Creating An Authentic & Personalized Valentine’s Day In Spite Of Heartache

Valentine’s Day.

Ah, the day for love. A day filled with flowers, chocolate, jewelry, romantic candlelight dinners, gifts, and love.

But what if you’re one of the people who aren’t in the Happy Valentine’s Day Club this year?

Maybe your treasured spouse passed away and Valentine’s Day is excruciatingly painful. It’s hard to get through the day.

Perhaps your little Valentines (kiddos) who used to make you the sweetest homemade cards have grown up and aren’t exactly being sweet.

Maybe your spouse (or significant other) committed adultery, betrayed your trust, and you’re in the heart wrenching transition of cleaning up a horrible mess you didn’t choose, create, or deserve.

Perhaps you recently experienced an ugly divorce or tough breakup and it’s super hard to see other couples celebrating.

Maybe you’ve longed to have a spouse or special someone in your life, but things never worked out quite how you imagined … and now you find yourself alone.

Perhaps you’re married (or in a relationship), but you know you will not be cherished or celebrated. February 14th is just another day on the calendar – and no matter how much you’ve communicated your feelings, needs, and desires, Valentines Day will simply be another annual let down. https://griefbites.com/2018/02/14/a-special-prayer-for-your-marriage/

Maybe you’ve been burnt by love in the past, so you take great care to never go anywhere near the flame of love ever again. You just don’t care to pursue or open yourself up to love again because you don’t want to potentially get hurt.

Perhaps you’re in the middle of a huge grief experience and love is the last thing on your mind. Your broken heart feels as though it can’t focus on anything but your present grief and pain.

Maybe you have a loved one you are estranged from (spouse, child, or other loved one) so your heart feels as though it will never heal. Every day feels like a silent funeral in your heart. https://griefbites.com/2016/03/20/mourning-those-who-are-still-alive/

There are many reasons – spoken and unspoken – why some are less than enthusiastic about Valentine’s Day. Sometimes the pain is so deep, it can literally hurt to breathe. https://griefbites.com/2017/06/20/the-challenge-of-unspoken-or-hidden-grief/

Life just doesn’t always go the way we plan. https://griefbites.com/2018/03/21/when-god-doesnt-give-you-your-fairytale-2/

When going through a tough life experience, your soul craves comfort and relief. It also craves authenticity, because when your heart and soul have been battered by the waves of life, it washes everything shallow away and you just want something real…yet you wonder how you can truly enjoy or celebrate holidays in spite of the pain.

Thinking of past holidays, I wish someone would have given me a different perspective and new ideas so I had options for enjoying holidays once again. Today, I hope to be a source of encouragement for all who are presently hurting. Sometimes, it can be comforting to create something unique and different, so as to not feel lost or alone.

How do you wish to spend Valentine’s Day? What can you do to create a memorable day in spite of grief and loss?

Maybe you want to celebrate big. Maybe you’re so discouraged, you truly just hope to get through the day.

This Valentine’s Day, create whatever kind of day you personally need, so you truly are able to enjoy or just get through the day.

If that means declaring an “Un-Valentine’s Day” where you make the day just like any other day and avoid all things Valentine-ish, then do so.

If it means pouring your heart and love into your loved ones (spouse, children, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, parents, grandparents, other family, or friends), then wholeheartedly enjoy it.

If it means baking Valentine’s Day treats and passing them out to loved ones or those you know who are hurting, then lovingly do that.

If it means warmly remembering and honoring a loved one who is no longer here, then allow those special memories to comfort your heart.

If it means putting on your comfiest pajamas, lighting the fireplace, and getting a box of chocolates or a pint of ice cream (hey, no judgment here😊) and watching sappy movies while either loving or hating the holiday, then go for it.

If you want to go out to dinner with all of your single friends, go out and enjoy yourself.

Do whatever makes you feel comfy, cozy, and comforted.

You might want to spend the day completely alone, or with a few people, or get a big group of people together who want to have a great Valentine’s Day, too…or even an anti-Valentine’s Day.

People should create whatever type of day they need, so that on February 15, they can wake up with a heart that is filled with joy, contentment, special memories, and wholeness.

Expectations of how one thinks the day should go…or expecting others to fill their heart up…is the quickest way to arrive at disappointment and heartache.

Instead of spending February 14th with great expectations…and then waking up on the 15th with disappointments or sadness…what if you purposely chose to create the day you want, and cultivate peace and gratefulness for all evidence of love you have in your life. Choose to create the best customized Valentine’s Day that truly fills your heart and the hearts of your loved ones, too.

There are no rules on how to get through Valentine’s Day – or any other tough holiday of the year for that matter. As long as you aren’t hurting the heart of God, or hurting others or yourself, or doing anything illegal, then authentically doing whatever helps your heart to heal or feel joy will be what creates an authentic, personalized Valentine’s Day.

What kind of day can you custom create this Valentine’s Day?

What will bring your heart comfort, warmth, and peace?

What can you do to custom create a day of relaxation and solitude – or what can you do to create a day filled with loved ones and fun?

Do you enjoy flowers, candy, and jewelry? If you have no one to buy these special gifts for you, consider buying these treats for others or yourself.

Are you concerned someone won’t celebrate and honor you? You have great value! Celebrate and honor your own heart…because you deserve it!

All of the usual things about Valentine’s Day…flowers, chocolates, jewelry, gifts, dinner, and gifts…although these things are amazing, they ultimately fail to include the very best thing about Valentine’s Day. They can’t even compete with the true meaning.

Valentine’s Day is about genuine love and the precious hearts of ALL the special people God has graciously given to us to love in our lives: God, our family members (spouse/significant other, kiddos/little people, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, etc), and also our own heart.

Creating a special day to celebrate love – and the gift of love – is what will make the day special. It doesn’t have to primarily be about romance.

In fact, I prefer it doesn’t so I’m not limited in my celebrations of the day. I will forever choose February 14 to be a day of gratitude and love.

It is also a great source of comfort to know and truly realize that the Ultimate Valentine (God) loves and adores you! So much!! If there is ever a day a person feels they do not have any options for a Happy Valentine’s Day, there will always be One who constantly remains…and He loves each and every heart, spirit, and soul more than any human ever can. God is MORE than happy to spend the entire day with anyone who feels lonely or disappointed by life and love!❤️ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

You don’t even have to wait to enjoy God’s love…you can celebrate and soak up His incredible love each and every day of the year. https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/

Valentine’s Day is a gift. How you choose to unwrap the gift of Valentine’s Day is truly and authentically yours. Do something extra special…or do nothing at all. That’s how to create an authentic and personalized Valentine’s Day. Make it what you need it to be.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! May you always realize your great value, and how special and loved by God you truly are.

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. ❤️NEW!❤️Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance.

Brunch & Grief: 5 Valuable Life Lessons

Jan28

Spending time with loved ones, going to brunch, and learning from others are among some of my favorite things to do in life.

Earlier this week, my mom, sister, and I were lucky enough to all have some free time to have brunch together.

My sister and mom are some of my favorite people to talk to. I love talking about life with these two because they both have such deep insight and wisdom. Both have been through excruciating grief, yet both came out of multiple harsh grief experiences stronger and better than before.

As we were talking about our grief ministry, my sister shared a verse that is personally very meaningful to her, Psalm 55:17, “Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.”

The reason this verse is so meaningful to her is because she lived it out in experience. After the death of her fiancé and our sister (they died 3 weeks apart), she didn’t hear from God for almost an entire year. An ENTIRE year!

How many of us would have become frustrated, grown bitter, or simply given up? She didn’t. She shared with me that she knew God loved her and was listening to her, so she felt compelled to keep pressing on.

I’m glad she did because she’s a wealth of wisdom and knowledge about harsh grief experiences! Had she given up on God, she would’ve missed out on so much wisdom and some very powerful life lessons…lessons she now shares with thousands of people!

Several things she and my mom shared at our special brunch date made an impact as I intently listened.

By the way, everybody you know has a life story and rich life lessons you can learn from. Anytime I meet with someone, I like to come away with at least one new thing I’ve learned from them.

Brunch was a jackpot of lessons. As I listened and talked with my sister and mom, I learned so much.

Here are 5 lessons I learned at brunch that I think are very valuable:

It’s totally okay to be in deep grief and distress. There’s an entire book in the Bible (Psalms) where David didn’t “get over” his grief. God allowed David the freedom to deeply grieve. God didn’t rush David or tell him to get on with life. Allow God’s Word to validate your grief…especially when people around you don’t (or won’t) validate it.
Grief changes people. You are guaranteed to become a different person: you’ll either choose to grow from grief and become a different (better) person…or you’ll choose to wither up and die and become a different (bitter) person. You may also yo-yo in between these two scenarios as you process your deep grief…and that’s okay! It’s completely up to you what kind of person you’ll ultimately decide to become of the two, though.
One of the best things someone can do for a griever is to go get them and treat them to a soda or coffee. Just being there means so much to a griever. My mom credits her friends who regularly did this for her with tremendously helping her overcome her deep grief after my dad died. In addition to God, family and friends can be an important lifeline to a griever.
When you feel all alone and your family and friends aren’t measuring up in being there for you during grief, know that God half designed it to be like that so He can meet your deepest needs…and He designed the other half so family, friends, and His church can meet the other half of those needs. My sister explained, “If people had come through and been there for me 100% of the time, I never would’ve realized my need for God or developed the rich relationship I enjoy with Him today. If I hadn’t had to wait for God’s timing, I wouldn’t have known the treasure of trusting Him and His deliverance as much as I did. God wants to be your hero during times of grief…stop desiring that from your loved ones and let God be that hero!”
Don’t allow people to rush you through your grief or to control your grief or life. Both my mom and sister shared stories of people wanting to take the steering wheel of their grief and make life decisions for them. Both are glad they chose to give the steering wheel to God and allowed Him to guide and direct their grief and lives. My mom is especially glad she didn’t allow others to make major life decisions for her. She shared, “I don’t believe my kids would be in ministry today and serve God like they do had I allowed others to control my grief, my life, or their lives. I also wouldn’t have drawn as close to God. It probably would have been easier—but easier doesn’t always mean better.“

What valuable lessons have you learned throughout your life or grief? Who do you know who could be a source of wisdom, insight, and great knowledge of life or grief lessons for you? Invite them out to brunch this month or call and invite them out for coffee, ice cream, or a soda.

It’s always a great privilege to learn from others and to hear their life stories and experiences.

Always learn as much as you can through grief and throughout life! Both are extremely valuable!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it and encourage others!

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Kim’s grief blog: http://www.griefbites.com‭‭

Loving The Hurting, Remembering The Forgotten: An Important Challenge To Churches Everywhere For 2016

Jan14

This morning, I attended a very special All Staff meeting at my church.

We received phenomenal leadership and encouragement about change from our pastor. It was a great time of worship, vision, learning, and community.

While Pastor Craig was sharing his heart, my mind began to come up with so many fresh, new ideas of change for my grief ministry, as my spirit absorbed the wisdom, passion, creativity, and vision God had planned for me.

I have a huge passion for those who hurt, those who feel rejected or displaced, those who deeply grieve, those who feel life can never be better, and those who have turned their back on God and the church. And I absolutely love that my pastor has a huge heart for these precious groups of people as well!

I’ve felt the sting of each of these situations through different seasons of my life, and none of them were a fun place to be. Because of personally experiencing these situations, God has been good to allow me to gain insight and understanding so I could know how to encourage and help in these areas…but today I wondered “is it enough?…am I doing enough?”

The answer, if I’m honest with myself, is no, not always.

So another question came to mind, “what can you change?…what needs to change?”

Every church cares. Most Christians truly care.

Every church wants people to feel as though they belong. Many Christians go out of their way to show love and acceptance.

Every church truly wants to minister to everyone. There are a lot of staff and Christians who spend many, many hours in ministry helping and equipping others.

Every church wants to make a huge difference. There are too many ministries to count that genuinely make incredible impacts.

So what are we missing? Also, who are we missing?

What changes can we all implement to be more loving, accepting, kind, and effective so we can minister, serve, and encourage to the best of our abilities to make the absolute greatest impact?

There are no perfect Christians, no perfect churches, no perfect ministries, no perfect staff, no perfect people, no perfect anything. Perfection is something we definitely pursue, but Christians fall short…all people fall short—regardless of their religious affiliation. Ministries fall short…just like workplaces fall short.

So how do we bridge the gap between the church and people who are hurting…people who are deeply grieving…people who have given up on—or even reject—God and the church…people who have never and won’t even consider stepping foot in a church…people who feel like life is hopeless?

I’m truly excited by what God showed me this morning and the ideas He gave me!

I look forward to ministering like never before, serving more vibrantly, boldly caring, and writing more in 2016.

As you read this, you may not share my enthusiasm. You may even have already thought of past hurts you’ve experienced.

If you fit into any of the above categories, I hope you’ll closely follow my blog and find encouragement. I am so very sorry if you have been wounded or offended by someone in the church…so very sorry if you’ve experienced deep grief…incredibly sorry if you ever felt as though life was hopeless or made to feel that your life was void of value…so sorry if an event happened that made you turn your back on God and the church. Truly, truly, genuinely sorry. If someone has not sincerely apologized to you personally, then I offer my deepest apologies as a part of the body of Christ!

God has great compassion and incredible love for you! You DO matter! Your life IS valuable! Your heartache, grief, and pain DOES count! God hears your heart’s pain and cries…and if anyone on earth failed to hear, understand, or realize your pain or grief (or failed to make it right), that is NOT okay with God…and I guarantee you it truly broke His heart.

This year, I want to vibrantly continue to help and encourage the grief community, and I also want to pour into people who have felt hurt and offended by anyone in the church.

I look forward to encouraging everyone in 2016…especially with the vision God gave me today!

Rolling up my sleeves to truly make a greater impact is my heart’s desire this year. If you are a part of any church, please join me in this endeavor. It is desperately needed!

If you know of anyone who has been through deep grief, anyone who is down in life, anyone who has been deeply hurt or offended by the church—whether by church staff or fellow believers, reach out to the offended and the hurting!

We need to never be so quick to be offended or put off by a person’s disbelief, mistrust or abrasiveness…instead, we ought to look into their hearts and seek to understand the reason behind why they’re hurt, offended, or bitter. There are a crop of people we need to seek to intentionally love back to life!

We, as the Church, constantly say and promote, “it’s okay not to be okay”…but then when people aren’t okay, or they later become not “okay,” do we as the whole church truly put our money where our mouths are and intentionally pursue the hurting and also genuinely care when others are hurt, offended, or leave?

Church is a family…ultimately one big family…who will ALL be living together in heaven some day. Is it not going to cause us shame when we see Christ and have to explain to Him how we treated some people as unvaluable or, worse, disposable?

Helping others and conflict resolution can be uncomfortable. It can be gritty and messy, for sure—definitely not all cotton candy, unicorns, sunshine and rainbows. It requires sacrifice and selflessness. People are worth it, though. So very worth it!

Isn’t this exactly what God did for each of us? I am forever grateful to those who loved me back to life and those who intentionally invested in me. Because they took the time to genuinely care for a broken, hurting, mess of a young lady years ago, my life was spectacularly changed! Now, all because of their love and concern, 200 million users on YouVersion have an opportunity to read the Grief Bites reading plans, and people in 110 countries receive grief encouragement weekly on my blog. None of this would’ve happened had certain people not seen me as someone valuable enough to care about. I had plans to be an atheist and reject God and the church…but I saw—and truly experienced—Christianity in the most pure, loving, amazing, kindest form. And it made all the difference in the world!

Who else in the world needs to experience the love of Christ? And what amazing spiritual gifts are hidden behind each hurting or hardened heart?

Sometimes, people have hearts that have had a lot of mud flung their way. Who is willing to accept the challenge to use their Christ-like love to water and nurture these hearts so their true heart can shine through?

People who have been through major grief, life challenges, or tough circumstances in life, they all have hidden treasure locked inside of them…each has their personal life story that can help others. What stories are not being shared due to not being nourished and nurtured? Like Pastor Rick Warren says, “Who better to help the grief community than someone who has been through grief? Or the atheist community than a former atheist? Or the addiction community than one who battled addiction?” There are a wealth of amazing people out there who are being lost in the shuffle and it’s up to the church to love, help and encourage them. If they were once plugged in and left a church…and no one cared…that falls on each of us.

Every person has great value and has the amazing ability to create lasting change inside and outside of their church. Ask God to use you and ask Him to show you where…and with who…He wants you to begin!

We have 11 1/2 more months of 2016 to see what God is capable of doing through this challenge. Let’s seek to obey Him with everything we’ve got!

Make the incredibly important decision to love the unlovely, encourage the hurting and grieving, and to go after the ones who have left or abandoned their faith so they know someone cares…so they know that God and the church truly does care.

I know this will be some of the best time we’ll spend this year in service and devotion to God!

Be His heart…be His hands…be His feet!

So who is up to this challenge?

I hope everybody!

Every single day, ask God to show you someone to encourage, and ask Him to bring to mind those who have left the church or who have abandoned their faith.

May God richly reward and bless you as you love people back to life and shine the brightest light possible for Him this year!

Gratitude and many blessings,
Kim

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

For more encouragement:

Best decision of your life: http://peacewithgod.net

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays
2. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
3. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
4. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️

Making 2016 Your Best Year Yet!

Jan12

I love January! Okay…so I don’t necessarily love winter or cold weather, but I do love what a new year always has to offer!

January is a month of reflection, growth, goal setting, and just a fantastic month to regroup in every area of life.

With a fresh new year that has yet to be written on, I love how January offers fresh ink to create a life that is better…richer…more rewarding…and has more depth than the previous year.

While growing up, my mom would often tell me, “Kim, don’t forget AAA,” as she would lovingly remind me to make wise choices and make the most out of each year.

This has served me well throughout my adult life, so I’m going to share this life changing strategy with you!

My mom would tell me that with any situation in life—good or bad—it is wise to implement AAA:

Acknowledge
Accept
Act

Most people acknowledge the good or bad that happens in life. It’s pretty hard to ignore.

Many will even do the next step of accepting when something good or bad happens. Eventually you have to accept the good and bad so you don’t get stuck in life.

Not everybody will choose to act, though, or put the proper action in place to consciously grow through both the great times and tough times in life.

When you choose to implement AAA, life becomes much more purposeful. You keenly realize there is meaning behind every goal and choice. Everything has the potential to bring about incredible change, improvement and growth.

So why make resolutions or set goals? And where does AAA fit in?

To effectively make long-lasting goals, there is a strong need to get real with yourself…to acknowledge, accept, and act upon your goals. Without implementing AAA, goals can be like cotton candy: sweet and fluffy but when the first tough wave life throws at you comes, it can be watered out and quickly dissolve.

While thinking of AAA, also ask yourself, “why,” before making any resolution or goal. If you don’t understand why you’re genuinely doing something, it genuinely won’t get done.

We make January a priority for change because of many reasons, but I believe the biggest ones are:

It’s a brand new year filled with possibilities
We want change
We desire a better life
We weren’t designed by God to stay stagnant
We want the best life has to offer for not only ourselves but our loved ones
We love the challenge of bettering ourselves or our circumstances
We clearly see something in our lives that has either failed or something that isn’t working, so we want to choose better, overcome, and succeed

This is why a fresh brand new year that is filled with AAA and goal setting becomes incredibly valuable! No matter what has happened in life, we are given the opportunity to choose what we want life to be. And what greater time to create a life we actually want than at the beginning of a fresh, brand new year?

Whether you are a New Year’s resolution type of person or not, think about how you’d like for 2016 to go. Write down your goals and the positive changes you’d like to make, and then choose each and every day in 2016 to make it happen. It is a daily choice! Sometimes, an hour by hour choice!

Life is a series of choices to powerfully better your life or consequence it. Each choice is either an incredible asset or a liability. So truly think through each choice life has to offer and then choose wisely.

I always think of key areas: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, health, marriage, parenting, family, work, home, hobbies, friendships, etc.

No matter if you make one, a few, or many changes or resolutions, or whether they are small or grand, be sure to make your goals your own. You have to believe in them! You can do a goal alongside others, but if you don’t personally love the goal, you’ll most likely fizzle out. You can’t set a goal just because someone else is doing it, it truly needs to originate from your own heart or be dear to your own heart.

For example, my husband absolutely hates working out. It just isn’t his thing. I have two gym memberships so I bought him a membership at one of the gyms. He didn’t use it all year long. He rocks at basketball, though, so if he made a goal of playing once or twice a week, he’d definitely stick with that. But working out at a gym was failed before it ever got started because it didn’t originate in his heart.

If you enjoy resolutions, make them your own and consider:

areas of new potential
what clean fresh start is needed
renewing former goals you wish you would’ve previously seen through
creating and meeting new goals
the ability to make things right as far as you personally are able to in past events you wronged others
better ways to encourage, love, and invest in your loved ones lives
failures or shortcomings to change that you are no longer comfortable with
getting right with God, and your spouse, children, family, and loved ones—realizing this sometimes takes time
quitting bad habits
taking on a personal challenge to prove to yourself your ability to achieve or overcome
ways of growing through grief or a life challenge, learning all you can so you end up better and not bitter

Ultimately, with any resolution or goal, be reminded of God’s love and goodness, and look forward to how He will choose to work through you in 2016.

The new year holds so many awesome things: new memories, new potential, new adventures, new opportunities, new change and improvements, and new experiences.

Here’s to making 2016 the best year yet as we each seek to Acknowledge, Accept, and Act!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️

3 Questions To Ask Yourself For The Best Relationships Possible

Jan1

Life is a series of choices. One of the most important decisions we’ll ever make is the choice about the kind of person we want to be.

If we were to die today, how would we be remembered? Would we be remembered as:

a campfire who everybody gathered around for light, insight, & warmth?
a bright ray of sunshine who was fun & made everybody laugh?
a family member who didn’t value, love, or appreciate other family members?
a raging lunatic who everyone saw as a walking time bomb?
a person who was always there to offer encouragement?
someone who showed hospitality and made everyone feel welcomed, loved, and included?
a selfish person who made everybody feel stressed, unvalued, & miserable?
a mediocre or timid person too scared to take risks?
a source of comfort and strength for the broken?
an arrogant, exclusive, snobby person who made others feel unwanted or beneath them?
a source of loving encouragement who made others feel they could truly do something remarkable with their life?
a big ball of energy who loved life & everyone made great memories with?
a person who made promises but rarely kept their word?
a person who sucked the life out of others?
a person who was helpful and hardworking?
a person who was a negative influence, bad role model, or who encouraged or enabled sin, poor decisions, or addictions?
a materialistic person who put money & possessions before relationships?
a flaky person with no stability or follow through?
a person who caused drama or pitted family members against each other?
a person of great moral character who others could depend on and learn from?
a person who was too busy to genuinely care?
someone who took the time to love others back to life after hardships?
a person who made mistakes, but changed it all one day to become a person who greatly loved & honored others?

When I was a senior in highschool, I had the best family relations teacher. She didn’t just teach from the usual curriculum, she branched out and taught from resources she knew would be genuinely useful to us in life.

One of those resources happened to be a video series from Dr. Gary Smalley.

As I watched and intently listened to each fantastic video, one stood out. It was a teaching on showing great Honor to others.

Dr. Smalley basically said to treat each person as though they were the only person in the room…and to not just stop there but to treat your loved ones better than royalty—to be in absolute awe and wonder that you get the incredible, precious privilege of being a part of each of your loved ones lives.

He also shared that it starts with just one person choosing to show their loved ones honor. It wasn’t contingent on anyone or anything else.

I grew up in a home where we were very close and loved each other. Both of my parents were great role models to me on how to show others honor, and Dr. Smalley’s video made an incredible impact in my heart and life, too.

I began to realize how everything I did in life—and especially how I treated my loved ones—had the powerful ability to affect everyone I (and they) came into contact with.

Family. Friends. Co-workers. Church family. Neighbors. The employees at businesses and restaurants I frequented…Everyone.

With each interaction I had, I could leave people in much better condition if I treated them with great honor, or worse condition if I chose differently — all depending on my attitude and honor.

I began by purposely treating my family better. I’d stop by after school and buy my mom one of her favorite treats…a flavored bagel with honey & almond cream cheese, or I’d surprise her with flowers “just because.” I’d go out of my way to be kind to my siblings and make them homemade cards or bake them treats. I’d randomly treat my friends to ice cream, write them a note to encourage them, or pay for their lunch. If I ordered food from a fast food reastaurant, I’d go out of my way to be nice and ask the worker how their day was. I told all of my teachers, “Thank you,” for all they had taught (and were teaching) me and began to listen in class as a way of honoring their hard work and time they were investing in me. I’d surprise my dad by mowing the lawn, do my mom’s hair and makeup for her, or go grocery shopping to help out. With my mom’s encouragement and help, I’d also buy my teachers gifts around each holiday. I began to look forward to honoring others and doing special things for loved ones.

With every choice I made to honor others, the better I felt. Life became much more rewarding and I felt I was making a difference. It was an amazing feeling to know I could bring others happiness or brighten their day. Honoring others felt much better than being shallow or selfish.

After the video series, my teacher asked each of us, “How do you want to be remembered?” She explained she gave us some great information, but the info on the videos would only prove to be valuable if we chose to implement it. Ultimately, we needed to decide if we would choose to be an honorable person who chose to honor others as a lifestyle.

Words cannot express how grateful I am to Mrs. W. for pouring into me my junior and senior years of highschool. Her investment in my life caused me to value my parents, family, and friends so much more…and this also positively impacted (in the future) my parenting and marriage. To this day, I greatly treasure my loved ones!

I am thankful for the two questions I was asked many years ago that had such a fantastic, life-changing impact:

“How do you want to be remembered?”

“How can you show great honor & love to your loved ones each day?”

We ALL leave a legacy…whether we like it or not. Whether we’re intentional or not.

We ALL are known by our personalities, passions, and choices. We ALL leave our unique personal mark…our “brand”…on EVERYONE around us.

The cool thing is, it is never too late for each of us to leave a better legacy than the one we are currently living.

Through honor, we ALL have the powerful ability to choose what legacy we’ll be leaving.

Think of who you TRULY want to be and then take the necessary steps to make it happen.

What if you feel you’ve already monumentally messed up?

Put one hand on your heart and your other hand on your mouth. Do you feel your heartbeat and your breath? If you’re still alive (which I’m guessing you are since you’re reading this😊), you still have the power to turn things around.

You may have to apologize to loved ones, make amends, create much needed change, or set some things right, but today…this very minute…you have the ability to choose to become a person of great honor who others will warmly remember.

Challenge yourself every day to grow and become a better person than you were yesterday and today, love your loved ones extravagantly while you still have the chance, and leave a legacy of great honor that is worth remembering.

That’s something I’ll always challenge myself to do.

So, today (and every day) ask yourself 3 vital questions:

“How do I want to be remembered?”

“Who can I show honor to TODAY?”

“How can I love my family/loved ones to the very best of my ability?”

One day, you’ll be remembered by your loved ones…and everyone around you.

Make your memory a great one!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. 🎄NEW!🎄Experiencing The Holidays With Jesus: Christmas~ http://bible.com/r/3V5

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

Important Questions To Powerfully Change & Transform Your Life & Regrets Daily

Dec31

Life is a gift! Sometimes, due to our own choices, the decisions of loved ones, or due to a major grief event, it may not feel like a gift at times.

Life is a gift, though, that offers so much…if we will only to choose to unwrap it daily.

Throughout life, we each have to look in the mirror and come to terms with what we choose/chose to do with the gift life has to offer —past, present, and future.

No one has a goal of looking in the mirror…at any point…and saying to the reflection staring back at them, “I sure am grateful I wasted time and opportunities! I just love that I allowed others to defeat my heart…and I love the awful consequences I’m experiencing because of my ridiculous choices…I am so thrilled with the pain my choices have brought upon my loved ones…or I’m so happy I allowed myself to be defeated by grief or life challenges.

Nobody in their right mind would say or want to admit these things…

…yet so many of the regrets and guilt we face in life can be prevented. We have a powerful opportunity each and every day to purposely ask important life questions that can bless our life choices.

We each have the powerful ability to create a great life…a life we love to live each day – regardless of circumstances.

Everybody will go through multiple grief experiences and hardships, some even self-inflicted, throughout their lifetime.
Some grief experiences are natural to go through in life, while others are due to foolish or unthought out decisions by us or others.

Some people were gravely warned by loved ones to not make the choices they made; others had no training in life and genuinely had no one to care about their life choices. Some had a pretty big inkling their choice wasn’t wise…but they wanted what they wanted at the time. Some were blindsided. Some knew better; others truly didn’t.

Just because someone has made a poor choice doesn’t mean they’re disposable or not redeemable – and it doesn’t mean they are doomed to have a terrible life. I think when people make poor choices, that’s when they need encouragement the most! A setback is the perfect time to purposely setup and create a better life!

A G-R-E-A-T life!

Everybody has a unique opportunity each morning: they have the amazing ability and gift of making better decisions – so they can start making choices that truly count from this day forward.

As a grief specialist, I hear story after story after story of hardships people go through…stemming from “life” happenings, as well as their own choices, and also the decisions of others. I constantly try to help each person find the genuine healing they so desperately need. Once they find out how to heal and create a better life—a life they can truly enjoy living—their entire existence transforms.

Changing one’s life for the better is a process of asking one’s self the right questions so they can begin to make good decisions in response to those questions.

Just like grief is never a cookie cutter experience, life is never a one-size-fits-all experience either. Each person’s life is as unique as they are.

Making solid decisions takes practice and a lot of cultivating, digging, growth, and nurturing of one’s heart and thoughts. All change initially begins as a solid decision…and then blossoms into a series of good, solid choices that continually need to be chosen on an ongoing basis. After awhile, the good choices develop into better choices, and then the better choices turn into the best choices.

Remember: this is your personal life journey between you and God. Each question will reveal a highly personal, customized answer.

Here are some of my favorite questions I ask myself so I can make wise decisions, learn more each day, and continue to make the best possible choices everyday:

•What can I do today to purposely grow my relationships with God and my family so these relationships are the strongest and healthiest they can be?

•What can I purposely do, or not do, so I don’t waste my day or waste my time?

•What do I need to prevent doing today so I can grow more and live life to the fullest?

•Who can I show love, mercy, and compassion to today? Who do I need to show empathy for by seeing life through their eyes? (For ideas: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/18/7-things-to-realize-about-someone-going-through-a-hard-time/ )

•What one dream or goal can I work toward (or continue to work toward) today?

•Who can I help to be successful today?

•What one purpose-filled action today would make me live life as lovingly and vibrantly as possible?

•What one choice today would bring me the most healing—spiritually, emotionally, and physically?

•How can I purposely grow through my current (and past) grief/life challenges?

•What one thought today could override as much negativity as possible?

•Who can I choose to bless today in a way that would make the greatest difference in their life?

•What one foolish habit or sin can I purpose to avoid and overcome today to bring the most spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical wellness to me and my loved ones?

•What one person do I need to forgive today to lighten my heart? (Read this if you have been deeply wounded: https://griefbites.com/2015/04/20/wounded-7-steps-to-free-your-soul/ )

•What one person do I need to apologize to and ask to forgive me?

•What topic or situation do I need to give to God and come to peace about today…what do I need to make right, cultivate, “let go” of, or remove to have optimal peace and joy? What do I need to change or accept so I can have peace?

•What one piece of wise advice can I take to heart today that has the capacity to change my life for the better? (This can either be past advice or recent advice)

•What one improvement (big or baby step) can I make today that I can be proud of?

•After deeply thinking about my everyday and longterm choices, and truly considering the present and future impact of those choices—as well as the consequences or blessings that can/will come into my life from my decisions—what do I need to do, or not do, today to prevent any future guilt, regrets, or damage?

•Who needs to hear me say, “I love you!” today? How can I love others better today than I did yesterday?

•Who can I show genuine appreciation to today? Who needs to hear me say, “Thank you!”?

•What one regret do I need to forgive myself for and let go of today? (Read here to find help for regrets: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/26/overcoming-regrets/ )

•What one topic will be the most beneficial to pray, journal, or blog about today?

•What one physical and/or mental exercise will offer the most stress reduction today?

•What one character quality can I learn about, develop, and work on today? (I focus on one character quality exclusively each week and seek to continually improve each quality thereafter…you can find ideas here: https://griefbites.com/2014/07/01/conflict-resolution-pt-3-75-character-qualities-that-can-change-your-life/ )

•How can I best love, serve, and delight in God today? How can I grow my friendship with Him? He’s the ONLY relationship on earth that we can NEVER lose…this is SO important! ( Please feel free to read this for encouragement: https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/ )

All of these questions are for the purpose of creating the best life possible—even in spite of grief—and preventing future guilt and regrets. Each question has the powerful ability to better one’s life and to offer encouragement to live well.

What questions stuck out most to you? What resonated with you the most?

You can ask yourself one of these questions each day or all of them. It is so important to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and in wellness every single day. Whether you take baby steps or an “all in” approach, it is always wise to continually better yourself and allow God to work mightily in your heart and life.

Why not make a list of your own questions to ask yourself and commit to growth every single day? What does life look like for you today? By making changes, choosing to change your thoughts for the better, or cultivating your heart, what can life look like for you in 1 month…1 year…5 years…10 years…or even 20 or more years?

We all have such phenomenal value and I think we sometimes forget or fail to fully realize that. We also forget to realize how powerfully God can use our lives to make a difference in our loved ones lives, as well as in the world.

Wishing everybody special times of self-reflection, making wise choices and changes, preventing guilt, potential damage, and regrets – and living life to the fullest!

Gratitude and many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

⭐️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

⭐️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️❤️

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #9

Dec23

Situations of grief can bring you to – and leave you in – a bad place mentally, spiritually, and emotionally if you don’t carefully guard your heart. And the holidays can bring major temptations when going through grief or loss.

Life and grief can both be seriously unfair…and both can throw you for a loop.

Since life doesn’t offer an instruction book on grief, many are ill equipped to know what to do with their tough emotions and can then be vulnerable to making poor decisions.

Grief is highly emotional…and illogical. When going through grief or life challenges, you can become desperate to feel better. So, choices made while going through grief can be illogical, too.

