Tag Archive | relationships

Divorce Prevention: Questions To Ask Before Getting Married

Oct30

Marriage can be one of the most incredible experiences of your life…or it can truly drain and destroy your heart every. single. day.

When starting my grief ministry, I was surprised by the amount of people who sought help for marriage, family, in-law, and dating relationship related grief issues. All of these types of relationships – especially in this day and age – can be stressful and cause an extreme amount of grief and conflict.

Yet few consider the huge impact these relationships can have before taking the plunge.

My adult son once told me a marriage joke: “There are three rings in marriage…the engagement ring…the wedding ring…then the suffering.”

This was funny when I heard it..but it is an all-too-true reality for so many.

My husband and I have been marriage coaches at our church the last several years. We also have many couples contact us now due to word-of-mouth and recommendations from couples who we have helped. With God’s grace, we have an over 90% success rate with helping couples to turn their relationship around, and it’s not because my husband and I have a perfect marriage. It’s because we experienced years of marital turmoil, and we also experienced many life, family, and grief experiences throughout our marriage – so we have gained priceless practical insight on how to help couples. We are also very real, authentic, honest, and transparent when we help others.

When rebuilding our marriage, we found what worked…and what did not…and we are very open about what we learned.

My husband and I have been together for almost three decades. During the first 14 years, our marriage was horrible…absolutely terrible. There were ten years we genuinely despised each other. We only stayed together because we didn’t want to ruin family members’ birthdays…or divorce around a holiday…or we had a vacation or special occasion coming up that we didn’t want to ruin for anyone. For me, it was also because I didn’t want all of our photo albums and home videos to turn from being a source of joyful memories for our family to being a visual source of pain – evidence of what “once was.”

At our lowest point…I sought to improve myself and our marriage, as I deeply pondered how things got so bad.

Nobody plans on things going bad, but it does happen…frequently. Too frequently. In fact, around 50% of marriages fail.

Most people (my husband and myself included) get it backwards: we wear rose-colored glasses before we get married and then we wear magnifying glasses after saying, “I do.”

It is much wiser to wear magnifying glasses while dating so you can truly make a solid decision about who you will be spending the rest of your life with…then wear rose-colored glasses after you get married.

When someone gets married, it literally can affect everything in, and about, that person’s life…who they are, their joy, their relationship with God and others, their family, their health, their present or future children, finances, goals, dreams, job/education/career, beliefs, their self-esteem…everything. Since they are willingly placing their self…and their life…in a position of extreme vulnerability, it’s important to be very thorough in making sure they’re giving their heart and life to someone who truly deserves it.

Nobody is perfect…that’s for sure. We all are a work in progress. We all have room for improvement. We all have a bad day here and there. Always. But there is a huge difference between being with a partner who is willing to work at figuring things out vs. a partner who will simply wear you out.

Many people — like I stated earlier, one out of every two people — will either file for divorce or be served divorce papers…so it makes sense to ask a few very important questions before getting engaged or tying the knot.

Consider these statistics:

  • The average marriage lasts 8.2 years
  • 45-50% of first marriages end in divorce
  • 67% of second marriages end in divorce
  • 74% of third marriages end in divorce
  • Nearly 60% of spouses admit to cheating…45% will go on to cheat again
  • The average divorce costs $15,000 to $30,000
  • BUT you can beat these odds with prayer, and a lil preparation and prevention.

    • A good marriage can be an incredible joy and blessing…but a bad marriage can negatively impact both spouses, their children, and both spouse’s families – and each person’s spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health…sometimes for years!

    Contrary to popular belief, a gold band or diamond ring doesn’t have magical abilities. It doesn’t sprinkle pixie dust on the wearer’s finger and make them a magically better version of their self. Brides and grooms come “as is” – no warranty.

    Some go into marriage not only thinking they can change someone…they try to make the marriage or potential spouse “fit” their expectations.

    If a person has to force their foot into a glass slipper (marriage) to make it fit, they will, no doubt, have a very uncomfortable walk throughout their marriage…or worse, the glass slipper will eventually shatter and they’ll carry the scars for a very long time. And if someone is made to feel they never measure up, they, in turn, will resent their mate.

    So now that I’ve been a much needed Negative Nancy so far in this post, how about some positive statistics?😍

    • Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women
    • Married people report lower levels of depression and distress
    • Married people (over 50 years old) are more likely to maintain daily health routines like exercise, eating right, not smoking, and routinely receive annual health physicals
    • Married people are twice as likely to go to church as unmarried people
    • Marriage does more to promote life satisfaction than money, sex, or sometimes even children (source: Wake Forest University psychologists)

    Okay, so what if you’re already married and you believe you made a huge mistake or you think you married the “wrong” person? Please consider a few statistics:

    • 50% of those who divorce regret ending their marriage, and 80% of those who divorce during an affair regret the decision…so it is vital to talk to a trusted pastor or qualified marriage therapist before making the painful decision to separate or divorce
    • 86% of those who rated their marriage as “unhappy” reported having “improved” or even “great” marriages five years later after choosing to stay married
    • once you get married, your spouse becomes the “right” person. God has the incredible ability to heal your marriage

    At some point, I’ll write specifically about each of these questions, but for now, I’ll leave these questions without answers so each reader can come up with their own individual answers. As you read each question, be sure to also answer how your partner would answer or rate you if they were the one reading these questions.

    With any and every relationship, you must keep perspective and look at all viewpoints and sides!😊 It is an absolute must for both people to reflect on not just their partner, or their own individual wants and desires, but it is also important to reflect – and be real about – what both people are personally bringing to the relationship. It most likely will be a mixture of good strengths along with some flaws.

    Each person needs to do their own self-work to ensure they are continually becoming a skilled “master” of their relationship, instead of being the “disaster” of the relationship.

    We’re truly either an asset or a liability to our partner’s heart and wellbeing.

    There are also a few issues many do not consider before marriage that my husband and I frequently hear while coaching:

    • a spouse influences their partner to “write off” or limit their spouse’s time with their spouse’s parents, siblings, or family…then a family member dies…then the spouse who was influenced becomes extremely bitter towards their spouse.
    • a spouse makes more money than one spouse and holds it over the lesser paid spouse’s head.
    • when children are born, a spouse compares their spouse to their own parents.
    • a spouse changes direction in their life without considering how it will affect their spouse (moving, going into missions, etc.)

    There are many reasons – too many reasons to count – why a marriage can fail. These questions are designed to eliminate possibilities for divorce.

    While reading this list, you may be tempted to point fingers, argue with your partner, or dish out blame. That is not the goal of this blog post. The questions are a great opportunity to reflect on what self-work needs to be done by each individual, and it may reveal deficits so you can make an overall decision to either work toward a happier, healthier, and much more fulfilling relationship – or discover that you (or they) may need to upgrade your/their value…or if you choose to stay together, upgrade the value of your relationship together.

    In any bad or challenged relationship, it is rare if it is just one partner’s fault. Both people need to take responsibility for their part and work toward creating a “team” mentality together. When my husband and I were repairing our marriage, I shared with him, “Well, we’ve already found out what doesn’t work for our marriage…let’s now focus on finding out what will work.”

    The truth is: marriage – just like all relationships – are work…sprinkled with love, times of joy, memories and purpose.

    If you’re experiencing a bad time in your relationship or marriage, or you’re in need of good, solid, unbiased advice, there’s no shame in seeking out a qualified and trusted pastor or marriage therapist. My husband and I went to several before we found one who we both liked who could genuinely help us. To this day, we still go to this therapist when we run into issues we can’t easily resolve. The best advice he’s given is, “Treat one another how you would want to be treated and seek to improve yourself!”

    When tempted to think that it’s all one partner’s fault, it’s best to consider the impact – both the good and the bad – both are contributing. As my husband’s and my marriage therapist always says, “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

    When my husband and I coach couples, usually one partner will initially drag their feet and truly dread it…until they realize they can custom create a marriage where they and their spouse both feel treasured and fulfilled.

    Your relationship and marriage is yours. You do not have to have a perfect marriage to be happy. You don’t even have to resolve every problem to get along and feel fulfilled. You are not required to pattern your marriage after anyone else’s marriage. You get the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make your marriage exactly what you both want it to be!

    Before reading this list, take a few minutes to pray. Ask God to speak to your heart and to guide and direct your life and relationship.

    Realize there are probably some of these that your partner and you are not favorably doing, and one or both of you may not be up to par. This list simply reveals what needs to be worked on.

    Some of these may be high priorities for you both as a couple…some may not be. Each relationship – especially a marriage – needs to be custom created by the couple. Parents, siblings, friends, etc. certainly care…and a couple should prayerfully consider and contemplate the advice and wise counsel of anyone who cares about them…but at the end of the day, both people need to take ownership of their relationship and do what works for them.

    My husband and I wouldn’t have suffered as much turmoil in our marriage had we discussed a list of questions like this before we got married. We pray this list truly helps others to avoid the heartache and grief we experienced for so long.

    Marriage is definitely a huge decision and commitment. And lifetime love, joy, purpose, and commitment are the goals — for both you and your partner!

    Things To Ask Yourself Before Taking Your Relationship To The Next Level:

    1. Is your partner into you…really into you? (Are you truly into them?)

    2. Do you both love, honor, & fear God? Is your relationship with God the top priority…individually and as a couple? Are you comfortable praying together and encouraging each other spiritually?

    3. How do you both treat your own family? How do you treat each other’s family? How does their family treat you…how does your family treat them? Do you both respect and love your families? Are you both under authority…or are you rebellious? Are you both capable of leaving and cleaving (even though you will still love and respect your parents and families)? Will you (and your partner) be able to set solid boundaries after the wedding so your spouse and marriage truly come first?

    4. Are they mature, responsible, compassionate, caring, and kind? Are they bent towards mercy in how they deal with others? (Are you?)

    5. Do they – and will they – handle hardship, grief, and stress well? (How do you think you handle these things?) If either of you were to prematurely die, can you trust and depend on them to be compassionate to your family and treat them well (and if there are children, will they be fair to your parents/family)…or would there be conflict? 80% of couples will divorce after the death of a child. How people handle grief and tough situations is more important than most realize.

    6. Do they protect, respect, and honor you? (Do you seek to protect, respect, and honor your partner?)

    7. Are they loyal, faithful, and will they truly put you first? (Are you truly wiling to do and be these, too?) Are they prone to cheating? Has a parent cheated? If a parent has cheated, there is a greater likelihood a child will cheat if they’ve failed to forgive their parent.

    8. Do they have a solid ability to communicate, process, and work out problems/issues and restore harmony in the relationship? Are they good at taking the initiative to work problems out? Will you truly have a partner who invests in the relationship to prevent issues? (Do you communicate and work problems out well? Do you invest in the relationship and do your part to prevent issues?) Are you both willing to learn new communication and relationship skills?

    9. How do they consistently treat their parents/family, waiters/waitresses, store clerks, pets, children, and others? (How do you treat others?) How a person treats their parents/family/others is a solid indicator of how they’ll eventually treat you.

    10. Will they be a good parent…and will you want your kiddos to be just like them once they’re grown? (Will you…and would you…want your future children to emulate your life/actions/habits?)

    11. Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges? Are they a peacemaker? Are they vindictive? Are they mature and work issues out…or do they resort to immature tactics such as throwing fits, cussing, sweeping issues under the rug, ignoring problems, or doing the silent treatment? (How do you handle forgiveness issues?)

    12. Do they have their finances in order and have a stable job/work history – do they quit easy? (How about you?)

    13. Are you (or they) controlled by any addiction or toxic behaviors? Will either of you have a hard life due to these issues?

    14. Do they have anger, bitterness, or attitude issues? Do they “make people pay”? (Do you?) Are they humble or prideful?

    15. Have they unpacked their “baggage” in life – the unprocessed baggage their parents (knowingly or unknowingly) passed down to them, as well as their own – and do they continually seek ways to grow and improve their self? (Have you taken – and do you continually take – the steps to do this?)

    16. Have you or they ever cheated in a relationship…and if either has a history of infidelity, did you/they learn from it? If someone has cheated and failed to self-reflect to figure out why, they have an overwhelming chance of cheating again.

    17. Do they respect sex and are they respectful towards you in this area? Do they respect boundaries on social media? Do they make inappropriate comments about the opposite sex? Do they use premarital sex to entice you so you overlook issues or fail to see their personal flaws? (Are you respectful in these areas? Do you do these things?)

    18. If you were ever disabled or diagnosed with a serious illness, how would they accept and handle that? (If your spouse became disabled or seriously ill, would you leave…or love them enough to stay?)

    19. Are they continually self-centered? (Are you?) Do they frequently talk about what they can get from you and others…or do they seek to give to others?

    20. How does your partner make you feel…and if nothing ever changes or improves, can you genuinely live with how things currently are? (How do you make your partner feel…and are you willing to do whatever is necessary to improve your relationship?)

    21. Do you have a good education, a trade, or skill set to provide for yourself – and any children – if the marriage ends or your spouse dies? (Are you committed to ensuring both you and your partner have this important ability?)

    22. Are you/they in love or in need? Getting married for financial purposes will bring problems and deep heartache – for both people.

    23. How do your parents/family feel about your partner? (How do your partner’s parents/family feel about you?) Are any of their concerns justified? Will your parents welcome your spouse after the wedding…will your spouse treat your parents/family fairly? Will you ensure that your parents/family loves and respects your spouse…and will you ensure that your spouse loves and respects your parents/family? You’d be surprised how many marriages end due to not ensuring basic love and respect by all parties.

    24. Is your partner genuinely good to you and are you genuinely good to them…and are you genuinely good for each other?

    25. Do you genuinely like them as a person? (Do they genuinely like you?)

    26. Do you have similar values, life goals, and beliefs? Are there any deal breakers?

    27. Do you have compatible ideas on the hot topics of marriage: religion, money, parenting, family, sex, chores/jobs/responsibilities?

    28. Do you have fun together, have a strong friendship, and genuinely enjoy each other? Do you value and celebrate each other on important “couple” holidays (anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc)?

    29. Are you attracted to your partner – spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.? (Is your partner attracted to you in these areas?)

    30. Do you and your partner make gratefulness and valuing each other a priority? Are you (they) more grateful or ungrateful? More valuing or demeaning?

    Hope these questions are helpful! Keep in mind these questions are not the gospel…they’re simply a tool for self-reflection and self-improvement.

    Rome wasn’t built in one day and neither are relationships. Marriages take a lifetime to grow and perfect!

    So, what if you read this list and are now discouraged?

    Here are a few resources I have personally found to be very helpful. Some are websites and some are videos. All are helpful for building relationships and self-improvement:

    • http://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember

    • https://saddleback.com/watch/how-to-build-a-love-that-lasts-a-lifetime/growing-a-love-that-lasts

    •http://www.focusonthefamily.com

    • http://www.life.church/media/from-this-day-forward/

    • https://saddleback.com/watch/the-purpose-driven-family

    • https://www.drphil.com/advice_categories/relationships-sex/

    • https://www.celebraterecovery.com

    • http://www.life.church/media/the-vow/

    •http://www.purposedriven.com

    • http://www.life.church/media/samson/

    •http://www.chazown.com

    •http://www.rickwarren.org/devotional

    • http://www.rejoicemarriageministries.com

    • http://www.familylife.com

    • https://www.gottman.com

    Marriage can truly last a lifetime and be one of the best experiences of your life!

    Your heart is one of the highest, most prized treasures you can give to someone. Give it to someone who will take good care of it!❤️

    Gratitude & blessings,

    Kim

    ©2018 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to help and encourage others by sharing our personal experiences we have gone through with our own personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or pastor for guidance andadvice.

    ⭐️⭐️⭐️Websites are not necessarily an endorsement. They are included for encouragement and informational purposes only.

    The Uniqueness of You & Your Goals 

    Jul6

    Everybody has had at least one goal.

    It may have been big or small…you may have created your goal when you were younger or older.

    The best thing about goals is how each goal is unique — and how each goal was created through unique circumstances. Even if two people have a similar dream, both goals are unique and will be accomplished differently. Each individual crafted their dreams and goals – and each goal or dream will contribute and positively effect each person’s family, friends, and sphere of influence.

    Since goals and dreams originate from each person’s individual life purpose, life experiences, influence, and perspective, it truly is uniquely wonderful and sweet when a person finally reaches their goal. It can greatly inspire everyone around them.

    I know of someone who was disappointed in life, so they made a goal to lose 100 lbs and to further their education. By the end of this year, they’ll have met their entire goal after years of hard work.

    Another person I know had a goal in their 20’s of owning a dance studio. Marriage and parenting took over – and even though they sure have enjoyed the last 20 years – they are now finally pursuing their forgotten dream.

    While growing up, I had some very strong goals and dreams. I had long forgotten about them…until I had a major health crisis last year.

    Some of the goals, I am incredibly happy I chose not to pursue them. They wouldn’t have been a good fit now. Other goals, I figured out that it’s not too late to accomplish them.

    Whether you’re a teenager, young adult, middle-aged, or elderly, we all have had dreams and goals. Some have met their dreams and goals head-on…others have neatly tucked them away in a closet of their heart.

    But did you know it’s never too late to pursue your goals and dreams? No matter what age you are, your goals and dreams – from the past or present – can be crafted, created, drafted, pursued, adjusted, improved, or completely changed so you can accomplish them…even if you already failed while trying to accomplish them.

    One of my friends had a dream and goal of getting married and having a large family. Growing up in a very small, and very chaotic dysfunctional family, she would dream of how awesome it would be to have a warm, happy home and family filled with love. Looking forward to the big holidays she would eventually have and enjoy…especially the whole family celebrating together…brought a smile to her heart. It was all she ever wanted.

    She eventually got married, and two months after the wedding, she had to have an emergency hysterectomy. With her hopes and dreams of a large family destroyed, her husband left her. Her dreams seemed to be forever crushed.

    She could have chosen to be deeply bitter…instead she chose to reconstruct her dream and is now helping children just like her. She is now a foster parent and has hosted dozens of children, who – like her – have lived in chaotic dysfunctional homes. She said she loves holidays and celebrations because she knows she is making a greater impact and difference.

    When we refuse to allow life to get the best of us during trials and challenges, new goals and dreams can be created and accomplished — some goals and dreams…when placed in God’s hands…will actually serve a bigger purpose, too.

    Earlier last year, I went through a major health scare. The radiologist suspected I had a very rare cancer…a cancer that only 5-15% survive. The odds didn’t look favorable.

    After thoroughly reading my medical reports, my very first thoughts were of how an illness would affect my family and my grief ministry. My next thoughts were about everything I wanted to experience and do in life…especially in my marriage, parenting, and family goals, spiritual/ministry goals, life-purpose goals, writing goals, health goals, travel opportunities, etc.

    After thinking about everything for a long while, I asked myself what lifelong goals I held in my heart that I never accomplished.

    When I thought about my loved ones, my life, and my goals…both childhood and current…life was greatly clarified for me. Crazy how when you’re faced with a major obstacle, loss, or illness, that’s when life, relationships, and choices become black and white…crystal clear.

    I also could clearly see how short life truly is…and how much of life is wasted.

    I couldn’t clearly tell what all was a waste or a foolish misuse of time…until I thought my time was about to run out.

    For me, God, family, friends, and my grief ministry was all that mattered ultimately. I also thought about future memories I might not get to be a part of and all of the experiences on earth I’d miss.

    Seriously think about the following and ask yourself which of these need pruning, improved, or prioritized in your life:

    • time
    • activities
    • relationships
    • money
    • opportunities
    • social media
    • computer/phone time

    I thought I was living a good, productive life, but when I was faced with potentially having 18 months to five years left on earth, it fiercely sifted my entire life — and everything in it. Being faced with a major illness showed me extreme truths about my life.

    I’m thankful the radiologist was wrong, but I will forever be grateful for the wake up call I was provided. While going through infusions, I used the time to truly think about life, as well as my relationships, goals, dreams, purpose, everything. It was an extremely eye opening, clarifying, and sometimes tough experience.

    Are you satisfied with life? Are there goals or dreams you regret not fulfilling? Are you wanting to make the world a better place for your loved ones and future generations?

    Think about your life.

    Think about your relationships.

    Think about your life purpose.

    Think about your goals.

    Think about your time.

    Think about your dreams.

    Deeply consider your legacy.

    At the end of your life, what will you want to look back on — and know you gave it your all? What is most important to you? Who is most important to you? What memories do you want your loved ones to have? How can you bless or inspire others?

    You have to ask these questions so you’ll better know how to live your life so you won’t waste it.

    For me, the answers were easy.

    When you’re faced with health issues or the end of your life, most will not care about how much money they have (or don’t have) in the bank, what kind of house they lived in or what kind of car they drove. You don’t care about past hurts. You don’t care about bills…schedules…calendars…or anything mundane or replaceable.

    You care about meeting God with a clear conscience, and you care about your loved ones, your legacy, and the difference you made. You care about the goals and dreams you accomplished that inspired others.

    Whether you are 13, 23, 33, 43, 53, 63, 73, 83, or 93, please consider all of your goals…your spiritual goals, your serious goals, your goals of helping others or making a difference, your relationship goals, and even your fun goals.

    You were created by God to fulfill a very specific purpose. Your influence, and all you bring to the table, is not replaceable. Whether you are healthy or sick, young or old, no matter the circumstances, if you have a heartbeat, then you have the powerful ability to create, pursue, reconstruct, or fulfill your goals and dreams.

    Your goals and dreams may be scary big or seemingly small…all can make a huge impact and difference. Especially to your loved ones.

    It’s never too late.

    Whatever goals or dreams you have, you truly can accomplish them with God’s help. I hope you choose to make a difference in others lives through your goals and dreams…and when you meet your goals, I hope you will celebrate with your loved ones.

    Here’s to the uniqueness of YOU & your individual goals and dreams. May God richly bless you and your goals!

    Gratitude & many blessings,
    Kim

    ©2017 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    A Vital Question To Periodically Ask Your Loved Ones

    Jun1

    With Grief Bites, I hear the worst of the worst of life stories and grief experiences every week.

    There are so many who are hurting.

    Anytime someone shares a tough life story or grief experience with me, I always ask if they have a trusted family member or friend who encourages them.

    So many times, the answer is, “I could never share what I’m going through with my family or friends”…they usually then add, “what would they think?”

    I want to encourage anyone reading this to make sure their family and friends are okay…because most of the time, when a loved one struggles, it just doesn’t always show up.

    I’ve recently began randomly asking family and friends a very important question — a question I’ve found to be much more important than I realized: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love and enjoy life right now?”

    I tell them they don’t need to explain their answer (unless they want to)…and the answers fluctuate between 2 all the way up to 9. I’ll tell you this though: anyone who has said a low number are those who I thought would say a much higher number.

    One friend, who was smiling and enjoying coffee with me before I asked the question, looked startled and broke down in quiet tears and replied, “2.” She then added, “I’m barely hanging on by a thread. I have a date written in my calendar to end my life if things aren’t better.”

    I realize now how important it is to make sure my family and friends are doing okay.

    (By the way, I thank my friend for allowing me to write about her answer and I’m thankful she’s receiving help).

    People go through a lot in everyday life…majority unseen:

  • •the spouse who is silently unhappily married. Their heart isn’t taken care of by their spouse and they feel like they lose another piece of who they are every single day.
  • •the parent who is at their wits end. Maybe they spend their days with toddlers who are headstrong…perhaps with teenagers who are rebelling and making life difficult…or maybe an adult child who lacks compassion, love, or respect. In-law issues can be hard. It may have gotten so bad that the parent/child relationship is seriously compromised or even completely estranged.
  • •the parents, spouse, or family who are going through a loved one’s addiction to alcohol, drugs, or other addictions. They desperately try to reach them…and can’t always do so.
  • •someone feels like they’re in a dead end career or job. Their earning power seems to have been maximized with no hope for financial improvement in the future. Maybe their boss makes their days miserable. Perhaps their company has the threat of going under and they don’t see potential anywhere else. They feel stuck.
  • •the person who had high goals, dreams, and worked hard to have a bright future…but as time has gone on, they see their dreams sifting through their hands like sand.
  • •someone is frustrated because it seems they do nothing except for work. Barely any downtime, rarely time to breathe, relax, or enjoy life or loved ones…they continually feel spent and exhausted. If they’re the primary breadwinner, they may even resent their spouse.
  • •the person who just received a poor medical diagnosis. They weren’t prepared to hear such bad news. They feel frustrated, fearful, heartbroken, perhaps even angry. Life feels totally unfair.
  • •someone suspects their spouse is being unfaithful, or they’re trying to keep their marriage and family together in the midst of a known affair. They feel all alone, like they are having to wear a mask for the sake of their family. Perhaps someone had an affair in the past, left their spouse and family, and they now have major regrets.
  • •the person who is dealing with issues of past abuse, past grief, or silent grief situations. It affects them to this day.
  • •the child who has a challenging relationship with a parent or stepparent. There just never seems to be any true improvement, disappointments are frequent, or the closure of a heartbreaking issue just doesn’t seem possible.

  • People just don’t like to air their hurts – the very contents of their heart – or their dirty laundry. People are intensely loyal to family members and they don’t want to appear like they don’t have it all together…so they suffer in silence. There are many around us who aren’t doing so hot, and they really don’t care to disclose what’s happening in their life or behind closed doors…even to their closest loved ones.

    The above scenarios are topics I hear frequently …and my heart sure does go out to anyone who is experiencing a tough life event.

    If you’re going through a hard time right now, please know there’s hope. Seek out the hope and help you need so you can experience better days. Your best days may not have even happened yet.

    Consider what your number is and consider periodically asking your family and friends the important question I shared earlier in this post:

    “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love and enjoy life right now?”

    It’s a good scale to ask ourselves and our loved ones … and it helps us know how we can encourage those we love best.

    Gratitude & blessings,

    Kim

    ©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance.

    It’s always better to: Creating A Great Life

    Dec29

    It’s always better to:

    •be too emotional than inauthentic 

    •be too deep than shallow

    •be too forgiving than bitter

    •be too loving than rejecting 

    •be too compassionate than hard-hearted 

    •be too giving than stingy

    •be too mercy-filled than unfeeling

    •be too kind than excluding

    •be too grateful than unappreciative 

    •be too responsible than negligent 

    •be too concerned than aloof

    •be too thoughtful than selfish

    •be too humble than arrogant

    •be too honest than deceitful 

    •be too mindful than careless

    •be too invested than regretful 

    •be too dependable than flakey

    •have too much character than to look back on life with heartache and regrets

    •to seek excellence in all you do than to succumb to mediocrity

    Excellence is attainable because excellence is achieved by developing your character.

    …And character either makes or breaks a person. 

    I’ve seen people mightily succeed – or horrifically fail – in their marriages, parenting, relationships with God and family, and also in their business and personal lives…just based on character alone.

    When people actively choose to cultivate and improve their character, they’re choosing to positively cultivate and grow success: in their relationships, in their goals, as well as every part of their life.

    Look at both the positive and negative character traits above and ask yourself – and allow yourself to truly see – where you need to improve.

    It’s always better to actively improve your character, heart, life, and the lives of others than to watch your life pass you by…or worse, to watch your life miserably fail – or your loved ones’ lives deeply hurt due to your poor choices. No one sets out to hurt their loved ones’ hearts or lives, but it happens all the time.

    God gives each of us the choice to either create a great life – or to choose a bad life. Whichever is chosen will reap either the blessings or consequences that will follow.

    It’s always best to get into the habit of being mindful of where our choices – big and small – will take us.

    When you look back on your life, you’ll be glad you made good character a high priority.

    Proverbs 22:1, “Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold.”

    Matthew‬ ‭12:35, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.”

    ‭‭Proverbs 28:6, “Better a poor man who lives with integrity than a rich man who distorts right and wrong.”

    So how do you develop character and create a great life? 

    • Read the Bible, especially Proverbs, and ask God to give you wisdom and understanding
    • Choose to make one good decision at a time
    • Always choose to do the next “right thing”
    • Realize life is about so much more than you…always put others first – especially God & family (family is the greatest training ground for character – they’re the only people on earth that God Himself intentionally placed you with…loving & serving them is the true litmus test of character – and sometimes, they can be the most difficult to get along with. You’ll be amazed how God will oftentimes promote you to the next level – especially in ministry – only after you learn how to genuinely love your spouse, children, parents, siblings, in-laws, etc.)
    • Love God and others with all of your heart
    • Choose to never intentionally hurt or harm others – and go the extra mile to prevent it
    • If you’ve messed up, clear your conscience by apologizing & asking for forgiveness from God and others…and by actively making it up to them and making restitution where necessary. Always ask yourself, “if someone hurt me the same way I hurt them, how would I want them to apologize and make it up to me?”
    • Research character traits and purposely develop one character trait each week or month (click here for a list: https://griefbites.com/2014/07/01/conflict-resolution-pt-3-75-character-qualities-that-can-change-your-life/ )
    • Expect a lot out of yourself in the areas of character, integrity, and how you treat others
    • Do unto others how you want done unto you
    • Develop empathy, compassion, and kindness
    • Quit judging others and have the courage to do your own self-work…and sort through your past and current baggage…so you’re a true joy to others

    Developing character and integrity is a lifelong journey. Enjoy every moment of it. It will be one of the most challenging endeavors of your life, but it will also be one of the most rewarding.

    Think of the difference you’ll make in not only your own life, but more importantly, in every life around you.

    You’ll look back on life, and be so very grateful for the great life you created.

    Your one beautiful, courageous, wild, marvelous, gorgeous life. Create wisely…you only get one!

    ©2016 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.


    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

    🌷

    Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #7

    Dec18

    Christmas week carries so many tough emotions for those who are grieving. Emotions such as heartache, fear, anxiety, dread, and bittersweetness can be overwhelming. It’s so important to allow family and close friends to help you and comfort you.

    Today’s tip for the holidays is:

    Allow yourself the gift of receiving help, comfort, love, and encouragement.

    • Allow people to hug you
    • Allow others to help you through your grief 
    • Allow others to run errands for you
    • Allow others to spend time with you
    • Allow others to make the holiday dinner if you don’t feel up to it this year 
    • Allow others to help you send out thank you notes for any kindness others have done or do
    • Allow others to help you shop
    • Allow others to comfort and encourage you
    • Allow those closest to you to know how you’re truly feeling and doing

    This is just a short list. Each person who grieves will know what they are comfortable – or uncomfortable – allowing others to do.

    Grief is extremely hard work. Be kind to yourself and others – and know that nobody fully has grief all figured out. Grief is like a puzzle and each griever has to figure out what pieces to use so they can rebuild their heart, life, and traditions. One of the puzzle pieces is allowing others to help, comfort, encourage, and offer you their love, condolences, encouragement, and support.

    Whatever help or encouragement you allow this holiday season, I truly hope your heart cared for and comforted.

    May everybody have a blessed Christmas week!

    Gratitude & blessings,
    🎄Kim

    ©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

    🎄❤️🎄

    An Important Prayer For Families & Marriages ~ Especially When Hurting

    Sep1

    As I was enjoying my quiet time with God today, He placed the importance of family on my heart. The information I’ll be sharing is vital – possibly even life & relationship changing – so get comfy in a chair and allow this to speak to your heart. This may be the most important post someone reads today. ❤️

    If short on time, please feel free to skip to the prayer in bold below.

    I once heard a quote: “Family isn’t just an important thing…it’s the most important thing.”

    As I’ve walked through grief and life challenges, I have found it to be truer than I ever thought. My family has loved me…encouraged me…carried me through tough times…cared enough to make the best memories with me…corrected me when I needed it…been there for me…they’re my absolute favorite people on earth.

