Anyone who has experienced heartbreaking, life-shattering grief understands just how difficult grieving can truly be: all of the emotions…how mentally and emotionally draining it is…how it can affect your relationships (in both positive and negative ways)…the toll it can take on your energy level…and how it can even impact your health.
Grief can do a real number on you.
There are so many different perspectives and viewpoints on grief – and each person believes their perspective and viewpoint is best:
- Some say you need to write a letter to say goodbye…others say it’s never “goodbye;” it’s “I’ll see you later.”
- Some say you need to quickly move on in life…while others say fully embrace your grief and take your time.
- Some say time heals all wounds…while some still experience difficulty for many, many years.
- Some say God has nothing to do with grief…others say He’s in every detail.
- Some attend grief groups and gain the support of family and friends…others prefer to grieve alone and privately.
- Some cry a lot…others rarely cry at all.
- Some like to talk about their loved one or loss…others prefer not to.
So what is the perfect way to grieve?
What’s right and what’s wrong?
The truth is: there simply isn’t a perfect way to grieve. And there is no cooker-cutter, one-size-fits-all, right or wrong way to grieve either.
Advice is simply advice.
Help is simply help.
Encouragement is simply encouragement.
Thoughts are simply thoughts.
Grief steps are simply grief steps.
After my sister and one of my best friends died three weeks apart, I tried to follow the traditional grief steps. Problem was, I didn’t experience any of them in the correct order. I felt like a grief failure!
I eventually learned what works for one person may not work for another. What one griever might find encouraging may not encourage another person at all.
Some are easily able to process their grief/loss immediately, while for others, it seriously takes time and a lot of effort.
Some are able to eventually date/remarry, while another widow may never find the ability to get married again.
Some feel relief (or other extremely difficult, complex emotions) when a loved one dies (due to abuse situations, terminal illness, abandonment, relationship difficulties, etc), while others may feel total, utter loss.
Some are able to celebrate holidays and return back to living life quickly, while another may need a lot of time to find their smile again. Some may never fully find it.
Grief is an incredibly personal journey…and there just simply isn’t one perfect road to healing. There are many.
It is so very important for all grievers – and their family and friends – to remember this very important truth:
The perfect way to grieve simply doesn’t exist.
Each person’s grief experience is as custom and unique as the person who is navigating through it.
Have compassion and empathy for one another as you seek out and find the best grief resources for you. With so many good grief resources available – locally, nationally, through churches, as well as on the internet, each griever can customize these precious resources to best fit their needs.
The most important thing is to find the help and encouragement you feel most comfortable with to grow and heal throughout your grief journey.
This may include:
- deepening your relationship with God and allowing Him to guide and direct you through your grief
- allowing trusted family and friends to encourage and support you
- talking to a trusted pastor
- finding a good grief counselor or therapist
- reading good books on grief and loss
- seeking out your church’s grief resources
- attending a grief group (online or in person) such as GriefShare, The Compassionate Friends, Grief Bites, The Grief Recovery Method, or other grief support groups offered through various churches.
- online resources such as Grief Bites, Hope For The Broken Hearted, or Open to Hope, various grief blogs, or other trusted organizations.
- reading grief and loss related Bible reading plans on YouVersion, the Bible app
- anything positive and healthy you find to be of help
Although there is no one “perfect way” to grieve, each person has the daily opportunity to grieve in their own unique perfect way.
Wishing all of you healing, comfort, and peace!
Gratitude & blessings,
©2018 by Kim Niles. All rights reserved.
❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!
For more encouragement:
❤️Connect on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief
❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): http://www.barnesandnoble.com/mobile/w/getting-your-breath-back-after-life-knocks-it-out-of-you-kbh-niles/
❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com
❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net
❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays
Above grief resources and organizations are only mentioned for encouragement purposes only and are not to be considered an endorsement by Grief Bites. Use of any is a personal decision and at own risk.