Today’s holiday tip: Guard your spirit, heart, thoughts and emotions, and be very careful not to succumb to addictions or to self-medicating your pain.

Addictions come in many forms. The most common addictions are alcohol, drugs, prescription drugs, staying constantly busy so as to not think about your grief as much, accruing massive debt due to over shopping or gambling, extreme dieting or fitness, adultery/sexual addictions, or overeating. There are many other addictions, but these are probably the most common.

Addictions have a way of making you feel temporarily better, yet they always make you pay a much higher price than you’d ever want to pay. It’s like borrowing $5 but then having to pay back $50,000. And you’re not guaranteed the consequences will be easy or immediate…sometimes they’ll show up years later – even affecting future generations.

Addictions and self-medicating will leave you with guilt, regrets, additional brokenness, and compounded grief. They will also prove to be extremely costly and damaging to your family, relationships, and finances.

So how can you feel better?

It’s not easy, but it is absolute truth: embrace your grief, learn every life lesson you can from it, and grow through it.

There just are no good detours to getting through grief. You can’t go around it, over it, under it, or fast forward through it…you have to go through it in God’s timing.

When my son was little, one of his favorite games was Candy Land. He always hated landing on the spot that had the ladder that slid him right back to the very beginning of the game. That’s exactly what addictions will do…slide you right back down a ladder that makes you start all over again in your grief. It’s far better to go through your grief and avoid/prevent any further loss.

Wherever you are at this holiday season, be sure to never foolishly put yourself in a bad situation or an unwise place where it will end up starting, tempting, or feeding an addiction. Surround yourself with good people and only go to wise places where you know you can truly guard your heart and life.

If you’ve already given in to addictions, consider getting help so you can overcome them. Many people in my grief group who have struggled with addictions have attended Celebrate Recovery and have reported wonderful and amazing things. Feel free to check Celebrate Recovery here: http://www.celebraterecovery.com
You can also hear a helpful message about CR from Rick Warren here: https://www.celebraterecovery.com/index.php/about-us/message-from-rick-warren

Going through hurts and needing help is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, getting the encouragement and help you need takes a lot of courage.

I also believe it can be very effective to value the amazing creation God made you to be. I’m a big advocate of pursuing spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Scheduling daily time with God and loved ones, scheduling daily time to exercise, relax, self reflect, and making time for personal enrichment are all very important.

Your life is important and so very precious! Seek to make every single day of your life count and always seek ways to better yourself, grow through your grief and struggles, so you are freed up to live a good life.

May everybody enjoy a peaceful Christmas filled with love, wisdom, health, and encouragement!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

Rejoicing & Mourning

Nov6

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.”

Ahh! One of the most difficult verses to follow in the Bible!

There are some people who rock when it comes to obeying this verse, but for some, it’s a verse that leaves them uncomfortably exposed. Most people fall somewhere in the middle.

Every person on earth will go through times of great rejoicing and great mourning. So why do people not actively choose to always rejoice or mourn with others?

We live in a world where people aren’t quite sure how to handle grief and deep mourning, and on the flip side, people resent the good in other’s lives—frequently turning towards jealousy instead of celebrating and rejoicing all of the good.

I think there’s many reasons, but four primary reasons stand out for both.

People don’t mourn with others because:

It’s time consuming. It truly takes time and a selfless commitment to grieve with others and to genuinely care and be there for them throughout grief and the hardships they face in life.
People are scared or uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say, what to do, or how to effectively help others who grieve. They also clearly understand that a similar grief event could happen to them or to their loved ones.
It’s messy. Grief is messy business. The emotions people go through during grief, a life challenge, or a poor decision in life are very messy. People can act their worst and you never know what you’re going to get day-to-day.
It exposes what’s in our own heart. When you’re helping another person, it truly reveals so much about ourself, our character, and our depth. As we help others to grow through grief or a hardship, it often forces us to be vulnerable and grow as well. And that can be very uncomfortable.

People don’t always celebrate with others because:

Jealousy and envy. We see someone enjoy success and we wish we were being blessed in a same or similar way. Someone has it better than us or seems to enjoy life more, and instead of learning from them how to have a better life, we begrudge the goodness they’ve obtained.
Things aren’t going well in our own lives. We see someone happy and we wish we held the same joy in our own life. We resent the hardships we’re experiencing and secretly wish our own lives were better. We may have lost someone or something special, such as a treasured loved one, job, health—it could be anything—and all we know is our life isn’t what we want it to be. Some things in life, we can change; other things, we can’t.
It’s an irritating reminder that we aren’t committed to our own wellness or we aren’t creating/living our own “best life.” When we see the goodness in other’s lives, it rarely “just happened.” Majority of the time, a lot of work and sacrifice went into a person living out their dreams. If we put as much effort into our own wellness, success, or relationships…instead of begrudging another person…we’d see a similar amount of blessing in our own circumstances or life. Not always…but many times, we would. When I feel tempted to be jealous of another person, I’ve trained myself to immediately self-reflect and to look for places in my own life to improve. Nobody likes to be reminded that they weren’t true to their self or that they betrayed their self by not living out their best life possible. That’s the biggest reason people resent celebrating with others.
We feel threatened. When people are living a great life, or good things are happening in other people’s lives, we can feel threatened. Competition mode sets in and nobody likes to feel inferior or like a failure.

The thing is…whether going through grief or great things in life, it all comes down to the heart. We can choose to have a good heart that rejoices with others and mourns with them, and take the time to learn from other people and their lives—or—we can choose to have a poor, undeveloped heart that refuses to rejoice and celebrate with others, or we can refuse to grow as we neglect our own self improvement.

A good heart realizes it must continually grow, so it can eventually experience good things in life; but a poor heart will choose to become bitter, hardened, and will eventually die a little bit more each and every day. The great thing is this: we all have the power to choose what kind of heart we will have, and we have the opportunity to better the lives of our family and friends, as well as our own heart and life every single day.

If everybody would follow Romans 12:15, what an incredible difference it would make inside homes, marriages, friendships, parenting, churches, workplaces, and, ultimately, in the world! We all would have the ability to live much richer, more enjoyable lives!

Romans 12:15 basically says: when good things happen in other’s lives, be happy for them, celebrating God’s goodness with them—be incredibly happy for the favor in their lives—and when people are hurting, fallen, or struggling, be there for them, encourage them, love on them, and HELP THEM UP. Love your family and friends back to life!

To do only one of these, makes life unbalanced. The world needs people who are willing and committed to doing both.

I like what Lysa TerQuerst says about rejoicing with others, “There’s enough space for all of us to thrive in our gifts. Whether you paint, do lettering, take photos, sing, write, speak, dance, decorate, give fashion advice, or any other artistic expression… Do you. The world needs your brand of beautiful. And the world needs the best version of you.

Don’t listen to the enemy’s wicked whispers. The enemy wants you to feel threatened, suspicious, and skeptical. Resistant to cheer another on who does the same thing as you. But here’s what I know for sure. When we don’t love and cheer on others, we start to shrink. We have less to give. We hold back. And we become wilted and withered. It’s in the cheering on of another that we ourselves bloom and blossom and show we can be trusted with more beauty.”

How cool it is when everybody accepts…and cheers on…one another’s gifts, greatly rejoicing in all the good things that happen in their loved one’s lives, while taking the time to mourn with their family and friends, too!

When sad, tragic, and bad things happen in the lives of others, or they are deeply struggling, that’s the time a person most needs others to build them back up. We live in a world where people have a tendency to avoid those who hurt…sometimes even discarding, rejecting, or throwing them away…which adds to the hurting person’s heartache, discouragement, and pain.

Getting involved can be time consuming, but helping others and loving them is what life is primarily about.

…And you never know when you may need someone to be there for you, because we all are literally one choice away from majorly changing our lives…for the good or for the bad.

When you go through grief, you understand the mourning part of the above mentioned bible verse on a much deeper level. God may even open your eyes today to people who have hurt in the past that you may not have been there for, or to others who are hurting right now and you can perceive it better…especially if they are going through a similar situation as you or a situation you or a loved one has been through in the past.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, help the broken, and mourn with those who mourn….These are some of the greatest situations and opportunities to TRULY be the most like Christ.

Love God, love others, especially at the greatest and the messiest times in others lives! The world needs more people who aren’t afraid of being inconvenienced by messy!

To celebrate and grieve with others are both ways of greatly honoring and showing deference to the people God has placed in our lives. When we show honor to others, we ultimately show honor to God—and food for thought—we also actively show others…especially the world…what we think about Him.

Who have you failed to rejoice with or mourn with? Take the time to contact them today and show honor to them. Actively care.

Who can you rejoice with and mourn with TODAY? Always seek to look for opportunities to rejoice with others and to mourn with others…every single day.

Be the love, celebration, mercy, encouragement, help, and compassion TODAY that YOU hope to receive TOMORROW!

We all will have experiences in life where we will need both rejoicing and mourning.

Choose to be a sincere rejoicer and genuine mourner in other people’s lives, and allow others to rejoice and mourn with you during your celebrations and losses today, too!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

For more encouragement:

Blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #2

Nov5

Everyone dreams of having the most wonderful, pie-in-the-sky-high, beautiful, and memorable Christmas season.

The reality for many may not presently be so beautiful, memorable or wonderful though…

some have lost a treasured loved one and are deeply missing them
some are going through a divorce, adultery issues, or terrible marital problems
some are experiencing intense family, in-law, or extended family conflict
some have a spouse or a child who is incarcerated
some are experiencing “blended” family challenges
some are painfully estranged from a parent, child, sibling, or other important family member
some are going through financial devastation or hardships
some are experiencing a serious illness or the illness of a loved one…this may even be your or a family member’s projected last Christmas
some have experienced a precious child’s death or a miscarriage
some have a spouse, child, or family member away in the military, or who does mission work, or travels longterm for work, or lives too far away to come home
some have a difficult or selfish family member/in-law who simply makes holidays miserable … or ungratefulness and drama puts a damper on celebrations
some recently broke up with a fiance or important significant other
some are going through a “prodigal” situation, deep rebellion, or addiction issues with a spouse or child
some are going through infertility issues and desperately want a child…or are mourning an abortion or regret placing their baby for adoption
perhaps a loved one refuses to celebrate the holidays
some are experiencing other major grief experiences or life challenges

There are many who are hurting, so the holidays turn from being the most wonderful time of the year of great expectation into being the most dreaded time of the year of devastation.

My holiday tip today is:

Grieve the loss of not being able to enjoy the holidays how you once knew them or how you wish they could be. You are NOT selfish for missing someone or mourning the fact that holidays are a sad or disappointing time for you.

Holidays can be very challenging when life is painful or chaotic – especially after experiencing a major loss. When life knocks the breath out of you, it sometimes becomes necessary to learn how to breathe again…and that may include learning how to navigate through the holidays and life after a major loss has taken place.

You may not feel like the cheeriest elf on the block…and that’s totally okay. It takes time to experience happiness, peace, and joy after life crushes and devastates you.

Everybody has a holiday “ideal” – how we wish the holidays could be.

It doesn’t seem like it would help, but it truly brings peace as we choose to mourn the loss of holidays as we wish them to be.

As we choose to create a new holiday season that is kind to our (and our loved ones) heart, brings hope and comfort to us and our remaining loved ones, and honors our grief…and choose to lean into God’s heart…a peaceful holiday season is possible.

Even through thick grief, we truly have the ability to create meaningful holidays. They might not hold the same joy you once knew, but they can be special and meaningful once again.

But first, grieve the loss of how you wish the holidays were, as you place your heartaches, expectations, and desires of your heart into God’s hands. He genuinely cares about you and will be there for you every moment of this holiday season.

The next tips I share in my next blog post will share specific ideas on how to navigate through the holidays during times of grief, yet still create a meaningful holiday season.

Praying right now for everybody who is going through trials, challenges, conflicts, and grief. I am genuinely sorry for your heartache and pain!

May you choose to create and have a peaceful, meaningful, special holiday season filled with memorable moments.

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s $3.19 book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

If Life Was Like A Hollywood Movie

Nov4

Wouldn’t it be nice if life was like a neat little Hollywood movie?

A problem would present itself…there’d always be a short time for the problem to run its course…then there’d be a neat and tidy solution to the problem…everybody involved would learn a powerful life lesson…people would see the folly of their ways and instantly become a much better person…the situation would have a dazzling happy ending…and everyone would get along and live happily ever after.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Just writing that makes me wish a few trials I’m presently going through would experience the cheesiness of a Hollywood movie ending!

The thing is, that usually is not what happens in majority of people’s lives.

• conflict happens within marriages and families

• illness sometimes cannot be healed

• a child rebels regardless of how much their parent loves and treasures them

• a person gets laid off no matter how much good they’ve invested into their job

• people are rejected and mistreated by family (and others) no matter how hard they try

• people disappoint us and we disappoint other people

• terrible tragedies happen everyday

We live in a fallen world filled with fallible people…and we are fallible ourselves.

Life can be frustrating.

So how do we change things to make life better?

It’s not what you think…

We think we must change other people or our circumstances to find our happy ending…but the truth is, we must change ourselves and our focus then needs to be:

1. Delighting in God

2. Doing our responsibilities

3. Waiting on God to work in HIS time in HIS way

Difficult to do…Especially when your world around you is falling apart.

We desperately want our situation(s) to change. We want our loved ones to do the right thing. We want a great life. We greatly desire harmony in our marriages, families, and relationships. We want justice for the times we have been wronged.

We want to meet our goals, be successful, and also be valued for our work by our employers and colleagues. We want a better financial situation. We want family and friends to love and value us. In short…we all want the silver lining in every area of our life!

What if we never are given our silver lining? God has one question for us: “If our lives..or circumstances..never change, will we still love and honor Him and continue to be devoted and loyal to Him?”

On the journey to God’s best for our lives, we must first seek God. As we learn to love, obey, treasure, and delight in Him..regardless of our circumstances, grief, or losses…we find He is the true treasure we’ve always needed.

One of the best promises God gives to us is that He will be making up for all the heartache, pain, tears, frustrations, and failures we experience in life.

God is all powerful. Sometimes, He will give us the desires of our hearts here on earth; other times, He has us wait—and waiting is HARD. It goes completely against our human nature and tendencies.

I can guarantee you this: One day, all of God’s children WILL experience the happy ending they crave. God has a purpose and plan through EVERY situation.

It’s our job to love God and be loyal to Him, continue to do our God-given responsibilities, and to wait on Him to work out every intricate detail of our lives.

Lookup: Joel 2:23-27, Matthew 6:33, Psalms 37:4, Deuteronomy 8:2

(From the free YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships)

For more encouragement~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Foolishness, Wisdom, Guilt, & Regrets

Oct15

“You can live life like there’s no tomorrow, but tomorrow is still there when you wake up, full of consequences.” – Lecrae

Many have lived irresponsibly, foolishly, recklessly, or unthinkingly…only to realize they have brought a lot of loss into their own life, or worse, the lives of their loved ones.

Every choice we make will bring either a blessing…or a consequence. Our choices become our greatest assets…or our greatest liabilities.

Some choices bring about loss for a season, while other choices bring loss that will last a lifetime.

This is why wisdom is so very important. God says He will give wisdom to all who ask Him for it. There is an entire book in the Bible that is filled with teachings on wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and understanding. The book of Proverbs teaches us how to live a good life—a solid life that is built on wisdom.

You may not be able to go back in time to save yourself or others from a foolish decision you made in the past, but you do have the opportunity – starting today – to begin learning how to live a wise life.

Start to consider the choices you make…from this day forward…and make the commitment to strive to make wise choices.

When guilt or regrets come to mind? Use it as a signal to ask God to forgive you, make amends, and ultimately to choose and do better. Most of the poor decisions we make are made out of foolishness or a lack of understanding. If we KNEW better, we would have CHOSEN better. Give yourself some slack and some much needed grace…and then purposely become an intentional lifelong learner so you can then be freed up to make better choices.

Ask God for wisdom, understanding, and discernment to make good solid wise choices too…because good decisions are also a gift from Him. Also ask him for His grace and peace!

Consider reading the entire book of Proverbs. It is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge to know how to live a wise and great life, as well as a life that pleases God which releases His favor and blessings.

If you read one chapter of Proverbs each day, you’ll read through the whole book of Proverbs (all 31 chapters) each and every month.

You’ll be so glad you did!

(from the FREE 60-Day YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief)

For more encouragement, please feel free to check out all of the free Grief Bites devotionals on the YouVersion/Bible App: http://www.youversion.com

Kim’s book: Click here for book

Blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Cultivating A Relationship With Self

Oct8

“Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose” ~C.S. Lewis

I saw this thought-provoking quote from C.S. Lewis several months ago and it truly made me think.

Like majority of you, I’ve been through extensive grief, due to losing loved ones and going through major life challenging situations, so I first found this quote confusing.

Without truly understanding the significance, perspective, and meaning of this quote, it can at first seem as though C.S. is recommending a detached life, free from an emotional connection to people or things.

I believe C.S. is beckoning his readers to love others and cherish the goodness of blessings in their lives, but I also believe he is encouraging people to not place all of their eggs in only one basket (or two) throughout their life journey.

How many of us are guilty of primarily throwing our complete energy, love, and investment—our very prayers, blood, sweat, and tears—into only family, friends, pets, work, and maintaining possessions (home, car, appliances/electronics, clothing care, etc)? Which, unfortunately, are all people or things we can lose?

Do we mindfully, purposefully, passionately, and intentionally think about what we can’t lose…and take a gigantic step back to see the overall big picture of all our life can truly be? Do we continually refine ourselves and choose to do our much needed self work…while also developing and investing in our individual, personal life purpose?

I’ve always been told to be accountable to my family, church, and authority figures, and to develop my life purpose, but I began to wonder why there never has been an importance to be accountable to my own self…and the importance of truly getting to know myself…to better myself…to develop knowing exactly what I think and believe.
We should all demand accountability to, and of, our own selves. It’s life changing!

We need community, of course, (family, friendships, work and/or church relationships, etc), and we also need jobs, transportation, and things such as homes, food, clothes, appliances, etc, but, we also need more than that…we need a great relationship with God—and our own self.

Out of all the relationships on earth, the relationships we have with our God and our own self are truly the only relationships that can never end or be taken away…so wouldn’t it make sense to develop and invest in these two very important and vital relationships?

I have a tendency of neglecting myself due to heavily investing in my relationships with my family, friends, and those I encourage in my grief ministry.

I naturally put others first and always enjoy loving the people God has blessed me with.

One day, though, after seeing the C.S. Lewis quote, I felt God tugging at my heart as though to say, “Kim, before you were ever a wife…before you were ever a mom…before you were ever a daughter, aunt, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, neighbor or friend…before you were ever a writer or a part of Grief Bites…you were Mine. You were Kim before you were ever anyone or anything else. Before you even took one breath, you were you!”

I began to feel convicted of not living up to my full potential and began to invest greater into my relationship with God, and graciously into myself, as well.

I’m not talking about a self-absorbed or narcissistic relationship with self, but a healthy relationship with self that realizes life is not about me at all. A healthy relationship that keeps me accountable to continually better myself…and keep myself in check…so I can better love, help, encourage, and minister to others.
Ultimately choosing to better develop and use my skills, God-given talents and personality, character, life events, education, ministry, and life purpose for a much greater good in life.

Dedicating and giving all of these things to God and resting in Him and allowing Him to energize my life has made a huge difference in how I live! It’s given me a better mindset and more energy to accomplish every task at hand…especially on days when I feel worn out.
Matthew 11:29-30, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

If you think about it, this verse is phenomenal. Getting away to be with God and yourself leads to a life lived freely, restfully, and lightly. It eases life’s hardships and day-to-day burdens…so learn from God how to keep company with Him as you develop your individual self with His help.

Living this way on a day-to-day basis, and developing my own self, has been rewarding, and has opened my eyes and heart to things I would’ve otherwise missed. I want to always develop my character and be so accountable to God and myself, and His and my relationship together, so I can look back and know that I spent the days (and the circumstances) of my life very, very well. I want to always live in such a way as to know without any doubt that I hit the bullseye of my personal best life possible. Passionately. Purposefully. Intentionally.

I also found that when you develop a healthy relationship and accountability with God and yourself, you’re not as apt to make harmful or unwise decisions.

After all, at the end of each day…and ultimately at the end of your life…you understand better the need (and importance) to answer for all of life’s decisions and for how you chose to live your life. When you realize you’re accountable to yourself, and you look into the mirror of your life, you don’t want to disappoint not only God or others, but you don’t want to disappoint yourself. You also realize it’s not too late to change things up so you can start living your best life possible—starting today.
And this becomes a very powerful way to live.

Everything takes on a new meaning as you say to yourself each and every morning, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life…how can I better develop my relationship to God, myself, and others…how can I spend today in the best way possible?”
Your relationships…your work…your life purpose…your goals…what you choose to do—or not do…Everything brilliantly changes and life begins to take on a brand new level of purpose.

Cultivating a relationship with yourself brings on a new dimension of living, and prevents you from wasting any area of your life…especially grief.

Truly be thinking about life and what life can fully be if you began to cultivate a relationship with yourself. You have the ability to choose to change your life and the potential to live a more brilliant life than you ever thought possible!
Gratitude & blessings,

Kim
❤️

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

How Can YOU Pay It Forward Today?

Aug28

Today, I just got back from a very special person’s funeral.

This amazing, beautiful lady helped my mom, siblings, and me right after my dad was killed.

My sisters and I took ballet, tap, and jazz lessons from this phenomenal lady. My mom and aunt also took dance lessons from her when they were children.

My teacher was 99 years old, had visited 15 countries so she could bring fresh ideas to her dance studio, and was still teaching dance lessons a few months shy of her 100th birthday!

After my dad died, my dance teacher knew how hard losing my dad was to our family, but she encouraged my mom to keep us in dance lessons…she even told my mom she wanted to bless my sisters and me with a 50% discount off of our dance lessons for life.

I frequently wondered why my dance teacher was always so wonderful to my mom, siblings, and me after my dad died.

Today, at her funeral, I found out why.

At the funeral, they shared how my teacher had an extraordinarily hard life when she was young. They also shared how she, her 5 siblings, and parents lost their home (and everything else they owned) right after the Great Depression.

A wonderful, kind lady saw how much my dance teacher (and her family) was hurting, so she stepped in and helped my dance teacher to attend college.

I loved hearing that!

For my teacher to have lost everything, she understood how my mom must’ve felt when she lost her “everything,” (and how devastated us kids were to lose our daddy)—so she stepped in and tried to alleviate our family’s pain, the same way someone had so kindly done for her years before. ❤️

Today, how can YOU pay it forward?

Who has helped you in life, or been there for you when you were down…or when you felt like you lost your “everything”?

Who do you know who is going through a life struggle? How can you breathe encouragement into them? Who can you help love your family and friends back to life?

One day, we’re all going to die.

How do you want people to remember you?

I will ALWAYS remember my amazing dance teacher as someone who deeply loved my mom, my siblings, and me…and who made a big difference and had a great impact in our lives.

Attending dance lessons helped me through my dad’s death…hurt feelings in elementary school…mean girl issues in middle school…breakups with boyfriends in high school…and when “life” got tough as an adult…as I attended her classes several times each week for years.
My dance instructor remained a treasured family friend – especially a very close friend to my mom – even after I stopped taking dance lessons. She even came to my book signing party after my first book was published.

She and my mom had a very special friendship, exchanging birthday and Christmas presents, as well as “I’m thinking of you” cards and gifts, throughout the year.

I’m beyond grateful God placed my dance teacher on my heart this past Christmas. I’ll always remember how her face lit up when I dropped off some fresh flowers at her house to tell her thank you for all she had done for my mom and me. The flowers brought her heart so much joy!

Today, what special family member or friend is God placing on your heart to reach out to?

Call them…don’t wait.

Take someone out for coffee…send someone a sweet card…do something extra special for someone…if someone has done something extraordinarily special for you, seek to do something similar for another person…tell a family member or friend “thanks!“

You just never know when the chance to tell someone “thank you” or “I love you” will expire. And, you never know what an incredible impact you’ll make!

How can YOU pay it forward today? ❤️

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. ❤️NEW!❤️Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

Want, Need, & Love~Better To Have 4 Quarters Than 100 Pennies

Aug26

If you want to know who is TRULY most important to you, consider the following:

1. If $10,000,000 magically appeared on your doorstep (wouldn’t THAT be nice!) and you had total say so over who you had in your life, who would you choose to enjoy life with?

These are the people you want.

2. If you suddenly became completely dependent on other people, due to a permanent lifelong injury or illness, who do you 100% know for a fact would be there for you? Who are the people that deeply care about you when you have absolutely NOTHING to offer them?

These are the people you need.

3. Which of your family & friends, if THEY had a major lifelong illness or injury, would you 100% be there for if they had NOTHING to offer you? Who makes you feel tremendously valued & treasured…and who do YOU tremendously treasure & value? Who do you willingly & unconditionally sacrifice for?

These are the people you love.

If you want to have a truly rich life, choose family & friends who genuinely care about you, sincerely love you, & want the best for you…a rich combination of want, need, & love.

The ultimate people are those who you want, need, and love, and people who want, need, and love you! Those are the people who make life sweet & worth living!

Too many times in life, we confuse wants vs. needs vs. love…Never truly thinking about or considering what a good relationship is.

Hardships, grief, and loss all have ways of being dynamic sifters of majority of relationships. We find out, through life events, who the true treasures are!

Sometimes, this can be painful, but I also believe it can genuinely be liberating! It’s important to always & continually realize that it’s better to have 4 solid quarters than 100 pennies!
Today, think about the people who have celebrated with you through the good times, and especially the people who have not only celebrated the good times, but those who cared enough to walk beside you —even carry you— through the hard times…the solid quarters in your life.

It’s never too late to say, “Thank you for being an incredible family member and/or friend!”

If you’re discouraged today because you feel alone in your grief, consider what family members or friends you know who can be there for you. Also, know that God is there for you 24/7…He’s the best friend you can ever have! He never leaves or forsakes anyone—and he’s available morning, noon, day, or night…always!

Relationships truly are a treasure, so treasure your relationships fully!

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Mother’s Day Hurts…

May8

Mother’s Day: a day filled with warm memories, joy, flowers, Hallmark cards, and celebrating moms everywhere, right?

Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone.

There are many who will enter Mother’s Day with a heavy heart of grief, confusion, lost hopes, disappointment, intense sadness, and regrets:

some have experienced the death of their beloved mother
some moms are desperately missing their much treasured child who died
some have experienced a miscarriage or stillborn birth
some have never had the ability to have children
some have regretted having an abortion
some have placed their child up for adoption
some have a very tumultuous relationship with their mom; some moms have a broken relationship with their child(ren)
some adult children allow their spouse to keep them away from their mom; some moms allow their spouse to interfere in their relationship with their children
some realize that this is the last Mother’s Day they’ll have with their mom or child due to age or illness
some mothers have written their child off; some children have written their mother out of their life
some moms will not get to spend time with their child(ren) due to custody issues
some moms will not see their child due to military duty, travel for work, or they don’t live close by; some children will be missing their moms due to deployment, work duties, or location
some were adopted or raised by an aunt, grandmother, family member, or friend and are missing their mother deeply due to death, circumstances, or location
some have mothers or children who are incarcerated
some have mothers who have alzheimer’s or dementia who do not remember their children
some are stepmoms with stepchildren who are less than kind and vice versa
some moms feel rejected, uncared about, or unloved…some won’t even be acknowledged or appreciated

There are many heartbreaking situations and reasons why this Mother’s Day will be less than ideal and very heartbreaking for so many people.

Life, and holidays, can be excruciatingly unfair and painful. It can be difficult to see others who still have their moms with them…those who have all their children…those who were blessed enough to become a mom…or to see happy families when you are in devastating heartache and pain.

Here are some tips of how to show compassion to all who are discouraged, hurting, or dreading Mother’s Day:

Show compassion and concern. Ask how they are doing, tell them you are thinking about them, and ask what you can do to make their day better.
Realize how hard the day will be for them and go out of your way to make them feel special. Ask if they’d like to go out for brunch. Send or give them a card, buy them a special gift, ask to make them dinner or ask if they’d mind if you had dinner delivered to them, or buy them some beautiful flowers.
Invite them to a movie, out to dinner, or out for coffee. Let them freely talk about whatever they’d like to talk about…without judgment and without unsolicited advice. Sometimes, it helps to have somebody genuinely care who will compassionately listen. Ask them to share something special about their mom or their child(ren).
Acknowledge their loss and heartache. Mention their loved one by name and tell them what their loved one meant to you. You won’t be hurting them by bringing up their name…trust me, their loved one will be on their heart and mind all day.
If you have a vacation home or extra timeshare points, offer to give them the gift of a weekend getaway.
If you know of someone who is hurting, invite them to church and/or invite them to spend the day with you. Include them in all your plans for the day or a portion of the day.
Think of a special way to remember your family members and friends’ moms, child(ren), or loved one. Light a candle in their mom or child’s honor, or help to decorate their loved one’s grave with flowers or items you know they would’ve liked. Do something you know they would’ve loved.
Love them and “hug” their heart with compassion and kindness. They do not need a lecture on how they should feel or what they should do — and they definitely do not need to be told to “get over it.” They sincerely need people in their life who allow them the beautiful freedom to miss and deeply mourn the treasured person they are grieving, missing, and deeply love. Remember: the greater the love, the greater the grief.
If someone you know has a difficult relationship with their mom or child, reach out to them. Tell them you’re thinking about them by calling them, making them a gift basket, giving them a card, or by inviting them to do something that gets their mind off of their struggles.
If you know of a military mom, send her a care basket. Be sure to send letters from her kiddos and photos, too. If able, set up a time to FaceTime or Skype as well. If there is a mom whose husband is deployed, consider doing something sweet for her too!

What if you are the one who is hurting? Here are some creative ideas of how to get through the day:

Pamper yourself. Clear your schedule and remove any uncomfortable expectations others may place on you. Take a day off and do whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, happy, or peaceful.
Take some time to look at photos or home videos of your mom, child, or loved one. As you look at each one, remember the special bond and incredible memories you shared together.
Take the day to journal or make a special scrapbook of your loved one and all the wonderful memories you shared together.
Write a letter to your mom, child, or loved one and share what’s on your heart and mind.
Spend the day doing what you normally would’ve done if your loved one was here…or go to a place that was special to the two of you. Know that your loved one loves you so very much, they want you to experience love, encouragement and comfort.
Celebrate your loved one or honor your loved one’s memory by having a “garden day.” Plant a tree or some special flowers in their memory and create a beautiful space where you can go in days to come to celebrate or remember your loved one. You could also make a pathway out of memory stones or buy a special bench, hammock, or chair to enjoy in their memory.
Have a relaxing movie day by either going to a movie or ordering take-out and renting movies that will make you feel closer to your loved one. Don’t forget yours & their favorite movie snacks and a comfy blanket.
Invite others who are missing their mom or child to do something fun or meaningful. It truly helps to be around others who “get it.”
Have a day of “writing & learning”: writing letters of gratitude to those who have had a positive impact on your life..it could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, child, family member, pastor, schoolteacher, friend, etc. If you have children, or nieces and nephews, be sure to share the warm memories and stories with them and teach them what was taught to you.
Consider spending the day doing a relaxing hobby and including others in your day. I had a teacher who took a special interest in me by teaching me how to make pies, and I also was taught to bake by my mom and sister. I really enjoyed investing in this hobby and teaching my younger family members how to bake, too.
Watch a church service online and have a “God day” where you spend the entire day with just God and you. Go to a park and have a picnic lunch, lay in a hammock while listening to music, read your Bible and pray. Pray for everybody in your life. Share with God everything that is on your heart. “God days” are very refreshing and can set you up for a much better week!
Last, but not least, make Mother’s Day whatever you would like for it to be. You may feel comfortable doing the usual familiar traditions that have been passed down to you…you may wish to spend and enjoy the day with your remaining loved ones…or you may want to create brand new memories, traditions, and experiences. Go out of town, take a day trip, and/or do something relaxing or special. Surround yourself with love. Pour into others. Encourage others who are hurting. There are many ways you can choose to celebrate or remember your treasured mother, precious child, or loved one, and many ways to remember or celebrate the day.

God loves you and cares about every intricate detail of your heart and life. He wants to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life and help you to rebuild it. It may not be the exact life we signed up for or wanted, but God can help us realize that life is still an adventure worth highly valuing. Take the time you need to rebuild your heart and life…it takes time and it is totally okay to break down or be disappointed as you process your deep loss. Learn new things each and every day. Learn from past mistakes and always look for better ways to live life. Look for and secure the support you need from family and friends…tell them what you need. Feel what you need to feel.

To experience the death of a mother or child is excruciating. Be kind to your heart and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. As long as you’re not hurting God, others, or yourself, whatever you choose to do is appropriate.

To every mom, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, sister, niece, and woman in the world, I wish you a wonderfully beautiful, relaxing, and highly blessed Mother’s Day! Thank you for all of the ways you make (and have made) the world a wonderful and better place! You are so incredibly valuable, special, and unique and life wouldn’t be the same to your loved ones had they not had you in their lives! Pamper yourself this weekend—you deserve it!

Wishing everybody an incredibly peaceful, blessed, comfortable, and memorable Mother’s Day! Allow yourself the freedom to do whatever brings you comfort and makes your heart smile!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

🌹If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

🌺Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🌷Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

💐Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🌸Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

🌼FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

💕

Grief Bites

Thoughts on grief, faith, health, hope, and life

Archives

Creating An Authentic & Personalized Valentine’s Day In Spite Of Heartache

Brunch & Grief: 5 Valuable Life Lessons

Loving The Hurting, Remembering The Forgotten: An Important Challenge To Churches Everywhere For 2016

Making 2016 Your Best Year Yet!

3 Questions To Ask Yourself For The Best Relationships Possible

Important Questions To Powerfully Change & Transform Your Life & Regrets Daily

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #9

Rejoicing & Mourning

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #2

If Life Was Like A Hollywood Movie

Foolishness, Wisdom, Guilt, & Regrets

Cultivating A Relationship With Self

How Can YOU Pay It Forward Today?

Want, Need, & Love~Better To Have 4 Quarters Than 100 Pennies

When Mother’s Day Hurts…

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: