to.

Don’t allow grief to choose for you how you are going to live the remainder of your life. Grief does not deserve to make that decision for you. The only thing you should allow grief to do is cleanse your heart and teach you lessons…and the lessons are certainly there.

Choose TODAY to embrace and thoroughly go through your grief so you are truly able to create the life you want to live in the years to come.

It will NOT be easy.

There is no such thing as “neatly” grieving or a one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter-style of grieving…there are no rainbows, unicorns, or cotton candy in grief recovery. Nope, it is messy. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…but one day you’ll look back and be so very grateful you worked through your grief and embraced it.

Although grief nearly permanently paralyzed my heart, I eventually decided life is too short to not live to the fullest every single day.

Life is too good to not find joy in it…especially the “little things” in life.

I realized you only get one life…and you never get time back. Redeem the time and enjoy every moment life has to offer you as much as you can…in time…when you are able to…because life (and enjoying loved ones) is the best adventure on earth. There is nothing like fully experiencing life. And there is no time to waste.

I have a motto: Life is a canvas so throw all the paint on it you can so one day you will have the ability to look at the amazing picture you created in spite of heartache and grief.

Yes, there will be dark colors on that canvas…but there can also be – with God’s grace and healing – colors of light…perfectly blended together in total depth and beauty.

The very best way to get back at grief: getting your breath back after life and grief have knocked it out of you.

It will take time and you will know when your heart is ready. It is very helpful to join a grief group and talk to a trusted and respected pastor/counselor too.

Grief bites.

It certainly does…

…but with God, we ALL have the power within us to bite back.

©2014 / 2018 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

💕If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

❤️For more encouragement:

🌸Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

💕Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

💕Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book – all proceeds go back into helping the grief community): Click here for book

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Valentine’s Day: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Choosing To Make Every Day A Celebrated Day Throughout Grief

Life is made up of days.

Most people typically describe their day as one of the following:

  • Good
  • Bad
  • Great
  • Fantastic
  • Lovely
  • Terrible
  • Sad
  • Frustrating
  • “Fine”
  • and every other adjective known to mankind

You rarely hear people say, “Celebrated.”

Especially not in grief.

When most people think of the word celebration, they think of birthday parties, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, won sporting events – all of the happy occasions.

These celebrations are easy. They’re all smiles, fun, and enjoyable circumstances. No effort needed at all.

But what about when life gets hard? Really, really hard?

Celebrating every day during grief is much more challenging – but I have found it is equally needed.

The past 10 years, I have been through intense grief…over 30 major grief experiences – including my son’s tumors and surgeries, several family members being diagnosed with cancer, 13 family members dying, and experiencing six close friend’s deaths, my son being greatly wounded by his church and choosing atheism as a result, a family suicide, among other grief events. I’ve also been diagnosed with several autoimmune illnesses throughout this time due to the stress.

There has been extreme anguish throughout this past decade. Debilitating grief and prolonged hardships are all very tough to go through.

When you initially go through intense grief, you don’t feel like celebrating. A good day is holding it together and concealing your tears so you don’t draw unwanted attention to yourself. For some who go through grief, a good day is simply mustering up the courage and energy just to get out of bed.

About half way into all of these grief events, I became concerned that I’d never feel genuine happiness again.

Thankfully, I found happiness and joy are both a choice.

Before you discontinue reading the rest of this blog post, please keep reading on. I understand how annoying that statement sounds. Truly!

It used to majorly annoy me when people would say that happiness and joy were choices…

…until I heard a dear bereaved mother who had lost her adult son to suicide say, “Choose joy!

Before Kay Warren said those two words, I always thought people were very insensitive to say that joy and happiness were a choice. But when someone can say these words in the midst of excruciating heartache, such as Pastors Rick and Kay Warren, I’ll listen to them.

Because it’s genuine. It’s real. It’s hard-fought. It’s extremely authentic.

I have found that joy and happiness are definitely choices…choices I now intentionally choose every day of my life.

I have also found that choosing to celebrate each day is also a choice.

Before grief, the words joy and celebrate hold much different definitions. These words were easy. Blissful. Comfortable, even.

After grief, you find these two words hold brand new meaning. They’re hard-fought treasures that you had to walk through emotional hell on earth to obtain.

I can’t go back and change anything that has happened in life. I can’t change the heartache and grief I’ve experienced. I can’t bring my loved ones back to life. I can’t undiagnose illness. I can’t undo other people’s hurtful or devastating decisions that led to massive consequences.

I do have complete choice and control over my own personal decisions, though.

Although I would definitely go back in time and change some things…and I most definitely would reverse my loved ones deaths if I could…I wouldn’t give up any lesson I’ve learned through the incredible teacher of Grief.

I have learned a phenomenal amount of life lessons as I embraced my grief.

At first, I saw grief as something that ripped my heart out and was holding it hostage…but as I chose to embrace my grief, the lessons came pouring in. I didn’t embrace my grief at first – I resented it greatly. I am thankful I opened my heart to the rich lessons I have learned, though.

Deep heartache and loss attempted to define my life…I, in turn, sought to allow grief to redefine – and refine – my life instead.

Through many tears, grief allowed me to see things clearer.

I think very differently.

I feel things at a much greater level and have a much higher capacity of intuitiveness.

I have found that the experience of life is viewed, felt, and experienced at a much higher quality.

I’m different, too. Very different than who I once was.

And I am much stronger.

I absolutely do not celebrate any grief event I’ve been through…but I do celebrate the many byproducts – all hard-fought and earned – that I have gained throughout my grief.

A few I most treasure:

  • A much closer, genuine, authentic, and more intimate relationship with God
  • The strength I’ve gained through grief and hardships
  • The ability to clear away the mundane and focus on who and what truly matters in life
  • The incredible ability to love and appreciate my family at a far higher level
  • The depth that is created through hardships and grief…I am no longer comfortable being shallow in any area of life
  • The wisdom, discernment, and understanding you gain through grief
  • The ability to be grateful… genuinely grateful … for everything in life
  • The ability to be a good “read” on people very quickly and the ability to discern even the most subtle emotions of others
  • The ability to appreciate and celebrate each day – regardless of what I’m going through (this gift took years to achieve)

These are just a few of many “gifts” I have received throughout grief. They’re not gifts you’d ever expect…and nobody in their right mind would willingly sign up for grief or hardships to gain them…but they are very precious gifts, nonetheless.

Focus is key in creating a celebration mindset. What you focus on is where your heart will be…and each day, I am given an important choice: If I focus on all of my loss, I will most likely live a life of loss. If I focus on even the smallest celebrations of the day, I’ll live a life of continual, intentional celebration.

I’m not suggesting to bypass grief or that a celebration mindset will remove grief. Absolutely not! Each griever must be true to their grief and thoroughly experience it. To not do that would be to cheapen grief and dishonor loved ones. I still experience grief, sadness, and missing treasured loved ones – for sure, I just also simultaneously choose to experience joy and allow celebration into my daily life.

I have found it helpful … even lifesaving … to balance grief and celebrating the gifts God and life still have to offer.

Each “gift” leads you to the unmistakable truth that every day can be a celebrated day.

Every day is a great day to be alive.

Every day is a fantastic day that you have the exquisite and exclusive gift of being able to love, talk to, share life with, and hug your remaining loved ones. Remaining loved ones truly are an extravagant miracle if you seriously think about it.

Every day offers the new ability to learn more. Know more. Understand more. Empathize more. The more you learn, know, understand, and empathize, you are then able to do better.

Every day allows you to seek and find fresh new strength…and new ways of creating the best “new normal” you not only initially muster – but eventually enjoy.

Every day is an opportunity to enjoy God, remaining loved ones, work, nature, hobbies, adventures, and the simple things in life like working out, savoring a great cup of coffee, enjoying pets, appreciating music, and the ability to set and achieve goals.

Life, no matter what we go through, is the best adventure – an adventure not afforded … or continued … to all. I have found the best way to honor my loved ones (both the deceased and my remaining loved ones) is to honor them by celebrating life.

Just having the breath of life is an extravagant gift…and that is definitely something to celebrate every single day.

The very best days of life may not have even happened yet. On my toughest days, this is a truth I focus on.

Each day – no matter how excruciatingly tough it is – is a choice. We have the ability to squander life or create the life we want…and we make this very important choice each and every day. And this makes every day an opportunity to make the choice of making every day a celebrated day.

Will there be extremely hard days? Yes. Will there be heartbreaking days you dread, where you feel like your grief could literally consume and destroy you? Absolutely!

But with each daily decision to press forward through the pain– and truly see each celebration offered throughout each day, life can eventually be the true celebration you choose and want it to be.

It may take time…maybe even lots of time…but it is possible.

A quote I’d like to encourage you with:

“Although I am grieving, the clock is still ticking, and that’s why I keep living…purposefully.”

How can you choose to make each day a celebrated day?❤️🎁

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2018 by Kim Niles. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

A Huge Lesson Learned From My 100 lb Friend

This entire year – especially the past few months – has been a time of learning and growing.

Sometimes, I love and enjoy learning/growing seasons. This one…eh…not so much.

It’s been painful…very, very painful.

…Yet I do appreciate seasons like these.

Anyone who reads my blog, or has been to an event I’ve spoken at, knows how much my family and I love dogs – especially our dogs.

We have really, really big dogs. Our family’s biggest dog weighs 180 lbs (and stands 6’5″ on his hind legs) and our smallest one weighs 90 lbs. Our dog in the middle weighs 100 lbs – and she’s just a puppy!

Due to the breed our puppy is, she recently had to have a gastropexy surgery, along with being spayed.

She wasn’t a happy camper.

She still isn’t.

Having the surgery saved her life…and will prevent future major agony – which could’ve potentially also caused a very painful death due to bloat.

She doesn’t see it that way. She just sees that we took her to a strange place…dropped her off…seemed to abandon her…picked her up and brought her home to teach her a new way of life for a lil bit…only to greatly limit her freedom by putting a cone around her neck and not letting her play, run, or have fun for 14 days.

To keep her incisions clean and to where she couldn’t get to them, we’ve put t-shirts on her, too….(she’s been quite the lil master of destroying cones…she’s chewed through two of them…so the t-shirt is extra protection).

Notice I said “t-shirts”…plural. Oh yes, she’s destroyed 4 t-shirts as well.

Normally a super sweet pup (well, to us she is…she thinks everyone else is an axe-murderer), she’s been miffed. Super, super miffed.

She normally trusts us 100%, but I’d say the level of trust during her recuperation was 20% at best.

You’d think she’d trust us completely because she has an incredible life and she receives tons of love and hugs. Seriously, I wish I had the life of our dogs. It’s a charmed one. She has every reason in the world to trust us.

…But…

During the time of the surgery and healing, she stopped trusting us.

As I was helping her, I couldn’t help but notice the similarity of how I treat God when going through a major grief event.

God is so good to me…

…yet I have accused Him in my heart of taking me to a strange place (grief)…dropping me off…seemingly abandoning me…picking me up just to have me learn a new way of life…only to greatly limit my freedom…and it is definitely not fun.

The same way my puppy is not trusting me…it’s sad to say there are times I’ve treated God the exact same way.

When we get to heaven, I wonder how many days God will show us (throughout our lives) when He worked for our best…preventing future heartache worse then we experienced – and we accused him of not caring. Perhaps He prevented something so much worse that we couldn’t even comprehend.

Times of grief, growing, and learning are hard…but God does care about us. He loves us. And He will make all things work together for good…when we love Him and trust His heart!

If my puppy could simply understand how much I love her…all of the great plans I have for her…the surprises I have in store for her once she’s fully healed….

….goodness, don’t you know that God wants so much more for us – and is willing to give us good gifts in the future!

Matthew 7:11, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I’m grateful for my big puppy and the spiritual lesson God taught me through her time of recovery. God teaches me lessons through our dogs all of the time.

Just like I would never hurt our dogs or allow pain without a future purpose, I know God would never intentionally allow pain to me without a future purpose.

And sometimes, we cannot see the purpose at all…

…but God can.

Isaiah 55:6-9, Seek the LORD while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.

‭‭It’s a good reminder – and huge lesson – from my furry lil 100 lb. friend.

Prayer:

Dear Most Gracious Heavenly Father,

Thank You for each and every day of our life…the good and the bad. Sometimes, it’s difficult to trust Your heart and plans, and it’s hard to be thankful in some situations, but we know that You are good. Lord, there are so many who are hurting today. Some are grieving the death of a much-treasured loved one…some are battling addiction or have a loved one battling addiction. Some are going through divorce, adultery, or intense relationship problems. Some are weary from ongoing family or parent/child relationships. Some are experiencing deep financial issues or health issues. Some are trying to figure out how to heal from a loved one’s suicide. So many need to desperately know You are near. I pray for all who are reading this! I pray You will draw near to their heart…give them fresh hope…bring the healing they so desperately are seeking from You. If they have been praying for a loved one, I pray You will answer their heartfelt prayers! Lord, You are good…really, really good! I pray You bring healing, comfort, blessing, strength, and love to all who need it. I especially pray You will show everyone a fresh, new revelation of You and Your incredible love!

I ask this in the powerful Name of Jesus, Amen!

Today, seek God’s heart. Camp out in God’s Word (I especially love Psalms and Proverbs during times of grief). Get to know God for yourself. Take time to delight in God. Pour your heart out to Him. Entrust your situation into His hands.

He is for you. He loves you. He will never leave you. He is the ultimate Comforter.

Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who have been called according to His purpose.

Wishing everyone a good weekend!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

©2019 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance.