Something I was amazed at after my sister passed away was the expectation from others to get over her death. Just 4 months after my sister died, somebody close to me said, “It’s been 4 months. You need to get over your dead sister.”….ouch. I was too stunned to even know how to respond.
I think 2 things are very flawed when it comes to grief:
- There is an expectation to get over a loved one and get on with life as quick as possible
- People seem to think that everybody should grieve the exact same way in the exact same timeframe
The truth is:
- You never get over a loved one…and life is never the exact same post-grief
- Everybody grieves very differently in various timeframes…and that is PERFECTLY OKAY
If you are new to grief, don’t allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. As long as you aren’t harming God, yourself, or others, you are totally fine to grieve however you need to grieve. I once heard a great quote: “The greater the love, the greater the grief”…this is so very true. When my sister died, it took me a few years to find a new normal. In comparison, when my boyfriend died (who I had only shortly dated), it took me several months to have the ability to press forward. Grievers, as well as grief events, are totally different:
- Some cry a lot, some hardly cry at all
- Some love to reminisce about their loved one, others do not enjoy talking about them
- Some find comfort in looking at photos or home videos…while photos and home videos are very painful for others to watch
- Some can hardly move forward in life, while others have the ability to move forward rather quickly
No one grieves the same…and that is alright. Grief is pressure enough. No need to burden yourself with expectations of if you are grieving the right way. Grieve how you need to grieve. Feel what you need to feel. Take your time to thoroughly grieve your loved one in a way that makes you comfortable. We are all different. Grief was never meant to be a cookie-cutter perfect experience. Be true to God, yourself, and your own personal grief.