Tag Archive | grief

Trusting others with your grief

Sep5

When going through grief or a traumatizing situation, please be careful who you trust and confide in.

Not everybody has a hurting person’s best interests at heart; some may even use your personal story as a means to gossip.

By no means should you bottle up all of your hurts, emotions, or story…just use extreme wisdom in who you allow the precious privilege of helping and encouraging you.

There are very good people out there…and, oh, what treasures they are!

Choose people who will adopt the mentality, “It’s your story, and it’s not mine to tell.”

Praying God blesses everyone with compassionate, empathetic, and trustworthy family and friends!

Gratitude & blessings,
Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Suicide…10 TIPS to make a difference

Aug12

80% of all people have thought about suicide at one time or another.

50% of students have experienced suicidal thoughts.

15-18% will seriously consider suicide as a viable option.

8% will attempt it.

Suicide for me is a topic that hits home.

Several years ago, one of my friends killed herself…a few years later, another friend who attended the same Bible study with me killed himself…in 2007, a friend who changed my life committed suicide…this year, a friend of my husband’s and mine committed suicide…then a treasured loved one attempted suicide.

Yesterday, Robin Williams sadly took his own life.

Suicide is a devastating permanent decision that is made while in the trenches of a personal & temporary emotional hell.

Suicide doesn’t discriminate.

It doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, if you have a genius mind, what nationality you are, if you have a ton of friends or none…it can tempt anyone.

It is carried out by the mentally ill, as well as the mentally fit…it is carried out by people who have very loving parents & families, as well as those who lack familial support & love…it beckons the lonely bullied kids, as well as those who are popular…it has nothing to do with God, as well as everything to do with God.

How many people do each of us know who are silently at the brink of potentially quitting life?

It starts with every person because each one of us has the incredible capacity to make a difference in the lives of others!

I thought of 10 things that may make a difference. This certainly is not an exhaustive list. People hurt for many different reasons. This list is just what I consider helpful.

10 TIPS FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION~it starts with each of us

1. CHOOSE TO BE A NICE PERSON

Be kind to others. You NEVER know what people are dealing with on a day-to-day basis…things that you have no idea about. Your words have the power to uplift someone or to destroy a part of someone’s heart.

You’d be surprised how many people are literally one unkind word away from doing something regretful. “One” thing someone says could very well be the “100th” thing that was said to them during the week or month. Unkindness has a layering affect that eventually builds up. Use your words to be kind.

2. BE A GOOD REFLECTION

If you see that someone is struggling–or they are being bullied, outcasted, or rejected–or if you see someone who is making poor decisions–choose to be the ONE person who makes a difference in their life. Some people have no idea that they have VALUE.

Maybe God wants to use YOU to help uncover their value to where they gain the ability to CLEARLY see it for themselves.

Problems have a way of clouding the way we see ourselves in the daily mirror of life. Be a good solid mirror in the lives of others so that when they talk to you, they see a good reflection. People truly need that. If you see something good in someone, tell them. Give people genuine praise and words of affirmation. You may be the only good “mirror” they will see themselves through until they gain the ability to see the good in their own self.

3. DEVELOP DISCERNMENT & MERCY

Don’t believe everything you hear about people. If you do hear something negative, choose to be the type of person who gives others MERCY & the benefit of the doubt. Everybody has value and everyone has the potential to do great things with their life. EVERYBODY.

Even if something said is true, people can and do change.

Give & be the mercy today that you would hope to receive tomorrow.

Treat others how you would want to be treated in the same situation.

Everybody has the capacity to make a really poor decision. It is never a good idea to be so prideful to think that we are the exception. Please use discernment and give others MERCY.

4. DON’T PLACE BLAME

Don’t blame or judge the parents, spouse, or family of the person who tried to commit suicide or succeeded in commiting suicide. If a person commits suicide, it simply means that they did not like how the circumstances of their life was going, they lost hope, or an event was excruciatingly painful, or the pain in their life became too great to handle. It does NOT (& should NOT) reflect on the family of those left behind.

The family left behind needs your love, support, COMPASSION, & encouragement more than ever. Don’t shun or avoid them and please DO NOT make their situation a topic of gossip. They feel terribly heartbroken and traumatized about it already. Please do not add to their pain.

Don’t blame the person. They were in a lot of pain and they simply got caught up in a very dark moment and felt like the options ran out. They weren’t trying to be selfish, hurtful or unthoughtful…they were in the darkest depths of their life and didn’t know how to swim to the surface. They felt as though they were drowning and got tired of treading the waters of “life”.

If you know of a hurting family member or friend, please don’t judge their pain…please HELP & LOVE THEM!

Many times, outside people do not have all the facts to know the totality of a story of what went on inside the life of the person who committed suicide. Everybody has a story…and not everyone is an open book. Please be compassionate.

5. CHOOSE TO BE A HOPE GIVER & ENCOURAGER

There are some people in life who have a way of infusing hope in the darkest situations of life. CONTINUALLY FIND WAYS TO BE ONE OF THEM! Seek to let everyone you come in contact with know that life is good regardless of any life event they are going through. Encourage those who God has placed around you.

INFUSE HOPE, LOVE, AND ENCOURAGEMENT INTO FAMILY & FRIEND’S LIVES!

Although suicide or attempted suicide can be a source of gossip, don’t be so quick to believe that someone who attempted suicide is merely a depressed mess.

Many times, after a suicide attempt, a person will learn very deep life lessons. Many will develop compassion towards others who are hurting. Some of the best encouragers I’ve ever met have been those who have been affected by depression or suicide.

After my attempt, I found how to be an encourager. If you want to be a great encourager, think of the struggles you have had in life…then look for others who are going through a same or similar struggle, and encourage them the way you wished someone would have encouraged you.

It can make a big difference!

6. DEVELOP AN ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE & A LIFE PURPOSE THAT BECOMES GREATER THAN PERSONAL PAIN

It is so important to understand how to have an eternal perspective…and to genuinely understand that EVERY life matters. There is a huge need for people who are able to EFFECTIVELY communicate this truth: Everybody goes through bad situations in life…and every situation in life is redeemable. EVERYBODY has a life purpose that needs to be fulfilled…and ONLY they have the ability to fulfill it.

With so much judgment in the world, it is easy for people to feel constantly discouraged. We need to reverse our judgments and turn them into something that helps others…and find tangible ways of caring for others. When people are down…and there are a lot of situations that can bring people down…who can they trust to help lift them out of the pit? It’s not enough to say, “I care”…everybody cares…our families and friends may need more than that. They may need to know that someone ACTIVELY CARES and are willing to invest in their life. If you see someone struggling…ask how you can help. Let them know they have great value and that there is an Answer to anything and everything in life. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT THEIR LIFE PURPOSE IS GREATER THAN ANY PAIN THEY EXPERIENCE. Pain in life is temporary…a life purpose is eternal. IT HAS AN ONGOING LASTING IMPACT & LEGACY. 

I suffered greatly with depression until I found my life purpose. Everybody has an incredible life purpose…once you find out what your own unique purpose is, it breathes new life into your heart. It truly fills your heart with HOPE!

There is purpose in every pain we all go through and it is often there to develop & refine our life purpose.

To find out your purpose, go to http://www.chazown.com and also http://www.purposedriven.com

I HIGHLY recommend two books:

  • Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? This book has sold more books than any other nonfiction book except for the Bible. It is an incredible book that has the ability to change lives!
  • Craig Groeschel’s book, Chazown: A Different Way to See Your Life Craig Groeschel is a skilled communicator. You will truly enjoy his style of writing and wit!

7. BE A GOOD EXAMPLE TO YOUR CHILDREN

We, as parents, can fool ourselves into believing that our kids are automatically or naturally born “kind” people.

Character & kindness are CAUGHT, not TAUGHT. We can tell our kids to be kind all we want but if they do not see it in our lives, they aren’t going to buy it.

Here are a few questions each of us should ask ourselves for personal accountability:

(IT STARTS AT HOME!)

Do your kids see you being kind to your spouse, your other children, & others? Do they see you talking bad about other people to your friends? Do they see you maliciously gossiping, belittling, or insulting others? Do they see you actively befriending others or do they see you being overly critcal & picky with whom you choose to befriend? Has someone reached out to you to offer friendship and you snubbed them? Have you been arrogant or exclusive? Have they witnessed you being “two-faced”…nice to people when they are around but talk poorly about them later?

Parents are children’s main blueprint & role models for how to treat others. I think sometimes, we can all minimize or forget that.

We want to blame others instead of looking in the mirror. We ALL do it…harsh but true.

We want to think that it is always “everyone else” who will fix societal issues. We each need to honestly self-reflect to see if we are truly part of the problem…and how we can be part of the solution.

We, as parents, need to realize that kind parents produce the next kind generation. The hand that rocks the cradle has the power to influence and rock the world. Make sure you do everything in your power to ensure that your children will rock the world with kindness and compassion as adults.

If you’ve made these mistakes (and we ALL have), go to your kids and ask for forgiveness. It is never too late to become a kinder person and to open up important conversation with our kiddos about being kind to others..even if they are now adults. We are all works in progress, none of us are perfect.

When you know better, you then have the ability to do better.

Now that you know, change life up & make kindness a priority. Teach your kids to be kind by example.

8. INFORM OTHERS OF ORGANIZATIONS THAT WANT TO HELP THEM

Post a phone number of a suicide hotline on your facebook page today and tell your facebook friends that they are valuable. You may want to simply say something like, “If you’re feeling depressed or like there’s no reason to live, PLEASE go talk to someone. I care about each and every one of you and want you to continue being in my life.”

People need to tell their family & friends that they are cared about. It DOES make a difference!

By the way, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline‘s phone number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Suicide hotline is 24/7, free, and confidential with a nationwide network of crisis centers.

Another good organization with a free hotline is The Focus on the Family Help Center. Counselors are available to listen and pray with you, as well as provide initial guidance and resources to help. Arrange to speak with a licensed Christian counselor at no cost by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (Mountain time).

9. CALL PEOPLE OUT

If you see that a family member or friend has been behaving differently, has made drastic changes to their appearance or lifestyle, has appeared depressed or hopeless, or has mentioned “life sucks” or has said life is “not worth living”, CALL THEM OUT ON IT…ASK if they are okay. Tell them you care about them and that you love them. Let them know that you are always there for them and they can call you anytime…day or night. Better to offend a friend than to have regret.

10. REACH OUT TO YOUR FAMILY & FRIENDS IF YOU ARE HAVING A HARD TIME AND SEEK GOD

If you are feeling depressed, reach out to your loved ones. Society tells everyone that they need to be strong…but we ALL will have times in life where we feel weak or depressed.

Don’t bottle it all in. Seek out a TRUSTED family member or friend and get the help you need.

It helps to get another person’s perspective about situations and hardships in life. It helps to know someone cares.

If you are feeling depressed, make wellness a priority…even if you don’t want to.

Pray, seek God’s heart, eat right, exercise, get enough sleep and rest, and do things in life that you previously enjoyed…especially when you do not feel like doing any of these things.

It takes time to fix what has been broken. It takes time for God to work the details out to make something good come out of the painful event you are experiencing.

Get the help you need today so you have the ability to help others through the situations they are facing tomorrow. YOU are going to be ABSOLUTE JEWEL to someone in the future who will be going through a similar heartache!

I hope all of this was helpful. If it makes a difference in even one person’s life, it was worth writing. Please know that you have VALUE! Life is worth living! 

Yes, 8% will attempt suicide. I pray that those 8% will find the HOPE they are seeking from ONE person. Their life purpose is unfolding. I sure hope someone cares about them today so they have a renewed ability to live out their life purpose tomorrow.

Be the ONE.

Each one of us knows someone who is going through depression or someone who is going through a tough time.

Let’s make the commitment to pick up the phone TODAY & call the people we love and tell them how much they mean to us. If we know someone is down, we need to check on them and make sure they are okay. Encourage family & friends this week!
Compassion is so needed in this world..everyone needs to know they matter.

If you have gone through the heartache of losing a family member or friend to suicide, I am so very sorry. I know that every time suicide is a topic in the news, it can bring intense grief back up to the surface. Praying for every family going through this tonight!

If you are having thoughts of suicide or you are going through deep depression, DO NOT wait to get help. There’s no shame in getting help! If you broke your arm, you’d seek out help. How much more important is your heart & your mind!
Please seek out help for depression…especially if you are having suicidal thoughts!
YOU MATTER!!!!!

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

Kim’s book: Click here for book

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus (coming soon)

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

7 Helpful Steps For Grieving Families

Aug8

Anyone who has been through deep grief knows firsthand how it can affect relationships.

Grief can be extra challenging when it comes to family relationships.

Our families are who we are most comfortable around…and sadly, they’re who we show our hurts and frustrations to the most.

Did you know that 75% of parents will get divorced after the death of a child and even more will divorce when a child has a disability?

People may say and do things during deep grief that can be very uncharacteristic of their true nature. That is why it is so important to safeguard and treasure our families more than ever during times of grief. 

Compassion and empathy are absolutely key in helping our family relationships to survive and thrive during our toughest storms in life.

It takes time for a broken heart to heal, and it takes time to find a working “new normal”. Like a hurricane, grief changes everything and has the capacity to damage everything in its path. It truly takes having a game plan to ensure that family relationships do not suffer.

If we are to purposely ensure that our family relationships remain healthy during times of deep grief, it is vital for grieving families to:

1. Be there for each other

2. Show compassion to one another

3. Allow each other to grieve how each needs to grieve (this is a HUGE one because everyone grieves differently)

4. Be respectful and kind to one another

5. Support one another by helping each other with day-to-day responsibilities and remembering appointments and important events (buying a calendar and having each family member write down their appointments and events on the calendar will alleviate stress and will eliminate communication mishaps. Grief can make people forget appointments, events, special occasions, etc.)

6. Be forgiving of each other and refuse to play the “blame game”. During grief or loss, it is easy to want to project our hurt or blame onto something or someone else. Depending on the grief experience, this can be incredibly tough to overcome. Sometimes, finding a qualified counselor can be very helpful, one who can help families to work through the pain and blame.

7. Many times, the very best thing a family member can do for another family member is to simply listen and give a big comforting hug

If you are going through grief, remember that your spouse, children, & family members are part of your team. Yes, there are going to be some very tough days to weather together…but resolve today to encourage, love, and support each other through the thick and thin life throws at you.
Treat each other the best you possibly can and love each other well!
Draw close together as you walk through your storm together!

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

❤️

Conflict Resolution (Pt 3)- 75 Character Qualities That Can Change Your Life

Jul1

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” ~Helen Keller

Grief, conflict, hardships, struggles, and suffering are opportune times to develop personal character because through each of these circumstances, character is revealed…and tested…the most.

The key to changing every aspect of  life…including conflict resolution…is developing solid character because character and success go hand in hand. 

Show me a person who has solid character and I’ll show you someone who handles grief circumstances and conflict wisely, as well as marriage, parenting, career, and relationship issues.

The amount of character one develops in life directly influences how much success they will enjoy…in their spiritual walk, personal life, marriage, family, finances, relationships, career—basically everything!

A lack of character is quite costly because character is a derivative of the heart…and the heart is the single greatest indicator of what we will choose to do with EVERY area of our lives.

 

Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

 

Why is character so vitally important? Because character affects ourselves and everyone we come into contact with. Character is singlehandedly the greatest impact a person can have in this world.

 

The following character list is great to go by when:

  • developing personal character
  • going through grief or hardships
  • experiencing conflict
  • looking for a dating/marriage partner
  • training your children
  • interviewing a potential staff member
  • living life

Whatever conflict you are experiencing right now, consider which character trait has been violated. After discovering which trait has not been honored, you then will be free to begin developing the character trait to bring about restoration.

Ask God to reveal to your heart how to best develop each character trait below. As you read each character trait, ask yourself how you can effectively develop each trait so it can truly become a part of your regular day-to-day life.

 

75 Character Qualities That Can Change Your Life
1. Alertness vs. Unawareness– Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)

2. Attentiveness vs. Unconcern– Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)

3. Availability vs. Self-centeredness– Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of God and those I am serving (Philippians 2:20–21)

4. Boldness vs. Fearfulness– Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God (Acts 4:29)

5. Cautiousness vs. Rashness– Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions (Proverbs 19:2)

6. Communication vs. Lacking Communication– Willingly, kindly, and clearly communicating my thoughts, ideas, concerns, and needs with others while allowing them to clearly communicate their needs, ideas, concerns, and thoughts as well (Ephesians 4:25-29)

7. Compassion vs. Indifference (I John 3:17)- Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.

8. Community vs. Isolation– Treating my family the very best I possibly can (realizing God specifically placed them in my life) and also seeking out a great church and wise friends to “do life” with (Hebrews 10:24-25)

9. Contentment vs. Covetousness– Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness, and not comparing myself or my life to others (I Timothy 6:8)

10. Cooperation vs. Rebellion– Doing my part to harmoniously respect, obey, and cooperate with God,  as well as all the authority figures, law enforcement, and people (spouse, parents, elders, family, employers, church) God has placed in my life, and wisely choosing not to rebel against scripture or legitimate guidelines, laws, rules, and boundaries (Hebrews 13:17, Romans 13:1-5, Ephesians 6:1-3)

11. Courage vs. Cowardice– Choosing to face any obstacle in life with courage so as not to run away from hardships or responsibilities (Philippians 4:13)

12. Courtesy vs. Rudeness– Extending respect, kindness, and courtesy to everyone I come into contact with–regardless of their behavior (Ephesians 4:32)

13. Creativity vs. Underachievement/Dullness– Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective (Romans 12:2)  and considering all of the creative ways to implement a bright outcome

14. Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness- The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God (James 1:5)

15. Dedication vs. Wavering– Establishing a razor sharp focus and dedication in my relationships with God and others, as well as my life purpose, for God’s glory (Colossians 3:17)

16. Deference vs. Rudeness- Limiting my own personal freedom in order to not offend the tastes of those whom God has called me to serve (Romans 14:21) and showing proper respect and honor to others above my own selfish interests or inclinations

17. Dependability vs. Inconsistency– Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice (Psalm 15:4)

18. Determination vs. Faintheartedness– Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time regardless of the opposition (II Timothy 4:7–8)

19. Diligence vs. Slothfulness– Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)

20. Discernment vs. Judgment– The God-given ability to understand why things happen (I Samuel 16:7)

21. Discretion vs. Simplemindedness– The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences (Proverbs 22:3)

22. Empathy vs. Hard-heartedness/Aloofness– Taking the time to genuinely care about others and see things from their perspective by choosing to put myself in their “shoes” and truly taking the time to see how my words and actions could possibly affect them (Colossians 3:12, Romans 12:15)

23. Endurance vs. Giving up– The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God’s best (Galatians 6:9)

24. Enthusiasm/Excellence vs. Apathy– Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit (I Thessalonians 5:16,19) and seeking to live my life and use all of my talents to the best of my ability

25. Faith vs. Presumption- Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it (Hebrews 11:1)

26. Faithfulness vs. Unfaithfulness- Being, and remaining, committed to the people and responsibilities God has entrusted to me and refusing to cheat God, them, or myself out of God’s best (Proverbs 3:3, Luke 16:10)

27. Flexibility vs. Resistance- Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be changed by God or others (Colossians 3:2)

28.Forgiveness vs. Bitterness/Rejection– Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me (Ephesians 4:32)

29. Generosity/Hospitality vs. Stinginess– Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes (II Corinthians 9:6)

30. Gentleness vs. Harshness– Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of others (I Thessalonians 2:7)

31. Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness– Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life (I Corinthians 4:7)

32. Honesty vs. Lying– Committing to live a life of truth by being honest with God, myself, and others, and resisting the temptation to tell outright lies, white lies, or partial truths (1 Peter 3:10, Colossians 3:9)

33. Honor vs. Dishonor- Choosing to live a life of honor by being honorable in all of my thoughts, actions, words, and deeds, and highly honoring those God has placed in my life–especially family (Psalm 1, Colossians 3:17)

34. Hospitality vs. Loneliness– Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with family and friends (Hebrews 13:2)

35. Humility vs. Pride– Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are responsible for the achievements in my life (James 4:6)

36. Humor/Fun vs. Coldness- Choosing to see the goodness, enjoyment, fun, and humor life has to offer with those God has placed in my life in spite of circumstances (Psalm 27:13, Ecclesiastes 3:1-22)

37. Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness– Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it (Romans 12:21)

38. Integrity vs. Lack of character- Choosing to live a life of character even when it becomes difficult, realizing that who I am in private reveals my true integrity (Psalm 18:25, Psalm 119:1, Proverbs 2:6-8)

39. Joyfulness vs. Self-pity– The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in fellowship with the Lord (Psalm 16:11)

40. Justice vs. Fairness– Keeping myself “in check” and committing to living out personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws (Micah 6:8)

41. Kindness vs. Harshness– Choosing to be kind in all I do, and maintaining a soft kind heart to others, as well as refusing to be harsh or hardhearted (Luke 6:31, Colossians 3:12-14)

42. Knowledge vs. Simplemindedness– Making the decision to be in awe of God and better myself every single day by learning as much as I can so as to avoid living an unwise simpleminded life (Proverbs 18:15, Proverbs 1:7)

43. Leadership vs. Wavering– Using my leadership wisely by investing in and encouraging those underneath my leadership in every way I can to ensure their success (Titus 1:7-14)

44. Love vs. Selfishness– Choosing to love God, and my family and friends extravagantly, and giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive personal reward (I Corinthians 13:3)

45. Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness– Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom He has called me to serve (John 15:13) and being loyal to my family and friends

46. Meekness vs. Anger– Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5) and using anger as a signal to warn me of possible self-centeredness

47. Mercy vs. Judgment– Choosing to be the mercy and compassion to others today that I would want to receive myself tomorrow (Luke 6:36, Matthew 5:7)

48. Obedience vs. Willfulness– Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority (II Corinthians 10:5) as well as going out of my way to respect authority

49. Orderliness vs. Disorganization– Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency (I Corinthians 14:40)

50. Patience vs. Restlessness– Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it (Romans 5:3–4)

51. Peace vs. Contention/Disharmony– Choosing to honor God by being a peacemaker and creating harmony in difficult relationships and situations (II Timothy 2:24)

52. Persuasiveness vs. Contentiousness– Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks without being offensive or disrespectful (II Timothy 2:24)

53. Punctuality vs. Tardiness– Showing high esteem for other people and their time (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

54. Purpose vs. Lack of Focus- Finding out and fulfilling my life purpose, as well as the purpose for any project I am serving on with others, so as to bring ultimate glory to God in my life (Isaiah 43:7, Psalm 139:13-16, Philippians 2:1-4)

55. Purity of Motives vs. Manipulation– Resisting the urge to manipulate people or situations by continually allowing God to purify and refine my heart and motives to be inline with God’s Word and His Will (Zechariah 13:9, Ephesians 5:26)

56. Resilience vs. Quitting/Cowardice- Developing tenacity and refusing to quit while going through trials or hardships and purposefully seeking out God’s heart so that He can refresh and lift me up in His timing…and realizing God has the power to work everything together for the good of every situation (Joshua 1:9, Romans 8:28)

57. Resourcefulness vs. Wastefulness– Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard (Luke 16:10)

58. Responsibility vs. Unreliability– Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting from me (Romans 14:12)

59. Restoration vs. Incompleteness– Taking upon myself the responsibility to seek out restoration with God, others, and circumstances when I have been offensive or hurtful to others…and while initiating restoration, allowing God to restore me (Jeremiah 17:14, 2 Chronicles 7:14)

60. Reverence vs. Disrespect– Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me (Proverbs 23:17–18)

61. Safety vs. Neglectfulness– Taking the time to do my responsibilities the right way and ensuring the safety of others as well as myself (Colossians 3:23)

62. Security vs. Anxiety– Structuring my life around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away (John 6:27)

63. Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence– Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit as well as obeying God’s Word (Galatians 5:24–25)

64. Sensitivity vs. Callousness– Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me (Romans 12:15)

65. Servant’s Heart vs. Taking– Looking for ways to serve God, my family, and others (above myself) so that I can fully invest in them, make a positive impact, and benefit their life (Matthew 23:11, 1 Timothy 5:8, Philippians 2:1-11)

66. Sincerity vs. Hypocrisy/Insincerity– Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives (I Peter 1:22)

67. Teamwork vs. Isolated Independence- Choosing to do what is truly best for everybody involved—whether it is at home, church or work—instead of focusing on my own goals, agenda, or myself (Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Peter 4:10, 1 Corinthians 12)

68. Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness– Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected (Proverbs 18:15)

69. Thriftiness vs. Extravagance– Not allowing myself or others to spend that which is not necessary (Luke 16:11)

70. Tolerance vs. Prejudice– Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity (Philippians 2:2)

71. Truthfulness vs. Deception– Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts (Ephesians 4:25)

72. Understanding vs. Lack of Knowledge- Choosing to “seek to understand” people and situations through God’s perspective by searching God’s Word for answers so that I can effectively develop godly knowledge and an understanding heart towards others (2 Timothy 3:16, Proverbs 4:7)

73. Virtue vs. Impurity– The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God’s Word (II Peter 1:3)

74. Vision vs. Apathy– The ability to visualize and realize a vision without becoming apathetic while ultimately helping to accomplish God’s plans and purpose (Philippians 3:14)

75. Wisdom vs. Foolishness/Natural Inclinations– Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s frame of reference (Proverbs 9:10)

 

The greater the character, the greater the favor one will enjoy in life.

Make all your ways pleasing to God and He will make your paths straight. 

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” (AMP)

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

 
❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

 

 

For more information on building character, you may wish to check out these resources:

http://www.characterfirst.com/qualities

*Character Qualities: 49 are through IBLP, 26 are my own creation

Click to access characterqualities.pdf

Conflict Resolution During Grief Pt. 2

Jun26

Conflict is unavoidable in life. 

Conflict will always be a part of life as long as there are people…because people are fallible. People have issues…and people are broken.

We all have our own set of issues, as well as our own ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and desires. We also all have an idea of how WE think life should happen…and how WE think life should work. And then conflict begins…Grief can bring up a ton of conflict. Other times in life, God sometimes allows someone with VERY different issues, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and ideals to cross our path…or they may live with us!

We can view a person we are having conflict with as:

  • sandpaper that gets underneath our skin…or…
  • a divine vessel from God to sand away the negative character qualities and imperfections we have in our own life

Depending on how we view our offender or a situation of conflict, we will either deepen our negative character traits…or…become a better person throughout a trial.

In my last post, I stated, “Ultimately, conflict surfaces because it is one of the enemy’s strongest ways of keeping us from achieving what God wants for us, and what God truly wants for those around us. Conflict continually keeps hurts and problems stirred up…sucking up our extra energy…which prevents us from FULLY achieving God’s Will and His best for our lives. Ultimately, conflict keeps us from TRULY loving God and GENUINELY loving others.” …Think about this for a minute…

So where does conflict originate?

EVERY CONFLICT STEMS FROM ONE ORIGINAL SOURCE: One, or both parties, involved in a conflict has a major character deficit. Character deficits…and the granddaddy of all character deficits–selfishness (pride)–are what conflicts are rooted in.

James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Aren’t they caused by the selfish desires that fight to control you?” Our character, and the selfish desires of our heart, try to control us. That is why it is so important to control and develop our own personal character throughout life.

Whatever negative character qualities we do not gain control over, will end up controlling us.

Let me explain: Character is the sum of qualities that a person either possesses or doesn’t possess that dictates every single thought, word, action or deed.

Some people are fortunate to have been trained to have character qualities while growing up; others have not had an opportunity to have developed their character yet.

One thing is for certain though: EVERYBODY can choose to develop their character from this day forward…and by doing so, resolve many conflicts in life, as well as many life difficulties. 

When people go through grief, they may say things that they really do not mean. They may even do things that are not typical of them, too. It takes time for a broken heart to heal and it can take a lot of work to balance out after life has thrown a huge curveball. As a result of grief and loss, normally good character can suffer greatly.

We must continually develop and strengthen our character throughout our lives…because “life” and grief has the ability to change or weaken our character. Since our character can be weakened by life events…or wrong motives or wrong influences we allow into our life…it is imperative to keep a strong “self-check” in place over our character and our hearts.   Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Conflict is not always a “They’re wrong and I am right” situation. Conflict can certainly be that, but more often than not, it is simply a lack of character…and the 2 parties involved can not resolve an issue until the character quality is improved and resolved. Without the character quality being defined, improved, and resolved, the offending person no more understands how to resolve the issue than they understand how to develop the character quality itself, making lasting conflict resolution very unlikely.

The more we become Christ-like, the more character our lives will have…and the more we go to God to ask Him to develop His character and the fruits of His Spirit into our lives, the more opportunities we will have to develop them. (By the way, there are solid opportunities to put character, and the fruits of God’s Spirit, into practice during times of conflict…usually, conflict will reveal what is TRULY in a person’s heart…and the amount of genuine character they have. It’s not a fun revelation, but it is genuinely revealing to say the least).

Here is a list of popular character qualities. It is not an exhaustive list, but a most common list. As both parties read the qualities, each truly has the opportunity to take the time to see which qualities they have personally violated towards the person they are in conflict with. Remember, it is not about being “right”…it is about both parties owning their part and RESOLVING the conflict.

Two people can absolutely tear each other apart with arguments and divisions…without seeing any positive resolution at all. So, doesn’t it make sense to battle and change the negative character instead of battling the same topics over and over again?

Galatians 5:15 shares, “If you go on hurting each other and tearing each other apart [biting and devouring one another], be careful, or you will completely destroy [or consume] each other.”

Take a moment and look at the following list of character qualities, along with the negative character trait associated with the needed positive character quality for conflict resolution. A lot of times, if someone cannot pin point a character quality that is needed to resolve an issue, they can most likely pin point the negative trait that is being displayed. Find the negative character quality that is being shown and then develop the opposite (positive) character quality to better the situation.

Majority of people do not merely react to another person; they react to a person’s character/lack of character…or guiding life principles/lack of principles…or values/lack of values.

Whether it is conflict during grief, or conflict within a marriage or family relationship, church/religion-based relationships, work relationships, or any other conflict or relationship…majority can be resolved when fixing the root…which is fixing the underlying character issues.

2 people then are not fighting each other…they are overcoming negative character qualities together.

Some may refuse to work on issues, their character, or relationships (due to being stubborn, or maybe being deeply hurt by a situation or another person), so they choose to cut off or remove their self from the situation. Regardless of what one chooses…and that is truly between them and God…their negative character traits will follow them into a new relationship or situation. And the lessons usually get harder and much more difficult. God rarely allows us to be offensive, or refuse to obey His ways for conflict resolution, and then walk off and be blessed. He usually sends a much more cruel messenger or situation to motivate us to change our character and our ways. It’s just the way it works!

So, why choose to work on it…especially when you truly do not want to?…It makes much more sense to develop our own character…whether another person does or not…and whether a situation changes or not…because we have to look at ourselves in the mirror each and every day the rest of our lives regardless of the outcome of our conflict. We ultimately do our part to please God.

Consider these most common character traits that can be lacking. The anecdote is for each person to do a self check to truly see which negative character trait they are exhibiting, so that they can clearly figure out how to develop the positive character trait for lasting results in conflict resolution:

(Before reading this list, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you which character qualities you need to develop and work on. Don’t be discouraged, everybody has MANY qualities they need to develop!)

Acceptance vs. Rejection

Adaptability vs. Stubbornness

Alertness vs. Unawareness

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern

Authenticity vs. Fakeness/Hypocrisy

Availability vs. Self-centeredness

Being Under Authority vs. Selfish Rebellion

Benefit of the Doubt vs. Harsh Judgment

Boldness vs. Fearfulness

Cautiousness vs. Rashness

Civility vs. Incivility

Communication vs. Lacking Communication

Compassion vs. Indifference

Community/Family vs. Isolation

Contentment vs. Covetousness

Cooperation vs. Rebellion

Courage vs. Cowardice

Courtesy vs. Rudeness

Creativity vs. Underachievement/Dullness

Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness

Dedication vs. Wavering

Deference vs. Rudeness

Dependability vs. Inconsistency

Determination vs. Faintheartedness

Diligence vs. Slothfulness 

Discernment vs. Judgment

Discretion vs. Simplemindedness

Empathy vs. Hard-heartedness

Endurance vs. Giving up

Excellence vs. Apathy

Faith vs. Presumption

Faithfulness vs. Unfaithfulness

Flexibility vs. Resistance

Forgiveness vs. Bitterness

Generosity/Hospitality vs. Stinginess

Gentleness vs. Harshness

Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness

Hardworking vs. Entitlement

Harmony vs. Jealousy

Honesty vs. Lying

Honor vs. Dishonor

Humility vs. Pride

Humor/Fun vs. Coldness/Refusal to connect

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness

Integrity vs. Lack of Morals

Joyfulness vs. Self-pity

Justice vs. Fairness

Kindness vs. Harshness

Leadership vs. Wavering

Love vs. Hate/Pride/Selfishness

Loyalty vs. Betrayal

Meekness vs. Anger

Mercy vs. Judgment/Judging

Obedience vs. Willfulness

Orderliness vs. Disorganization

Patience vs. Impatience/Restlessness

Peace vs. Contention/Disharmony

Positivity vs. Negativity

Punctuality vs. Tardiness

Purpose vs. Cluelessness/Flightiness

Purity/Virtue vs. Impurity

Purity of Motives vs. Manipulation

Resilience vs. Quitting

Resourcefulness/Conservation vs. Wastefulness

Responsibility vs. Unreliability

Respect/Reverence vs. Disrespect

Safety vs. Carelessness

Security vs. Anxiety

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence

Self-Discipline vs. Undisciplined

Selflessness vs. Selfishness

Sensitivity vs. Callousness

Servant’s Heart vs. Haughtiness

Sincerity vs. Insincerity

Teamwork/Unity vs. Competitiveness/”Me” Attitude

Thankfulness vs. Complaining

Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness

Thriftiness vs. Extravagance

Tolerance vs. Prejudice

Trust vs. Mistrust

Truthfulness vs. Deception

Unity vs. Division

Vision vs. Apathy

Wisdom vs. Foolishness/Natural Inclinations

Take a few days to truly think about these character traits, the positive and the negative, and then pray about how you are going to further strengthen the good traits you have, as well as how best to develop and work  on the negative traits you have too. We ALL have both positive and negative traits and one of the greatest things about life is that we have the grand opportunity to continually better ourselves. When we love God and love others….and we choose to actively better the lives of others, and better ourselves, good things have a way of entering into our lives.

Everybody at some point has failed in a situation or a relationship…but keep in mind: “Failure is an event, never a person”…as long as you have breath in you today, you can improve your life and your character! And improving your character will always lead to a better life, better relationships, and the ability to resolve conflict!

Next post, I will be writing about how to develop each of the character qualities above. Stay tuned! 🙂

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

 

10+10=2? 20 Questions To Begin Conflict Resolution (Pt. 1)

Jun18

Have you ever experienced conflict with a spouse, child, parent, family member, in-law, ex, friend, church staff, church member, or co-worker?

What do you consider the greatest litmus test for the times when you, or those around you, experience conflict?

Do you consider:
How they have personally treated you?
How you have personally seen them treat others?
Their usual character?
Your usual character?
How you have treated them?

The world is rampant with grief, loss, disappointment, conflict, betrayal, and relational hurts.

Grief, loss, disappointment, conflict, betrayal, and ongoing hurt can bring out the absolute worst in people…and we all have the possibility of this due to the hurt, or past hurts, in our lives.

When a person hurts us, or someone we love, most people do one of four things:

1. Get even. They hurt the person back through gossip, manipulation, & reputation ruining.
2. Stuff it down, hidden deep inside, and ignore it. They pretend all is well.
3. Become a doormat and excuse it because they don’t like conflict.
4. Lash out at the other person due to deep hurts and ongoing frustrations.

If we are all honest, we probably have done a few of these things in our lifetime.

But…there is a better way.

We must first consider some important information when going through times of conflict:

  • What if we are hurting ourselves, or our own families, in the midst of the conflicts we face?
  • What if we are contributing to hurting many others in the crossfire of our disagreements…potentially for generations?
  • What if people take up offenses for loved ones, leading to serious discord that keeps on going…and going…and going. At the very least, we’ve all heard mother-in-law jokes…and at the very worst, we’ve all seen political issues and wars in the world that are violently ongoing.
  • What if we harm our own character, reputation, or spiritual witness, or that of our family’s, or that of another person?

Think about it…every conflict we are in doesn’t just affect us.

 

Each and every conflict on earth was started with a little spark that grew into a monumental fire.

How do we personally tend to our “little sparks” before great damage is done?

It is important to understand the truth that we’ve all experienced conflict due to others, as well as of our own making:
1. We’ve all been 100% innocent and on the receiving end of a combative person/situation/issue
…and…
2. We’ve all dished out our share of mistreatment or misinformation onto others
Majority of the time, we are right in the middle of these two extremes…doing both dishing and receiving.

 

Ok, so about that little spark that’s headed towards becoming a wildfire of destruction…

When going through conflict, it can zap us in many ways. The deeper the conflict, and the longer it lasts, the more we probably are tempted to question God why we are having to go through it.

Conflict. is. painful.

Why is conflict so prevalent?

Ultimately, conflict surfaces because it is one of the enemy’s strongest ways of keeping us from achieving what God wants for us and what God truly wants for those around us. Conflict continually keeps hurts and problems stirred up…and sucks up all our energy…which prevents us from FULLY achieving God’s Will and His best for our lives.

If you are going through conflict, the best thing to do is for both parties to self reflect and ask a few questions of themselves:

1. Did I do anything to wrong the person I’m having issues with?
2. Has there been an offense in the past that I haven’t made right? (maybe they’re reacting to a past hurt)
3. How have I contributed to this problem?
4. Have I gossiped or lied about them…or embellished the facts?
5. Have I been spiteful, hateful, unreasonable, or vindictive?
6. Have I tried to discredit them or relayed damaging info or “facts” about them to others, casting them in a bad light, or tried to get others on my side?
7. Is this a sin cycle passed down or learned from my parents (problems with authority figures, in-law issues, conflict stemming from divorce/death, rejecting others, anger, bitterness, “getting even”, rebellion, etc)?
8. Have I had a spirit of “competition” or jealousy where I’m trying to “win” or win my own way, “one up” someone, or gain favor at another person’s expense? (Example: siblings or daughter-in-laws & mother-in-laws)
9. Have I been prideful, unwilling to budge, or unwilling to do my part?
10. Have I taken up an offense for a loved one, without considering the other person’s feelings or their side of the story?

As you read these 10 questions, did you truly self reflect?
If not, take a moment to value and rid yourself of any pride, bitterness, or hurt you are harboring in your heart…free yourself…and go back and re-read the 10 questions of self reflection (focusing on each bolded ‘I‘)…and TRULY self reflect, as you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Then you will be able to free yourself up to make a commitment to do what is honorable in the conflict you are in as much as you are truly able to.
Remember: you’re not only doing this for them…because, let’s face it, if left to us, we aren’t going to be in the mood to self reflect or do a kind favor to anyone who has been hurtful or offensive. We need to remember that we are also choosing to do this to honor God, and for our own peace, sanity, and joy, as well as those around us who are deeply affected by the conflict. Most conflicts affect everyone close to us…they’re usually never just a “2 person” ordeal.

Times of conflict are extremely painful…but they can also be excellent opportunities for personal growth.

Consider the incredible invaluable opportunity you have right in front of you to develop character & humility in your own life to become a stronger, kinder, more richly developed person.
Each person needs to ask their self:
1. What have I personally done to make the situation right?
2. Have I gone to the person to make amends?
3. Have I done, or am I willing to do, the “right thing” as much as is in my power to do so?
4. Have I truly done an inventory of the hurtful or hate-filled words I have spoken (to them, about them, and to others) as well as the hurtful things I have done to them?
5. Have I genuinely considered what I have cost them (relationally, spiritually, reputation, emotionally, monetarily/financially, time-wise, wasted special occasions, etc)
6. Have I been willing to be a peacemaker and actively taken the steps to extend forgiveness, mercy, and grace?
7. Have I put myself in “their shoes” to see how they feel…or how this has affected them?
8. Have I offered a sincere apology or offered to actively make my “wrongs” right? (a hurt or offended person is hard to win over. An apology…and sometimes restitution…is vital. Humbling but it is a must-do)
9. Have I given the person the “benefit of the doubt” and/or tried to understand their intentions behind their actions? (sometimes, not everything is personal)
And most importantly…
10. Have I genuinely prayed about the situation and asked God what to do...am I truly willing to obey God, regardless of how I feel or what I ultimately want?

We live in a broken world, but that doesn’t necessarily give us a “free pass” to go around behaving like broken people. We need to hold ourselves accountable for every word, action, and deed…because we will eventually have to give an account of these to God.  Speaking of God, we have a Helper to make us whole, Who wants to make our offender whole, and to bring healing to any situation…if we want His help. So, if we want God’s help, it is vital to go to Him and His Word for lasting answers.

Although conflict can be incredible uncomfortable to go through, sometimes, conflict can be a catalyst to bring healing into your life, or an offensive person’s life. Sometimes, God wants us to be that person…helping the very person who hurt our heart. It’s EXACTLY what Christ did…and still does…for us.

 

Compassion, empathy, and understanding pave the way…they all are key components to begin the healing that is needed.

Make the decision to start being the compassion & understanding to others TODAY that YOU wish to receive TOMORROW.

Most conflict issues can be resolved when one person stands up, decides to show good character, and becomes the bigger person to make amends.

We are all in this together.
Everybody in the world has been deeply hurt…and everybody in the world has deeply hurt others.

How cool would it be if we all chose to live life on the higher road, making the decision to love God and love others starting right now?

Many problematic conflicts could be completely resolved if we could master in ourselves those 2 important…life-changing…decisions.

Starting today, let’s begin to un-complicate life and choose to pursue healing, spiritual strength, emotional health, kindness, compassion, and genuine love.

It will most likely take time, and getting used to, but it can be worth it!

Conflict resolution comes to life when both parties agree to:

1. Truly love God
2. Genuinely love others

In action.

Because, ultimately, love can truly cover over a multitude of hurts and sin.

Yes, 10+10 can equal 2…when the 2 parties in a conflict ask themselves those important 20 questions to come to a WHOLE resolution.

 

Does this still seem impossible? My next post will be all about how to practically accomplish conflict resolution when you don’t want to through developing character. Stay tuned!

 

Lookup these verses on www.bible.com: 1 Peter 4:8, Ephesians 4:32, James 1:12, Matthew 5:9, Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:2-3, James 3:18, Proverbs 13:10, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Ephesians 5:14-17, Matthew 6:14, 1 Corinthians 13:13, Matthew 22:36-40, Matthew 12:33-37, Romans 14:12

 

God has been showing me some pretty cool stuff this week…stuff I definitely will be putting into practice myself! Looking forward to writing more about this! 🙂

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Creating a Bucket List–Living Life to the Fullest in Spite of Loss

Jun16

Although nobody would willingly choose to go through grief or loss, good can come out of both experiences.

One of the most powerful lessons I personally learned from grief was to live life vibrantly, making the most of each and every day, because I painfully found that “tomorrow” is never promised.

People who have experienced deep grief are forever changed because grief completely changes everything.
It can change and challenge your emotions…your thoughts…your beliefs…your outlook…your relationships…your goals…everything!

Something else grief can change is your viewpoint on living life.

Many grievers, after thoroughly going through grief, are no longer willing to float through life or live a life of mediocrity. Other grievers are at the opposite end of the spectrum…they may be genuinely concerned they’ll never want to live life again…they may even believe that life will never be enjoyable or fulfilling.

That’s where a Bucket List comes to life.

Whether a griever doesn’t feel like living or enjoying life, or a griever wants to live life vibrantly to the fullest, a Bucket List is a very useful tool in grief recovery.

No matter where you are in your grief journey, consider buying a notebook and write down:
-everything you currently enjoy about life
-everything you previously enjoyed pre-grief
-any goals you want to achieve
-any places you’d like to travel to
-anything you’d like to
accomplish
-any dreams you’d like to see fulfilled
-family & friends you’d like to encourage or spend more time with
-any difference you’d like to make
-“life purpose” goals
-memories you’d like to create
-any new skills or hobbies you’d like to learn and enjoy
-any self improvements you’d like to create (spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, wellness, etc)
-any fun events you’d like to do or attend
-anything else God puts on your heart

Having a Bucket List ensures that life, memories, moments, and opportunities are never taken for granted…or wasted…ever again.

Grief takes away & destroys so much.
A Bucket List prevents future regrets and loss.

When life knocks your breath out of you, a previous solid commitment to living out a Bucket List can prevent continually “drowning” in life on your worst days.

Even though it can be hard, and sometimes it takes baby steps, think about how to improve the quality of life. On days when you feel like giving up, you’ll have a Bucket List of goals to press forward in life with.

Grief destroys everything in it’s wake and can make you feel hopeless…it “takes” your life & holds it hostage.
Living life, creating a Bucket List, and choosing to press forward…regardless of circumstances…begins the process of taking your life back from grief and freeing every part of your life!

So who will choose to buy a notebook today and get started?

Life awaits you!

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Honoring Loved Ones Through Traditions, Kindness, & Encouragement

Jun7

“Grief … it’s painful. But if you transform it into remembrance, then you’re magnifying the person you lost and also giving something of that person to other people, so they can experience something of that person.” ~Patti Smith

If anyone has read my book, Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You, then it is clearly known that I am a big advocate for remembering and honoring special loved ones who have passed away.

After my sister died from a short 3 week illness on Thanksgiving Day, I was absolutely despondent…it went beyond depression. We were best friends while growing up and did everything together. After she got married, I still talked to her on the phone every day and saw her several times a week. After she died, I felt her absence in an indescribably painful way.

The things we used to do together that we once greatly enjoyed, now brought intense heartache…and we did most everything together, so her death completely rocked my world.

One of the things we loved to do together was bake…we had always baked treats together since we were in elementary school. In fact, at the time of her death, we were planning on opening a home based bakery and candy making business.

The night before my sister died, I had two choices: go visit her in the hospital or go home to bake some of her favorite Thanksgiving treats to surprise her with at the hospital the next day.

I chose the latter…and regretted it for many years. I had no idea how sick she truly was and I truly despised myself for not choosing to go see her. The guilt and regret haunted me for years, so much that I specifically chose to not make the items I had baked for her ever again.

One day, years later, a thought came to mind…my sister would not want me to be overcome with guilt or regrets. She loved life and she would want me to do the same. She was in Heaven and was totally not upset at all. What once may have upset her on earth doesn’t upset her now in Heaven. She understood I was trying to do something nice for her…and she knew that if I was given all the facts, I would have instantly chosen to go see her and spend as much time with her as I could.

Grief truly teaches you powerful lessons. One of my greatest lessons was to put people first, above everything else.

After realizing that had I known better, I would have chosen better, I made the important decision to honor my sister’s life through doing things she enjoyed while on earth…and one of those things was to continue baking. I decided I was going to honor my sister’s memory by blessing other people with baked goods.

That very day, I made all four of the items I had made for my sister and brought them to a family dinner that my sister’s young daughters attended. The next day, I made the four items again and gave them to people who I knew were having a tough time in life. I found that I could honor my sister through encouraging others with the gift of baked goods.

I couldn’t believe how healing it was. It brought so much healing and freedom to my grief recovery that I wrote an entire chapter about it in my book and I frequently speak about this very topic at grief seminars.

Enjoying life through traditions and honoring loved ones was key to breaking through my greatest monumental grief plateaus.

 

Today, if you are greatly missing your loved one, consider doing an activity you once enjoyed together, a kind deed for someone, or offer encouragement in your loved one’s honor.

Choosing to bake treats for people who I sense are going through grief, especially around the holidays, is something I now enjoy doing.

Sometimes, I’ll anonymously pay for someone’s coffee behind me at Starbucks in my loved one’s honor.

I also go to a mexican restaurant every year on my sister’s birthday…and have a GREAT time in her honor.

Every Christmas, our family gets dressed up in pajamas and go look at Christmas lights together in honor of the tradition my dad started before he died.

 

I have my own post-grief  life filled with my own original activities and traditions, and I choose to not stay stagnant in the past, but I also enjoy incorporating old traditions and things I previously enjoyed doing with my loved ones too. It is a meaningful way to say, “You meant a lot to me. Thank you so much for all of our good memories together. I loved you then and I still love you now so I am going to honor and continue to remember you.”

Honor your loved one’s memory and continually recover from grief, but more importantly, recover your own life and your relationship with God so you can fulfill your life purpose and truly learn each and every day to live life to the fullest.

 

Sometimes, it can be difficult for grievers to honor their loved one(s) if there are guilt and regrets involved or if there were problems that were not worked out before a loved one’s death.

There have been times that I have had to forgive myself so I was able to press forward through my grief. Choosing to work out my guilt and regrets has truly been heart and life transforming.

We all make mistakes, and we all could forever dwell on the things we did wrong, but that ultimately accomplishes nothing. It just creates and brings about further loss and heartache.

Transforming our thoughts to think of all of the things we did right, how well we did love our loved ones, remembering all of the good times, and thinking of ways we can honor our loved one(s) is much more beneficial.

It is so important to remember that our loved ones do not harbor any negative feelings towards us. They completely forgive us.

We can stay stagnant in guilt and regrets or we can choose to bless another person, and our own hearts, by making a difference in the lives of others.

Through offering kindness and encouragement to others who are going through loss, you truly can make a difference.

I can’t think of a better way to truly honor my loved ones. I think they’d be very happy to know that I learned powerful life lessons through their deaths, that I still choose to enjoy the activities I once enjoyed with them…and I choose to thoroughly enjoy life itself…and that I choose to make the world a better place by encouraging others in their honor.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

A Personal Authentic Grief & Life

Apr11

Grief (and loss) comes in many packages:

  • Some are normal unavoidable life events: loss of a loved one who lived a full life, loss of health/abilities as you age, etc.
  • Some are the result of natural/unpreventable occurrences: illness, disease, natural disasters such as tornadoes or mudslides, etc.
  • Some are the result of another person: death of a loved one by another person’s decision, various crimes, medical negligence, abandonment or rejection, adultery, conflict, divorce, war, etc.
  • Some are the result of our deceased loved one’s personal choices: suicide, unintentional drug overdose, fatal accident such as drunk driving, etc.
  • Some are the result of our own self: losing a relationship due to choosing to mistreat or cheat on someone, disability or illness due to personal negligence of health or well-being, foolish decisions, poor financial or business decisions, family/marital conflict due to our pride, etc.

There are also different timeframes of grief and loss:

  • Some are temporary: being laid off at work, short-term illness or injury, separation, etc.
  • Some are permanent: death of a loved one, permanent disability, divorce, etc.
  • Some can be ongoing: family/marital conflict, health issues, mental illness, a family member’s rebellion or substance abuse, a rude boss that makes you hate your job

Grief and loss ALL have one thing in common: no matter the situation, each circumstance breaks the heart, and attempts to break the spirit, of the one going through grief or loss.

Each person has to take an inventory of their own grief and do what they feel is best. I personally think that as long as someone isn’t hurting other people or themselves, their grief is healthy and appropriate.

If we fail to take an inventory of our grief, we (by default) plan to become stagnant and stunted in our grief. Being stunted destroys our growth…and being stagnant causes us to become detached.

What stunts us in times of grief? Caring what other people think. Not wanting to deal with it. Turning to substances or addictions. Making sure we stay overly busy. Becoming extreme people pleasers.

But. it. is. there. Grief doesn’t magically go away.

When we deny our right to feel what we need to feel or we choose to not go through grief the way we need to individually process it, we cheapen our grief…and worse, we stunt any growth we could experience from the situation.

And there is growth a griever can experience…and there are lessons one can learn through every situation they face in life…good and bad.

Grief and loss are too personal to allow someone to tell a griever how to process their loss. EVERYBODY…and EVERY SITUATION is different.

And grief isn’t something to be put away in a closet, high up on a shelf, neatly out of sight…or putting a permanent “game face” on just to make other people more comfortable.

If a griever is ever going to find genuine relief from their grief, it has to be addressed. And grievers need to address it because it can affect so many other aspects of life: marriage, relationships, work, health, etc.

It is far better to have 6 months (or however long) of genuine, real, messy grief that you truly work through than to go through the rest of life wounded or having to wear an artificial game face.

Authentic grief is going to look different for each griever. What works for one griever may not work for another griever.

There are 7 BILLION different ways to grieve…a unique style to each griever on earth.

Make a list. Ask yourself what your convictions are. Seek to see what you truly want out of life. Ask God to reveal His purpose for your life (we ALL have a life purpose). Find any silver lining you can out of grief (not always easy…but usually can be found with hard work. Not always but usually.)

What personally works for me during times of grief is:

  1. Drawing close to God
  2. Being true to my spouse, child(ren), family, and myself
  3. Grieving how I need to grieve
  4. Choosing to be kind to everyone
  5. Taking good care of my health & wellness (grief can cause lower immune system functioning)
  6. Choosing not to neglect remaining loved ones (this can be difficult while going through grief but I have seen many people lose or damage relationships with their spouse and children which later adds to their loss and heartache. I always try to keep this in check for myself.).
  7. Being honest with God and myself (can be messy at times but I grow through it)
  8. ASKING family & friends for what I need if I need something (this prevents MANY hurt feelings or the all-too-common feeling of “nobody cares” while going through grief)
  9. Choosing to be grateful (finding 5 people and 5 things to be grateful for every morning and evening)
  10. Enjoying life (many grievers think this a weird one…but “life” is still going to happen and I can’t buy back time. Life’s “clock” doesn’t stop ticking just because I am sad or I am going through a tough event. Grief takes away so much…it’s a personal conviction of mine that life is still a gift and I’m going to unwrap that gift every single day. Grief takes enough from me…it’s not going to get my “life” too.)

Find out what “authentic grief” means to you.

Nobody wants to be permanently stuck in the vortex of grief. Use times of grief to find out who you are…and who you truly want to be.

Allow your authentic grief to teach you life lessons and allow the incredible growth from life’s events to make you a better person.

Oftentimes, it is out of the positive and negative reels of life when we fully “process,”…becoming a better person…and “develop” an authentic life.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Waiting on God During Grief

Apr9

One of the toughest aspects of grief is waiting. Waiting to feel relief. Waiting to feel better. Waiting for your broken heart to mend. Waiting to feel any sense of normalcy again.

Grief, in my opinion, is not just the death of a loved one. I think losing a loved one is definitely the greatest grief someone can go through for sure. But to me, grief is losing anyone or anything that meant the world to you….it is any situation that knocks the breath out of you. Any circumstance that causes your life to stop…and causes you to have to “wait.”

In the Bible, we are told to “wait on the Lord” several times.

I always assumed that “waiting on the Lord” meant being still. Almost doing nothing except for trusting God.

Then my thoughts dramatically changed…

At a grief group I lead, a few of us got on the topic of waiting on God…it was an excellent conversation that was very thought provoking.

What if waiting on God meant…literally waiting on God?

Allow me to explain…

The definition for waiting (on dictionary.com) is:

Waiting:
1. a period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay.
2. serving or being in attendance: waiting man; waiting maid; waiting woman.
3. in waiting, in attendance, as upon a royal personage.

Imagine you are a server and God came into your royal restaurant…He is your only table.

Would any of us truly be focused on anything that is outside of that royal restaurant?…Would we focus on what our family and friends are doing at the moment? Our finances or bills? Our grief or heartache? Any part of our future that we usually worry about?…Absolutely not. We’d be completely in awe of God. We’d want to fully serve Him, meet His needs, and please Him as we waited on Him.

Many times during grief, we have 100 things going through our minds all at once. It is very difficult to stay focused when you are in deep grief. This can cause worry, anxiety, depression, anger, and all the other negative emotions that grief brings to the surface.

It’s frustrating to want things to get better…yet not be in control…and having to wait on grief.

What if we switched our focus from waiting on grief to waiting on God?

A good definition of waiting on God: expecting something truly special or good

If we are truly waiting on God, we do not have to wait impatiently or grudgingly. We can wait actively, expectantly, and fully confident in the work He is going to achieve through us, our grief, and in every circumstance we are facing.

Isaiah 40:31 says, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Grief, and bad experiences in life, can definitely make you feel weak…weary…and faint. Grief and loss affect every part of your life, all of your relationships, and can be very consuming.

In the initial first days of grief, it is with you in the morning, throughout the day, and all evening. It can keep you awake at night…and if you are lucky enough to get a good night’s sleep, it is there when you wake up in the morning. Within seconds, grief floods your heart and mind all over again.

Relief does eventually come, but waiting can be very difficult in the first weeks and months after grief.

I encourage anyone who is going through grief to focus solely on God for at least an entire month. Wait on Him. Serve Him. Find out what pleases Him and wait on Him to do something truly special in His timeframe. Try not to focus on anything that is “outside” of the “royal restaurant” as you wait on Him at His table. Simply wait on Him, do your God-given responsibilities as best as you can, and allow Him full access to your heart.

What if you’re mad at God? What if you don’t want to talk to Him, let alone wait on Him?

I know of many people who are initially angry with God for their loss(es) or life circumstances. I used to be very angry with God. I was very upset that my dad was killed and I was angry with the man who killed him, especially after I saw how much my dad’s death hurt my mother and our family. I was mad when my favorite grandmother died due to a negligent doctor…and I was incredibly hurt and upset when my boyfriend died a few days after Christmas. I also was extremely frustrated after my sister died on Thanksgiving Day and left behind young children who will never remember or realize how awesome and incredible their mother truly was.

It is very common to be angry…and being angry is okay for a season! When people lose someone or something they love and cherish, they’re going to feel many many emotions. It takes time to work through all of the emotions and thoughts that flood you after grief knocks your breath out of you.

Pour your heart out to God…tell Him EXACTLY how you feel, what all you are going through, and share what all is in your heart and on your mind…He already knows what you are feeling and thinking so be honest with Him. If you are mad, tell Him…if your heart is broken, tell Him, if you are bitter, tell Him…nothing is going to shock Him. Next, after you have an open and honest talk with Him, ask Him to heal your broken heart and to help you to put the pieces of your broken life back together. Tell Him you are completely giving Him your grief journey and you are trusting Him to lead you through it….tell Him you are trusting Him to do something truly special and good in your life since you are now entrusting your grief experience to Him.

 

Actively and literally “wait on the Lord,” while fully seeking His heart, and see what He decides to do.

 

 

Lamentations 3:25, “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Psalm 40:1-3, “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.”

1 Kings 2:3, “Honor the laws of the Eternal your God, and live by His truth. Be faithful to His laws, commands, judgments, and precepts—the ones written for us in the instructions of Moses. If you follow this path, you will be successful in everything you do no matter where you are..”

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book):

Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

The Day Time Stood Still…Timing Through Grief

Mar30

Anyone who has experienced grief can tell you the split instance that their life was forever changed.
To some, it felt as though time stood still. To others, it felt as though they had their breath knocked out of them.

Time is tricky in circumstances of grief…and most new grievers have a few serious questions regarding time:
“When will my grief end…when will I feel better…will I ever have the ability to feel better as time goes by?”

Sadly, there is not a one-size-fits-all answer for these questions.

I will tell you that grief has a unique timetable that is individualized. 2 people can go through the exact same grief experience and grieve differently.
Grief has to run its course.

Once one thoroughly grieves, life can be better…and one will have the ability to feel better.

After experiencing a major grief experience, I remember feeling as though grief had torn my heart out of me and was holding my heart hostage.
It seemed like I couldn’t feel better no matter what I tried to do to. I had to thoroughly go through…and honor…my grief so that I could have the ability to live and truly enjoy life once again.

Here are a few things that I feel helped me tremendously through the toughest times of grief:

1. God
He is the only One available 24/7 to listen, help, and offer encouragement and comfort. I never would have found hope or joy again had it not been for Him. Reading God’s Word is an amazing source of encouragement, inspiration, and comfort…especially the book of Psalms.

2. Family & Friends
I am so very grateful for the people who have been there for me during times of grief. Having people offer encouragement, love, and compassion is such a gift.

3. Community
Going to church, a grief group, community events, and other resources is an incredible source of genuine and practical help.

4. Gratefulness
Every morning and every night, something that I found helpful was to think of 5 people and 5 things about life that I was truly grateful for. This forced me to think outside of my grief and developed a deep gratitude in my heart for the people, things, and blessings still in my life.

5. Wellness/Recreation
I originally had to force myself to exercise, eat right, and go out to do activities I once enjoyed…but as I continued to be committed to these things, they eventually brought me much joy. They helped to alleviate stress and intense sadness.

These 5 things helped me so much as I navigated through the tough days of grief.

As grief hits, it truly feels as though the world & time stands still…but the fact is, time keeps moving and doesn’t wait for us.

So what can a griever do?

Be kind to yourself during grief. Honor your grief and be true to your personal grief experience.

I’ll tell you that life has a powerful ability to get much much better.
There were a few grief experiences that I was sure I’d never feel better…I truly felt that my breath had been knocked out of me…but I eventually found joy again.

I think many grievers think that we have 2 choices:
1. Grieve and be sad
2. Be happy and love life and enjoy it

I am a firm believer that it doesn’t have to be either or.

I had to develop my personal conviction that every day is a true gift. It’s up to me to unwrap it. Sure, I could choose to leave the gift of life unopened and ignore it…but it IS there every day to open and appreciate it…regardless of what I am going through. Every single day is valuable.

We never get any given day back. If we choose to not open the gift and celebrate life…and all the good remaining in life…we truly add more loss to our life in the long run.

So anytime I go through grief, I choose to honor my grief and to grieve thoroughly. I also choose to redeem the time since I understand that time is not a respecter of me.

Choose today to love and enjoy your loved ones…to set a goal or two and take baby steps to meet your goals…to think of 5 people & 5 things that you are truly grateful for every morning & night.

Time stinks when going through grief. It truly does. And it takes effort to redeem the time…but valuing time is a hidden treasure that helps so much throughout grief.

How can you choose to unwrap the gift of life from this day forward?

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): 

Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

After the funeral-10 TIPS ON HOW TO HELP THE BEREAVED & what NOT to say

Mar21

Having a grief ministry, I talk to several grievers every week. So many grievers I talk to are beyond frustrated with their family, friends, and fellow church members after experiencing grief.

They each share a common story…“After the funeral, nobody seemed to care. I’m drowning in my grief and everybody is going on living their lives.”…”I feel as though I am letting people down”…”If I hear one more cliche, I’m going to scream”…

I think anyone who has lost a loved one wants to know that others care about them…especially those closest to them. Yet so many I talk to share with me that the people they thought would be there for them weren’t…and people they weren’t close to have really helped them out throughout their most heartbreaking times.

I wonder why that is? Is it because loved ones can’t stand to see the people they love in so much pain..so they avoid them? Is it because life is no longer fun (grievers aren’t exactly the life of the party) so they move on to other people who aren’t so laden with sadness? Do they somehow think grief is contagious?

I think most people do care. I just do not think grief is talked about enough so that people know what to say or do for their loved ones in times of grief.

I think the key is educating people. Once people know better, they can then do better to help others.

Here are 10 ideas for anyone who wants to know how to reach out to their loved ones who are going through loss:

  1. The best thing you can do is to simply say sorry and “be there”…no additional words necessary. Just show up, let them know you love them, hug them, and simply listen.
  2. Never say, “Call me if you need anything”…Dozens of people have already told them that. Grievers need you to be specific. Instead, ask, “May I go to the store for you?”..”Can I run any specific errands for you?”..”May I bring you dinner tomorrow night?”
  3. NEVER go to a griever’s home and start cleaning or cleaning out their deceased loved one’s belongings without getting permission FIRST. A good rule of thumb is for a griever to wait 1 year (if at all possible) before deciding what to do with their loved one’s things. It is very common for grievers to regret doing so before the 1 year mark…and they may silently resent others for intruding by throwing their loved one’s belongings away without discussing it with them first.
  4. Please do not avoid a griever. You’d be surprised how many people assume that other people are being there for a griever, when in reality, no one is keeping up with them or comforting them. Periodically call them or stop by to see how they are doing. Send them a card, text, or a note to let them know someone cares.
  5. Realize that everybody grieves differently. Respect their grief. Allow your loved ones the freedom to grieve however they need to grieve…It will look completely different for each person and family. As long as they are not harming God, themselves, or others, it is perfectly fine to grieve as much or as little as they feel the need to.
  6. Try to remember important dates and anniversaries and then show the grievers in your life extra support on those days…birthdays, death dates, anniversaries, holidays, etc.
  7. Don’t be afraid to mention their loved one’s name. Most grievers still like to talk about their loved one. Many feel frustrated when they feel like they can no longer talk about their loved one. It makes them feel as though people want for them pretend their loved one never existed. They still deeply love their loved one and they miss them so very much. Please allow them to talk about their loved one if they wish to.
  8. Grievers grow tired of advice and most cannot stand being told cliches…such as…“They’re in a better place” (They do not want their loved one in a better place…they want them to be here on earth with them)…“You can have more children” or “You’re young, you’ll find love again” (They do not want more children or another spouse…they are not looking to replace their loved one, they want the one they lost)…“God needed another angel” (God did not need another angel. He is surrounded by them in Heaven. Grievers also do not need another reminder to be frustrated with God)…“I know how you feel” (Nobody knows how a griever feels because everybody grieves differently. I actually had a lady tell me that she had lost her spouse and her neighbor came over and said she knew how the lady felt because she recently lost her dog. People say the craziest and most insensitive things to grievers)…“You’ll see them again” (Grievers realize that but it does absolutely nothing to comfort them because they want to see their loved one right now)…“Look for all the good in your life…develop a grateful heart…yadi yadi yada” (This is helpful for some…but to others it isn’t helpful at all. A griever will most likely eventually see all the remaining good in their life but they need to process their grief FIRST. They just lost an incredibly precious person in their life. They are not in a position to see anything other than their intense heartache for awhile…and that is totally okay. Once they thoroughly grieve, they will grow tremendously by seeing the remaining good in their life…and grievers truly have a higher capacity to see all the good and genuinely be grateful…but it takes time)
  9. Please do not assume that all grievers want to stay at home and no longer have a social life. Many do want to stay at home because of their intense sadness and grief, but some truly want to get out of the house to do activities. Ask them if they’d like to go out for dinner, to a movie, or out shopping. They may welcome some relief from their grief.
  10. Please do not expect your loved one who is going through grief to “move on”…”be the same as they once were”…or “snap out of it”…It is NOT going to happen. The greater the love, the greater the grief. Depending on the severity of their grief and loss, they may not ever be the person you once knew them to be. They most likely are not going to move on for other peoples sake…and they should not be expected to. And there is no such thing as snapping out of grief…It has to run it’s course…and the griever is not even in control of that. A griever can press forward which is not the same as moving on…but again, that takes time and it has to be the griever’s decision. Once grief affects someone, they will be affected for the rest of their life because grief is not an event, It has no end. Grief velcroes itself around a grievers heart and unfortunately, it is with the person for life. It doesn’t mean they will never smile or laugh again…it doesn’t mean that they won’t eventually find a “new normal”…and it doesn’t mean that they are sentenced to a life of sadness or despair…but it does mean that grief stays in their heart and grief continually morphs. They are going to have both good and bad days. Be patient with them and allow them to grow throughout their grief experience at their own pace.

I hope these ideas are helpful to someone and helps someone to understand grief a little better. I totally did not mean to sound harsh if I sounded that way…Just trying to encourage people to not add more grief and frustration upon a griever.

Be there for the grievers in your life. Love them. Let them know you care.

Just showing up and listening is the greatest gift you can give to them in their greatest time of need.

If you have any input on how to help those going through grief, please feel free to share your ideas in the comment section below.

Wishing everyone encouragement, comfort, & compassion!

Gratitude & blessings,
Kim

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Hey…aren’t you over it yet?

Mar16

Something I was amazed at after my sister passed away was the expectation from others to get over her death. Just 4 months after my sister died, somebody close to me said, “It’s been 4 months. You need to get over your dead sister.”….ouch. I was too stunned to even know how to respond.

I think 2 things are very flawed when it comes to grief:

  1. There is an expectation to get over a loved one and get on with life as quick as possible
  2. People seem to think that everybody should grieve the exact same way in the exact same timeframe

The truth is:

  1. You never get over a loved one…and life is never the exact same post-grief
  2. Everybody grieves very differently in various timeframes…and that is PERFECTLY OKAY

If you are new to grief, don’t allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. As long as you aren’t harming God, yourself, or others, you are totally fine to grieve however you need to grieve. I once heard a great quote: “The greater the love, the greater the grief”…this is so very true. When my sister died, it took me a few years to find a new normal. In comparison, when my boyfriend died (who I had only shortly dated), it took me several months to have the ability to press forward. Grievers, as well as grief events, are totally different:

  • Some cry a lot, some hardly cry at all
  • Some love to reminisce about their loved one, others do not enjoy talking about them
  • Some find comfort in looking at photos or home videos…while photos and home videos are very painful for others to watch
  • Some can hardly move forward in life, while others have the ability to move forward rather quickly

No one grieves the same…and that is alright. Grief is pressure enough. No need to burden yourself with expectations of if you are grieving the right way. Grieve how you need to grieve. Feel what you need to feel. Take your time to thoroughly grieve your loved one in a way that makes you comfortable. We are all different. Grief was never meant to be a cookie-cutter perfect experience. Be true to God, yourself, and your own personal grief.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): 

Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays


5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print. 

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor for guidance and advice.

Grief Bites

Feb19

“Grief Bites.”

Such a simple sentence…yet complex and filled with incredible pain.

My sister called me one morning in 2010 to ask how I was doing.

“Grief Bites” is all I could say through my tears.

Little did I realize how such a little sentence would transform my grief.

That one random phone call, one question, and those 2 little words would eventually develop into 2 published grief books, a local grief organization, a grief ministry that would encourage & give hope to people through 5 church campuses, as well as 3 Bible Reading Plans on YouVersion that offer encouragement to millions of people.

The morning my sister called me in 2010, I was in the middle of experiencing a lot of grief. I was sick of grief…and sick of life.

In the 3 years leading up to that phone call:

  • my son had several consultations and surgeries for tumors throughout 10 months…we were in three different medical facilities in two different states
  • 3 of my son’s good friends died
  • my grandmother died
  • 2 family members died on the same day
  • my marriage crumbled to the point of divorce
  • I had a cancer scare that required 2 surgeries
  • my sister’s fiancé died suddenly (this was her 2nd fiancé to pass away..her 1st fiancé died a few weeks before our other sister’s death)
  • we lost our entire retirement savings due to a person’s foolish decisions
  • key relationships I dearly loved deeply changed
  • my son’s father died
  • I was diagnosed with a lifelong autoimmune illness

I felt incredibly defeated and depressed.

To go through several deaths, my son’s illness, my illness, heartbreaking marriage issues, relationship losses & changes, among other losses within 3 years was very challenging…but I knew I wanted good to come out of it. I wasn’t about to allow life or grief to defeat me, and I wasn’t going to sit down and remain a depressed mess. I had already done that when my sister died and that wasn’t going to be my reality again.

It was almost a “saving grace” that I had previously been through grief when I was younger. Grief had been second nature in my life pretty much since I was a child.

While growing up:

  • my dad was killed by a drunk driver
  • my favorite grandmother (who lived with us after my dad passed away) died a few years later
  • I lost my grandparents (and later 2 uncles and an aunt) to cancer
  • the pipes in our home froze and bust, flooding our entire house…we lost everything…and lived in a motel for several months
  • A traumatic event happened when I was 12. I was hospitalized in ICU and almost died.
  • my boyfriend died in a car accident while in high school
  • a friend was murdered
  • I went through an illness and was in ICU
  • two friends committed suicide
  • one of my best friends died after being in the hospital for a year…then a few weeks later…
  • I saw my 22 year old sister die after only being sick for 3 weeks

All of this before I was 20 years old…so I knew what grief could do. I understood the heartbreaking days and nights, as well as how difficult it could be to get through.

BUT 2010 was different. I didn’t want to just “get through” my grief. I was desperate to understand. I didn’t want to just be mad at God and life…I actually needed to deeply & heart-wrenchingly question God so I could come to peace with Him and find a new way of life that made sense.

Majority of the grief experiences we go through will never make sense…but I found that good can come out of any circumstance if you allow life…and yes, even grief…to teach you lessons. They are not fun lessons…but they do have value.

And eventually I learned, ironically through my grief, that God IS good. He healed my heart from major grief and heartache.

The reason I share my grief is not to solicit sympathy or pity. Absolutely not. It was through everything I went through that I found my purpose in life: I get the privilege of helping hundreds of thousands of people through their grief so they are able to live better lives.

So why blog about it? Why talk about grief? Because grief has a huge need to be more commonly talked about so that everyone can understand how to help those in grief.

And because grief doesn’t end on the day of the funeral…in fact, grief never goes away. Unfortunately, grief velcroes itself to your heart. It’s. there. for. life. And the greater the love, the greater the grief. Grief typically doesn’t stay as strong as it is in the first few years…but it lingers and can come back full strength at the oddest times.

Some grief experiences are minor, while other grief experiences are major. There is hope for major grief…but it takes a lot of self work and grief recovery to get to that point.

I also talk about grief because there is a great need for grievers to share their experiences to help others who are going through grief. It is also helpful for grievers to help others who have never been through grief to understand.

This blog is for anyone who has been through grief or loss…anyone who has been through a sleepless night…anyone who has had a broken heart and still wants to live the best life they possibly can live in spite of any circumstance they face.

I hope something I write encourages someone. I hope it allows someone to obtain the hope they need to move on press forward in spite of the heartbreak they have been through.

Notice that I drew a line through “move on” because anyone who has been through deep grief knows how frustrating that phrase can be.

I say “press forward” because if you are going through intense grief, it has to be a personal choice to press forward with everything you’ve got. I am NOT suggesting forgetting about your treasured loved one(s). In fact, I am a HUGE advocate of honoring a loved one’s memory… I’ll write more about that in the days to come.

By pressing forward after you have thoroughly grieved, you’ll prevent additional loss, guilt, and regrets from entering your life. If you stay still or stagnant in your grief, or ignore it, more loss develops…and then you will have so much more to deal with later on…and grief will have damaged your life further than you wanted it to.

Don’t allow grief to choose for you how you are going to live the remainder of your life. Grief does not deserve to make that decision for you. The only thing you should allow grief to do is teach you lessons on life…and the lessons are certainly there.

Choose TODAY to thoroughly go through your grief so that you are truly able to create the life you want to live in the years to come. Pressing forward allows you to grab hold of it though. It will NOT be easy. There is no such thing as “neatly” grieving or one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter-style grieving…there are no rainbows, unicorns, or cotton candy in grief recovery…nope, it is messy. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…but one day you’ll look back and be so very grateful you worked through your grief and embraced it.

Life is too short to not live to the fullest every single day. Life is too good to not find joy in it…especially the “little things” in life. You only get one life…and you never get time back. Redeem the time and enjoy every moment life has to offer you as much as you can…in time…when you are able to.

Life is a canvas so throw all the paint on it you can so one day you will have the ability to look at the amazing picture you created in spite of heartache & grief.

That is the very best way to get back at grief…to get your breath back after grief & life have knocked it out of you.

It will take time and you will know when your heart is ready.

Grief bites…but we ALL have the power within us to bite back.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️