Tag Archive | hope

The Doors & Windows of Grief & Loss

Sometimes, grief comes in the form of losing a prized goal, dream, or a treasured relationship.

A door will close and will cause deep feelings of loss. You may even feel as though you have lost your way.

When God closes a door, don’t try to “pick the lock.”

Attempting to force a closed door open delays where God desires to guide and direct you.

Sometimes God closes a door so He can open an unexpected window.

He often will give the view of a window because it offers a different view (as well as an alternative perspective) that you might have missed seeing at ground level.

Windows can be BLESSINGS in disguise.

When we seek God first and foremost, and keep Him first place in our lives and obey Him, we are guaranteed to be in His perfect will.

Trust God to fulfill your life purpose and to open the doors He has predetermined to open for you.

It’s not always easy to accept a door that has closed, but trusting God to open another door or window that He sees as best will offer a view…and future…you presently cannot comprehend.

Today, ask God to guide and direct your paths and to only open doors that will truly bless your life. Ask for the grace and wisdom to know which doors to keep closed.

(Lookup Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:33)

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Brunch & Grief: 5 Valuable Life Lessons

Jan28

Spending time with loved ones, going to brunch, and learning from others are among some of my favorite things to do in life.

Earlier this week, my mom, sister, and I were lucky enough to all have some free time to have brunch together.

My sister and mom are some of my favorite people to talk to. I love talking about life with these two because they both have such deep insight and wisdom. Both have been through excruciating grief, yet both came out of multiple harsh grief experiences stronger and better than before.

As we were talking about our grief ministry, my sister shared a verse that is personally very meaningful to her, Psalm 55:17, “Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.”

The reason this verse is so meaningful to her is because she lived it out in experience. After the death of her fiancé and our sister (they died 3 weeks apart), she didn’t hear from God for almost an entire year. An ENTIRE year!

How many of us would have become frustrated, grown bitter, or simply given up? She didn’t. She shared with me that she knew God loved her and was listening to her, so she felt compelled to keep pressing on.

I’m glad she did because she’s a wealth of wisdom and knowledge about harsh grief experiences! Had she given up on God, she would’ve missed out on so much wisdom and some very powerful life lessons…lessons she now shares with thousands of people!

Several things she and my mom shared at our special brunch date made an impact as I intently listened.

By the way, everybody you know has a life story and rich life lessons you can learn from. Anytime I meet with someone, I like to come away with at least one new thing I’ve learned from them.

Brunch was a jackpot of lessons. As I listened and talked with my sister and mom, I learned so much.

Here are 5 lessons I learned at brunch that I think are very valuable:

It’s totally okay to be in deep grief and distress. There’s an entire book in the Bible (Psalms) where David didn’t “get over” his grief. God allowed David the freedom to deeply grieve. God didn’t rush David or tell him to get on with life. Allow God’s Word to validate your grief…especially when people around you don’t (or won’t) validate it.
Grief changes people. You are guaranteed to become a different person: you’ll either choose to grow from grief and become a different (better) person…or you’ll choose to wither up and die and become a different (bitter) person. You may also yo-yo in between these two scenarios as you process your deep grief…and that’s okay! It’s completely up to you what kind of person you’ll ultimately decide to become of the two, though.
One of the best things someone can do for a griever is to go get them and treat them to a soda or coffee. Just being there means so much to a griever. My mom credits her friends who regularly did this for her with tremendously helping her overcome her deep grief after my dad died. In addition to God, family and friends can be an important lifeline to a griever.
When you feel all alone and your family and friends aren’t measuring up in being there for you during grief, know that God half designed it to be like that so He can meet your deepest needs…and He designed the other half so family, friends, and His church can meet the other half of those needs. My sister explained, “If people had come through and been there for me 100% of the time, I never would’ve realized my need for God or developed the rich relationship I enjoy with Him today. If I hadn’t had to wait for God’s timing, I wouldn’t have known the treasure of trusting Him and His deliverance as much as I did. God wants to be your hero during times of grief…stop desiring that from your loved ones and let God be that hero!”
Don’t allow people to rush you through your grief or to control your grief or life. Both my mom and sister shared stories of people wanting to take the steering wheel of their grief and make life decisions for them. Both are glad they chose to give the steering wheel to God and allowed Him to guide and direct their grief and lives. My mom is especially glad she didn’t allow others to make major life decisions for her. She shared, “I don’t believe my kids would be in ministry today and serve God like they do had I allowed others to control my grief, my life, or their lives. I also wouldn’t have drawn as close to God. It probably would have been easier—but easier doesn’t always mean better.“

What valuable lessons have you learned throughout your life or grief? Who do you know who could be a source of wisdom, insight, and great knowledge of life or grief lessons for you? Invite them out to brunch this month or call and invite them out for coffee, ice cream, or a soda.

It’s always a great privilege to learn from others and to hear their life stories and experiences.

Always learn as much as you can through grief and throughout life! Both are extremely valuable!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it and encourage others!

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Kim’s grief blog: http://www.griefbites.com‭‭

Loving The Hurting, Remembering The Forgotten: An Important Challenge To Churches Everywhere For 2016

Jan14

This morning, I attended a very special All Staff meeting at my church.

We received phenomenal leadership and encouragement about change from our pastor. It was a great time of worship, vision, learning, and community.

While Pastor Craig was sharing his heart, my mind began to come up with so many fresh, new ideas of change for my grief ministry, as my spirit absorbed the wisdom, passion, creativity, and vision God had planned for me.

I have a huge passion for those who hurt, those who feel rejected or displaced, those who deeply grieve, those who feel life can never be better, and those who have turned their back on God and the church. And I absolutely love that my pastor has a huge heart for these precious groups of people as well!

I’ve felt the sting of each of these situations through different seasons of my life, and none of them were a fun place to be. Because of personally experiencing these situations, God has been good to allow me to gain insight and understanding so I could know how to encourage and help in these areas…but today I wondered “is it enough?…am I doing enough?”

The answer, if I’m honest with myself, is no, not always.

So another question came to mind, “what can you change?…what needs to change?”

Every church cares. Most Christians truly care.

Every church wants people to feel as though they belong. Many Christians go out of their way to show love and acceptance.

Every church truly wants to minister to everyone. There are a lot of staff and Christians who spend many, many hours in ministry helping and equipping others.

Every church wants to make a huge difference. There are too many ministries to count that genuinely make incredible impacts.

So what are we missing? Also, who are we missing?

What changes can we all implement to be more loving, accepting, kind, and effective so we can minister, serve, and encourage to the best of our abilities to make the absolute greatest impact?

There are no perfect Christians, no perfect churches, no perfect ministries, no perfect staff, no perfect people, no perfect anything. Perfection is something we definitely pursue, but Christians fall short…all people fall short—regardless of their religious affiliation. Ministries fall short…just like workplaces fall short.

So how do we bridge the gap between the church and people who are hurting…people who are deeply grieving…people who have given up on—or even reject—God and the church…people who have never and won’t even consider stepping foot in a church…people who feel like life is hopeless?

I’m truly excited by what God showed me this morning and the ideas He gave me!

I look forward to ministering like never before, serving more vibrantly, boldly caring, and writing more in 2016.

As you read this, you may not share my enthusiasm. You may even have already thought of past hurts you’ve experienced.

If you fit into any of the above categories, I hope you’ll closely follow my blog and find encouragement. I am so very sorry if you have been wounded or offended by someone in the church…so very sorry if you’ve experienced deep grief…incredibly sorry if you ever felt as though life was hopeless or made to feel that your life was void of value…so sorry if an event happened that made you turn your back on God and the church. Truly, truly, genuinely sorry. If someone has not sincerely apologized to you personally, then I offer my deepest apologies as a part of the body of Christ!

God has great compassion and incredible love for you! You DO matter! Your life IS valuable! Your heartache, grief, and pain DOES count! God hears your heart’s pain and cries…and if anyone on earth failed to hear, understand, or realize your pain or grief (or failed to make it right), that is NOT okay with God…and I guarantee you it truly broke His heart.

This year, I want to vibrantly continue to help and encourage the grief community, and I also want to pour into people who have felt hurt and offended by anyone in the church.

I look forward to encouraging everyone in 2016…especially with the vision God gave me today!

Rolling up my sleeves to truly make a greater impact is my heart’s desire this year. If you are a part of any church, please join me in this endeavor. It is desperately needed!

If you know of anyone who has been through deep grief, anyone who is down in life, anyone who has been deeply hurt or offended by the church—whether by church staff or fellow believers, reach out to the offended and the hurting!

We need to never be so quick to be offended or put off by a person’s disbelief, mistrust or abrasiveness…instead, we ought to look into their hearts and seek to understand the reason behind why they’re hurt, offended, or bitter. There are a crop of people we need to seek to intentionally love back to life!

We, as the Church, constantly say and promote, “it’s okay not to be okay”…but then when people aren’t okay, or they later become not “okay,” do we as the whole church truly put our money where our mouths are and intentionally pursue the hurting and also genuinely care when others are hurt, offended, or leave?

Church is a family…ultimately one big family…who will ALL be living together in heaven some day. Is it not going to cause us shame when we see Christ and have to explain to Him how we treated some people as unvaluable or, worse, disposable?

Helping others and conflict resolution can be uncomfortable. It can be gritty and messy, for sure—definitely not all cotton candy, unicorns, sunshine and rainbows. It requires sacrifice and selflessness. People are worth it, though. So very worth it!

Isn’t this exactly what God did for each of us? I am forever grateful to those who loved me back to life and those who intentionally invested in me. Because they took the time to genuinely care for a broken, hurting, mess of a young lady years ago, my life was spectacularly changed! Now, all because of their love and concern, 200 million users on YouVersion have an opportunity to read the Grief Bites reading plans, and people in 110 countries receive grief encouragement weekly on my blog. None of this would’ve happened had certain people not seen me as someone valuable enough to care about. I had plans to be an atheist and reject God and the church…but I saw—and truly experienced—Christianity in the most pure, loving, amazing, kindest form. And it made all the difference in the world!

Who else in the world needs to experience the love of Christ? And what amazing spiritual gifts are hidden behind each hurting or hardened heart?

Sometimes, people have hearts that have had a lot of mud flung their way. Who is willing to accept the challenge to use their Christ-like love to water and nurture these hearts so their true heart can shine through?

People who have been through major grief, life challenges, or tough circumstances in life, they all have hidden treasure locked inside of them…each has their personal life story that can help others. What stories are not being shared due to not being nourished and nurtured? Like Pastor Rick Warren says, “Who better to help the grief community than someone who has been through grief? Or the atheist community than a former atheist? Or the addiction community than one who battled addiction?” There are a wealth of amazing people out there who are being lost in the shuffle and it’s up to the church to love, help and encourage them. If they were once plugged in and left a church…and no one cared…that falls on each of us.

Every person has great value and has the amazing ability to create lasting change inside and outside of their church. Ask God to use you and ask Him to show you where…and with who…He wants you to begin!

We have 11 1/2 more months of 2016 to see what God is capable of doing through this challenge. Let’s seek to obey Him with everything we’ve got!

Make the incredibly important decision to love the unlovely, encourage the hurting and grieving, and to go after the ones who have left or abandoned their faith so they know someone cares…so they know that God and the church truly does care.

I know this will be some of the best time we’ll spend this year in service and devotion to God!

Be His heart…be His hands…be His feet!

So who is up to this challenge?

I hope everybody!

Every single day, ask God to show you someone to encourage, and ask Him to bring to mind those who have left the church or who have abandoned their faith.

May God richly reward and bless you as you love people back to life and shine the brightest light possible for Him this year!

Gratitude and many blessings,
Kim

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

For more encouragement:

Best decision of your life: http://peacewithgod.net

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays
2. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
3. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
4. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️

Important Questions To Powerfully Change & Transform Your Life & Regrets Daily

Dec31

Life is a gift! Sometimes, due to our own choices, the decisions of loved ones, or due to a major grief event, it may not feel like a gift at times.

Life is a gift, though, that offers so much…if we will only to choose to unwrap it daily.

Throughout life, we each have to look in the mirror and come to terms with what we choose/chose to do with the gift life has to offer —past, present, and future.

No one has a goal of looking in the mirror…at any point…and saying to the reflection staring back at them, “I sure am grateful I wasted time and opportunities! I just love that I allowed others to defeat my heart…and I love the awful consequences I’m experiencing because of my ridiculous choices…I am so thrilled with the pain my choices have brought upon my loved ones…or I’m so happy I allowed myself to be defeated by grief or life challenges.

Nobody in their right mind would say or want to admit these things…

…yet so many of the regrets and guilt we face in life can be prevented. We have a powerful opportunity each and every day to purposely ask important life questions that can bless our life choices.

We each have the powerful ability to create a great life…a life we love to live each day – regardless of circumstances.

Everybody will go through multiple grief experiences and hardships, some even self-inflicted, throughout their lifetime.
Some grief experiences are natural to go through in life, while others are due to foolish or unthought out decisions by us or others.

Some people were gravely warned by loved ones to not make the choices they made; others had no training in life and genuinely had no one to care about their life choices. Some had a pretty big inkling their choice wasn’t wise…but they wanted what they wanted at the time. Some were blindsided. Some knew better; others truly didn’t.

Just because someone has made a poor choice doesn’t mean they’re disposable or not redeemable – and it doesn’t mean they are doomed to have a terrible life. I think when people make poor choices, that’s when they need encouragement the most! A setback is the perfect time to purposely setup and create a better life!

A G-R-E-A-T life!

Everybody has a unique opportunity each morning: they have the amazing ability and gift of making better decisions – so they can start making choices that truly count from this day forward.

As a grief specialist, I hear story after story after story of hardships people go through…stemming from “life” happenings, as well as their own choices, and also the decisions of others. I constantly try to help each person find the genuine healing they so desperately need. Once they find out how to heal and create a better life—a life they can truly enjoy living—their entire existence transforms.

Changing one’s life for the better is a process of asking one’s self the right questions so they can begin to make good decisions in response to those questions.

Just like grief is never a cookie cutter experience, life is never a one-size-fits-all experience either. Each person’s life is as unique as they are.

Making solid decisions takes practice and a lot of cultivating, digging, growth, and nurturing of one’s heart and thoughts. All change initially begins as a solid decision…and then blossoms into a series of good, solid choices that continually need to be chosen on an ongoing basis. After awhile, the good choices develop into better choices, and then the better choices turn into the best choices.

Remember: this is your personal life journey between you and God. Each question will reveal a highly personal, customized answer.

Here are some of my favorite questions I ask myself so I can make wise decisions, learn more each day, and continue to make the best possible choices everyday:

•What can I do today to purposely grow my relationships with God and my family so these relationships are the strongest and healthiest they can be?

•What can I purposely do, or not do, so I don’t waste my day or waste my time?

•What do I need to prevent doing today so I can grow more and live life to the fullest?

•Who can I show love, mercy, and compassion to today? Who do I need to show empathy for by seeing life through their eyes? (For ideas: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/18/7-things-to-realize-about-someone-going-through-a-hard-time/ )

•What one dream or goal can I work toward (or continue to work toward) today?

•Who can I help to be successful today?

•What one purpose-filled action today would make me live life as lovingly and vibrantly as possible?

•What one choice today would bring me the most healing—spiritually, emotionally, and physically?

•How can I purposely grow through my current (and past) grief/life challenges?

•What one thought today could override as much negativity as possible?

•Who can I choose to bless today in a way that would make the greatest difference in their life?

•What one foolish habit or sin can I purpose to avoid and overcome today to bring the most spiritual, mental, emotional, or physical wellness to me and my loved ones?

•What one person do I need to forgive today to lighten my heart? (Read this if you have been deeply wounded: https://griefbites.com/2015/04/20/wounded-7-steps-to-free-your-soul/ )

•What one person do I need to apologize to and ask to forgive me?

•What topic or situation do I need to give to God and come to peace about today…what do I need to make right, cultivate, “let go” of, or remove to have optimal peace and joy? What do I need to change or accept so I can have peace?

•What one piece of wise advice can I take to heart today that has the capacity to change my life for the better? (This can either be past advice or recent advice)

•What one improvement (big or baby step) can I make today that I can be proud of?

•After deeply thinking about my everyday and longterm choices, and truly considering the present and future impact of those choices—as well as the consequences or blessings that can/will come into my life from my decisions—what do I need to do, or not do, today to prevent any future guilt, regrets, or damage?

•Who needs to hear me say, “I love you!” today? How can I love others better today than I did yesterday?

•Who can I show genuine appreciation to today? Who needs to hear me say, “Thank you!”?

•What one regret do I need to forgive myself for and let go of today? (Read here to find help for regrets: https://griefbites.com/2014/10/26/overcoming-regrets/ )

•What one topic will be the most beneficial to pray, journal, or blog about today?

•What one physical and/or mental exercise will offer the most stress reduction today?

•What one character quality can I learn about, develop, and work on today? (I focus on one character quality exclusively each week and seek to continually improve each quality thereafter…you can find ideas here: https://griefbites.com/2014/07/01/conflict-resolution-pt-3-75-character-qualities-that-can-change-your-life/ )

•How can I best love, serve, and delight in God today? How can I grow my friendship with Him? He’s the ONLY relationship on earth that we can NEVER lose…this is SO important! ( Please feel free to read this for encouragement: https://griefbites.com/2016/12/30/making-2017-your-best-year-yet-43-ways-to-delight-in-god/ )

All of these questions are for the purpose of creating the best life possible—even in spite of grief—and preventing future guilt and regrets. Each question has the powerful ability to better one’s life and to offer encouragement to live well.

What questions stuck out most to you? What resonated with you the most?

You can ask yourself one of these questions each day or all of them. It is so important to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and in wellness every single day. Whether you take baby steps or an “all in” approach, it is always wise to continually better yourself and allow God to work mightily in your heart and life.

Why not make a list of your own questions to ask yourself and commit to growth every single day? What does life look like for you today? By making changes, choosing to change your thoughts for the better, or cultivating your heart, what can life look like for you in 1 month…1 year…5 years…10 years…or even 20 or more years?

We all have such phenomenal value and I think we sometimes forget or fail to fully realize that. We also forget to realize how powerfully God can use our lives to make a difference in our loved ones lives, as well as in the world.

Wishing everybody special times of self-reflection, making wise choices and changes, preventing guilt, potential damage, and regrets – and living life to the fullest!

Gratitude and many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

⭐️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

⭐️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

⭐️❤️

Sometimes God Is Waiting On Us

Dec30

In times of waiting on God, we eventually find out a harsh truth: We think we are waiting on God because we greatly want Him to change our circumstance, but we quickly find that waiting on God is not only to change our situation—God will ultimately use times of waiting on Him to deeply change us.

He cares far more about our character, obedience, faith, and trust in Him than He cares about our immediate comfort or quickly granting our requests.

Like a child begging through tears to get their way, a wise parent will use those times to train and mold the child’s character and heart first. Oftentimes, God does the same with us.

Pastor Craig Groeschel of Life.Church once told a story about one of his children. His daughter was zip lining in a friend’s backyard and she smashed against a hard object upon landing. Craig had to take his daughter to the ER and the doctor had Craig hold his child down so she could receive the best treatment. Craig’s daughter looked bewildered and hurt because it appeared as though Craig was allowing her to be hurt…but what actually was happening was Craig was having to do what was in his daughter’s best interest so she could be helped and ultimately healed.

Think about that…in times where we painfully cry out, “God…where are you??” as we look up hurt and bewildered—wrongfully believing God is allowing us great hurt, harm, and devastation—God may be in the middle of holding us down for our own wellbeing.

It is VITAL for us to “be still and know that He is God.”

It is of the upmost importance to wait on Him.

God knows what is best and He sees the greater overall picture.

Allow God to work out your situation in His way and His timing.

While you are waiting, delight yourself in the Lord. Obey Him. Love Him. Be loyal to Him. Learn from Him.

He IS good and He IS faithful!

He never desires to hurt you…He is always looking out for your best, wanting to help you.

You are not being punished…He may be simply refining and purifying you at the present moment. He may even be in the process of deepening the life message He has for you.

Allow Him to completely refine your heart, character, and life in the time you are waiting for your trials to pass.

When we truly leave the outcome of a trial to God, He WILL have good come from it. Trust Him!

Lookup: Isaiah 40:27-31, Micah 7:7, Psalms 33:20-22, Lamentations 3:25, Romans 8:28

(From the 2014 YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships by Kim Niles)

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

❤️

Delighting in God Through Trials~Part 1

Dec27

Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”

Psalm 37:4. The Bible verse everyone wants to come true and loves to hear, yet few ever truly dive deep enough to receive the blessings and gifts promised from this special verse.

Sometimes, we lightheartedly want this verse to come true…we think of all of the wonderful things we would want if God would magically grant us the whimsical desires of our hearts. Other times, this verse becomes almost a “911” sort of verse…a verse we become intensely interested in while we are going through an emergency situation in life.

God truly cares about each and every situation we go through, and He truly cares about all of the desires of our hearts—the whimsical and fanciful, as well as the emergency and important desires we have. God greatly desires to fully bless His children, and He sincerely wants to lavish great gifts onto those who genuinely love Him and delight in Him. (Matthew 7:11, James 1:17)

This past year, I’ve been going through a very tough grief experience…the toughest one I’ve ever had to walk through. A grief experience so personal and heartbreaking, very few even know about it. I knew from the start of this particular journey that there wouldn’t be a “quick fix” available. Other than praying, I eventually found I wouldn’t have the ability to do anything about this specific grief experience at all.

God has repeatedly asked me to trust Him, to wait, build my faith, wait some more, build my faith even deeper, continue to trust Him more, and to lay this grief experience completely at His feet—simply being still as God works completely in His timing. Waiting and being still are extremely hard…I’m a much better “doer” than a “waiter,” yet God has supplied me with a greater hope, trust, and faith than I have ever known or experienced.

It was not easy at first. This grief event has tested my faith more than any other experience I’ve ever been through…but it’s refined my faith and proven it to be more genuine than ever before.

This grief experience is what brought me to seek the meaning of Psalm 37:4. For me, it’s been an utter desperation of pleading with God to give me the deepest desire of my heart.

I’ve been blessed to learn many rich spiritual lessons throughout the past year, and I want to encourage anyone who is going through an extremely challenging time to not give up. God is listening to your heart’s cries…He truly does care…He has a plan to see you through the challenging event you are facing! He is not going to abandon you! He hears you and He sees your heartache and tears…they are not in vain.

What hard life event are you going through today? Are you, like me, seeking God with all your heart for answers? Are you desperate to have your deepest heart’s desires realized and brought to life? Are you wanting to seek and delight in God but you’re not quite sure where to begin?
I’m going to share some of what I’ve learned this past year. I truly hope it helps and encourages many today.

When looking at Psalm 37:4, I wanted instant results for the situation. God had other plans…and I’m grateful He did. Had He simply given me the desire of my heart instantly, I would not have grown as much as I have this year. I would’ve missed out on priceless, authentic lessons that have greatly changed me.

Just to be clear, I’m not over here skipping through fields of daisies and cheesily saying, “I’m so thankful for rich spiritual lessons, and you should be, too!”…No, not. at. all. The situation I’m praying for is literally a matter of life and death, and MANY tears have been poured through numerous prayers…so if God would’ve answered it immediately, I would definitely have taken it! However, I’m a firm believer in if God allows me to go through it, I’m going to grow through it.

But, sometimes, God asks us to wait. He requests that we be completely still and trust Him. And waiting, trusting, and being still is HARD! Especially when it appears that nothing is happening. It becomes even harder when things look like they’re getting worse. But…this is the exact place we’d truly want to be if we knew all of the facts from God’s perspective.

Allowing God to train us to see life, and challenges in life, through His perspective—an eternal perspective—is what makes the difference between growing in faith…or growing in doubt and bitterness. It’s what makes the difference between pressing forward in hope and faith…or giving up. It’s what makes the difference between trusting Him and growing closer to His heart…or rejecting Him. It is imperative to have, and keep, an eternal perspective when going through grief, trials, and life challenges. If you don’t, you begin to spiritually die.

It’s not always easy, though.

One day, a few months ago, I became very frustrated about the situation I am facing. In my frustration, because no change had been seen in the situation for over a year…despite fasting and praying…I began to nurse a little hopelessness and bitterness. Heart and gut wrenching thoughts popped into my mind…”This situation is not fair…I genuinely did nothing to deserve this…why am I having to walk through this? God, why are you not helping me…why aren’t you helping me when You could instantly heal and fix this?”

I stayed upset for a few days…then realized how wickedly ungrateful I was being.

As I was focusing on what all I felt God was not giving me…I failed to see and truly appreciate all God had given and was currently giving to me.

It needs to be said: having questions does not make a person ungrateful…and wading through the waters of frustration or disappointment doesn’t mean a person is wicked, lacks faith, or that they are wrong. I knew my own personal heart, though, and it verged on being ungrateful and bitter.

Some very convicting thoughts came to mind…How many of my heart’s desires had God already given to me throughout my life…and how many of my heart’s desires has God currently been giving to me that I had not even asked Him or thanked Him for?

I felt God asking me to make a list of all I was grateful for. As I made the list, I effortlessly wrote down 157 blessings and gifts from God I was incredibly grateful for…not too shabby for the God I was accusing of not giving me my heart’s desires just days before. And of those 157 things, other than #1 being God, #2 being family, #3 being friends/neighbors, and #4 being church family, the remaining 153 items didn’t include all of the people I’ve gotten the incredible joy of knowing and enjoying in my lifetime…or the wonderful memories I had the privilege of making with them. Many of my truest heart’s desires have graciously and extravagantly already been given to me by my Father God! My heart broke as I thought of how I was tempted to be so upset with God…thinking He owed me more…all because one very important heart’s desire wasn’t being answered the way I wanted it to be.

How many times do we focus on the one or two things God has not given us, or the one or two people or things God has allowed to be taken away from us, yet we fail to see all of the good God has freely given to us…much of which we don’t deserve, we did not earn, and we may not have even asked Him for?

I needed to repent because I needed to want a dynamic relationship with God as much, if not more, as I wanted the dynamics of the situation to change. The situation is dire, and is still extremely important to me…extremely…just my relationship with God is more vital—and I trust Him!

Instead of saying, “This situation is not fair…I genuinely did nothing to deserve this…why am I having to walk through this? God, why are you not helping me?”….I instead choose to say, “God, the amount You have willingly and graciously chosen to put up with from me—all of my sins, ungratefulness, idolatries, attitudes, shortcomings, mistakes and failures—throughout my lifetime is not fair…The amount of kindness and goodness You have freely given to me and blessed me with is not fair or deserved…I genuinely did nothing to deserve all of Your love, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gifts, and favor…Thank You for all of the good in my life, God…I will trust You with the path You are allowing. Work it out in YOUR time, not mine…YOU are the truest treasure and YOU should be the deepest desire of my heart—over, above, and beyond my desire for You to intervene in the challenge I am facing…I will delight in You no matter what!”

That day changed everything. I began to focus more on desiring and delighting in God, instead of focusing on my situation.

It makes no humanly sense. Really, it doesn’t. But, through eyes of an eternal perspective, it makes perfect sense.

I realized through focusing on my life challenge, I had lost my primary focus on God. It made me think of Peter in the Bible (Matthew 14:22-36). Jesus had asked Peter to walk on the water to Him, through the treacherous waves, but Peter began to sink because he focused on the storm and took his focus off of the One who had control of the storm. Jesus could have easily just stopped the storm. No doubt about it. But, the focus was never to be about the storm; the focus was to trust Jesus, take His hand, and run into His arms, away from the storm.

Today, in your situation, are you focusing so much on the storm that you’re sinking? Have you lost your eternal perspective so that you are not able to see your Savior’s loving arms that are reached out to you?

It’s entirely way too easy to do. We’re all human, in need of God’s love, mercy, help and grace. I’m super grateful God keeps that in mind!

Maybe, as I did, you need to get alone with God and pour your heart out to Him. Cry your fiercest tears, share with Him all of the hurts, pain, fears, worries, needs, and concerns. Share with Him—right or wrong—all that you are feeling, so you can run through the storm you are facing into His arms.

He IS there in your storm, and He WILL catch you! He may ask you to walk to Him, then be still…trust Him…wait…and even wait some more…but He is not going to leave you. He is not going to fail you or fail your situation! When we genuinely trust Him and TRULY delight in Him, He begins to smooth away the rockiness of our waves.

But, first, we must learn to TRULY delight in God.

Ask God to teach you to authentically delight in Him…asking Him to speak powerfully to your heart. If there’s sin in your life, ask Him for His grace to remove the sin and then, with His daily help, choose to sin no more and replace your sin with the fruits of His Spirit and His righteousness. If there’s extreme hurt and bitterness in your heart, ask Him for His grace to remove it…and ask Him to replace your hurts and bitterness with a softness of heart and genuine love. If there’s pride, or any other negative character quality or emotion, ask for forgiveness and give God full control of your life and situation. (Ezekiel 11:17-21)

Do whatever it takes, whatever is needed, so you truly are freed up spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically to delight in God and to love Him with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength!

When it all comes down to it, God—and our relationship with Him—is far more important than anything and anyone. He is totally worth pursuing with all of our heart! And He truly rewards those who seek Him when their motives are pure and right. (Jeremiah 29:13, Psalm 14:2, Acts 17:27-28, Hebews 11:6, Matthew 6:33-34, 2 Chronicles 30:18-20, Deuteronomy 4:15-40, Ezekiel 36)

What an amazing, rich, incredible gift we each are allowed and given every single day! A gift so miraculous…so incredibly special, prized, and powerful! God has blessed us with the ability to choose to unwrap this amazing gift every single day…the extraordinary gift of a deep friendship with Him and the ability to talk to Him anywhere, anytime!

We have the ability to talk with God of the universe…the very One who formed and created the entire world and the stars…the One who lovingly hand knitted and created us and the people we love and cherish the most…the One who, through Him, everything came to be! The Creator of everything! God, of Heaven and earth, who is preparing a place in Heaven for us!

Why wouldn’t we want to talk to God and delight in Him most? Over and above all the people we know and love? Over and above our interests and the activities and hobbies we enjoy everyday? And…yes, even over, above, and beyond the situations that break our hearts and attempt to steal our joy and our focus on the One we should desire and love the most?

I’ve found, this past year, that the problem wasn’t God not answering my prayers or not giving me the desires of my heart…the problem is I failed to genuinely honor, love, and truly obey Him, and authentically delight in Him.

If you had asked me if I did these things before, I would’ve absolutely replied, “yes,”…yet, God has shown me “blind spots” in my life that I didn’t realize were there that have needed correcting. And, these blind spots kept me from fully delighting in God.

Today, what blind spots are keeping you from fully delighting in God? Are you willing to humble and get real with yourself and allow God to remove them?

As I was talking to God about everything, as well as my blind spots, I realized how much change was needed in my heart. I even went the extra step of asking those closest to me to share the blind spots they personally saw. I was serious about delighting in God and removing anything that prevented me from doing so. Warning: don’t ask those closest to you about your blind spots unless you truly want to hear uncomfortable truths. Your feelings will probably get hurt, too. Be prepared to take an open minded, honest look at your life with an expectation to humbly handle it in love and with a goal of truly wanting to change.

As you seek to delight in God, be prepared for Him to weed out the garden of your heart. He wants your whole heart, and He genuinely cares what condition your heart is in. God will reveal all that is keeping you from truly delighting in Him…your idols: all of the people, things, possessions, activities, sins, hobbies, attitudes, thoughts, blind spots—everything. He desires your whole heart and He wants your heart to beat with health and life!

I think as we go to God and learn how to deeply and authentically delight in Him, we begin to care more about the desires of God’s heart…and we begin to ask Him, “What delights You? What are the greatest desires of Your heart?”

When we get to that point, and it truly is genuine, I believe God begins to work in miraculous ways…ways we’ve never seen or experienced ever before.

God brought me to this excellent passage of scripture. As you read this, please allow God to speak deeply into your heart.

Hebrews 12: 1-3, “Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! 4-11 In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,

but don’t be crushed by it either.

It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;

the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in (or experiencing) isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. 12-13 So don’t sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it! 14-17 Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you’ll never get so much as a glimpse of God. Make sure no one gets left out of God’s generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God’s lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God’s blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears. 18-21 Unlike your ancestors, you didn’t come to Mount Sinai—all that volcanic blaze and earthshaking rumble—to hear God speak. The earsplitting words and soul-shaking message terrified them and they begged him to stop. When they heard the words—“If an animal touches the Mountain, it’s as good as dead”—they were afraid to move. Even Moses was terrified. 22-24 No, that’s not your experience at all. You’ve come to Mount Zion, the city where the living God resides. The invisible Jerusalem is populated by throngs of festive angels and Christian citizens. It is the city where God is Judge, with judgments that make us just. You’ve come to Jesus, who presents us with a new covenant, a fresh charter from God. He is the Mediator of this covenant. The murder of Jesus, unlike Abel’s—a homicide that cried out for vengeance—became a proclamation of grace. 25-27 So don’t turn a deaf ear to these gracious words. If those who ignored earthly warnings didn’t get away with it, what will happen to us if we turn our backs on heavenly warnings? His voice that time shook the earth to its foundations; this time—he’s told us this quite plainly—he’ll also rock the heavens: “One last shaking, from top to bottom, stem to stern.” The phrase “one last shaking” means a thorough housecleaning, getting rid of all the historical and religious junk so that the unshakable essentials stand clear and uncluttered. 28-29 Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire!”

Through reading Hebrews 12, I realized it was a missing piece of the puzzle for how to truly begin to delight in God. I clearly was able to see how important it was to strip away anything that was keeping me from fully loving God…how important it is to allow Him to garden my heart…to burn away anything that is keeping me from running a clean and effective race for Him.

You may be thinking, “You have no idea what I’m going through…or the pain I’m drowning in…I’m at my wits’ end!”…

If you are drowning in the middle of the ocean and in the eye of the storm of a massive heartache or problem, please understand that usually is where God reveals the most treasure…and the very place where the strongest testimonies are in the making! Consider the following two passages of scripture:

Psalm‬ ‭107:23-32‬, “Some went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters. They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep. For he spoke and stirred up a tempest that lifted high the waves. They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths; in their peril their courage melted away. They reeled and staggered like drunkards; they were at their wits’ end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people and praise him in the council of the elders.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:2, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”

I hope all of the Bible verses and my transparency today was helpful and I hope your heart has been encouraged.

So very sorry for the longer than normal blog post; I was going to break it up into a 3-day series, but I wanted to help those who are desperate for help now.

Ask God, right now, to help you in whatever grief journey or life challenge you are facing. Ask Him for His grace to fall more deeply in love with Him, to see your situation from His perspective, and for good gifts of His choosing. He never fails His children and He can make great good come from any situation. It may not look anything like what we had originally wanted or desired in our own hearts, but with God’s power, it could be more than we could ever ask, think or imagine!

May God ABUNDANTLY bless you as you seek His heart and learn how to delight extravagantly in Him!

Always remember: Psalm‬ ‭34:18-19‬, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all”

A few more scriptures to encourage you. Long, but well worth the read, as it ties everything together:

Hebrews 12:1-2, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

Philippians‬ ‭3:8-14, “Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish, in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One), And that I may [actually] be found and known as in Him, not having any [self-achieved] righteousness that can be called my own, based on my obedience to the Law’s demands (ritualistic uprightness and supposed right standing with God thus acquired), but possessing that [genuine righteousness] which comes through faith in Christ (the Anointed One), the [truly] right standing with God, which comes from God by [saving] faith. [For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope] That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body]. Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own. I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

Friends, press on toward the goal and prize Christ has for you. Seek Him with all of your heart. If you feel you are drowning in your situation, remember that God has not brought you there to drown you…He has allowed you to be placed there to teach you treasures in the deep and to cleanse and renew your heart! Learn to fully delight yourself in God and His amazing, beautiful heart!

Isaiah 45:3, “And I will give you treasures of darkness–secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.”

I plan to blog about some special ways God has taught me to delight in Him. I hope this future post will be helpful and encouraging as well!

Gratitude & many blessings,

❤️Kim

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

2. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

3. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

4. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

Kim’s book: Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You Click here for book

Grief & (Post) Holidays—15 helpful tips to encourage your heart❤️

Dec26

Christmas has now come and gone.

Those who are deeply grieving thought they could finally breathe a huge sigh of relief…yet some woke up the day after Christmas and didn’t feel the relief they thought they would feel.

Some even woke up feeling worse.

Something I wish someone would’ve told me, in my initial grief, about the days following a holiday is: some tough emotions can follow holidays and special occasions.

It’s important to be prepared for possible depression, anxiety, and other surprising emotions that can follow Christmas, holidays, anniversaries, and other big life events. When you prepare or anticipate these potential emotions, you can then come up with a plan for relaxation and how to best get through these tough emotional times.

Many grievers will feel relieved – a complete sigh of relief – that Christmas is now behind them, while others are confused why they now suddenly feel worse.

Emotions are so heightened before holidays, big days, or special occasions —in day-to-day life as well as grief—so after the holiday, event, or big day happens, those heightened feelings can suddenly crash down…leaving you feeling depressed, anxious, a “void,” disappointed, irritable, or defeated more than usual.

Depending on how big the aftermath was, the feelings that accompany big events can take you by surprise and throw you for a loop.

Always be kind to your heart, as well as compassionate and patient with yourself.

Realize you’re not alone and what you’re feeling is normal.

It truly takes time to rebuild a broken heart and shattered life.

Be prepared for crashes, as well as any random feelings, and practice seeking God, peace, and times of relaxation when the feelings come – or become overwhelming.

There are many thoughtful ways to get through the tough emotions of grief, as well as many ways to relax.

Try one of these 15 ideas – or creatively come up with your own:

Pray—talk to God and share with Him all of your thoughts, feelings, fears, disappointments, worries, anger, disappointments, anxieties, heartaches, etc
Allow music to comfort your soul—listen to meaningful praise or soft classical music and soothing sounds, or anything that relaxes you. Consider playing (or learning how to play) the piano, guitar, or other musical instrument.
Breathe deep and relax—sit quietly, take a hot bath, take a nap, or do something to relax your mind. Breathing slow deep breaths in and out can also relax you while lowering your heart rate and blood pressure.
This one is very important: remind yourself, “it isn’t always going to be or continually feel like this”—these feelings will not always be as strong or intense. It is very important to remember life can and does get better. It will be different than what it once was…but with God, spiritual and emotional encouragement, grief work, and self care, it can get better.
Call a trustworthy loved one—family, grief support groups, and good friends are so valuable when going through grief. It’s also so very beneficial to talk to someone who has been through similar grief because they can share wisdom and insight of how they got through their worst days to find better days.
Do an activity that brings joy to your heart—take time to truly enjoy doing a hobby or activity you currently or previously loved to do. You can also learn new hobbies or activities to do. Sometimes, it’s good to press forward to do these things. You may not feel up to it, but after awhile, I have found great benefit and solace doing activities I enjoy.
Cooking and baking can be therapeutic—Invite some loved ones over and cook a delicious relaxing dinner together or bake together, or go out to eat and relax with loved ones as you have a night out. You can also have a quiet afternoon of baking by yourself and then enjoy the treats you baked and pass them out to loved ones later.
Sit in a comfy chair with a warm blanket and drink some hot tea, coffee, or hot cocoa—Read the Bible or a good book…something that is encouraging and uplifting. As you drink your tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, savor this time of relaxation.
Have a mini spa day at home or go out for one—stay home and do a homemade facial, manicure, and pedicure. Or go get a massage, fresh haircut, or a manicure or pedicure at a spa. You could also bring a family member or friend along and go to lunch afterwards.
If the weather is nice, sit on a porch, go on a nature walk, or patio dine, if not, look out the window and enjoy the view—being outdoors or looking outside to relax and reflect on all the ways God has provided for you and carried you, considering the family and friends who have cared about you, and also reflecting on every good thing in your life that has the potential to still bring your heart peace and joy…it all has a way of bringing peace to your soul. Sometimes a different outlook becomes a much-welcomed, unexpected encouragement to your heart.
Journal—write down your thoughts, goals, feelings, and life events. Journaling is so very therapeutic. It’s also beneficial to look back one day, read journals you’ve written, and see how you’ve grown – how much you’ve overcome – and how far you’ve made it. Also – be sure to write down every memory you have of your loved one. As time goes by, memories can fade. Even though it is initially painful, you’ll most likely be grateful you wrote all of the memories down. I talk to so many grievers who regret not journaling their memories.
Exercise or stretch—exercise has been proven to alleviate stress and help depression and anxiety. It also can be very relaxing. It takes your mind off of things for awhile, too….a scheduled time each day to experience relief from your grief.
Organize your home and life—clutter can add to the chaos of grief, so dedicating even 15–30 minutes a day to decluttering your home and life is well worth the effort.
Enjoy your pet or consider getting a pet—I believe pets are amazing little “heart healers” sent by God. Our family went through a tough grief experience and within a few months, we got a puppy from a home rescue. I always looked at our rescue dog and thought, “who rescued who.” God used this sweet puppy to comfort our family more than we could’ve ever imagined. An important note: deep consideration should be used when getting a new pet. They’re a 7 to 15+ year commitment depending on breed, and a financial responsibility, so make sure you can handle the time commitment and responsibility of a furry lil friend. Study up on breeds of dogs. To me, they’re totally worth it! If you want the companionship of a pet, but not the full commitment, there may be opportunities in your area to volunteer at a pet shelter or to foster pets if you’d like the therapeutic benefits of a pet, but can’t fully commit to a lifelong pet. Our family loves our dogs – they definitely make life sweeter.
Create a Bucket List—I’m a big believer in creating, keeping, and maintaining a bucket list. It helps to focus on the greater picture, as you write down everything you still want to do and achieve, so you purposely don’t waste life. There are many things I was able to do – that I otherwise wouldn’t have done – during times of grief because of ideas or goals I wrote in my Bucket List notebook.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you and I hope all of you had a special, meaningful, and blessed Christmas!

Never give up HOPE! Even if things aren’t ideal or good right now, better days are ahead of you. Some of your very best days may not have even happened yet. Hang in there!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

⭐️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

⭐️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️❤️⭐️

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #8

Dec22

Today’s post is a tough one…a topic few grievers think about until much later when great damage has been done.

I hope this post will be read with an open heart, with the hope of preventing additional grief, guilt, and regrets.

With the grief experience of losing a treasured loved one, each and every griever has fully earned the right to “check out” of living life fully. And depending on how great the loss was, it is very, very easy to isolate yourself and avoid truly living life—and avoid enjoying remaining loved ones.

Grief is excruciatingly painful, can knock your breath out of you, leave you feeling as though you are “dead yet can’t die”, and can seriously crush your entire life. I truly have a huge heart of compassion for anyone who has to walk the confusing, debilitating, lonely and incredibly painful road of grief…especially around the holidays!

Today, as I was talking to my sister and mom, though, we got on the topic of how grief can impact and wreck not just holidays, but also relationships.

I wanted both of their perspectives on some grief topics since both have experienced extensive grief: my mom has experienced the deaths of her husband, daughter, sibling, parents, and others; my sister has experienced the deaths of two fiancés, our dad, sister, aunt, uncles, and all grandparents. As I’m writing a new book, I cherish and respect their input.

I’ve had two major mother influences in my life…my mom and my grandmother. Both experienced the death of a child – a loss I wish nobody would ever have to experience.

Holidays at my mom’s house and holidays at my grandmother’s home were polar opposite experiences.

Growing up, my grandmother was rarely fully present. Don’t get me wrong, she was a genuinely beautiful and kind soul, was always around us, and we saw her and my grandad every holiday…but she wasn’t “present.” She never made memories with us such as attending our school functions, sporting events, or life events, or doing usual activities such as baking cookies with us, or doing typical traditions such as decorating a Christmas tree, watching movies, or other holiday events. My sweet grandmother just didn’t have it in her to share in holiday joy with us or fully celebrate holidays. She stayed debilitatingly stagnant in her grief to where she was never able to create a “new normal” to enjoy the remaining good memories, remaining loved ones, and all that God, family, and life could have offered her.

By the way, I totally do not blame her. Grief is the worst! The death of a child is tremendously excruciating and tough to navigate through.

…And I don’t feel bad for myself or my siblings that our grandmother wasn’t “present”…I feel badly for all she missed out on and wish I would’ve had the opportunity to know her much better and to have had the opportunity to fully enjoy life and holidays with her. She missed out on a lot, and so did our family since she (understandably) “checked out” of living life. She sadly realized this the year before she died and told me she wished she had known how to “break through her grief” and wished she had “had more faith.”

Right before she passed away, my grandmother eventually became an incredible advocate for the elderly and helped many families. She was finally able to become active in her church and in many nursing homes in the area to use her gift of mercy toward others.

It’s a tough situation to finally choose to use your gifts after the death of a loved one.

My mom made the decision after my sister died, to be “all in” for her grandkids while growing up.

I’ll never know how she had the strength to do so, but she’s given her family the gift of great memories throughout the years. I greatly appreciate and admire my mom for working through her grief. I know it was not easy for her.

Because of my personal experiences, I always try to encourage grievers to fully grieve…absolutely fully grieve…and to be very mindful not to unknowingly create additional or worse grief, guilt, or regrets further down the road.

And doesn’t it suck that a griever even has to think about or deal with these issues whenever they’re already going through so much and are already in excruciating pain?

It unfortunately happens all the time. Very sad, very tough, but very true.

And it isn’t just in one or two families…many are going through the heartache of grief throughout this holiday season.

I received a phone call a few months ago that genuinely broke my heart. The caller had five children and she had lost her second oldest child several years ago. She was so heartbroken over her child’s death that she retreated strongly into her grief (what mother wouldn’t?), and although she truly did not mean to hurt her husband or other children…truly, she didn’t…she explained how her husband and remaining four children had very little to do with her since they felt she basically stopped being a wife and mother to them for about seven years. They all lived in the same house at the time of the death, then each child either moved away or got married, but the remaining kids described not only losing their brother but losing their mom as well. And it was very painful for them.

The husband was at the point of filing for divorce.

As I tried my best to bring hope, reconciliation, and relief to this sweet lady and her family (at the request of this poor mom), it was very, very difficult to get everybody to understand with empathy each other’s point of view.

The mom’s intention was never to not love and celebrate her husband and kids or miss so many life events, but nonetheless, the mom missed out on so much of their lives due to her anguish and grief.

And the kids, they didn’t have the capacity to fully feel empathy towards their mother because none were parents themselves. They didn’t understand the depths of her love and heartache.

The husband and kids needed much more empathy for their hurting wife/mom – and to realize you can’t just “snap out of it” while grieving someone you love and adore…and the wife/mom needed to find a way to show her family they are important to her.

I spent a lot of time helping this precious family who had been shattered by grief.

As my mom, sister, and I were talking about the topic of how to enjoy holidays once again, another situation came to mind.

My sister’s boyfriend had been in the hospital for 11 months after a tragic car accident, but our family had scheduled a family trip. She didn’t know what to choose…staying bedside of her boyfriend or go enjoy her family. It was a very tough choice for her, but she ultimately chose to go on our family vacation. It’s a very good thing she did because our oldest sister died right after we all got back from that trip.

Had my sister not found a balance in her harsh circumstances and grief…AND figured out a way to simultaneously grieve and still live, she would’ve been left with compounded and severe grief, guilt, and regrets from missing out on our very last vacation with our sister.

Today’s tip is: Please be careful not to miss out on making memories with loved ones who are still here, so you do not add further heartache, guilt or regrets to your life later on.

I personally think people should go out of their way to show extravagant grace to those who grieve, especially the first few years. Grievers NEED time to heal and absolutely NEED time and grace to figure out a new normal. It’s very challenging and tough! And if someone hasn’t been through deep grief, they just don’t fully understand.

The greater the love, the greater the grief…and the greater amount of time it takes to heal.

At the same time, I genuinely hate to see grievers go through additional grief due to regrets of not taking the time to love and enjoy their remaining loved ones who are still present.

I’ve seen marriages fall apart, adultery take place, children distancing themselves from their parents, families becoming greatly bitter, and a myriad of other painful scenarios transpire, all due to families not upholding empathy for each other..and not balancing grief.

Each person (and family) has to find their own unique balance. And it usually is a lot of trial and error as they figure it all out together.

It is so important to communicate, love each other, develop and show empathy for each other, and work as a team to figure it all out.

The lady who called me? I was able to help her, her husband, and her children find middle ground, empathy for each other, and some much needed restoration. (I’m thankful they gave me permission to use their story for this post to help others).

But there are many families who aren’t so lucky or blessed. Many marriages (up to 70-90%) and families fall apart and disintegrate due to grief. That’s why it is so incredibly vital to work together as a family to honor a deceased loved one’s life and to find how to still enjoy each other, celebrate with each other, and be genuinely present…in spite of grief attempting to rip families apart.

It’s a very unfair situation all the way around, but it is very important to cherish our remaining loved ones—and eventually celebrate holidays and life with them—as we walk through the storms of life together with our families.

Something my sister said shortly after our sister and her fiancé died made an impact on how I view this topic. Allow these words to powerfully speak to your heart:

“Even though I am deeply grieving, the clock is still ticking, and that is why I choose to keep living…purposefully.”

Just to be clear, I am NOT undermining anybody’s pain. I am totally not suggesting that anyone should suck it up or get over their grief…because nobody, in any circumstance, should EVER feel pressure to suck it up or get over a loved one’s death.

You can never “get over” a loved one because love lives on post-death. Grief is debilitating and horrible…and very real. It has no easy fix, it is extremely personal to each one who grieves, and depending on how great the loss was, it can be difficult to find or experience genuine joy again. Very difficult.

The remainder of this week, and especially Christmas Day, please take the time to extravagantly love and enjoy your remaining loved ones. It may be challenging due to excruciating grief and a broken, shattered heart, but I think you’ll be grateful down the road that you did.

Your grief may be very fresh and you may not have it in you to fully do that this year…that is totally okay…just take baby steps. Eventually, the baby steps will add up and significantly prevent future heartache, guilt, or regrets.

I hope every person who is going through grief finds strength, compassion, empathy and understanding from others, and great comfort this holiday season.

May you all honor your grief and deceased treasured loved ones – and also find delight and joy in your remaining loved ones as you make special memories this Christmas season.

If you are frustrated by a loved one who is deeply grieving, please please please give them the gifts of mercy, compassion, love, understanding, and empathy. They’re not only doing the best they can at the moment, but they truly may be just trying to make it not only day by day…but literally minute to minute.

If you are the one who is going through deep grief, please be kind to your heart. I believe if someone has experienced a life-altering grief event, they should receive much empathy to figure out how to personally handle holidays in a way they comfortably can and a “lifetime pass” to honor their loved one throughout holidays. It takes time to truly be able to enjoy holidays and not just go through the motions. I pray you – and your loved ones – give you the gifts of love and patience as you figure it out.

Love each other, pray for each other, help each other, and encourage one another.

Life, remaining loved ones, and holidays are worth celebrating and enjoying in every way we can!

Gratitude, love, and many blessings,
🎄Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #6

Dec18

This week, one of my dearest friends inspired me. Last year, her mom passed away and this week held the one year anniversary of her mother’s Homegoing.

Every griever knows how incredibly painful the “firsts” of grief are. Especially the anniversary of the death date, as well as the holidays.

I hosted a special holiday coffee at my house for my friend and it happened to fall on her sweet mom’s one year anniversary death date.

After offering to reschedule our coffee date, my sweet friend said she still wanted to have coffee at my house.

As we enjoyed having coffee together and catching up, something my friend said deeply inspired me…she said, “Today is a painful day, but I’m going to spend the day doing things in my mom’s honor”—then she said, “I’m actually looking forward to it!”

The first thing she did was pay the bill for the car behind her at a drive thru. She told the cashier to share with the person how today was the first anniversary of her mom’s death and she was paying the tab in her mother’s honor. It genuinely brought my friend’s heart so much unexpected joy.

My helpful holiday tip for today is: Look for ways you can honor, celebrate, and remember your loved one by being a blessing to others.

The Christmas season is now in full swing! With few days left until Christmas, we all have these few precious days to remember and honor a loved one in a meaningful, special way. We also have these few days until Christmas to be an extra blessing to our family, friends, and even anonymously to strangers.

During these days leading up to Christmas, consider doing something special in memory of your loved one or for others:

1. Plant a tree in your loved one’s memory to honor them. You can also choose to decorate the tree with lights and Christmas decorations in the years to come. If buying and planting a tree isn’t feasible, how about decorating your loved one’s grave? Or purchase a small tabletop artificial Christmas tree to decorate in your loved one’s honor and then bless someone with it? (You can also purchase an identical 2nd tree for your own home to decorate in your loved one’s honor, too!)

2. Anonymously pay for the person’s order behind you if you’re in a drive thru or at a restaurant. You can also tell the cashier/waitress to tell the person you’re doing this in honor and memory of your loved one.

3. Make a donation to a local or national charity in their name. Maybe your loved one had a favorite charity you can donate to.

4. Bake your loved one’s favorite treats or make up a fruit basket and give it to someone you know who is discouraged or going through grief. The baked treats can be store bought, too!

5. Buy a gift you would’ve bought your loved one and then bless one of their favorite family members or friends with the gift.

6. Think of an activity your loved one enjoyed doing while they were alive, and then give that experience as a gift to someone else (or invite them to do the experience with you). You can also give away an experience your loved one wanted to do but never were able to. Was there something they wanted to do for Christmas or somewhere they wanted to go but never had the chance?

I know a lady who gave a brand new skateboard to her nephew in honor of her son who loved extreme sports.

I have a very dear friend in my grief group who had planned to take his wife to a new movie theater. He gave my husband and me a gift certificate to the movie theater and shared how he and his wife planned to go there and told us to enjoy our gift in their honor and her precious memory. His gift meant so very much to me!

7. Continue to shop for your loved one and donate the gifts to whoever God places on your heart. For example: If you had a precious child who died, consider buying your child the gifts you normally would have given them, then give those gifts to a child who is in need through the Salvation Army or Angel Tree. You can also give them to a family member or friend, too. I still buy a gift for my sister and give it anonymously to someone every year.

8. Anonymously pre-pay for someone’s gas at the gas station. Go to the attendant and buy a gift card with cash, explain what you’re doing, and tell them to give the gas gift card to the next person who looks like they could use it or to someone who may need cheering up.

9. If you know of someone who is going through grief, consider being their “Secret Santa.” Send them a gift card to your loved one’s favorite restaurant, buy and send them your loved one’s favorite book or CD (or other small gift) with a note telling them they’re cared about.

10. If your loved one left behind children, consider doing something special for them. You could write them a nice card or verbally share wonderful or funny stories about their parent, you could buy them a gift you think their parent might’ve bought for them, or take them out for dinner.

Just because our loved one(s) died, doesn’t mean we can no longer remember, celebrate, and honor them, or actively love them. It is perfectly fine to remember, love, and honor them and their memory.

If you don’t feel up to doing any of these ideas, consider doing something more peaceful such as inviting a family member or friend to attend a quiet Christmas service at church or online.

Think of something you can do today to include your loved one’s precious memory into your holiday traditions!

Some will very much enjoy doing these things while others may not. If you don’t feel up to doing any of these ideas, then do not force yourself to do them. Grief takes time and everybody grieves differently. Always be kind and gentle to your heart!❤️

Praying for all who are struggling and hurting today! I’m truly sorry for your heartache. May these tips bring your heart comfort, joy, peace, and HOPE!

Gratitude & many blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #5

Dec3

Going through grief during the holidays brings many challenges—seen and unforeseen.

Grief, especially during the Christmas season, can feel like a minefield of the soul. Step left, and you’re okay…but step right, and an explosion of memories and heartache can blow right up in your hurting heart.

Today’s holiday grief tip is: Watch out for, plan for, and be mindful of triggers.

While going through deep grief, there usually isn’t much of a desire to do anything at all, but with a few preparations, many situations that can present further heartache can be pre-planned for, contained, or avoided.

Whether you have experienced the death of a treasured loved one, are going through illness, a divorce, or family conflict, or are going through another heartbreaking loss, grief during the holidays can certainly bite. Grief can bring many unwanted surprises and additional heartache that hasn’t been planned for. It also can be a challenge to balance grief, while also honoring and treasuring remaining loved ones. Hopefully, today’s tip can help prevent further grief so the holidays are more peaceful.

Some people who are deep in grief have the full ability to do all of the usual Christmas traditions and activities they’ve always enjoyed doing…this even brings great comfort to some. For others, doing the usual activities and traditions feel as though their heart is being pierced with an indescribable pain. During grief, triggers can suddenly pop up and hurt very badly – with both scenarios.

Sometimes, there’s a need for a griever to change things up so they can figure out how to enjoy the holidays once again. No choices need to be permanent or “set in stone”…change may be needed just for this year.

No matter which you are experiencing, if you’re needing to change things up or keep things exactly as they are, here’s a list of questions to help you navigate through the holidays (and triggers) as comfortably as possible:

Traditions~ What triggers do you think have the potential to surprise you? Is it putting up your usual ornaments or doing your usual traditions that previously held great sentimental memories? Is it baking your treasured loved one’s favorite recipe or a baked good they loved? Will doing these things trigger feelings of fond remembrance…or will they trigger deeper heartache? Also, consider places that are tied to traditions. For example, if you recently lost a spouse, and you always went to get coffee or a meal together at a specific coffeehouse or restaurant, will you feel comfortable or uncomfortable seeing other couples at the same place? Or if you lost a child, please consider if it will be too hard to go to the mall and see children there with their parents? Sometimes, it is hard for grievers to see all of the joy-filled couples or families while out shopping or dining. Shopping online or getting take-out can truly be a griever’s best friend during the holidays. Consider all of the traditions that you treasure and then decide which you would like to do, and which ones to wait until next year to do.💕
Events~ What events do you feel you could enjoy, and what events might prove to be too painful to attend this year? What events do you think can provide you with feelings of love, encouragement, and hope? What events do you feel may no longer interest you? Events should make you feel better, and definitely not worse. Look out for any events that you feel would simply be too hard to attend this year.
Relationships~ Who has been helpful or encouraging to you in your grief? Are there loved ones in your life who don’t quite understand grief or what you’re going through? Is there anyone in your life who you can ask for extra support this holiday season? Grief, sadly, reveals the depth of majority of a griever’s relationships. Relationships can be a blessing, or they can definitely become challenging during times of grief. Communication can greatly help to prevent confusion and heartache. What if you’re already at a family gathering or a friend’s holiday party and you begin to feel uncomfortable? Sometimes, it can be a necessity to go to a different room at gatherings or events if you’ve tried to communicate with loved ones about your grief, yet they continue to compound your grief and cause further conflict. Ideally, do everything possible to keep and maintain peace, but sometimes, it may be best to distance yourself from additional hurt by preventing relational triggers…and instead, primarily and purposely be around those who will offer you kindness and support at family gatherings or friend events. Avoid conflict, especially with family, as much as possible. And always realize beforehand that emotions can be heightened during times of grief so preparation may be needed. Whatever choices are made, do everything in love.
Usual enjoyments~ There are so many things to savor and enjoy during the holidays…all of the sights, sounds, fragrances, tastes, memories, and joys…but after grief shows up, be prepared that these things can now potentially trigger intense feelings of loss and heartache. What favorite holiday enjoyments could possibly be a trigger for you this year? For example: What Christmas songs can bring sadness this season? You might want to make a playlist that you create to avoid hearing songs that will intensify grief. Think about the things you’ve previously enjoyed and decide which you’ll want to savor and enjoy…or not. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until next year to try to enjoy familiar holiday enjoyments if they prove to be too hard, sad, or daunting this year.
Church~ If you’re used to attending church holiday services, or if you’ve never attended, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so…even if it’s online. Christmas services are an amazing experience every year! Be prepared, however, that they may be much more emotional this year. When going through grief, feelings can be very intense. If you’ve allowed God to guide you and encourage you through your grief, attending Christmas services will be a much more meaningful experience for you. After my sister’s fiancé died, she was surprised to find that heavy tears surfaced out of nowhere as the church band played. The music brought so many emotions to the surface of her heart. Be prepared for possibly more intense feelings during church services this time of year. If you know you’ll feel uncomfortable attending services, check to see if your church offers online services. Many churches do. Saddleback, Life.Church, and so many wonderful local churches all have fantastic online Christmas services. Sometimes, it is very helpful to go ahead and attend church in person so you can be around others and not feel so isolated or alone. There is no wrong or right answer, so do whatever brings you and your family the most peace.

❤️(Update: due to the pandemic, please take precautions to stay safe and well.)❤️

Being mindful of triggers definitely doesn’t mean to avoid Christmas activities or enjoying your loved ones this year. There are so many wonderful things about the Christmas season that can bring unimaginable joy to your heart! Just being prepared, as well as a little planning, can ensure a much more relaxed, comfortable, more enjoyable, and peace-filled holiday season.

Wishing everybody love, peace, encouragement, healing, and HOPE throughout this beautiful season and the new year!

Gratitude & many blessings,

Kim

🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️🦌🎄❤️

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://www.peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): https://www.christianbook.com/getting-knocks-transparent-journey-seeking-through/k-b-h-niles/

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: https://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: https://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

My First Christmas In Heaven

Nov19

❤️🎄MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN🎄❤️

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,

With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear.

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs, that people hold so dear,

But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I can’t tell you of the splendor, Or the peace here in this place.

Can you just imagine Christmas, with our Savior face to face?

I’ll ask Him to light and comfort your spirit. As I tell Him of your love.

So then pray for one another, As you lift your eyes above.

Please let your heart be joyful, and allow your spirit to sing.

For I’m spending Christmas in Heaven, and I’m walking with the King.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.

But I am not so far away, We really aren’t apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.

And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.

I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, just as my Father said to do.

For I can’t count the blessings or the love He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and please wipe away that tear,

Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year!

~Author Unknown

Praying everyone has a Christmas season filled with love, comfort, encouragement, and HOPE!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

Grief & Holidays—helpful tip #3

Nov18

Today’s tip: It is totally okay to remember and honor your treasured loved one.

After losing a loved one, so many questions come to mind…

“How am I going to make it through this holiday season without my loved one?”
“Is it okay to remember my loved one or talk about them during the holidays?”
“How do I go about remembering and honoring my loved one throughout the Christmas season?“

There’s nothing more painful around the holidays than to no longer have a treasured loved one with you or go through devastating loss. You try to salvage the holiday season and remember a precious loved one, but may become frustrated due to not really knowing how.

The memories from Christmases past were some of the best memories a griever has experienced in life, but now the realization of not having their loved one here to enjoy the holidays with is so very painful to deal with.

It can be a balancing act for a griever to authentically grieve and remember their deceased treasured loved one(s), while also creating meaningful memories with their remaining loved ones—it’s a balance all grievers will need to decide and create for themselves and their family.

Be kind to yourself and those closest to you, and do what you (and your family) need to do to get through the holidays. If you feel like remembering and honoring your treasured loved one, then absolutely do so…and do not feel bad about it. You loved them so much while they were with you…and your love is still so very great for your loved one today! Never apologize – or feel bad – for remembering and honoring those you love…deceased or living!

Ask God to guide and direct you throughout your grief, comfort you, and give you fresh ideas of how to remember and honor your loved one during the Christmas season.

Here are 10 ideas for remembering and honoring your cherished loved one this holiday season:

Think of your loved one’s favorite holiday tradition and then do that special tradition in their honor. You may even choose to invite your loved one’s closest family members and friends to do this special tradition with you each year.
Light a memory candle in honor of your loved one. You can share with others what your special candle signifies, or you can tuck the special meaning privately in your heart.
Place a treasured photo in a special picture frame and place it out for all to see.
Do an activity (if you feel ready and comfortable) that you and your loved one specifically enjoyed doing together. My sister and I loved baking together, so throughout the years, I have hosted a “cookie party” and baked in her memory. I pass out the treats to family, good friends, and those who I know need encouragement.
If certain Christmas songs remind you of your loved one, make a playlist of those songs and listen to them when you miss your loved one most. The first few years after my sister died, it was very painful to hear certain songs – especially Feliz Navidad (her favorite). Now when it comes on, I take it as a loving reminder of how important my sister was to me…I think of it as my sister’s way of saying, “hello” from Heaven and a way of God allowing my sister to be a special part of my Christmas season.
Share and exchange past special holiday memories of your loved one with understanding family members and close friends. Be sure to share funny stories, too!
Make a scrapbook, including important mementos, special stories, and treasured photos of your loved one. Write an annual Christmas note to your loved one and tuck it somewhere safe inside the scrapbook. Anytime you miss them, take out the scrapbook and look at it.
Donate a special gift, participate in Angel Tree, volunteer your time, or make a donation to your loved one’s favorite charity in your loved one’s name and honor. If you do Angel Tree, try to find an angel that has the same birthday as your loved one.
Watch old home videos or enjoy special photos of your loved one. These truly can eventually be a source of great comfort in time.
Light the Christmas tree, turn out the lights, play some soft Christmas music, get some hot chocolate, and have a special time with God, pouring your heart out to Him. Talk to God about your treasured loved one and how much you miss them. Talk to Abba Father about your remaining loved ones on earth, your hurts, concerns, and cares, and everything else that is on your heart and mind. God truly cares about your pain.

Holidays can be a very challenging and sad time after the death of a loved one (or while going through loss or life challenges). I hope these 10 ideas are a source of comfort, help, and encouragement to you this holiday season.

Praying all who are hurting will find genuine compassion, support, love, and encouragement this holiday season!

Gratitude and blessings,
Kim

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

🎄Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

⭐️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🎄Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

🎄❤️🎄

You’re In More Control Than You Think

Oct29

Grief, stress, “life,” and the people around you can definitely have a profound affect on you, as well as affect the overall quality of your life. Until a few years ago, I never could have realized how much of an affect.

Then I got sick. Really, really sick.

At the time, I was used to running 3-5 miles a day, playing disc golf several times a week, practicing tae kwon do daily, and basically doing whatever I wanted physically…because I had the ability to do so.

Then I not only got really sick…I completely lost my health.

It took me almost four years to rebuild my immune system and get my health back…and during that time, I couldn’t hardly do anything but sit. And sometimes, just sitting was painful. Some days were so bad, I couldn’t even get out of bed. My veins throughout my entire body felt as though fire was traveling through them, my hair started falling out, the fatigue and pain were both debilitating, and the weight gain began rapidly even though I was a very health-minded, clean eater.

My doctors explained to me that my illness was created due to prolonged stress…and the illness would be lifelong, attached to me like permanent superglue. They explained the difference between having typical day-to-day stress and being distressed to where the stress becomes toxic.

After I found out my illness could’ve been prevented (had I only simply set boundaries and controlled my surroundings and the people/stress I allowed into my life) I went through many emotions. Sadness because my illness wasn’t curable. Unforgiveness – for a period of time – at certain people or situations that had created extreme stress or hurt. Anger towards myself for not setting better and stronger boundaries. Fear because, at the time, I had no idea how to control my illness or its debilitating symptoms. Grief…because life as I previously knew it was over.

I felt as though I was thrown into oblivion and I had to figure life out all over again….what to eat, so as to not trigger or make my symptoms worse…what to do medically, so I could understand what the best medicines, supplements, and prescriptions were for regaining my health…what work or social events to accept or decline based on my health…which people to be around—or to not be around—so stress wouldn’t trigger symptoms…what to do spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally so I could prepare my heart to fight for my health (talk about self-work!). I was knocked down and wasn’t sure how to get back up.

It was a scary time of completely reevaluating my entire life in every area so I could regain my health…and prevent new and additional illnesses from forming.

This health crisis allowed me to find out something new that I had never realized before: I was so much more in control than what I had previously thought or realized.

I found that if I couldn’t control the actions of others, my circumstances, my grief experiences, or my environment, I COULD at least control the actions, thoughts, as well as the emotional and spiritual health, of myself. I had complete control over me and I had complete control over what I allowed to go on around me and inside my own heart.

As I worked with my specialists to regain my health, I intentionally removed anything and everything toxic in my life: toxic foods, toxic habits, toxic thoughts, toxic emotional baggage, toxic situations, toxic unwise schedules, and toxic people. This was difficult to do, but I wasn’t willing for my health to further deteriorate. Courage became necessary to regain my quality of life, and at the time, courage wasn’t exactly my forte. Having the knowledge my illness was lifelong, I realized this wasn’t going to be a quick fix—anything I did had to be “all-in” and longterm.

As I repaired my health, and my rheumatologist, hematologist, and endocrinologist conveyed the importance of a stress-free lifestyle, I realized just how much power stress has on a person’s wellness. As I took the steps to regain my health, I often wondered if my sister possibly could’ve prevented her illness (or death) had she only had the knowledge about the stress and illness correlation.

Whether it’s an illness, grief, trials, life circumstances…anything…we all are so much more in control than we think. I’ve been surprised by my strength to overcome obstacles in dealing with getting well. I know I never would’ve refined and sifted the contents of my life had I not been forced into doing so due to becoming ill.

Like anything I go through in life, I always try to find something good that can come out of any trial. The good that came out of my illness is I found out so much about life and myself: that health and wellness are absolute gifts that should never be taken for granted…what I’m willing to tolerate or put up with and what I’m not…what I love about life and what I don’t…that God is an incredible Friend and Comforter…that life is a gift to never be wasted…I also learned about setting wise boundaries and priorities…and I learned life doesn’t just have “to happen” and I don’t have to just roll with the punches—I learned that I am so much more in control than I previously thought.

It took me almost 4 years to regain my health, but I’m so glad God allowed healing to take place and allowed me to realize I had a lot of control over my life, illness, and wellness.

The thoughts that ran through my mind while I was at my sickest, I’ll share with you. They tremendously helped me and put my life in perspective. Maybe they’ll help someone else today:

What’s plaguing your heart today? What’s weighing you down? What’s preventing you from living life to the fullest? What past baggage is controlling your present life? What’s keeping you from fully knowing, loving, and enjoying God? What is your life purpose and how do you plan to cooperate with God to fulfill it? What’s keeping you from fully loving and enjoying your family and friends? What changes do you need to make to have better health? What kind of life do you want and what steps can you take to achieve it? What courage and character qualities do you need to develop to see you through? What do you need to do today to make all of this a reality?

Every morning I’d say two things to myself (I still do):

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life…make every ounce of it count”

“If it is to be, it’s up to me”

Consider if you’re truly happy with your wellness and the way life is going…or if you need to change things or tune life up.

You’re in more control than you think!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

A few inspiring websites* that may be helpful~

(*websites are for encouragement purposes only and are not an endorsement. View websites at own risk.)

❤️

For more encouragement:

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for Kim’s book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Foolishness, Wisdom, Guilt, & Regrets

Oct15

“You can live life like there’s no tomorrow, but tomorrow is still there when you wake up, full of consequences.” – Lecrae

Many have lived irresponsibly, foolishly, recklessly, or unthinkingly…only to realize they have brought a lot of loss into their own life, or worse, the lives of their loved ones.

Every choice we make will bring either a blessing…or a consequence. Our choices become our greatest assets…or our greatest liabilities.

Some choices bring about loss for a season, while other choices bring loss that will last a lifetime.

This is why wisdom is so very important. God says He will give wisdom to all who ask Him for it. There is an entire book in the Bible that is filled with teachings on wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and understanding. The book of Proverbs teaches us how to live a good life—a solid life that is built on wisdom.

You may not be able to go back in time to save yourself or others from a foolish decision you made in the past, but you do have the opportunity – starting today – to begin learning how to live a wise life.

Start to consider the choices you make…from this day forward…and make the commitment to strive to make wise choices.

When guilt or regrets come to mind? Use it as a signal to ask God to forgive you, make amends, and ultimately to choose and do better. Most of the poor decisions we make are made out of foolishness or a lack of understanding. If we KNEW better, we would have CHOSEN better. Give yourself some slack and some much needed grace…and then purposely become an intentional lifelong learner so you can then be freed up to make better choices.

Ask God for wisdom, understanding, and discernment to make good solid wise choices too…because good decisions are also a gift from Him. Also ask him for His grace and peace!

Consider reading the entire book of Proverbs. It is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge to know how to live a wise and great life, as well as a life that pleases God which releases His favor and blessings.

If you read one chapter of Proverbs each day, you’ll read through the whole book of Proverbs (all 31 chapters) each and every month.

You’ll be so glad you did!

(from the FREE 60-Day YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief)

For more encouragement, please feel free to check out all of the free Grief Bites devotionals on the YouVersion/Bible App: http://www.youversion.com

Kim’s book: Click here for book

Blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

What’s The Timeline For My Grief? Pt. 1

Aug29

I am frequently asked at Grief Bites meetings and the seminars I speak at, “What’s the timeline for my grief?…When will I feel better?…When will life get back to normal?”

These are genuine, heartfelt, tough questions…with tougher answers.

Anyone who has experienced deep grief can relate to what Keanu Reeves once said, after he experienced the death of his baby and the child’s mother within a year of each other, “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.”

I originally thought that grief had a beginning and an ending. I thought a day would come where I’d wake up, and all of my grief would be forever behind me. Grief, in my mind, would eventually be something that would one day be in my past, after I thoroughly worked it out.

The problem is, that’s just not the way grief works.

Grief has no cookie-cutter timeline. It has a beginning, but there is no clear-cut ending.

Mr. Reeves is right—grief continually morphs.

Once grief attaches itself to you, it is permanently velcroed to your heart…and life never goes back to the exact way it once was. It simply can’t because the people you loved are no longer here to make life exactly the same. And there are so many reminders of the void: a favorite song randomly comes on the radio…you drive by your treasured loved one’s favorite restaurant…and then there’s the birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, and all the other holidays that were previously enjoyed with your loved one(s). And if all of these don’t painfully remind you of the intense void, then the memories that fill your heart and mind will.

So does that mean life will never be good again? Are you destined to never feel better? Will holidays forever be heartbreaking vortexes of intense void that suck the life out of you? Will the memories, photos, and home videos always be painful?

Absolutely not!

I’m looking forward to sharing with you in my next blogpost how to not only navigate through grief and get your breath (and life!) back, but to turn your grief into great meaning and value!

There is HOPE!

May all of you have a very blessed weekend! 💕

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

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