Tag Archive | grief

Finding Passion & A Love For Life After Grief~Part 1

Anyone who has experienced deep grief understands how much life changes once grief hits.

Life goes from being lived in color, to being instantly, starkly faded to a black, gray, and white existence.

Whether it’s the death of a treasured loved one, the death of a relationship, disability, or any other loss, life becomes something just to “get through” during the first several weeks, months, or even years.

I remember life being instantly changed the month I lost a good friend (my middle sister’s fiancé)…and then losing my oldest sister a few weeks later.

Life was very, very fun before these two major losses occurred…and then the “lights” of life seemed to shut off. 

When life suddenly throws a grief situation at you, life becomes pitch black. It’s a struggle to do day-to-day life and it takes a lot of work getting life’s “light” to turn back on. There are times during grief you may even wonder if that’s even possible!

How do you go from “pitch black” back to “light” in life? How do you navigate through deep grief to get life to be back into vibrant color once again?

A lot of reflection. A lot of work. And feeling a lot of grief and emotions you don’t like to go through and feel. The very thing you hate (grief) is the very thing you have to embrace to have the ability to get to the other side.

My sister’s death crushed me unlike any other grief experience I had ever faced. Not realizing how sick she was…she was only sick a few weeks…didn’t prepare me for her death. I never in a billion years thought she’d die!

The days, weeks, and months after her death left me incredibly depressed. It took me a while to figure out how to press forward and truly love and enjoy life once again.

My next blog post will share how I finally got my life back…and how I was able to smile, laugh, and vibrantly enjoy life with great passion—in spite of these two losses…and major past and future grief!

I’m looking forward to encouraging everybody with my next blog post!

Stay tuned….😄

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Change Begins With God

Change your ______, change your life!
Each & every day presents an amazing opportunity…the ability to change things up. Every change you make can domino into other areas of life. 

Of course, this can be misused—and lead to horrific consequences.

But if you choose to wisely change & better your life & relationships, there’s incredible blessings that can make life more awesome than you can currently comprehend.

If you’re not liking how life has turned out, you most likely can’t fix it in just one day.
It’ll take sitting down with God, asking for direction…and taking action.

 When you don’t know what to do, the best place to start is God. 

Next is to do your part by cleaning up your life: stop doing what you know is wrong or whatever is hurting your life, and start doing what you know is right.

Sometimes, God is waiting for us to do our God-given responsibilities and the obvious next right thing so He will be freed up to bless our lives and propel us forward to a much better, new season.

God loves you, wants the best for you, & has great plans for you! (Jer. 29:11)

Your life is valuable! God truly does care so never give up!

Stop what you’re doing right now & spend some time with Him.😄

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but step-by-step, life can become much, much better!

Think about life…Think about God’s purpose for your life…Consider what brings you great joy, as well as what will make getting out of bed everyday something not to dread.

What can YOU choose to CHANGE today to change your life? With God’s help, what do you think you should stop doing? What responsibilities do you need to begin doing consistently? With God’s grace, what do you need to start doing?

Having the ability to “fill in the blank” of change to create the life you want is a gift! Ask God for the wisdom to know what to fill in the blank with each and every morning.

No matter your current life circumstances, and no matter how hard life is today, unwrap the gift that life truly is starting TODAY…It’s worth it!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief
FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Why the delay, God?

Have you ever been in a tough situation where you’ve cried out to God…only to be met with silence?

Times like this can be mistaken for apathy, but nothing could be further from the truth.

To understand the way God works through situations, you have to understand God’s heart…a feat no one on earth can ever fully accomplish. His heart is good…His ways are perfect. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.

I once heard it said that our comprehension and ability to understand God would literally be like dipping a thimble into the ocean. The water in the thimble is our mind’s ability to wrap itself around knowing and understanding God compared to the overwhelming knowledge of God that is truly the ENTIRE ocean!

What if you find yourself going through excruciating heartache or grief…you’re seeking God with your whole heart to find an answer or some resolution for a tough challenge in life?

I HIGHLY encourage you to not give up! 

Sometimes God will ALLOW (allow, NOT cause) you to go through extreme and unfair situations because He knows the treasure and blessings He has in store for you after the storm has passed.

Sometimes, it can seem as though God isn’t dealing with someone or a situation. He may be giving the person a chance to do the right thing because of His great mercy…but God will even allow a person to continue on in their sin so that their wickedness will finally demand that they are disciplined.

It’s very important to realize this because it greatly helps us to understand why God sometimes doesn’t “instantly” help us…even if we are claiming scripture like crazy!

He’s looking at a MUCH bigger picture, the grand scheme of things, that focuses on EVERYBODY in a situation…even GENERATIONS…sometimes even people who haven’t even been born yet!

Trust God with whatever tough situation you are facing today, remove the “deadlines” you may have unintentionally placed on God, and allow Him to work throughout the entire situation.

Remember: He has the power to do more in a MOMENT than we could ever do in a LIFETIME!

God will never sacrifice what is best in the long term to make us feel better or more comfortable in the short term.
Although painful, disillusioning, and sometimes disappointing, God asks us to trust Him and His plans, not understand Him.💕

There are MANY stories in the Bible where people couldn’t initially see God’s plan—yet chose to trust and obey God regardless: Joseph with his brothers, Esther, Moses, Joseph & Mary, Jesus, the disciples, Paul, etc!

Think about the following scripture, as well as the consequences, had God stopped short and gave short term comfort vs the long term best:
After this, Abram had a vision and heard the Lord say to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I will shield you from danger and give you a great reward.” But Abram answered, “Sovereign Lord, what good will your reward do me, since I have no children? My only heir is Eliezer of Damascus. You have given me no children, and one of my slaves will inherit my property.” Then he heard the Lord speaking to him again: “This slave Eliezer will not inherit your property; your own son will be your heir.” The Lord took him outside and said, “Look at the sky and try to count the stars; you will have as many descendants as that.” Abram put his trust in the Lord, and because of this the Lord was pleased with him and accepted him. Then the Lord said to him, “I am the Lord, who led you out of Ur in Babylonia, to give you this land as your own.” But Abram asked, “Sovereign Lord, how can I know that it will be mine?” He answered, “Bring me a cow, a goat, and a ram, each of them three years old, and a dove and a pigeon.” Abram brought the animals to God, cut them in half, and placed the halves opposite each other in two rows; but he did not cut up the birds. Vultures came down on the bodies, but Abram drove them off. When the sun was going down, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and fear and terror came over him. The Lord said to him, “Your descendants will be strangers in a foreign land; they will be slaves there and will be treated cruelly for 400 years. But I will punish the nation that enslaves them, and when they leave that foreign land, they will take great wealth with them. You yourself will live to a ripe old age, die in peace, and be buried. It will be four generations before your descendants come back here, because I will not drive out the Amorites until they become so wicked that they must be punished.” When the sun had set and it was dark, a smoking fire-pot and a flaming torch suddenly appeared and passed between the pieces of the animals. Then and there the Lord made a covenant with Abram. He said, “I promise to give your descendants all this land from the border of Egypt to the River Euphrates, including the lands of the Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Rephaim, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.” (Genesis 15:1-21 GNB)

It’s interesting that the Bible makes it a point to share how the vultures came down but Abram (who would later become Abraham) chased them off. The same goes for our tough situations…something or someone will try to thwart God’s best for our lives, or will attempt to take our eyes off of God. We can be tempted to quit, or to think God isn’t listening or doesn’t care, but it is up to us to chase the temptation away. It’s our responsibility to love and obey God through hardships—and it’s God’s responsibility to see our situation faithfully through.

Today, have a heart to heart with God. Share your heart and tell Him everything you’re thinking, feeling, and going through. Ask Him to do a God-sized work in you and through you, and grant you the encouragement, help, and/or miracle you need.

Trust God today…obey Him…love Him…praise Him…allow Him to see you through!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you found this post encouraging or helpful, please feel free to share it!

What to do while waiting on God? Listen to this song for encouragement: http://youtu.be/DoqbKyeKOBI

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net~

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites&nbsp

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Learning to see “God-incidences” ~ Part 1

After my dad died, while I was growing up, I experienced three life defining moments. 

  1. I saw my mom be completely shattered due to her deep grief
  2. I saw my mom dramatically “come back to life” through a genuine love relationship with God and experience genuine hope
  3. My mom taught me to look for God in every situation in life and grief—she called these “Godincidences” and “teachable moments”

During the time I saw my mother come back to life, she became more and more excited about what God was going to show her…and accomplish through her each and every day.

I saw firsthand how my mom was very intune with God. Many times, she would feel as though God was telling her to do something very specific some mornings…such as prepare a large meal that day—and sure enough, people would unexpectedly show up at our house the very same night to visit our family and would eat dinner with us EVERY SINGLE TIME! It was really cool to see her praying specific prayers, and allowing God to lead her, and then see God specifically answer her heartfelt prayers.

Although I didn’t genuinely know God until I was 18 years old, I truly believe witnessing my mom’s great faith…and seeing all God did in her life while I was growing up…planted the seeds for me to trust God later on.

I love that my mom actively showed and taught me how to look for God, learning how to see “Godincidences”—coincidences in life that have God’s loving hand in an entire situation. Today, in my own life, I absolutely love when God creates these divine appointments where I can clearly see His hand in particular situations.

A few nights ago, I got to experience two Godincidences. A few months back, I experienced another big Godincidence.

I can’t wait to share with you in my next blog post about these three very special situations.

Stay tuned!😄

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.
❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief
FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

 

It only takes ONE…

Have you ever thought about the incredible power of ONE?

It took ONE man named Walt Disney to completey change and revolutionize family fun and vacations—creating Walt Disney World.

It took ONE woman named Nancy Goodman Brinker, who would go through her sister’s painful death, to completely change Cancer awareness—creating the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and Race For The Cure.

It took ONE couple named Bill & Lois Wilson, who would go through the horrible experience of alcoholism, to have the heart and ability to help millions who struggle too—creating Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.

It took ONE very broken, bullied, and wounded little girl named Christine, to grow up and allow God to use her story to help millions of men and women to find incredible freedom—creating Christine Caine Ministries.

It took ONE mom, who was living in absolute poverty, to want better for her children—today, her son, Dr. Ben Carson, is running for President of the United States. Ben graduated from Yale, and was the first surgeon to successfully separate conjoined twins joined at the head. At 33 yrs of age, he became the youngest major division director in the history of John Hopkins Hospital.

It took ONE man to realize how broken he was, completely and radically changing evangelism—creating Billy Graham Ministries. Today, millions personally know of the love, grace, forgiveness and mercy of Christ!

As you can see, all it takes is ONE person to CHOOSE to make a strong difference in the world. It takes ONE to say, “God, use me and my life to make a difference!” Anyone can CHOOSE to leave a lasting legacy—it just takes making a choice and seeing that decision through each and every day!

What difference can YOU choose to make today? What are your talents, convictions, and passions? What has helped or hurt you in life? What needs do you see around you? What do you feel is your life purpose?

Your life can absolutely make a difference in the lives around you—your spouse, children, family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandchildren, grandparents, friends, fellow church members, neighbors, coworkers, etc.

Here’s to leaving a lasting legacy from this day forward!

No matter your past…anyone can choose to leave an incredible legacy starting today!

Make life count! You are so very valuable and your ONE life CAN make a difference!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Someone In Your Grief Group Dies

There is a grief I hadn’t ever experienced before. A grief so deep, words can hardly express the depths. 

I lead a grief group. We have over 100 members. Sometimes a few people show up, sometimes dozens show up. Each week, God orchestrates exactly who He knows needs to be there.

I met my beautiful sweet friend a few years ago. I had just opened up our group to those who had suffered deep loss—instead of “just death,” our group began to include those who were experiencing heartache of any kind.

I remember the first time I met her. She had recently went through a tough divorce and was concerned how her kiddos would be affected. She was brokenhearted.

Today, her loved ones and I are brokenhearted. 

I’ve lost many loved ones but never someone in my grief group. It’s a pain like none I’ve experienced before.

When you’re a part of a grief group, you connect at such a highly emotional and spiritual level…you open up, becoming completely vulnerable, and share your greatest heartaches and disappointments in life. You share your triumphs, valleys, and how God is working in your life and grief. You quickly become loyal to each other, encourage each other, lifting each other up and sharing each other’s burdens. You ultimately become family.

I was blessed to be a part of her grief recovery. Where there once were tears, I saw her press forward and choose happiness. Where there were insecurities, I saw her choose confidence and the pursuing of her dreams. Where there once was deep hurt, I saw her open her heart and fall in love again with an amazing man. A man who is so incredibly good to her kiddos and loves them like his very own.

My heart is terribly broken today after losing my sweet friend. Our grief group lost a treasured and much loved sister!

Today, in honor of my friend, I’d like to ask everyone who reads this a favor:

Live life BIG in honor of my friend and all of your family members and friends. Don’t just glide through life! I learned this through my friend…she lived life so passionately! Don’t wait to be happy! Don’t wait to truly live! Don’t ever be scared to be yourself or to have fun! Don’t wait to achieve your goals! Serve God and your church family, and truly care about others! Each and every day is a day you will never get back! My sweet friend knew this and lived an incredible life in the few years I was privileged enough to know her and “do life” with her. You never know what life will bring so never take one single breath for granted! 

Right now, you may have things in your life that are knocking the living breath out of you. You may have trials that are so overwhelming that they’re attempting to absolutely drown you. Overcome every obstacle, thoroughly go through and experience every pain, opportunity, and lesson grief has to offer you, and choose to extravagantly love others and to live your life with everything you have in you!

Today is the very first day of the rest of your life—live well, grieve well, love everyone you do life with to the best of your ability! 

I’ll never forget my sweet friend. I’m so thankful God allowed me to know her—and I am thankful I’ll see her again one day! She loved God and her fiancé, kiddos, family, friends, and church family so much!

Rest in peace my sweet friend—you are forever missed and deeply loved! May we all love and celebrate life…even while going through hardships…like you did!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com
Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Mother’s Day Hurts…

Mother’s Day: a day filled with warm memories, joy, flowers, Hallmark cards, and celebrating moms everywhere, right?

Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone.

There are many who will enter Mother’s Day with a heavy heart of grief, confusion, lost hopes, disappointment, intense sadness, and regrets:

  • some have experienced the death of their beloved mother
  • some moms are desperately missing their much treasured child who died
  • some have experienced a miscarriage or stillborn birth
  • some have never had the ability to have children
  • some have regretted having an abortion
  • some have placed their child up for adoption
  • some have a very tumultuous relationship with their mom; some moms have a broken relationship with their child(ren)
  • some adult children allow their spouse to keep them away from their mom; some moms allow their spouse to interfere in their relationship with their children
  • some realize that this is the last Mother’s Day they’ll have with their mom or child due to age or illness
  • some mothers have written their child off; some children have written their mother out of their life
  • some moms will not get to spend time with their child(ren) due to custody issues
  • some moms will not see their child due to military duty, travel for work, or they don’t live close by; some children will be missing their moms due to deployment, work duties, or location
  • some were adopted or raised by an aunt, grandmother, family member, or friend and are missing their mother deeply due to death, circumstances, or location
  • some have mothers or children who are incarcerated
  • some have mothers who have alzheimer’s or dementia who do not remember their children
  • some are stepmoms with stepchildren who are less than kind and vice versa
  • some moms feel rejected, uncared about, or unloved…some won’t even be acknowledged or appreciated

There are many heartbreaking situations and reasons why this Mother’s Day will be less than ideal and very heartbreaking for so many people.

Life, and holidays, can be excruciatingly unfair and painful. It can be difficult to see others who still have their moms with them…those who have all their children…those who were blessed enough to become a mom…or to see happy families when you are in devastating heartache and pain.

Here are some tips of how to show compassion to all who are discouraged, hurting, or dreading Mother’s Day:

  1. Show compassion and concern. Ask how they are doing, tell them you are thinking about them, and ask what you can do to make their day better.
  2. Realize how hard the day will be for them and go out of your way to make them feel special. Ask if they’d like to go out for brunch. Send or give them a card, buy them a special gift, ask to make them dinner or ask if they’d mind if you had dinner delivered to them, or buy them some beautiful flowers.
  3. Invite them to a movie, out to dinner, or out for coffee. Let them freely talk about whatever they’d like to talk about…without judgment and without unsolicited advice. Sometimes, it helps to have somebody genuinely care who will compassionately listen. Ask them to share something special about their mom or their child(ren).
  4. Acknowledge their loss and heartache. Mention their loved one by name and tell them what their loved one meant to you. You won’t be hurting them by bringing up their name…trust me, their loved one will be on their heart and mind all day.
  5. If you have a vacation home or extra timeshare points, offer to give them the gift of a weekend getaway.
  6. If you know of someone who is hurting, invite them to church and/or invite them to spend the day with you. Include them in all your plans for the day or a portion of the day.
  7. Think of a special way to remember your family members and friends’ moms, child(ren), or loved one. Light a candle in their mom or child’s honor, or help to decorate their loved one’s grave with flowers or items you know they would’ve liked. Do something you know they would’ve loved.
  8. Love them and “hug” their heart with compassion and kindness. They do not need a lecture on how they should feel or what they should do — and they definitely do not need to be told to “get over it.” They sincerely need people in their life who allow them the beautiful freedom to miss and deeply mourn the treasured person they are grieving, missing, and deeply love. Remember: the greater the love, the greater the grief.
  9. If someone you know has a difficult relationship with their mom or child, reach out to them. Tell them you’re thinking about them by calling them, making them a gift basket, giving them a card, or by inviting them to do something that gets their mind off of their struggles.
  10. If you know of a military mom, send her a care basket. Be sure to send letters from her kiddos and photos, too. If able, set up a time to FaceTime or Skype as well. If there is a mom whose husband is deployed, consider doing something sweet for her too!

What if you are the one who is hurting? Here are some creative ideas of how to get through the day:

  1. Pamper yourself. Clear your schedule and remove any uncomfortable expectations others may place on you. Take a day off and do whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, happy, or peaceful.
  2. Take some time to look at photos or home videos of your mom, child, or loved one. As you look at each one, remember the special bond and incredible memories you shared together.
  3. Take the day to journal or make a special scrapbook of your loved one and all the wonderful memories you shared together.
  4. Write a letter to your mom, child, or loved one and share what’s on your heart and mind.
  5. Spend the day doing what you normally would’ve done if your loved one was here…or go to a place that was special to the two of you. Know that your loved one loves you so very much, they want you to experience love, encouragement and comfort.
  6. Celebrate your loved one or honor your loved one’s memory by having a “garden day.” Plant a tree or some special flowers in their memory and create a beautiful space where you can go in days to come to celebrate or remember your loved one. You could also make a pathway out of memory stones or buy a special bench, hammock, or chair to enjoy in their memory.
  7. Have a relaxing movie day by either going to a movie or ordering take-out and renting movies that will make you feel closer to your loved one. Don’t forget yours & their favorite movie snacks and a comfy blanket.
  8. Invite others who are missing their mom or child to do something fun or meaningful. It truly helps to be around others who “get it.”
  9. Have a day of “writing & learning”: writing letters of gratitude to those who have had a positive impact on your life..it could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, child, family member, pastor, schoolteacher, friend, etc. If you have children, or nieces and nephews, be sure to share the warm memories and stories with them and teach them what was taught to you.
  10. Consider spending the day doing a relaxing hobby and including others in your day. I had a teacher who took a special interest in me by teaching me how to make pies, and I also was taught to bake by my mom and sister. I really enjoyed investing in this hobby and teaching my younger family members how to bake, too.
  11. Watch a church service online and have a “God day” where you spend the entire day with just God and you. Go to a park and have a picnic lunch, lay in a hammock while listening to music, read your Bible and pray. Pray for everybody in your life. Share with God everything that is on your heart. “God days” are very refreshing and can set you up for a much better week!
  12. Last, but not least, make Mother’s Day whatever you would like for it to be. You may feel comfortable doing the usual familiar traditions that have been passed down to you…you may wish to spend and enjoy the day with your remaining loved ones…or you may want to create brand new memories, traditions, and experiences. Go out of town, take a day trip, and/or do something relaxing or special. Surround yourself with love. Pour into others. Encourage others who are hurting. There are many ways you can choose to celebrate or remember your treasured mother, precious child, or loved one, and many ways to remember or celebrate the day.

God loves you and cares about every intricate detail of your heart and life. He wants to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life and help you to rebuild it. It may not be the exact life we signed up for or wanted, but God can help us realize that life is still an adventure worth highly valuing. Take the time you need to rebuild your heart and life…it takes time and it is totally okay to break down or be disappointed as you process your deep loss. Learn new things each and every day. Learn from past mistakes and always look for better ways to live life. Look for and secure the support you need from family and friends…tell them what you need. Feel what you need to feel.

To experience the death of a mother or child is excruciating. Be kind to your heart and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. As long as you’re not hurting God, others, or yourself, whatever you choose to do is appropriate.

To every mom, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, sister, niece, and woman in the world, I wish you a wonderfully beautiful, relaxing, and highly blessed Mother’s Day! Thank you for all of the ways you make (and have made) the world a wonderful and better place! You are so incredibly valuable, special, and unique and life wouldn’t be the same to your loved ones had they not had you in their lives! Pamper yourself this weekend—you deserve it!

Wishing everybody an incredibly peaceful, blessed, comfortable, and memorable Mother’s Day! Allow yourself the freedom to do whatever brings you comfort and makes your heart smile!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

🌹If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

🌺Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🌷Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

💐Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🌸Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

🌼FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

💕

What If….

“What If” are two of the harshest words known to a griever, followed only by the ultimate harshest words, “If Only.”

Going through grief, guilt, regret, and hardship can be excruciating…it can totally weigh a person down.

Something I’ve learned through intense grief is that the decision to love living life again has to be a daily choice. It’s not an easy choice sometimes but it’s a choice that is vital to make each and every day.

Today, choose to exchange the negative meaning of “What If” for a positive reflection of those two words.

“What If” can hold good meaning, too—life changing meaning!

  • ❤️💕What if, TODAY, you begin to actively choose to dwell on the positive instead of any negative
  • What if you choose to see all that is good & right about life, your child, spouse, family, and friends instead of what was/is bad or wrong
  • What if you choose to give someone grace instead of judging or holding a grudge
  • What if you choose to reach out to someone you know you hurt instead of ignoring them or the situation 
  • What if you choose to reach out to someone you know who is hurting from deep grief…or allow someone to encourage you
  • What if you choose to forgive yourself and see your true value
  • What if you choose to bless someone with encouragement, kindness or love
  • What if you choose to do whatever you need to do to create a new life—not forgetting your former life or loved ones, but learning from the past and building your life up so you feel joy every single day
  • What if you choose to seek God, reconcile with Him, accept His overall plan, & delight in Him with all your heart—regardless of life’s difficulties?

Life is an uphill battle…and grief can make it feel as though you are carrying a huge backpack of heavy rocks.

Begin, starting today, to let go of the heavy burdens you have been carrying…one rock at a time.

Be kind to others and yourself!
Every time you feel yourself thinking a guilt-filled, “What If,” turn it around and seek to learn all you can so you can do better from this day forward. 

What if you look back one year from today and see how much life has changed for the better—all because you changed the negative meaning of “What If” into a positive one?

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~
Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Wounded: 7 Steps To Free Your Soul

Wounded. 
One of the worst feelings in the world.

Everybody will go through multiple times of being wounded during the course of their lifetime. And everybody will wound others.

Because most situations of being wounded stem from vulnerability, and being vulnerable is a part of everyday life, it is imperative for everybody to understand how to favorably respond to being wounded.

There are limitless ways you allow yourself to be vulnerable each and every day.
Literally, anytime you open up your heart or life to another person, a work venture, a church, or anything else that makes you vulnerable, you take a chance of being wounded.
You can end up 
burnt…
devastated…
disappointed…
wounded.

Yes, everybody, at some point in their life, will end up being deeply wounded. 

Did you know being deeply wounded can change who you are as a person?
It can bring out an anxiety or ugliness inside you that you never knew existed.
Ultimately, it can plant a seed of bitterness that, if not dealt with, can harvest a huge crop of unending discord, disappointment, dissatisfaction, or even create deep depression, hatred, or resentment in your heart.

Being wounded is a terrible experience to go through, yet, being wounded is one of the most significant spiritual opportunities God can allow you to experience.

I wouldn’t have thought this to be true a few weeks ago, right before finally experiencing a major breakthrough after being incredibly wounded.
Our family went through being extremely wronged. Not just a little sleight, but a hardcore wronging that threatened to leave me a bitter mess.

It was bad enough that we sought both spiritual counsel from a trusted pastor, as well as therapy, to better understand how to get through the devastation and complex emotions.
What God has taught me through being deeply wounded opened my eyes to the significant opportunity woundedness offers, though. 

I just gotta say…No one in their right mind would cheerfully sign up for being wounded to learn any spiritual lessons…and no one will be skipping through fields of flowers after learning those meaningful lessons…but if you ever find yourself wounded or offended, you may as well learn the powerful lessons it has to offer.

If you gotta GO through it, you may as well GROW through it!

The last few years, God has been working in my life and showing me how to handle being wounded.
Multiple situations have arose that have given me, and my family, the opportunity to learn quite a bit through being unfairly wronged.

It has not been an easy road to be on. 
In fact, there were many moments of anger, despair, frustration, and many tears. And to be completely honest, even some not-so-godly thoughts towards the offenders/wounders.

I just need to say that because this post won’t be a Pollyanna type of post. It was gut-wrenching to go through…and getting to the point of God’s answers – and having the ability to forgive – through this valley were gut wrenching, as well.
Many people I know, including myself, do not initially always pass the test when unfairly wronged or wounded. It’s easier to react than to respond favorably after someone has greatly hurt or offended you or a loved one…especially if it significantly altered your life. 

What do you do when an offense is so great that forgiveness is not easily accomplished? 
What is your plan of action when the resentment you feel brews stronger than the blackest dark roast coffee? What about when you see the person who wounded you or you think about the incredibly damaging effects their offense has had on you or your loved ones?

It can be super hard to forgive some offenses. 

The greater or more costly the offense, the harder it is to genuinely forgive and move forward in peace…but to forgive and move forward in peace should be the ultimate goal.

I want to share with you a few things that helped me through some tough times in forgiving others.

Some steps I took helped me tremendously and I hope they are a big help and encouragement to anyone going through being wounded or wronged, as well as anyone who may be battling bitterness.

Some at this point may be nursing deep wounds. They want to move forward but the offense was a lot to bear…it may even currently still be a lot to bear.
Many times, an offense can have lifelong consequences.

A wounded person really only has three choices:
  1. Push back the emotions and try to act as though the offense never occurred…basically ignoring the issue
  2. Feed any resentment or bitterness
  3. Work on forgiveness as you grow through the situation and move forward in peace

Someone who has been wronged can choose the typical responses to being wounded: 
  • get mad
  • dislike or resent difficult people 
  • have bad thoughts or pray against them (hey, King David harshly prayed against his enemies throughout the book of Psalms)
  • tarnish their reputation through speaking lies, exaggerations…or unflattering truths…about them
  • be revengeful 
  • ultimately plant seeds of bitterness in their heart 
These actions will most likely make a wounded person feel better at firstbut at what cost to their own heart and soul? And God will hold them accountable for not forgiving…and defiling others.

Booker T. Washington once said, “I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.” 

Isn’t that the truth? When we hate others, it belittles our own soul…it does absolutely nothing to the person who was wounding.

A very good friend shared with me something similar, “Being bitter towards your offender is like you drinking poison but expecting your offender to die.” 
Ouch!

It’s true…Bitterness hardens and poisons YOUR heart, damages YOUR soul, and changes who YOU are as a person. Trust me, I know this personally after becoming bitter towards people who deeply wronged and wounded my family and me.

You may think to yourself, “Won’t I know if I’m becoming bitter?”
Bitterness creeps in very slowly. 
No one plans on becoming or being bitter, but without major self reflection, you won’t immediately realize or see the true effects.

Most people do not recognize their own bitterness.
I speak from personal experience…I didn’t realize how bitter I was until a friend called me out on it. 
While nursing some deep wounds after going through a very tough situation with a loved one who was wronged, I took up a major offense towards the offenders involved.

Was it wrong to want justice? Absolutely not.
Is it wrong to expect people to do the right thing or apologize? Not at all!

It becomes wrong when justice…and a well fed grudge…becomes more important than God and good character.

We all know we should forgive others, but are you worried you won’t be able to truly forgive and move forward because the person(s) who wounded you (or your loved one) isn’t even remotely sorry for their offense(s)?

Don’t worry…you can take these steps whether your offender is sorry or not.

I learned that forgiveness, resolution, and/or restoration did not have to take place for me to clean out my own heart and do the honorable thing in God’s eyes.

Don’t get me wrong: it was not easy to forgive, but I had a “fork in the road” decision to make:
  • I could hold onto the hurts and offenses 
OR
I could have a healthy relationship with God and peace in my soul
I found I could not have it both ways.

It took time and forgiving this particular situation was not instantaneous…and there are still days a bad thought will pop into my head, prodding me to renew my grudge.


So how do you get an offender out of your head?

For me, it was helpful to put my thoughts into proper perspective and to look into the motives.
Some offenders do not care that they wounded another person. Thoughts of the people they’ve hurt or offended are non-existent to the offender. They couldn’t care less.
With that said, when an offender has caused major loss in life…I began to realize that I was not going to allow additional loss by allowing them to live rent free inside my thought life.
 
Other offenders may not realize the depth they have wounded others. A simple conversation can clear things up quickly.

As I prayed about how to best deal with multiple situations (the original offense had a domino effect, creating additional situations), God was good to give me solid insight into freeing my soul from being wounded.

The following steps were life-giving to me and helped me to overcome my bitterness. 
Praying these steps are of great help to somebody today!

1. View your offender through God’s eyes~

Yes, this can be a tall order. After all, shouldn’t God be on our team and dislike our offender as much as we do?
God loves and adores each person He created…equally. There is no favoritism with Him. From Billy Graham down to the worst person on the planet, God wants what is best for each person. All are deeply loved and incredibly treasured by Him.

When we view our offender through our own eyes, all we will see is the ugliness they have done. We will no longer see any of the good they have in them. We stop viewing them as a whole, we instead only view their terribly wounding offense(s) as well as every character flaw they possess.

It’s important to realize that no matter what they’ve done to us personally, they still have great value in God’s eyes. 
God has a big purpose and plan for their life…no matter what they have done…and He greatly desires for them to have an abundant life.
He created them, and He has a plan for them to do wonderful works, too.
Their offense is not the totality of who they are as a person; it may be a very poor choice they made. Always seek to look for the 90% of what’s right about a person than the 10% of their wrong faults. Refuse to be a fault-finder.

“Discernment is God’s call to intercession, never to fault finding.”

~Oswald Chambers

What if I still can’t remove the resentment or bitterness I feel?
It personally helps me to remember a quote my son once shared with me: “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”
I remember that I am deeply flawed and remind myself of the mercy I need daily.
I also make sure I remember and fully realize what God has done for me and how He forgives me.
Many testimonies have stemmed out of deep heartache. 
Today’s heartache could very well be tomorrow’s testimony that helps many.

2. Truly seek to understand~

What is the entirety of the situation? Is just one party at fault, both parties, or multiple parties?
Ask yourself, “Did they intentionally wound me on purpose?”…”What was their true motive or intent?”…”Were they reacting?”

Sometimes, the people who wound us did not truly intend to wound or offend us.
Thoughtlessness is prevalent in the self-saturated society we live in. Most people only look at a situation through their own eyes…and most do not even attempt to put their own self in the other person’s shoes to
see how truly hurtful and offensive their actions were.

People are fallible, flawed, and do not always go into their decisions thoughtfully, and they don’t always have the maturity or the life experience to know how to best handle relationships, situations, or decisions. 
Not everybody has developed good character or wisdom for each and every situation in life either.
Everybody needs mercy…ourselves included.

Think of all the times you offended or wounded others. Did you truly go into it thinking how you were going to wound, wrong, or offend someone?
Also consider, were the offending person’s actions due to taking up an offense for someone they perceived was wronged? Were they attempting to protect someone or prevent future heartache?

You might be thinking, “This chick doesn’t know what she’s talking about…some people are just jerks,“…I wholeheartedly agree that can be completely true about some people.

So many factors go into the wounding actions of others.
Seeking to understand truly is key.


3. Look at how your situation personally applies VERTICALLY to God~

Majority of the time, we are doing to God, or somebody else, exactly what another person is doing to us or a loved one.

When you genuinely ask “How have I, or any of my loved ones, betrayed, hurt, or wounded God or others?
This vertical question turns a wounding reality into a convicting reality as one thinks about how many times they have hurt God or not been loyal or faithful to Him. 

Idolatry and choosing to be bitter are both sins…yet we don’t always view our offenses toward God in the same manner, or as seriously, as we view our offender’s offenses towards ourselves.

When we train ourselves to see life challenges or offenses through a vertical lens, no matter the topic, we clearly see how universally we have hurt God and others in similar situations.

Next time you’re offended, truly check to see if you are doing the same offense towards God or someone else.

In some situations, that totally is not the case, but many times, the answer is unfavorable.


4. Seek to see what you can learn through the offense you are going through~

Offenses can teach us important  life lessons. An offense may even prevent something worse from happening in the future due to the wisdom you learn from a previous offense.

We must be open to God so He can show us how to wisely navigate through offensive or hurtful situations. Without His guidance, we might miss crucial wisdom.

Tough situations in life will either make us better or bitter.
When we choose to be better through a challenging experience, rewards eventually come our way.
When we choose to be bitter, we will most likely go through additional loss…and will go through a similar situation to learn the lesson we missed.

As I was at coffee with two very good friends…friends I am very authentic and vulnerable with; both ladies are trustworthy accountability partners to me…I asked for advice on how to get over the feelings I was feeling. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake the bitterness I felt after a situation of deep offense and woundedness.
I prayed about it…went through the steps of forgiving the offense several times…tried to let it go…even invested kind words into some of those who were responsible for the wounding offense…but nothing seemed to have any lasting power.

I couldn’t shake it.

After a time of deep prayer, I began to clearly see that God allowed the deep offenses so I could learn how to overcome bitterness when others are not sorry…and this is greatly helping me to help others in my grief ministry who are going through situations where they have been deeply wounded.

It’s easy to forgive someone when they come to you and apologize. It’s a bit more challenging when they’ve created an extensive amount of damage, and then are aloof, uncaring, or insensitive to the situation they created.

It is beyond important to understand that God will sometimes allow a wounding situation for a specific reason….not cause it, but allow it…and good can come out of any situation, whether the offensive party is sorry or not.

Not saying it’s easy…because it usually is not...but there are very specific lessons we can learn through being wounded…lessons that will ultimately free us and eventually help us later in life. It can also help us to be a source of encouragement to others who are going through a similar situation.
We also learn the value of waiting on God and trusting Him to genuinely work out difficult situations in His perfect timing.

I can assure you that the heartache and struggles you are going through are not in vain. Like Pastor Rick Warren from Saddleback Church says, “God never wastes a hurt. We sometimes do, but God does not.”

So while you are waiting, what about your offender?
You can be sure God will hold your offender accountable. God never allows anyone to get away with wounding others…ourselves included.
One day, EVERYBODY will give an account for the ways they have wounded and wronged others. Everybody will also have to give an account for how they handled wounding situations, too.

This next step was the most important one. I found this step to be the ultimate step that gave me freedom from bitterness…And, it was my least favorite step to take! 
When my friend suggested I do this next step, that one day at the coffee date I told you about earlier, I remember seriously cringing. 
I’m so grateful I did this next step though, because it brought me the peace I needed to genuinely move forward.

5. Pray God BLESSES your offender and invest in your offender’s life by praying for them~

You may be thinking, “ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!!!!”
I mean, who wants to ask God to bless an offensive, hurtful, wounding, or problematic person?

Most do not want to ask God to bless their offenders. The people who have wounded you most likely have created havoc or greatly altered life as you knew it due to their wounding actions and decisions.  

If most people are truly honest, they want God to do the OPPOSITE of bless their offenders.
I know I initially felt this way, especially since my family and I continue to experience consequences of the offender(s) actions.

I felt that way until I realized a harsh reality..what if God had the same attitude towards my family and me for all the times we have wounded His heart?

The fact that God chooses to forgive, love, and bless me is reason enough for me to choose to forgive and bless an offender through praying for God to bless them.

I had to remember that the offenders who wounded us were created in God’s image. They are deeply loved by Him.
God has incredible life purposes and plans for their lives.
And since they are also believers, we are all going to be living in the exact same Heaven someday.
We are on the same team, but we were all deceived by a greater enemy to engage in hurtful conflict.
Ephesians 6:12, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Hebrews 12:14-15, “Try to be at peace with everyone, and try to live a holy life, because no one will see the Lord without it. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
I try to continually choose to be the mercy today that I want to receive tomorrow…because I’m in need of mercy, too.
Someone, most likely, could have authored this same blog post about me at some point in my life.
Everybody has been wounded because we all wound others.

We need to look to the One who has been wounded more than anyone else…and learn how to love, forgive, and bless others from His incredible viewpoint and example.

So since we are all fallible, does that just give everybody a hall pass to wound others and expect forgiveness no matter what?
Not at all! Each person, including ourselves, should make it a goal to be mindful of how we treat others.
If we offend someone, it is our responsibility to make things right. The ultimate goal is to treat others with such honor and kindness that wounding others never becomes an option in the first place.

Matthew 5:23-24, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

So after you forgive someone, it’s instant and permanent, and you’ll never be challenged to resent or dislike the person ever again, right?
I wish! The truth is, forgiveness is a choice. Even though forgiveness is instant, it may take time for the heart and feelings to catch up. 
I have found that forgiving is a daily choice.

Whenever a bitter or wounded thought comes to my mind, or a negative thought comes to mind about the offenders, I immediately use those thoughts as a signal to pray for them and the situation of conflict. 

Pray God outrageously blesses your offender and pray He genuinely works through the situation of conflict in His way. Be sure to also ask God to heal your heart!

God proves Himself faithful in the toughest situations when we do things His way and as we look at our offenders and our tough life situations through His eyes! It isn’t always easy but it is rewarding.

6. Realize that majority of conflict is simply a decoy to what God wants to do in the lives of the people affected by the conflict~

We are in battle with an enemy…but the enemy is not who we think it is.
We faultily think the enemy is our offender, when in reality, our enemy is from a completely different realm.
This is especially true when conflict happens between families, fellow believers, and in churches.

Again, consider Ephesians 6:12: “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places”

If you have experienced conflict with a family member, a fellow Christian, or in your church or with church staff, you can be sure that the enemy knew the positive potential the people involved in the conflict could have.

Now I am not advocating condoning another person’s poor choices or behavior, or excusing the wrong they did, and forgiveness does not mean we foolishly throw ourselves into genuinely abusive situations. Forgiveness is simply a loving courtesy we extend to others because God extends that same love and courtesy to us. We must ultimately trust God to deal with the situation and people involved in His own way and His time. 

So, what if you STILL do not want to forgive an offender?
Consider Job and Joseph in the Bible.
God shows the importance of forgiving others through both of these men’s lives.
Although both experienced excruciating hardships and unbearable heartache, both chose to trust God and take the higher road after being wounded.
As a result, both reaped incredible blessings and favor from God for doing so…in fact, Job only found favor through his grief experience after he chose to forgive his friends and interceded for them in prayer. That is the exact moment God restored Job…and gave him a double portion of favor. 

There is no sane explanation, but freedom usually comes only through forgiveness, and praying for the offender(s).

7. Realize that being wounded (and also conflict…even rejection) is necessary to make us more like Christ~

The most trying times in life are usually what brings about the most spiritual growth.

When life is going great, nothing is tested. It’s easy to be good and kind to others…when they are good or kind to us.
But, when those around us are wounding, offensive, rude, or unkind, it truly tests our character. It also reveals what is in our own heart, too.

Think of all of the people who were absolutely awful to Christ. How did he respond to them?
What was His example?
What would have happened to you or me had He decided to put His offenders in their place by zapping them?
We wouldn’t have known the beauty of the cross or ever realized His incredibly awesome love for us…we wouldn’t be positively changed forever.

Being wounded offers the chance and opportunity to use situations of conflict as “sandpaper” to our heart and soul.
When we choose to go to God with our hurts, He can gently “sand off” the impurities held in our heart as we look at the situation through His eternal perspective and ways.
Ultimately, times of conflict or being wounded are opportunities that allow God to remove hidden sin from our heart, to trust Him through tough situations, and to allow Him to minister to our heart and heal our woundedness through His love and encouragement.

With that said, I believe that if someone has significantly hurt or wronged you, they should be held accountable in a Christ-like manner.

If after you have deeply prayed about a situation and you feel God is leading you to confront someone who has wronged you, I highly encourage you to follow the biblical blueprint for doing so; and as you do, go in a spirit of humility and self reflection, maintaining good character. (Matthew 18:15-20; Galations 6:1-2; Colossians 3:13; 2 Timothy 2:24-26; Matthew 7; James 5:19-20)

Sometimes, during a confrontation, it is obvious that someone intentionally offended or hurt us…other times, we find out that an offender truly did not mean to hurt or offend us at all. In fact, they were oblivious to the entire situation…this is why it is so important to go into confronting others in a right spirit as we seek to understand the overall picture of the situation.

If you don’t think you can confront someone in a right spirit, wait until you can.

If there are people you feel you should confront, it is important to wait on the right timing, as well as a time where you can truly trust your words and keep your attitude in check. 

Do NOT confront someone unless you can trust yourself to not make the situation worse. You may have forgiven an offender, but you may need to work on sorting the situation out further in your heart so you are able to go in a right frame of mind and with a right spirit. 
Also, do whatever is most minimal in confronting someone. Many times, a spark is more powerful—and more effective—than a big out of control fireworks show. Only do that which is necessary to move forward in peace.

Ultimately, and ideally, when we confront a person who has been hurtful, we shouldn’t confront in an attitude of “telling them off” or to punish them…it should be from the mindset of genuinely seeking to understand with resolution for both our self, as well as them, so both parties can clear their conscience and move forward in life…better than before the confrontation took place.
This isn’t always achieved, but I think this should be the ultimate goal.

What if a confrontation and/or resolution simply are not possibilities?
I truly believe in resolution when it is possible, but resolution isn’t always obtainable…and it isn’t always in the best interest of the wounded party either, especially in difficult situations such as if an offender committed murder or great malice.
A great book to read on this topic is Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
If the conflict is among family, I think in situations where there is a great amount of damage, it can be necessary to meet with a trusted pastor or a professional counselor to personally help work the situation out spiritually and emotionally…and they can also give wise counsel on the matter and discuss it further.
It isn’t always best to confront an offender. Sometimes, God is trying to teach our own self a powerful lesson.

I chose not to confront the offenders because I never felt a peace about doing so. I instead chose to trust God completely in the situation and entrusted the details to Him. 

When you trust God with the details, I feel it is important to make sure to be mindful in self-reflection so as to see any blind spots that can possibly be in a situation of conflict or woundedness…and learn as much as you can so you don’t miss any vital lessons. 
It’s very important to be honest with yourself during times of conflict or woundedness because it does no good to look at another person’s faults if we are being oblivious to our own.
Beware of no man more than of yourself, for we often carry our worst enemies within us.” 
~Charles Spurgeon

No matter the details or outcome of a situation, I believe that forgiveness is vital…it is just as much for our own heart as it is for our offender(s). Forgiveness must be pursued and resolved within our own self. If it isn’t, the quality of our life, testimony, and our own heart will never become all it can be. 
Unforgiveness ultimately harms the vessel in which it resides…and doesn’t harm the person it is aimed at. It’s like loading a gun and aiming it at our own spirit.

As you trust God with working out the details of any situation of woundedness you are going through, give the ENTIRE situation to Him. God has the power to smooth out the rough spots of any situation and work it for our good and His ultimate purposes. As you submit to and obey God, trust Him to give you treasures out of the darkness of the conflicts you face.

Today, make the decision to trust God through any situation that is paining you. Pour your heart out to Him and entrust your problems and cares into His more than capable hands.

Tap into the power of Christ’s strength to make truly forgiving and investing in others through prayer genuinely possible.
With Christ, all things are possible.

Let me leave you with a few verses to encourage you. God is faithful and keeps His Word. I pray He meets you right where you are and brings healing to whatever you are facing today!


© 2015 Kim Niles/Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

Psalm 56:8-11, “You know how troubled I am; you have kept a record of my tears. Aren’t they listed in your book? The day I call to you, my enemies will be turned back. I know this: God is on my side — the Lord, whose promises I praise. In him I trust, and I will not be afraid.”

Genesis 50:20, But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God thought it out unto good, to bring to pass that which we see this day, to give life to many people.”

Psalm 37:3-9, “Trust the Lord and do good; live in the land, and farm faithfulness. Enjoy the Lord, and he will give what your heart asks. Commit your way to the Lord! Trust him! He will act and will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like high noon. Be still before the Lord, and wait for him. Don’t get upset when someone gets ahead— someone who invents evil schemes. Let go of anger and leave rage behind! Don’t get upset—it will only lead to evil. Because evildoers will be eliminated, but those who hope in the Lord, they will possess the land.

Romans 12:17-19, “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the LORD.”

Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭23-25‬, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.”

Matthew 7:1-5,Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Isaiah 45:2-3, “I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars. I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, So that you may know that it is I, The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name.”

Isaiah‬ ‭55‬:‭8-9‬ , “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:15-24‬, “See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. Do not scoff at prophecies, but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every kind of evil. Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.”

‭‭Gratitude & blessings,

Kim


©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance.

Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships – Adultery & Betrayal

I’d like to talk about a topic many grievers don’t want to think about…Adultery.

During times of grief, as one spouse (or both spouses) are grieving a tough life event, they can become distracted due to grief. It can simply be overwhelming to maintain a romantic relationship/marriage when you’re grieving the worst event of your life.

Also, when two people don’t share the same grieving style, there can be a disconnect as well.

It’s usually someone close to the family or a coworker who innocently asks “how are you doing”… and then that can lead to further conversations… and then an emotional or extramarital affair can occur.

If you’re struggling with this, about to be caught in the middle of this, or if the grief experience you’re going through stems from an affair…you’re not alone.

If you’re walking through the treacherous fires of adultery or betrayal, please know that God loves you so very much. He is holding you, He will carry you through the entire situation, and He has the power to bring good out of the pain.

If you’re about to betray your spouse or family, please please please reconsider. The pain and recovery is horrendous – and as a marriage coach, I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve sat with and heard heart-wrenching stories of how horrible the aftermath is. The enemy doesn’t just hurt the spouses and their marriage, the enemy goes after the entire family.

I wrote about betrayal in my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships. I’ve included it below to encourage anyone who is walking the path of betrayal.

Wishing all of the Grief Bites Family a blessed day of God’s comfort & healing!💗

Day 4 from my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships.

Day 4~

Have you ever experienced the bitter sting of betrayal…a betrayal so deep it cuts and shreds every ounce of your heart?

It is a terrible experience to go through the deep heartache of a spouse’s adultery or a spouse who no longer wants to be married.

After such an experience, the sting wraps itself around you and threatens to forever break or harden your heart. As the tears fall and your heart is breaking, it feels as though the betrayal stings your soul a thousand times each day. 

It’s easy during times like these to not just harden your heart, but to become hardened towards God…and place misplaced blame onto Him.

Don’t think for one second that God did not do everything in His power to convict your spouse’s heart and warn them to choose another path. God did. 

God gives each of us free will…and sometimes, people misuse their free will to betray loved ones.  

Sadly, some spouses choose to harden their heart to God’s convictions (and good character) and not listen.

The moment you found out about your spouse’s deep betrayal…the moment your heart shattered into a million pieces…God’s heart did too. He hurts for you and deeply grieves that your covenant mate chose the path they chose to walk.

God is concerned for you. Every tear you’ve cried, He has placed in a bottle. Each heartache you have experienced, He has written in His book. God has kept track of every toss and turn on your sleepless nights.

If you are crying out for help, He IS listening. He knows the heart-wrenching agony you have experienced – and are still going through – and He strongly desires to help you catch your breath.

God’s huge heart breaks for anyone whose life has been affected by betrayal. His heart sincerely breaks for the children and families affected too.

Today, I encourage you to pour your heart out to God. Share with Him your deepest heartaches, thoughts, and feelings. 

He DOES care….and if you ask, He WILL help you through this painful time in your life. Ask Him to guide and direct you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you!

There is hope and God does heal.

Draw close to God’s heart and He will draw close to you. He is the best way to truly get through the devastating heartache and sting of betrayal.

‭‭~Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬‬‬, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

James‬ ‭4:8‬, “Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners! Purify your hearts, you hypocrites!”

Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

JAMES‬ ‭4:10‬, “Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”

Proverbs‬ ‭6:32, “Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.”

( from Day 4 of the YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships — https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships )

God’s promise of love and healing is for ALL. Whether you’ve been wounded by adultery…or if you’ve made the heart wrenching mistake of adultery…or you’re the “other” person, God cares about each person and the entire situation. Anyone can make peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor.

Make Your Grief & Life Count!

When famous fighter Muhammad Ali was once asked how many sit-ups he did, his response was, “I don’t count my sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting. When I feel pain, that is when I start counting, because then it really counts. That’s what makes you a champion.”

Grief, loss, and trials can truly knock you out…but…they can also change, challenge, and refine you, creating a better life.

Before grief, loss, or a hardship hits, life hasn’t truly had the opportunity to fully challenge you, change you, or even bring out any hidden greatness.

Today, if you are going through a tough time in life, I encourage you to get as much as you can out of the life experience you are going through. Allow it to sink in..change you..challenge you..help you..make you a better person…and create a brilliant, vibrant, purpose-filled life.

There is great gain that can be created out of great pain. 

Life may be kicking your tail today…you may resent life and your current situation more than words can say…but truly understand that the here-and-now heartaches and trials you are going through do not have to permanently keep you down.

Make the decision to get up. Grow through your pain. Make your pain count!

Begin “counting” today, choose to do whatever you have to do so your pain is not in vain, and fight back by going out of your way to create and live the best life possible.

Only you can seek and find the treasures your grief and loss experiences have to offer.

They are there so start counting and find these hard earned treasures starting today!

A year from now, you will either look back and be in the exact same place you are at today…or…you will be able to look back and know you did whatever it took to fight towards a better life.

You have GREAT value and your life COUNTS! Always remember that!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Remembering & Thanking Our Brave Military!

In loving memory of our fallen military members who paid the ultimate price for their courageous service! And in honor of all the men and women who have served (and are currently serving) our country. We deeply and sincerely thank you for your courage and all of your sacrifices!

I wrote and posted this awhile back on the Grief Bites blog in honor of my family members and friends who have served! I appreciate those who serve so very much!

“A Vet – whether active-duty, retired, The National Guard or U.S. Army Reserve – is someone who, at one point in his or her life, wrote a blank check made payable to the ‘United States of America’, for an amount of up to and including their life.”

❤️

Today, when you play with your kiddos, there’s a serviceman or woman who doesn’t get to enjoy that freedom…and many of them miss huge milestones such as the birth of their children, their child’s 1st birthday party, other birthdays, Christmas mornings, graduations, 1st day of school, goodnight kisses, bedtime stories, and other special occasions.

❤️

When you kiss, or spend time with, your spouse or significant other, there’s a serviceman or woman who is missing their loved one beyond words! They miss wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, Valentine’s Day, special events, and they don’t get the luxury of regular “date nights.” Some are divorced or betrayed by their spouse (through no fault of their own) due to being away serving our country.

❤️

When you get together with your best friends this weekend, realize there’s a serviceman or woman who not only buried their best friends…but may have actually witnessed their best friends being killed during combat. Some have friends who experienced PTSD or committed suicide, too.

❤️

When you talk to or hug your spouse, kiddos, parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces/nephews, or any other family members…or you’re tempted to complain about any of them…remember there’s a serviceman or woman who would love to be able to enjoy that freedom—but can’t due to their service and/or being stationed many miles away. They miss many family events, celebrations and special occasions!

❤️

When you go to the gym this week, or go do a physical activity, there’s a serviceman or woman who is learning how to live with a severe disability because they fought for our freedoms.

❤️

When you go to work…or a place of worship…or speak your opinion…or go to a sporting event…or attend college or another school function…or vote…or speak your mind about a presidential election...it’s all because someone willingly signed up to protect and ensure our safety and our freedoms—knowing it could very well cost them their very LIFE—so we can wonderfully enjoy all the joys and privileges of a free country!

❤️

When you go about life, dreaming, making plans, and setting goals, there’s a serviceman or woman who is denied these precious, exquisite gifts and opportunities – since they willingly laid down their life and died while serving and fighting for our freedoms.

💕“Some people live an entire lifetime and wonder if they have ever made a difference in the world, but the Marines (and armed forces) don’t have that problem.”

– Ronald Reagan

Please join me in THANKING and praying for all of our wonderful, incredible veterans today…and let’s keep them in our prayers each and every day!

If you personally know of someone who has experienced the death of a family member or friend who died while serving in the military, please reach out to them.

If you know of someone who is currently serving, or who has served, (or you know a spouse who holds the fort down while their loved one is away serving…or you know a parent of a serviceman or woman) sincerely thank them the next time you see them!

Our military (and their families) truly deserve so much more remembrance, honor, and gratitude than we can ever give them for their sacrifices!

Beyond grateful today to everyone who has served! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

And if you’ve experienced great heartache, challenges, or disability due to serving, I’m truly genuinely sorry for your pain…and sorry Americans (including myself) haven’t understood it from your perspective.

You truly are amazing heroes! 

Thank you so very much for your service, courage, and sacrifices!! We all love you, are grateful to you, and pray God richly blesses you!!💕

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

Originally posted ©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

🇺🇸If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🇺🇸Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🇺🇸Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Grief & Upcoming Holidays

When going through deep grief, holidays can seem to lose their previous joy, sparkle and specialness.

  • Suddenly, the tree that used to shine bright holding treasured ornaments and memories can now bring about intense sadness
  • Baking treats and making favorite dishes for a loved one who is no longer here can now bring about incredible heartache
  • Old traditions can now bring intense pain…even anxiety.
  • And seeing happy couples and cheerful families can bring about feelings of depression, despair, or even jealousy

It is very painful navigating through the holidays when going through the loss of a loved one, a divorce, miscarriage, financial loss, family/marital conflict, or other losses.
…And it can be extra painful and burdensome when family and friends do not understand or agree with how you are handling your grief.

Today’s holiday tip is:

Grieve how you need to grieve
. Do not put on yourself the extra pressure to have the “perfect” holidays.

Just like you are having to create a new “normal” in day-to-day life, you will most likely need the freedom to do holidays differently for a season as well.

Explain to family & friends that the holidays are going to be tough on you and ask them for their help, support, and compassion.

Some grievers may be able to do all of their usual holiday traditions, while others may not.

BOTH are perfectly fine!

Pray about and consider what you need to do, or not do, this holiday season and come to a place of peace about it.

It doesn’t mean it will always be like this…just because you choose something this year doesn’t mean it will be cemented or always be like this…it simply means you are doing what you need to do THIS holiday season.

Communication is key! Talk about it with your loved ones, so as to avoid hurt feelings or conflict. Compromise may also be needed.

I am praying for all of you to have a special and meaningful holiday season, and also praying you are surrounded by understanding and caring family & friends who will encourage you this month and next.

It can take time to find a new holiday normal, so don’t be hard on yourself. It takes time to work out broken hearts and broken lives.

The first few years are the absolute hardest, but through genuinely working out your grief, holidays CAN hold great joy again…in time!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim
©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Grief & Gratefulness

Going through intense heartache made me a huge advocate of intentionally developing gratefulness into my heart during times of grief.

After a very good friend of mine and my sister died 3 weeks apart from each other, I sunk into a deep depression.

After seeking God for His help, He placed it on my heart to write letters to anyone who had made an impact in my life…God, parents, siblings, family members, selected friends, pastors, Sunday school teachers, school teachers (Kindergarten-12th grade), college professors, coworkers, my former ballet teacher who had taught me many years and had given me discounted lessons after my dad died, former coaches…basically everyone who had significantly poured into my life.

I wrote each person a letter, telling them thank you and sharing with them how they had made a difference in my life.

Doing this, made a huge impact in my life and dramatically eased my depression.

Several of my former teachers and college professors even wrote back and shared that I was the only student who had ever thanked them in their teaching careers.

The impact of this caused me to develop true gratefulness in every area of my life…and made me want to show gratefulness to my loved ones on a frequent basis.
I also developed the habit of thinking of 5 people & 5 things I was grateful for every morning & night.

Today, if you are struggling through grief, consider writing thank you notes to all who have made a difference & an impact in your life.
Think of 5 people & 5 things you are grateful for every morning & each night.

Give thanks every day to God for everyone & all the good remaining in your life!

A grateful heart can do wonders & bring healing to a grieving heart!

Give thanks & develop gratefulness starting today!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim
©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

❤️
Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Hope Seems Lost

When going through grief or the hardships of life, it can be easy to lose hope.

When googling a definition for hope, this came up:

Hope~
1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
synonyms: aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; More

After I saw this definition for hope, I quickly realized that the reason hope is not readily available to a griever is because the expectation and desire is for our loved one to still be with us…or for a past circumstance to not have happened…and we can’t make that happen.

As I looked at the synonyms…aspiration…desire…wish…expectation…ambition…aim…goal…plan…design, I realized hope itself can be created out of these synonyms of hope.

We can’t bring a loved one back…and in many situations in life, we may not have the ability to take back something that happened in the past…but we can all make the important life-saving decision to aspire to create a new normal.

We can create new desires for our futures. We can form new wishes and expectations, have new ambitions, aim our sights on fresh new goals, make new plans, and come up with a new design for our lives.

It’s not easy or fun…and if a griever is completely honest with themselves, it will most likely be one of the hardest things a person will ever have to do. Creating a new “normal” isn’t something any griever would willingly sign up for…but the alternative is to die a little bit more inside every. single. day. The ultimate alternative is to permanently lose hope.

So we hope for a better tomorrow…we hope someday the pain will not feel as fresh as it does today…we hope that life will once again be the joyful song we once knew it to be…and we hope that eventually hope itself will be renewed so we can truly feel hope once again on an everyday basis.

How do we regain our hope after life devastates us?

That will look different for each individual griever. Hope is something that requires self-work and renewing hope is something we must CHOOSE for ourselves.

I personally find hope in God. In grief, He is the only thing that has ever made sense…and the only One who has ever had the ability to make sense out of my grief.

As I struggle through situations I don’t understand, I ask God to show me deeper levels of His love and comfort. I ask Him to reveal a greater depth and perspective about life that will help me, or someone I know, at a future date. I do not like to feel as though life or grief is in vain or wasted, so I seek to learn life lessons through anything I go through in life…good and bad.

A few months ago, I came across Psalm 107:23-31 as I was studying about prayer. It spoke volumes to me because grief makes a soul feel as though it is drowning in the deep. As the waves of grief come crashing in, it can feel just like a horrible storm that leaves you miserable and at your wit’s end. It can make you feel as though you have no hope.

Psalm 107:23-31, “Those who go down to the sea in ships, Who do business on great waters; They have seen the works of the LORD, And His wonders in the deep. For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, Which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths; Their soul melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at their wits’ end. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, And He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, So that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, So He guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for His lovingkindness, And for His wonders to the sons of men!”

When we cry out to God in our heartache and troubles, He has the powerful ability to renew our hope and bring us out of our distress. He is the One who can quiet the waves we go through in life, causing the storms of life to be still, when we allow Him to guide and direct us in life.

Today, if you are struggling with God and wondering if hope will ever be a true part of your life again, I encourage you to call out to God and seek Him for His help. I encourage you to do whatever you need to do to regain your personal hope.

Hope can be renewed. It may take time, and maybe even a lot of tears, but it can happen. Life can be good again, too!

Faith and hope go hand-in-hand. When you are lacking in one, strengthen the other. Both can be built by choice.

Ask yourself, “How can I strengthen my hope or faith today?”

Diligently think of new ways to build your hope back up.

It may be hard at first…and it may take baby steps…but one step at a time, made each and every day, will eventually lead you to a new normal of experiencing HOPE.

Once one rebuilds their hope, they then have the incredible opportunity to start rebuilding their life.

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.
❤️
Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)