Ah, the day for lovers. A day filled with flowers, chocolate, jewelry, romantic candlelight dinners, gifts, and love.
But what if you’re one of the people who aren’t in the Happy Valentine’s Day Club this year?
Maybe your treasured spouse has passed away and Valentine’s Day is excruciatingly painful and hard to go through.
Perhaps your little Valentines (kiddos) who used to make you the sweetest homemade Valentine’s Day cards have grown up and are being anything but sweet.
Maybe your spouse or significant other has committed adultery, betraying your trust, and you’re in the heart wrenching transition of cleaning up a horrible mess you didn’t choose, create, or deserve.
Perhaps you recently went through an ugly divorce or tough breakup and it’s super hard to see other couples celebrating all day.
Maybe you’ve longed to have a spouse or a special someone in your life, but things never worked out quite how you imagined and now you find yourself alone.
Perhaps you’re married or in a relationship, but you know you will not be cherished or celebrated…February 14 is “just another day” – and no matter how much you’ve communicated your feelings, needs, and desires, Valentines Day will simply be another annual let down. https://griefbites.com/2018/02/14/a-special-prayer-for-your-marriage/
Maybe you’ve been burnt by love in the past, so you take great care to never go anywhere near the flame of love ever again. You just don’t care to pursue or open yourself up to love again because you don’t wish to potentially get hurt.
Perhaps you’re in the middle of a huge grief experience and love is the last thing on your mind. Your broken heart feels as though it can’t focus on anything but your present grief and pain.
Maybe you have a loved one you are estranged from (spouse, child, or other loved one) so your heart feels as though it will never heal. Every day feels like a silent funeral in your heart. https://griefbites.com/2016/03/20/mourning-those-who-are-still-alive/
There are many reasons – spoken and unspoken – why some are less than enthusiastic about February 14. Sometimes the pain is so deep, it can literally hurt to breathe. https://griefbites.com/2017/06/20/the-challenge-of-unspoken-or-hidden-grief/
Life just doesn’t always go the way we had planned. https://griefbites.com/2018/03/21/when-god-doesnt-give-you-your-fairytale-2/
This past week, I’ve seen so many blogs with helpful lists of Valentine’s advice. What to do…what not to do…what to avoid…where to go…where not to go…the advice is as numerous as the lists.
As I kept pondering Valentine’s Day, I realized lists can be a huge source of help – but by following lists, it still keeps the focus exclusively on the romantic aspects of the holiday.
And I think that’s a big problem.
I think when you’re going through a tough life experience, your soul craves comfort and relief. It also craves authenticity, because when your heart and soul have been battered by the waves of life, it washes everything shallow away and you just want something real.
I wish someone would have given me a different perspective and new ideas for holidays so I had options for enjoying them. Today, I hope to be a source of encouragement for all who are presently hurting.
Sometimes, you just need to change things up or create something unique and different, so as to not feel lost or stay stagnant.
How do you wish to spend Valentine’s Day? What can you do to create a memorable day in spite of grief and loss?
Maybe you want to celebrate big. Maybe you’re so discouraged, you truly just hope to get through the day.
This Valentine’s Day, create whatever kind of day you personally need, so you truly are able to enjoy or just get through the day.
If that means declaring an “Un-Valentine’s Day” where you make the day just like any other day and avoid all things Valentine-ish, then do so.
If it means pouring your heart and love into your loved ones (spouse, children, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, siblings, parents, grandparents, other family, or friends), then wholeheartedly enjoy it.
If it means baking Valentine’s Day treats and passing them out to loved ones or those you know who are hurting, then lovingly do that.
If it means warmly remembering and honoring a loved one who is no longer here, then allow those special memories to comfort your heart.
If it means putting on your comfiest pajamas, lighting the fireplace, and getting a box of chocolates or a pint of ice cream (hey, no judgment here😊) and watching sappy movies while either loving or hating the holiday, then go for it.
If you want to go out to dinner with all of your single friends, go out and enjoy yourself.
Do whatever makes you feel comfy, cozy, and comforted.
You might want to spend the day completely alone, or with a few people, or get a big group of people together who want to have a great Valentine’s Day, too…or even an anti-Valentine’s Day.
People should create whatever type of day they need, so that on February 15, they can wake up with a heart that is filled with joy, contentment, special memories, and wholeness.
Expectations of how one thinks the day should go…or expecting others to fill their heart up…is the quickest way to arrive at disappointment and heartache.
Instead of spending February 14th with great expectations…and then waking up on the 15th with disappointments or sadness…what if you purposely chose to create the day you want, and cultivate peace and gratefulness for all evidence of love you have in your life. Choose to create the best customized Valentine’s Day that truly fills your heart and the hearts of your loved ones, too.
There are no rules on how to get through Valentine’s Day – or any other tough holiday of the year for that matter. As long as you aren’t hurting the heart of God, or hurting others or yourself, or doing anything illegal, then authentically doing whatever helps your heart to heal or feel joy will be what creates an authentic, personalized Valentine’s Day.
What kind of day can you custom create this Valentine’s Day?
What will bring your heart comfort, warmth, and peace?
What can you do to custom create a day of relaxation and solitude – or what can you do to create a day filled with loved ones and fun?
Do you enjoy flowers, candy, and jewelry? If you have no one to buy these special gifts for you, consider buying these treats for others or yourself.
Are you concerned someone won’t celebrate and honor you? You have great value! Celebrate and honor your own heart…because you deserve it!
All of the usual things about Valentine’s Day…flowers, chocolates, jewelry, gifts, dinner, and gifts…although these things are amazing, they ultimately fail to include the very best thing about Valentine’s Day. They can’t even compete with the true meaning.
Valentine’s Day is about genuine love and the precious hearts of ALL the special people God has graciously given to us to love in our lives: God, our family members (spouse/significant other, kiddos/little people, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, etc), and also our own heart.
Creating a special day to celebrate love – and the gift of love – is what will make the day special. It doesn’t have to primarily be about romance.
In fact, I prefer it doesn’t so I’m not limited in my celebrations of the day. I will forever choose February 14 to be a day of gratitude and love.
It is also a great source of comfort to know and truly realize that the Ultimate Valentine (God) loves and adores you! So much!! If there is ever a day a person feels they do not have any options for a Happy Valentine’s Day, there will always be One who constantly remains…and He loves each and every heart, spirit, and soul more than any human ever can. God is MORE than happy to spend the entire day with anyone who feels lonely or disappointed by life and love!❤️ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus
You don’t even have to wait to enjoy God’s love…you can celebrate and soak up His incredible love each and every day of the year. https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/
Valentine’s Day is a gift. How you choose to unwrap the gift of Valentine’s Day is truly and authentically yours. Do something extra special…or do nothing at all. That’s how to create an authentic and personalized Valentine’s Day. Make it what you need it to be.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! May you always realize your great value, and how special and loved by God you truly are.
Gratitude & many blessings,
©2016 by Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.
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❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/getting-your-breath-back-after-life-knocks-it-out-of-you-kbh-niles/1112403330?ean=9781449725617
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❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:
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2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays
5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5
6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv
7. ❤️NEW!❤️Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus
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