    Family is a gift…an extraordinary gift…even if family members don’t always act like one (ourselves included). Families can hurt one another…get too busy…be thoughtless at times…or miss the mark. Any human relationship is flawed. That’s why we need God and prayer.

    Family. is. worth. it!

    Family (God, grandparents, parents, siblings, spouse, children, in-laws…yes, even out-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, etc)…are the precious people who have been personally chosen and handpicked by God Himself for us to do life with. To mistreat or reject them is to mistreat and reject God.

    But what if your spouse or family (or church family) has wounded your heart? What about the times a spouse or family member rejects, dishonors, or mistreats us? Let’s go deep and honest here: what about the times we’ve failed or hurt others, too?

    Just like marriage, family relationships are designed to make us more holy than happy…to build our character more than our comfort — ultimately, family is designed to make us more like Christ. We shortchange ourselves (and what God can accomplish in us and our loved ones’ lives) when we merely throw our hands up in the air and refuse to care or repair disagreements, hurts, or what’s been damaged or strained.

    Of course, God’s perfect design is for families to treat each other right…to bring each other joy…to live in harmony with one another…to learn from each other…to help one another…to comfort one another…be loyal to each other…to protect one another. Even the Bible says when someone continually causes conflict or hurts, this can separate even the closest of brothers. There are so many facets and responsibilities God has entrusted to us by giving us the gift of family.

    This includes making things right when we’ve done wrong. When we drop the ball of family, or fail in our responsibility – any gift in life has responsibilities – we can create a huge mess. In fact, conflict comes when we (or a family member) fails to do the above.

    Every problem in life, and even in the world, is directly because someone has failed to be responsible or failed to treasure, respect, love, or value God, another person, or themselves.

    Ultimately, when we fail to do our part (our responsibility in our God-given relationships) or we fail to care about God’s design for marriage or family, we truly can do a lot of harm to God’s heart and one another. Where there is conflict (or problems)…it is completely linked to not obeying or honoring God and His precious Word…and failing to treat others well.

    Even under normal circumstances, life and relationships can present normal challenges…but today, due to the pandemic, financial challenges, and the social/political climate we live in, marriages and families are going through even tougher times. It is so important to seek God’s help and deeply pray.

    There are true enemies of family and marriage these days…and the goal of the enemy is to kill, steal, and destroy God-given relationships … (John 10:10, Ephesians 6:12) … It is so important to realize the warfare at hand…or we can continually react to those we love best. Eventually, families and spouses can tear each other apart…even destroy one another…if wisdom and understanding are not applied (Galatians 5:15).

    We need to deeply realize: Conflict in marriage/family is spiritual warfare. Divorce is spiritual warfare. Problems with in-laws is spiritual warfare. Adultery is spiritual warfare. Rebellion is spiritual warfare. Not being respectful and responsible in your marriage and family relationships is spiritual warfare. Failing to genuinely love your spouse is spiritual warfare. Failing to make time for family is spiritual warfare. Choosing not to love, cherish, and put your children’s needs above your own is spiritual warfare. Addiction is spiritual warfare. Not loving, respecting, and honoring parents or family members is spiritual warfare.

    So how did everything get so messed up? One. choice. at. a. time. How does each spouse or family member repair the damage that has been done – and prevent future conflict and harm? Same thing – one. choice. at. a. time.

    It takes less time to get into a mess than it takes to clean it up…cleaning up relationships is rarely fun…but God will ask us to give an account one day of what we did with the gifts He blessed us with…especially how we treated Him and our loved ones.

    The choices we make – whether positive or negative – do make a huge impact…especially on our loved ones. Our attitudes…our words…our actions…how we treat one another…our character…it all carries blessings or consequences.

    We don’t live in a perfect world…so how do we create and maintain strong families and marriages when there are so many things fighting against this?

    “Life,” grief, busy schedules, and day-to day stress can place a tremendous amount of pressure on marriages and families. Conflict is at an an all time high. So how can marriages and families heal … and grow?

    Best line of defense – and offense – is prayer.

    Of course, action has to back up each prayer…but when we entrust our marriage and family to the Lord, He is faithful to enrich and sustain our relationships with those we love best. God loves us and is for us. He loves our family members more than we do. With God, all things are possible. Healing is possible.

    Today, let’s dedicate our families and marriages to Him…for His good purpose. Let’s commit to daily praying for our marriages and families (as well as our homes and churches).

    “Dearest Heavenly Father,

    We thank You so very much for the gift of marriage and family!

    Families and marriages are at an all time high of being attacked.

    Life has sped up…there are so many activities and things that compete with You, as well as marriage and family time. May we always choose wisely and put our relationships with You and family first. Absolutely first! Refine our priorities, activities, finances, and time so we always put You, our family, and the “best yes” above everything else. Show us the activities and things we need to rid our lives of to clear our schedules and improve our priorities…give us the grace we need to actually act on this and effectively do it.

    Help us to see what a tremendous gift You and family truly are. Help us to not only treat our spouse and family right…help us to greatly love and treasure them as You do. Help us avoid regrets.

    Help us to be so very mindful of the condition of our hearts…our actions…our words…our attitudes…our love level…our choices. Especially when it comes to our relationship with You and family.

    Please help us see the 90% of what’s right about our loved ones instead of focusing on the 10% of what may be wrong. Help us to see we are so in need of grace and mercy, too. Help us to pray for, speak, and encourage our loved ones’ potential instead of continually looking at or speaking their flaws. Help us to also be mindful that we are not perfect either…help us to be humble – take away our selfishness and pride – and fill us and our loved ones full of grace and the willingness to forgive.

    Convict our hearts when – actually before – we are about to disobey You, or hurt You or our family.

    Where there’s been conflict, May there now be harmony and genuine love.

    Where there’s been judgment, May there now be grace and sincere prayers going up to heaven for family members and the hard things they’re facing in life.

    Where there’s been backbiting or gossip, May there now be loyalty and encouragement – and deep prayers.

    Where there’s addiction, May there now be conviction, grace, sobriety and a making up of precious time that has been lost.

    Where there’s been any abusive behavior – spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, verbal, etc, May there now be repentance, tenderness, self-control, and kindness.

    Where there’s been hard-heartedness or rejection, May there now be sincere love, willingness to forgive, and acceptance.

    Where there’s been a disconnect, May there now be connection and a deep understanding of one another.

    Where there’s been a turning away from God and faith, May there now be a sold-out love and iron-clad full devotion to You.

    Where there’s been a lack of forgiveness, bitterness or resentment, May there now be mercy, grace, genuine concern, love, and forgiveness.

    Where there’s been dishonor or disrespect, May there now be honor and consideration for one another’s feelings.

    Where there’s been division, May there now be true restoration, peace and rich family fellowship.

    Where we’ve focused on the problems, May we now focus on the solutions.

    Where there’s been apathy or a lack of care, May there now be a willingness – a fervency – to do what’s right, love our family extravagantly, and care more than ever.

    Help each of us to fully understand the great value and extravagant gift of You and family! May we never take You or family for granted.

    Help us to choose our actions and words wisely – especially during hard times and when having tough conversations. Holy Spirit, guide our thoughts, actions, beliefs, and words.

    May each of us seek to obey You in how we love and treat You and one another. Help us to richly strengthen our God-given relationships and homes so they are a sweet aroma and blessing to Your heart.

    Heal us. Bless us. Equip us. Sustain us. Build up all of our relationships with You and our family members.

    May we seek to be a blessing and a source of love and encouragement in everything we do.

    Ultimately, help us to see that all conflict originates from a lack of, a flawed, or hurting relationship with You…and that family and marriage conflict harms not just us, but Your reputation. Give us an abundant amount of wisdom and grace to be right with You! You are our greatest treasure! Never allow us to make our loved ones an idol or place them in front of You! Forgive us for the many times we’ve placed loved ones, activities, goals, or things above You. Life is meaningless if we don’t have You in it! May we first and foremost heal our relationship with You and love and deeply treasure You above all!

    We look forward to seeing how You will “work all things together for our good” in our relationship with You, our marriages and families as we seek Your heart, trust You, and love You most.

    Please abundantly bless each person who is praying for their family today! Please answer their heart’s cry and prayers. We ask You to heal, restore, and do more than we can ask, think, or imagine!

    We love You so much and ask all of these things in Jesus’ precious name, Amen!”

    To all who are reading this, God’s got you! He’s got your loved ones! He loves you and your loved ones so very much!

    Praying God richly blesses you and your loved ones today!

    Here are a few other blog posts on conflict resolution to encourage your heart:

    10+10=2? 20 Questions To Begin Conflict Resolution (Pt. 1)

    Conflict Resolution During Grief Pt. 2

    Conflict Resolution (Pt 3)- 75 Character Qualities That Can Change Your Life

    Important Questions To Powerfully Change & Transform Your Life & Regrets Daily

    43 Ways To Delight In God

    https://griefbites.com/2021/10/07/what-to-do-in-tough-situations-when-youve-done-all-you-can/

    Perhaps you’re reading this today and you’d like to get to know God better. Maybe you’d like to make peace with God and allow Him to make a difference in your heart, your marriage, or your family. He’s made all the difference in my life! Please allow me to introduce you to my Best Friend: http://www.peacewithgod.net

    Gratitude & blessings,

    Kim

    PS – It would be irresponsible of me to not say: Certainly, if there is blatant disregard or legitimate abuse, it is important to seek wise counsel from a pastor or Bible-based therapist to help create wise boundaries. There is a big difference between someone doing evil and normal human/family error. I believe 99% of issues can be worked out…and with God’s help, can be worked out…but nobody should subject themselves to anything illegal or harmful. If there is sexual or physical abuse…addictions…anything that could put someone in jail…legitimate safety concerns…or ongoing adultery…that’s never to be overlooked, ignored, or condoned. Seeking help is much needed.

    ©2021 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

    An Important Hidden Key To Massive Spiritual Growth & Improving Relationships – Especially During Hard Times

    Apr6

    When I first met my husband, I can still remember my very first thoughts I had about him.

    My sister had been seriously dating a young man and we had just gotten word he had been in a horrible car accident. After finding out my sister’s boyfriend had to be life-flighted to a specific hospital, we wasted no time in getting there.

    And that’s when I saw my husband for the very first time … in the emergency room.

    As I was comforting my sister…I saw him – all 6’3 of him – walk into the ER.

    I was instantly mesmerized.

    He was the best looking guy I had ever seen, y’all.

    And I must’ve looked at him longer than I thought because my sister looked at me and said, “seriously, Kim?”

    Nobody had to tell me to be drawn to my hubby in that ER…or to want to get to know him. And as he looked at me, I somehow knew he would become an important part of my life.

    Now I must say…I was not looking for love.

    …I don’t believe in love at first sight.

    …I hadn’t dated anyone in over a year.

    …And a relationship was definitely not something I was seeking at the time.

    My heart had been deeply hurt the year before, so I had completely sworn off relationships and marriage. My plan was to never get married while continuing my college education with the goal of becoming a pediatric cardiologist. A life of singleness forever. Blissfully helping others. And I was very, very happy, comfortable, and content with that decision.

    …But God had other plans.

    The very first weekend after the accident, just a few days after I saw my husband for the first time in the ER, my husband and I went on our first date.

    My sister’s boyfriend (who I would later find out was my husband’s cousin) ended up being in the hospital for an entire year.

    Throughout the year at the hospital, my husband and I would go to the hospital coffee shop together and we’d talk while we were waiting in the ICU waiting room.

    We talked about everything…life, God, family, friendship, mutual friendships we shared, sports (he’s an amazing basketball player), movies, music, the Bible, our life experiences while growing up, college, heartaches, past relationships we had been in, current events, what we loved about life, future goals and dreams, where we wanted to travel…everything.

    Slowly, my heart began to melt and I began to think about dating and marriage differently.

    As we continued dating, talking, and spending time together, my husband eventually opened my heart back up.

    As we headed out on a date, I asked him what was the plan for the evening. He suggested we elope that night. He asked me to marry him after three weeks of dating (his spontaneity is one of my favorite things about him)…although we didn’t elope that night, we did get married a few years later. We had become very close due to spending hours together every day at the hospital – and also due to a hidden key that I believe is the most vital ingredient to any relationship.

    The hidden key to the openness and growth we experienced is the exact same key to how we’ve weathered massive grief and storms in our 28 years together.

    It’s the same hidden key that allowed me to experience incredible, explosive, extremely meaningful spiritual growth with God.

    This special Hidden Key is what sustained us after my sister’s boyfriend died after that hard year in the hospital…and when my sister died three weeks later…when our son was diagnosed with tumors…illnesses…deaths…grief events…a midlife crisis…disagreements…etc. It has sustained us our entire marriage.

    More importantly, this hidden key is the very thing that has grown my relationship with God and has sustained me through debilitating grief.

    I previously used to think the best way to grow close to God and His heart was to read the Bible…to pray…to memorize scripture…to attend church.

    Sure, these are definite ways to grow close to God. They’re absolutely vital and necessary too…but they’re only part of the equation.

    Growing up, I did all of the above. My mom worked at the church we attended so we were frequently there – especially every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday night. My mom made sure we knew our Bible frontwards, backwards, and in between. My siblings and I took Bible memory classes, participated in Bible drills, and prayed everyday.

    I had the head part down…but I lacked the heart part.

    After a few grief events crashed into my life, I didn’t have the ability – the important hidden key – to grow through my grief.

    To be honest, I turned pretty bitter for a season of about 6 years…so bitter that it transitioned into deep rebellion. I count these years (12-17 years old) to be the most wasted years of my life.

    Toward the end of these 6 years, my parents and sister asked if I would attend a seminar with them…and for the first time, everything I heard made sense to me. The heartache. The grief. Everything I had been through.

    I found the hidden key to getting through grief and trials…and (what I believe to be) the greatest key to spiritual growth.

    Whether it’s spiritual growth with the Lord or growing in any human relationship, it’s vital if you’re going to be close:

    Enjoyment.

    Genuinely enjoying God and others.

    With God, it’s sincerely and genuinely enjoying His presence.

    Talking to God…sharing the deepest waters of your heart, mind, spirit, and soul…diving in deeply…spending precious time with Him…finding out what He loves and enjoys…and looking forward to each and every moment with Him. This has greatly impacted – it has been the greatest impact – for my close relationship with God. Enjoying Him, His love, and His presence.

    It’s not hard to enjoy God because He is incredibly enjoyable. He also gives us lots of practice with loved ones on earth.

    Example:

    I genuinely enjoy and love my time with my family. I love spending time with them, going out to eat and watching sports together, singing in the car together (everything from Hillsong/praise music, Broadway musicals, Spice Girls, to Red Hot Chili Peppers), traveling together, having bible studies together, and talking about God, music, world and current events, and politics together.

    Enjoying God is super easy. If you’re not sure how to begin doing that…whatever you do with loved ones, do similar activities with God.

    In dating relationships and marriage, you can do all of the “correct” things. You can go through all the right motions. You can have all the intelligence in the world…you can have or create great wealth…you can do all of the chores in your household…you can be the hottest thing since sunburn…but if you and your partner don’t genuinely enjoy each other, the relationship will eventually fold, become massively stale and boring, or evaporate altogether.

    The same is true with our relationship with God. We can do all the “right things”: read the Bible…memorize scripture…pray…go to church…etc…but if we don’t genuinely enjoy God and His presence, our relationship with Him has the danger of becoming stale — and worse, merely optional…especially when hard times hit.

    There’s just something about enjoying God and creating a fantastic loving friendship with Him that makes the greatest difference in your spiritual walk.

    Enjoyment is where you find the heart of God.

    I’ve written on my blog about delighting in God, but enjoyment dives much deeper than delighting.

    What if, like me (how I described not being interested in a relationship when I saw my hubby earlier in this post)…what if something has happened in your life and a relationship with God is a turnoff to you?

    You may be mad at God. You may be thinking, “this chick is crazy.”

    I encourage you to dive in…headfirst. God loves you and wants you right where you are.

    I’m frequently asked how I’ve weathered so much grief…how I’m not bitter.

    The hidden key is loving and enjoying God…experiencing a deep intimacy and enjoying a very rich relationship with Him.

    It makes all the difference in the world.

    When you enjoy God, you learn to trust God.

    Today, consider how you can create and enjoy a deep relationship of enjoyment with God.

    Like I said…it’s very similar to how we develop strong relationships with our loved ones. Just like how we thoroughly enjoy and build our relationships with our children, families, and friends, we can truly enjoy God even more.

    Nobody has to tell us how to enjoy our loved ones. With God, it’s so much stronger.

    …It’s a brilliant, vibrant, most loving friendship that infuses every fiber of your being.

    …It changes, challenges, and lovingly molds every ounce of your heart. Over and over.

    …It’s the best relationship you’ll ever experience in your entire lifetime. Nothing can compare to God.

    …It develops a trust and bond like no other.

    And it all starts with getting to know God for yourself…and finding – and continually creating – ways to thoroughly enjoy Him.

    Francis Chan once said that our ability to know and understand God is the equivalent of God being the entire ocean…and our ability to know and understand God is a mere thimbleful of water in comparison.

    I want more of God than just a thimbleful…I want to experience God as much as I can. I want to know, love, enjoy, and understand God as much as possible so that when I finally meet Him face to face…I can know, love, enjoy, and understand Him even more.

    You may be wondering, “what does a typical day of enjoying God look like? How can I enjoy God?”

    God is in every detail of the entire day. There are so many opportunities and ways to enjoy God!

    A few examples:

    •God is my very first thought in the morning as I enjoy the start of my day with Him. I make my coffee and prepare my senses to thoroughly enjoy God (coffee drinkers: Wolfgang Puck’s Jamaican Me Crazy is a current favorite…smells sooo great!). I start my time of enjoying God through communicating about the upcoming day as I pray. I then ask God how He’s doing, how I can serve Him that day, and simply enjoy His Word, His heart and His presence.

    •Next, I begin a more in-depth prayer time and ask for God’s perfect Will to be done in my life, my family and extended family’s lives, and everywhere in the world. I share everything that’s on my heart and mind and ask for God’s direction. I then pray more specifically for my loved ones, my authority figures, my local, state, and national leaders, my pastors, all pastors and church staff everywhere, all churches, and everyone I minister online to in the Grief Bites family.

    During times of occasional conflict, I’ll pray for that situation and also for anyone involved. I have found that when I have conflict with “life” or others, it’s a great opportunity to not just look horizontally at the problem between me and the situation or other person…it’s an incredible opportunity to look at the situation vertically and see if I am doing the same things/offenses to God or others. This has greatly helped me to resolve life’s conflicts, enjoy God during life’s storms, and seek God throughout difficulty…and not become bitter. Every situation we go through in life is to be looked at vertically as we enjoy God’s instruction and feedback … There is massive spiritual growth in that! I seek God’s heart through every life situation – all of the good and all of the bad – and find new ways to love, obey, and enjoy God through it all.

    •I talk to God quietly in my heart and have an ongoing conversation with Him throughout the entire day. If something good happens, I thank Him. If something bad happens, or something irritates or annoys me, I share that with Him too – and ask Him how to best respond to difficult situations. I share my day with Him – everything – and continually try to create an ongoing conversation and relationship of enjoyment with God throughout the day. I greatly enjoy my friendship with Him.

    •I pray at mealtimes and thank God for providing for me. When I spend time with family and friends, I thank Him for the splendid gift each person is to me. If I use an appliance or anytime I use water, drive my car, listen to music, watch TV, or use heat or the AC, I thank Him for it. Anything…everything…we have, it’s evidence of God’s goodness. Every experience of every single day is a great opportunity to talk to God, enjoy His goodness, and extravagantly thank Him. We are so blessed to have and enjoy so many exquisite gifts from Him…my goal is to enjoy God, be grateful, and never take Him, His blessings, anyone, or anything for granted.

    •In the afternoon, I’ll make some hot tea, and relax with God and talk to Him about the day…life…prayer requests…future hopes/dreams/goals.

    •As I cook dinner, I talk to God and ask Him to help me see life and situations from His perspective.

    •When I exercise, I carry on a conversation with God about family situations or any character quality or fruits of the Spirit I’m currently working on and developing in my life. Sometimes, I’ll talk about work, too.

    •In the evening, I’ll usually read a devotional and talk to God about what I’ve read.

    •I close my night by talking to God about the day and the upcoming day…I also pray for loved ones and anyone or anything else that’s on my heart. If I’m reading or meditating on a particular Bible verse, I’ll talk to God about it and ask Him to help me understand it better. Closing the day with God is an extravagant treat. How incredible is it that God…the Maker and Creator of everything and everyone…wants to spend time with us, love us, enjoy us, and talk to us? What an incredible privilege!

    •Do a themed Bible study and genuinely get to know God’s heart. I’ve done studies on specific topics, and it truly makes the Bible come alive. The Bible goes from being something great to read…to truly breathing life into you. It encourages your heart…instructs you…helps you…molds you. And it is so very applicable. The life stories illustrated in the Bible vibrantly come alive. I’ve done specific studies on so many great topics – God’s names in the Bible, the fruits of the Spirit, wisdom, love, friendship, how to treat family, grief, health, how negative emotions can affect health, character studies, marriage, parenting, money, time management, fear, sorrow, trusting God, suffering, how to grow through trials, forgiveness/bitterness, alcohol, the best ways to live life, joy, success, how the Bible applies to current events…so many great topics. The Bible is packed with God’s love, revelation, rhemas, encouragement, and instruction. It’s the ultimate interactive Book. Reading 5 chapters of Psalms and 1 chapter of Proverbs every day…and then allowing the Bible to fall open to any given chapter is one of my favorite ways of reading and enjoying God’s Word. It’s applicable each and every day. Not a day goes by that God’s Word doesn’t convict my heart, instruct me, and wrap it’s pages around my heart. You find out what God loves…what God dislikes…what His plans are…what brings His heart joy…what brings His heart grief…how to develop a rich friendship with Him…all God has done — and what is to come. You find the heart of God so you can better enjoy Him. The Bible is an extraordinary, extravagant, priceless gift! If you want to do a really cool themed Bible study, do one over the words ‘enjoy’ and ‘enjoyment.’ You’ll be very surprised what God says. He talks about enjoyment a lot. God created us to enjoy Him and life!

    •I go on weekly “outings” with God. He’s my absolute favorite to enjoy life with. Throughout life, we are only guaranteed two lifelong relationships: our relationship with God and our relationship with our own self. Our relationship with God is all of the ways we interact with and enjoy Him. Our relationship with our self is every facet of developing our character, spiritual growth, and any other way God wants to develop us. I enjoy my outings with God so very much! Sometimes, I’ll go to a restaurant and just enjoy a meal with God as I talk to Him silently in my heart. Other times, I’ll go to our local zoo, aquarium, park, nature trail, or drive out by the water, and just talk with God as I enjoy His amazing, beautiful creation. Every year, during the Christmas season, I get some hot chocolate, listen to soft Christmas music, and drive around looking at lights as I talk to God in my heart. Another time, I spent a day at Disney World just with God. As I rode rides and ate at a favorite restaurant in the park, I just thoroughly enjoyed that amazing, fun experience alone with God. Later that evening, I found a quiet spot to enjoy watching the Magic Kingdom’s fireworks, and ended the day by praying, as I watched the sky beautifully light up. Many times, I’ve just gotten a cup of coffee and watched the sunset as I enjoy God and His presence. I love to play praise music and thoroughly enjoy worshipping Him. Recently, I asked God where He’d like to go on a lunch date. The very next second, I received a text message with a coupon to a local ice cream store. This specific ice cream store only has a drive thru, so I ordered my ice cream and sat in the car and spent time with God. This year has brought a few serious grief situations, and I also recently found out that a good friend was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. March-June were extremely hard months due to several situations. As I sat in my car eating ice cream, I poured my heart out to God about these situations and worked through some tough emotions… deep sadness… hurt… worry… fear… deep concern for my friend and her precious children and husband. I also prayed for all of my family. It was a much needed time with God in prayer and enjoying His love, comfort, encouragement, and presence. Enjoying God isn’t just for the good times…it is also for the hard times in life. That’s when the enjoyment becomes most real. I thoroughly enjoy God, spending time with Him, and finding ways to know and love – and enjoy – Him better through every opportunity and situation in life.

    As I was growing up, I was taught (by my parents and our church) to read the Bible, pray, attend church, memorize scripture, do nice things for others, and serve God… These things are great, but they really didn’t help my growth with God to explode. I could do all of these things in action, but it didn’t necessarily mean I had a solid relationship with God – or a heart change.

    It was only when I learned how to thoroughly enjoy God (getting to know God for myself…find His true heart by looking at the Bible as a personalized interactive experience…do special themed Bible studies…learn how to thoroughly enjoy His heart and presence)…that is when I had a head-on collision with God’s love and goodness.

    The hidden key to exponential spiritual growth is absolutely enjoying God.

    What ways can you begin to enjoy God, or further enjoy God, today?

    Think of some cool things you can do to build your friendship with God. Breathe Him in deeply. Love Him. Delight in Him. Purposefully seek to see His goodness. Ask and allow Him to change your heart. Never let go during the hard times…when you go through deep grief or after you sin, fail, or make a huge mistake, that’s when you need Him the most. Seek to enjoy God every single day!

    Thoroughly enjoy God! He is waiting for you with open arms.

    Enjoy this upcoming time of massive spiritual growth.💕

    Here are a few past blog posts of how to delight in God:

    https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/

    https://griefbites.com/2015/12/27/delighting-in-god/

    https://griefbites.com/2016/04/03/delighting-in-god-through-trialspart-2/

    Gratitude & many blessings,

    Kim

    ©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance.

    Mourning Someone Who Is Still Alive: 10 Ways To Weather The Storm

    Mar20

    Most grief recovery efforts naturally include helping grievers to mourn loved ones who have died…but what if the person you are mourning is still alive?

    To have once enjoyed a great, solid, rich relationship with a loved one—and then no longer have a good relationship (or to then have a drastically changed relationship or no relationship at all)—this terribly and horribly breaks a heart in a very unique, painful way.

    When drastic change occurs, or a difficult situation or relationship develops, it can cause excruciating heartache, loss, and sadness. It truly can feel as though someone you deeply love has died, and you are forced to go through a silent funeral inside of your heart every single day.

    There are many reasons why this can happen:

    • Spouses commit adultery or file for divorce, or a significant other leaves or betrays you
    • Children react to parents due to divorce or co-parenting challenges…sometimes parents react back
    • A parent has an affair or gets remarried and then chooses to distance or remove themselves from the relationship with their child(ren)
    • Children react to an adulterous affair a parent had or children react to how the affair victim/parent handled an affair
    • A loved one battles debilitating mental illness, severe depression, dementia, Alzheimer’s, or a loved one goes through the longterm effects of a traumatic brain injury or serious injury— and these circumstances completely change the dynamics of the relationship
    • Parents react to children and children react to parents on “life” issues, moral decisions, or spiritual issues
    • A parent, step parent, or other family member spitefully pits a child, parent, step parent or family member against one another
    • Custody or visitation issues, foster care challenges, or family conflicts cause deep heartache…even estrangement
    • Spouses return home deeply wounded emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally from serving in the military…or spouses betray the spouse who is away serving
    • A spouse, child, or family member goes through a serious medical challenge, experiences deep grief, or another terrible life event or life challenge and they drastically change or become a completely different person
    • Parents abandon their children, and/or children rebel against or abandon their parents
    • Siblings, or other family members, deeply change and are no longer close
    • A family member battles addiction—or another stronghold or wrong thinking—and you can’t get through to them
    • Relationship issues due to mistreating or reacting to one another…and one or both people aren’t willing to repair or improve things
    • An adult child can enter into a romantic relationship (or marriage) and their parent doesn’t approve or isn’t willing to respect their child’s partner, spouse, and/or marriage…or vice versa
    • Friendships heartbreakingly dissolve
    • Physical, mental, or emotional abuse issues create hardships, family division, and heartache
    • A family relationship, friendship, or church relationship dissolves due to a betrayal, a lack of understanding, conflict, or deep hurts
    • Family members or in-laws are mistreated due to another family members/in-laws dysfunction
    • Bitterness and an unwillingness to forgive or work on the relationship takes root
    • Some sever ties to “make a point” or to intentionally inflict heartache in reaction to their own pride or pain
    • A family member becomes a prodigal
    • A sibling, parent, child or other family member marries someone who isn’t respectful of sibling/parent/child/family relationships…so to avoid arguing with their romantic partner, they choose to “keep the peace,” and choose their significant other over longterm relationships…or a parent chooses their significant other over their children
    • Ultimately, a lack of respect, genuine love, honor, boundaries, and commitment – and ultimately a lack of good character – can wreck major havoc on relationships and families
    • Lots and lots of other reasons

    Anytime a relationship changes for the worse, abruptly changes, or becomes fractured or shattered, it is very, very painful. And many times, the result is to feel helpless, as though you have run out of options.

    When this happens, what can you do?

    1. Pray. Pour your heart out to God and ask for Him to intervene in the relationship and situation. Pray God touches your loved ones heart…pray God will show them a deep love for them, Him, (and you), and conviction for any sin that is in their life. Pray God pours His love, kindness, and provision into their life…anything that will help them to realize how much God and you love them.
    2. Possibly prepare for God to ask you to make a change or to do something uncomfortable.
    3. As much as depends on you, apologize and ask for forgiveness for your part…knowing that the other person may never humble their self by apologizing back to you.
    4. Place your loved one and the entire situation in God’s Hands….and take your hands off (and out of) the situation. Realize God can do more in one MOMENT than you could ever hope to do in an entire LIFETIME.
    5. KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN…meaning, do the right thing and choose to show genuine love no matter what. Take the higher ground. Be completely loving, Christ-like, and kind. Close your mouth (this can be very hard to do!) and do your God-given responsibilities. This will be extremely hard, but remember: God’s got this! He needs for you to reflect His character, love, and glory. It will be very helpful to memorize and recite these scriptures when you’re tempted to put your hands back in the situation or for the times you’re tempted to not keep your nose clean: Exodus 14:14, Ephesians 6:11-13, 1 Samuel 17:47, Psalm 34:18. This does NOT mean be a doormat, but for God to accomplish His greatest work, it’s very important to get out of God’s way and to fully obey God.
    6. Seek and find what helps to heal your heart. It might be going to therapy, talking to a pastor, or working through all of the emotions and grieving through your tough situation.
    7. Have faith and fully expect God to work in the situation. It may or may not be how you had in mind, but God will definitely be working in the situation (and working out the best outcome) as you genuinely trust in Him to do so.
    8. Ask God to provide you with a strong, loving support system: trusted family, trusted friends, trusted pastors/counselors, trusted support groups/biblical community…keyword here is TRUSTED. To get through the toughest times in life, a strong support system is vital. Accountability partners can also be very important. Work on yourself and do your own self-work with the Lord’s help. Consider your individual relationship with the Lord, your joy and life purpose apart from the situation, consider your part in the situation, look soberly at your own faults and possible blind spots – both in and out of the situation, and seek to improve yourself as you love and serve God to the fullest as you wait on Him. (Psalm 46:10, Matthew 6:9-15, Matthew 6:33-34, Proverbs 3:5-6)
    9. . There is a huge difference between peacemaking/compromise and allowing yourself to be manipulated/degraded. God never made anyone to be a doormat. For a relationship to be healthy, both people need to do the right thing. Relationships are like a swinging door… If it’s constantly opening for one person, but slamming shut in the other persons face, that’s never going to work long-term. Be careful allowing yourself to be degraded instead of creating healthy compromise. If genuine repentance and change do not occur, you’re always going to have conflict. It will just be a different situation and a different circumstance. Heart change is needed for lasting results... otherwise you’re just putting a Band-Aid on something that they’re gonna rip off and hurt you again.
    10. Delight in God (Psalm 37:4). When we go through hardships, it becomes easy to become impatient, worry, have anxiety, or become fearful or bitter. We can even be tempted to doubt God’s goodness or become greatly upset with Him. God has a better way! Delight yourself in God, learn to trust and lean on Him, and extravagantly love Him as He carries you through your grief and the storm you are in the middle of. He knows your heart, loves your heart (and knows and loves your loved one’s heart!), and no matter what happens in your situation, He will carry you, heal your broken heart, and love you back to life…no matter what! He will NEVER leave you!! In fact, other than our relationship with our own self, God is the ONLY relationship we are guaranteed to continually have here on earth. We can NEVER lose His love!
  • Allow God to positively change your heart through the process…and whether your situation or relationship changes for the better or not…eventually use your situation to wisely help and encourage others. You are going to be an absolute TREASURE to someone else who will be walking through a similar tough relationship situation. Learn as much as you can through your situation TODAY so you can encourage and help others in the present or FUTURE. God never wastes grief. There is always good that can grow out of it.

    • Whatever situation or relationship you are grieving or experiencing deep heartache in, please realize there is hope! I agree with you in prayer for God to heal, encourage, and help you and your loved one(s) through whatever you are going through. I pray God works mightily in each relationship, heart, mind, spirit, and situation! If a positive outcome is not possible due to a permanent, toxic, or debilitating situation, I pray God grants you the gifts of grace and His peace that passes understanding…and the ability to truly press forward and heal. God DOES love you, He greatly values you, and He already knows how He plans to help you – and every situation of grief you are facing or will ever face!

    Even if a relationship never finds peace or reconciliation again, realize it does NOT diminish your value. Before you were ever a family member, spouse, child, parent, or a friend, you were God’s. He will always unconditionally love you, because you are totally valuable and “enough” to Him. Yes, you will go through incredible heartache if reconciliation does not take place, but God will be there for you every single day—especially on your toughest days!

    There is always hope and your life is precious! Please never forget that!❤️

    Gratitude, healing, love, & many blessings,
    Kim

    ©2016 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

    🎄❤️🎄

    3 Questions To Ask Yourself For The Best Relationships Possible

    Jan1

    Life is a series of choices. One of the most important decisions we’ll ever make is the choice about the kind of person we want to be.

    If we were to die today, how would we be remembered? Would we be remembered as:

    • a campfire who everybody gathered around for light, insight, & warmth?
    • a bright ray of sunshine who was fun & made everybody laugh?
    • a family member who didn’t value, love, or appreciate other family members?
    • a raging lunatic who everyone saw as a walking time bomb?
    • a person who was always there to offer encouragement?
    • someone who showed hospitality and made everyone feel welcomed, loved, and included?
    • a selfish person who made everybody feel stressed, unvalued, & miserable?
    • a mediocre or timid person too scared to take risks?
    • a source of comfort and strength for the broken?
    • an arrogant, exclusive, snobby person who made others feel unwanted or beneath them?
    • a source of loving encouragement who made others feel they could truly do something remarkable with their life?
    • a big ball of energy who loved life & everyone made great memories with?
    • a person who made promises but rarely kept their word?
    • a person who sucked the life out of others?
    • a person who was helpful and hardworking?
    • a person who was a negative influence, bad role model, or who encouraged or enabled sin, poor decisions, or addictions?
    • a materialistic person who put money & possessions before relationships?
    • a flaky person with no stability or follow through?
    • a person who caused drama or pitted family members against each other?
    • a person of great moral character who others could depend on and learn from?
    • a person who was too busy to genuinely care?
    • someone who took the time to love others back to life after hardships?
    • a person who made mistakes, but changed it all one day to become a person who greatly loved & honored others?

    When I was a senior in highschool, I had the best family relations teacher. She didn’t just teach from the usual curriculum, she branched out and taught from resources she knew would be genuinely useful to us in life.

    One of those resources happened to be a video series from Dr. Gary Smalley.

    As I watched and intently listened to each fantastic video, one stood out. It was a teaching on showing great Honor to others.

    Dr. Smalley basically said to treat each person as though they were the only person in the room…and to not just stop there but to treat your loved ones better than royalty—to be in absolute awe and wonder that you get the incredible, precious privilege of being a part of each of your loved ones lives.

    He also shared that it starts with just one person choosing to show their loved ones honor. It wasn’t contingent on anyone or anything else.

    I grew up in a home where we were very close and loved each other. Both of my parents were great role models to me on how to show others honor, and Dr. Smalley’s video made an incredible impact in my heart and life, too.

    I began to realize how everything I did in life—and especially how I treated my loved ones—had the powerful ability to affect everyone I (and they) came into contact with.

    Family. Friends. Co-workers. Church family. Neighbors. The employees at businesses and restaurants I frequented…Everyone.

    With each interaction I had, I could leave people in much better condition if I treated them with great honor, or worse condition if I chose differently — all depending on my attitude and honor.

    I began by purposely treating my family better. I’d stop by after school and buy my mom one of her favorite treats…a flavored bagel with honey & almond cream cheese, or I’d surprise her with flowers “just because.” I’d go out of my way to be kind to my siblings and make them homemade cards or bake them treats. I’d randomly treat my friends to ice cream, write them a note to encourage them, or pay for their lunch. If I ordered food from a fast food reastaurant, I’d go out of my way to be nice and ask the worker how their day was. I told all of my teachers, “Thank you,” for all they had taught (and were teaching) me and began to listen in class as a way of honoring their hard work and time they were investing in me. I’d surprise my dad by mowing the lawn, do my mom’s hair and makeup for her, or go grocery shopping to help out. With my mom’s encouragement and help, I’d also buy my teachers gifts around each holiday. I began to look forward to honoring others and doing special things for loved ones.

    With every choice I made to honor others, the better I felt. Life became much more rewarding and I felt I was making a difference. It was an amazing feeling to know I could bring others happiness or brighten their day. Honoring others felt much better than being shallow or selfish.

    After the video series, my teacher asked each of us, “How do you want to be remembered?” She explained she gave us some great information, but the info on the videos would only prove to be valuable if we chose to implement it. Ultimately, we needed to decide if we would choose to be an honorable person who chose to honor others as a lifestyle.

    Words cannot express how grateful I am to Mrs. W. for pouring into me my junior and senior years of highschool. Her investment in my life caused me to value my parents, family, and friends so much more…and this also positively impacted (in the future) my parenting and marriage. To this day, I greatly treasure my loved ones!

    I am thankful for the two questions I was asked many years ago that had such a fantastic, life-changing impact:

    “How do you want to be remembered?”

    “How can you show great honor & love to your loved ones each day?”

    We ALL leave a legacy…whether we like it or not. Whether we’re intentional or not.

    We ALL are known by our personalities, passions, and choices. We ALL leave our unique personal mark…our “brand”…on EVERYONE around us.

    The cool thing is, it is never too late for each of us to leave a better legacy than the one we are currently living.

    Through honor, we ALL have the powerful ability to choose what legacy we’ll be leaving.

    Think of who you TRULY want to be and then take the necessary steps to make it happen.

    What if you feel you’ve already monumentally messed up?

    Put one hand on your heart and your other hand on your mouth. Do you feel your heartbeat and your breath? If you’re still alive (which I’m guessing you are since you’re reading this😊), you still have the power to turn things around.

    You may have to apologize to loved ones, make amends, create much needed change, or set some things right, but today…this very minute…you have the ability to choose to become a person of great honor who others will warmly remember.

    Challenge yourself every day to grow and become a better person than you were yesterday and today, love your loved ones extravagantly while you still have the chance, and leave a legacy of great honor that is worth remembering.

    That’s something I’ll always challenge myself to do.

    So, today (and every day) ask yourself 3 vital questions:

    “How do I want to be remembered?”

    “Who can I show honor to TODAY?”

    “How can I love my family/loved ones to the very best of my ability?”

    One day, you’ll be remembered by your loved ones…and everyone around you.

    Make your memory a great one!

    Gratitude & many blessings,

    Kim

    ©2016 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. 🎄NEW!🎄Experiencing The Holidays With Jesus: Christmas~ http://bible.com/r/3V5

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance

    Important Questions To Powerfully Change & Transform Your Life & Regrets Daily

    Dec31

    Life is a gift! Sometimes, due to our own choices, the decisions of loved ones, or due to a major grief event, it may not feel like a gift at times.

    Life is a gift, though, that offers so much…if we will only to choose to unwrap it daily.

    Throughout life, we each have to look in the mirror and come to terms with what we choose/chose to do with the gift life has to offer —past, present, and future.

    No one has a goal of looking in the mirror…at any point…and saying to the reflection staring back at them, “I sure am grateful I wasted time and opportunities! I just love that I allowed others to defeat my heart…and I love the awful consequences I’m experiencing because of my ridiculous choices…I am so thrilled with the pain my choices have brought upon my loved ones…or I’m so happy I allowed myself to be defeated by grief or life challenges.

    Nobody in their right mind would say or want to admit these things…

    …yet so many of the regrets and guilt we face in life can be prevented. We have a powerful opportunity each and every day to purposely ask important life questions that can bless our life choices.

    We each have the powerful ability to create a great life…a life we love to live each day – regardless of circumstances.

    Everybody will go through multiple grief experiences and hardships, some even self-inflicted, throughout their lifetime.
    Some grief experiences are natural to go through in life, while others are due to foolish or unthought out decisions by us or others. 

    Some people were gravely warned by loved ones to not make the choices they made; others had no training in life and genuinely had no one to care about their life choices. Some had a pretty big inkling their choice wasn’t wise…but they wanted what they wanted at the time. Some were blindsided. Some knew better; others truly didn’t. 

    Just because someone has made a poor choice doesn’t mean they’re disposable or not redeemable – and it doesn’t mean they are doomed to have a terrible life. I think when people make poor choices, that’s when they need encouragement the most! A setback is the perfect time to purposely setup and create a better life!

    A G-R-E-A-T life!

    Everybody has a unique opportunity each morning: they have the amazing ability and gift of making better decisions – so they can start making choices that truly count from this day forward.

    As a grief specialist, I hear story after story after story of hardships people go through…stemming from “life” happenings, as well as their own choices, and also the decisions of others. I constantly try to help each person find the genuine healing they so desperately need. Once they find out how to heal and create a better life—a life they can truly enjoy living—their entire existence transforms.

    Changing one’s life for the better is a process of asking one’s self the right questions so they can begin to make good decisions in response to those questions.

    Just like grief is never a cookie cutter experience, life is never a one-size-fits-all experience either. Each person’s life is as unique as they are.

    Making solid decisions takes practice and a lot of cultivating, digging, growth, and nurturing of one’s heart and thoughts. All change initially begins as a solid decision…and then blossoms into a series of good, solid choices that continually need to be chosen on an ongoing basis. After awhile, the good choices develop into better choices, and then the better choices turn into the best choices.

    Remember: this is your personal life journey between you and God. Each question will reveal a highly personal, customized answer. 

    Here are some of my favorite questions I ask myself so I can make wise decisions, learn more each day, and continue to make the best possible choices everyday:

    •What can I do today to purposely grow my relationships with God and my family so these relationships are the strongest and healthiest they can be?

    •What can I purposely do, or not do, so I don’t waste my day or waste my time?

    •What do I need to prevent doing today so I can grow more and live life to the fullest?

    •Who can I show love, mercy, and compassion to today? Who do I need to show empathy for by seeing life through their eyes? (For ideas: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/18/7-things-to-realize-about-someone-going-through-a-hard-time/ )

    •What one dream or goal can I work toward (or continue to work toward) today?

    •Who can I help to be successful today?

    •What one purpose-filled action today would make me live life as lovingly and vibrantly as possible? 

    •What one choice today would bring me the most healing—spiritually, emotionally, and physically?

    •How can I purposely grow through my current (and past) grief/life challenges?

    •What one thought today could override as much negativity as possible? 

    •Who can I choose to bless today in a way that would make the greatest difference in their life? 

    •What one foolish habit or sin can I purpose to avoid and overcome today to bring the most spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical wellness to me and my loved ones?

    •What one person do I need to forgive today to lighten my heart? (Read this if you have been deeply wounded: https://griefbites.com/2015/04/20/wounded-7-steps-to-free-your-soul/ )

    •What one person do I need to apologize to and ask to forgive me?

    •What topic or situation do I need to give to God and come to peace about today…what do I need to make right, cultivate, “let go” of, or remove to have optimal peace and joy? What do I need to change or accept so I can have peace?

    •What one piece of wise advice can I take to heart today that has the capacity to change my life for the better? (This can either be past advice or recent advice)

    •What one improvement (big or baby step) can I make today that I can be proud of?

    •After deeply thinking about my everyday and longterm choices, and truly considering the present and future impact of those choices—as well as the consequences or blessings that can/will come into my life from my decisions—what do I need to do, or not do, today to prevent any future guilt, regrets, or damage?

    •Who needs to hear me say, “I love you!” today? How can I love others better today than I did yesterday?

    •Who can I show genuine appreciation to today? Who needs to hear me say, “Thank you!”?

    •What one regret do I need to forgive myself for and let go of today? (Read here to find help for regrets: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/26/overcoming-regrets/ )

    •What one topic will be the most beneficial to pray, journal, or blog about today?

    •What one physical and/or mental exercise will offer the most stress reduction today?

    •What one character quality can I learn about, develop, and work on today? (I focus on one character quality exclusively each week and seek to continually improve each quality thereafter…you can find ideas here: https://griefbites.com/2014/07/01/conflict-resolution-pt-3-75-character-qualities-that-can-change-your-life/ )

    •How can I best love, serve, and delight in God today? How can I grow my friendship with Him? He’s the ONLY relationship on earth that we can NEVER lose…this is SO important! ( Please feel free to read this for encouragement: https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/ )

    All of these questions are for the purpose of creating the best life possible—even in spite of grief—and preventing future guilt and regrets. Each question has the powerful ability to better one’s life and to offer encouragement to live well.

    What questions stuck out most to you? What resonated with you the most?

    You can ask yourself one of these questions each day or all of them. It is so important to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and in wellness every single day. Whether you take baby steps or an “all in” approach, it is always wise to continually better yourself and allow God to work mightily in your heart and life.

    Why not make a list of your own questions to ask yourself and commit to growth every single day? What does life look like for you today? By making changes, choosing to change your thoughts for the better, or cultivating your heart, what can life look like for you in 1 month…1 year…5 years…10 years…or even 20 or more years?

    We all have such phenomenal value and I think we sometimes forget or fail to fully realize that. We also forget to realize how powerfully God can use our lives to make a difference in our loved ones lives, as well as in the world.

    Wishing everybody special times of self-reflection, making wise choices and changes, preventing guilt, potential damage, and regrets – and living life to the fullest!

    Gratitude and many blessings,
    Kim

    ©2016 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ⭐️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ⭐️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

    ⭐️❤️

    Want, Need, & Love~Better To Have 4 Quarters Than 100 Pennies

    Aug26

    If you want to know who is TRULY most important to you, consider the following:

    1. If $10,000,000 magically appeared on your doorstep (wouldn’t THAT be nice!) and you had total say so over who you had in your life, who would you choose to enjoy life with?

    These are the people you want.


    2. If you suddenly became completely dependent on other people, due to a permanent lifelong injury or illness, who do you 100% know for a fact would be there for you? Who are the people that deeply care about you when you have absolutely NOTHING to offer them?

    These are the people you need.


    3. Which of your family & friends, if THEY had a major lifelong illness or injury, would you 100% be there for if they had NOTHING to offer you? Who makes you feel tremendously valued & treasured…and who do YOU tremendously treasure & value? Who do you willingly & unconditionally sacrifice for?

    These are the people you love.


    If you want to have a truly rich life, choose family & friends who genuinely care about you, sincerely love you, & want the best for you…a rich combination of want, need, & love.

    The ultimate people are those who you want, need, and love, and people who want, need, and love you! Those are the people who make life sweet & worth living!

    Too many times in life, we confuse wants vs. needs vs. love…Never truly thinking about or considering what a good relationship is.

    Hardships, grief, and loss all have ways of being dynamic sifters of majority of relationships. We find out, through life events, who the true treasures are! 

    Sometimes, this can be painful, but I also believe it can genuinely be liberating! It’s important to always & continually realize that it’s better to have 4 solid quarters than 100 pennies! 
    Today, think about the people who have celebrated with you through the good times, and especially the people who have not only celebrated the good times, but those who cared enough to walk beside you —even carry you— through the hard times…the solid quarters in your life.

    It’s never too late to say, “Thank you for being an incredible family member and/or friend!”

    If you’re discouraged today because you feel alone in your grief, consider what family members or friends you know who can be there for you. Also, know that God is there for you 24/7…He’s the best friend you can ever have! He never leaves or forsakes anyone—and he’s available morning, noon, day, or night…always!

    Relationships truly are a treasure, so treasure your relationships fully!

    ©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.
    ❤️

    Resources~

    Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

    Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships – Adultery & Betrayal

    Mar30

    I’d like to talk about a topic many grievers don’t want to think about…Adultery.

    During times of grief, as one spouse (or both spouses) are grieving a tough life event, they can become distracted due to grief. It can simply be overwhelming to maintain a romantic relationship/marriage when you’re grieving the worst event of your life.

    Also, when two people don’t share the same grieving style, there can be a disconnect as well.

    It’s usually someone close to the family or a coworker who innocently asks “how are you doing”… and then that can lead to further conversations… and then an emotional or extramarital affair can occur.

    If you’re struggling with this, about to be caught in the middle of this, or if the grief experience you’re going through stems from an affair…you’re not alone.

    If you’re walking through the treacherous fires of adultery or betrayal, please know that God loves you so very much. He is holding you, He will carry you through the entire situation, and He has the power to bring good out of the pain.

    If you’re about to betray your spouse or family, please please please reconsider. The pain and recovery is horrendous – and as a marriage coach, I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve sat with and heard heart-wrenching stories of how horrible the aftermath is. The enemy doesn’t just hurt the spouses and their marriage, the enemy goes after the entire family.

    I wrote about betrayal in my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships. I’ve included it below to encourage anyone who is walking the path of betrayal.

    Wishing all of the Grief Bites Family a blessed day of God’s comfort & healing!💗

    Day 4 from my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships.

    Day 4~

    Have you ever experienced the bitter sting of betrayal…a betrayal so deep it cuts and shreds every ounce of your heart?

    It is a terrible experience to go through the deep heartache of a spouse’s adultery or a spouse who no longer wants to be married.

    After such an experience, the sting wraps itself around you and threatens to forever break or harden your heart. As the tears fall and your heart is breaking, it feels as though the betrayal stings your soul a thousand times each day. 

    It’s easy during times like these to not just harden your heart, but to become hardened towards God…and place misplaced blame onto Him.

    Don’t think for one second that God did not do everything in His power to convict your spouse’s heart and warn them to choose another path. God did. 

    God gives each of us free will…and sometimes, people misuse their free will to betray loved ones.  

    Sadly, some spouses choose to harden their heart to God’s convictions (and good character) and not listen.

    The moment you found out about your spouse’s deep betrayal…the moment your heart shattered into a million pieces…God’s heart did too. He hurts for you and deeply grieves that your covenant mate chose the path they chose to walk.

    God is concerned for you. Every tear you’ve cried, He has placed in a bottle. Each heartache you have experienced, He has written in His book. God has kept track of every toss and turn on your sleepless nights.

    If you are crying out for help, He IS listening. He knows the heart-wrenching agony you have experienced – and are still going through – and He strongly desires to help you catch your breath.

    God’s huge heart breaks for anyone whose life has been affected by betrayal. His heart sincerely breaks for the children and families affected too.

    Today, I encourage you to pour your heart out to God. Share with Him your deepest heartaches, thoughts, and feelings. 

    He DOES care….and if you ask, He WILL help you through this painful time in your life. Ask Him to guide and direct you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you!

    There is hope and God does heal.

    Draw close to God’s heart and He will draw close to you. He is the best way to truly get through the devastating heartache and sting of betrayal.

    ‭‭~Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬‬‬, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

    James‬ ‭4:8‬, “Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners! Purify your hearts, you hypocrites!”

    Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

    JAMES‬ ‭4:10‬, “Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”

    Proverbs‬ ‭6:32, “Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.”

    ( from Day 4 of the YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships — https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships )

    God’s promise of love and healing is for ALL. Whether you’ve been wounded by adultery…or if you’ve made the heart wrenching mistake of adultery…or you’re the “other” person, God cares about each person and the entire situation. Anyone can make peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

    ❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

    ⭐️For more encouragement:

    ❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

    ❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

    ❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

    ❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

    ❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

    1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

    2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

    3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

    4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

    5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

    6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

    7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

    ⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

    ⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor.