Tag Archive | God

What Christians Should Do With The Red Holiday Starbucks Cups

So much fuss this week about a little plain red cup.

Starbucks created a special plain red holiday cup to reflect the simplicity and peacefulness of the season, not realizing it was about to create a war. And why would they even consider that it’d stir up so much controversy? After all, the word Christmas is available on their gift cards, their Christmas blend coffee, and on other items in their store.

I just gotta say up front: I’m a hardcore coffee person—especially Starbucks and Seattle’s Best Coffee. The employees at three different Starbucks in my city know me on a first name basis. A few of them even know my dogs names since I frequently have my dogs with me as I grab coffee through the drive thrus. The employees will ask how my dogs and family are almost every time I’m in there. I also take the time to ask about their day, their families, and always thank them for making me a great cup of coffee!

I love all things coffee…hot coffee…iced coffee…frappuccinos…I literally could drink coffee in just about any flavor, any way, all day long. So when I saw all of the blog posts about Starbucks, I had to see what all the commotion was about.

After reading several hateful blog posts (and the comments) about the evils of Starbucks…I thought, “Great! Another controversy to make the Christian population look judgmental and ridiculous.”

I remember the days when I wasn’t yet saved. I remember the nasty judgments and unsolicited comments that were thrown my way. I actually had planned to reject Christianity…until I met a group of Christians who actually acted like Christ and lovingly treated me like Christ would have. They never once told me what they were against…they showed me through their actions what they were for. They didn’t tell me all that was wrong with me…they told me all that was right about me. They told me how much Christ loved me, and sincerely showered me with His love. I’m glad they cared enough to love me because the very next year was when my sister died…and it was my Christianity that helped me through that difficult time.

While reflecting on my own spiritual journey, it made me wonder if the same approach would be best used with the red cup controversy.

Like most businesses or organizations…including the general population, churches, and, yes, even Christians…there is a mix of good and bad. And I truly believe there is a war on Christmas…especially keeping Christ in Christmas…but it certainly has absolutely nothing to do with a plain red Starbucks cup.

I think the focus is wrong and needs adjusting.

Christians who expect a non-Christian business…or non-Christian people for that matter…to uphold Christian values are missing the mark. People and businesses won’t act like Christ if they don’t personally know Christ. And they’re never going to end up knowing Him if His followers keep spewing hatefulness and judgment onto them. It’s like getting angry or irritated at an infant for not knowing how to run a marathon.

The world knows what all Christians are against…because there are a lot of Christians who regularly—and very publicly—boycott businesses and make major fusses all over social media. Lots of unsaved people have sadly experienced the wrath and judgment from Christians they’ve encountered. But when will the world have the opportunity to know what all Christians are for? The beauty of all that Christ offers—the mercy, forgiveness, genuine love, empathy, healing, fulfillment, and compassion that so many crave?

We as Christians majorly limit ourselves, as well as our witness, when we take on the role of Holy Spirit and serve up a big dollop of judgment.

Instead of throwing a reactive hissy fit over a little red cup—which by the way, was never intended to be a Christian tract—how about the Christian community do something proactive? Instead of boycotting Starbucks, how about intentionally frequenting Starbucks (and coffee shops everywhere) and actively witness by simply being loving and kind? Build relationships with the workers…ask about their day…get to know them…and then after getting to know them, invest in their lives and then kindly invite them to church?

I’ve had three Starbucks employees accept my invitation to come to church. But the thing is…even if they rejected my invitation—and many of them have—I still consider them to have great worth. It didn’t anger me because I didn’t have an agenda…I was just being a good human being who cares about them as a person. I’m still super kind to them and I still am interested in them as human beings. I’m not kind to them because I hope to get them into church; I’m kind to them because God created them, loves them, and they have great value.

I personally believe that before a Christian voices their opinions, they need to earn the right to be heard. And, the way you earn the right to be heard is through investing in someone. People are not projects or something to mark off of a feel good “to do” list. They’re real people, with real souls…real problems…real hearts…and very real needs. Look for the genuine needs of a person’s heart…and then actively help or encourage them…that’s when a person will begin to listen.

Instead of expecting a red cup to witness and tell the world about Christ…how about each Christian be “Christ” and witness to the ones who are handing out the red cups? Because, the truth is, they don’t care if you like a plain red cup if they don’t know for a fact that you care about them.

Always witness every single day of your life. Words aren’t even necessary.

Love…smile…be kind…encourage…be humble…invest in…and do good to everybody you come into contact with. If every Christian did just this, what an amazing difference it would make. It’s our job to love, Christ’s job to convict.

So, please, Christians, stop shouting all that you are against, and start showing exactly what…and Who…you are for.

The world knows what we’re all against. Everybody already knows what’s wrong with them. How about we make a commitment to show what we’re for…and show people what’s right about them? How about we simply love everybody and allow God to do the rest? When we choose love, He can do more in a moment than we could ever hope to achieve in an entire lifetime.

If you truly want to keep Christ in CHRISTmas, grab a cup of coffee and let this amazing quote beautifully sink in this holiday season:
“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done to you.” ~Steve Maraboli

Now, that’s what Christmas is truly all about!

For the record, I think it’s awesome to stand up for what’s right or what you believe in…ABSOLUTELY!…just not at the expense of others losing out eternally due to abrasiveness and bad manners . Not trying to step on anyone’s toes…just giving another viewpoint. 🙂

1 Peter 4:8, “Above all, love each other warmly, because love covers many sins.”

Every time you see a red Starbucks cup this season, remember this quote and thoughtfully take the time to make a difference! Genuinely get to know others…through intentionally loving them…and invite them to your Christmas services at church. Be the love to others that you wish to receive.

Enjoy this beautiful Christmas season and make the most of every opportunity you are given in life—especially to invest in, love, and bless others.

Gratitude & MANY blessings,
Kim

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

For more encouragement:

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Read Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You: Click here for Kim’s book

View the FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships~ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed~ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief~ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays~ https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

If Life Was Like A Hollywood Movie

Nov4

Wouldn’t it be nice if life was like a neat little Hollywood movie?

A problem would present itself…there’d always be a short time for the problem to run its course…then there’d be a neat and tidy solution to the problem…everybody involved would learn a powerful life lesson…people would see the folly of their ways and instantly become a much better person…the situation would have a dazzling happy ending…and everyone would get along and live happily ever after.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Just writing that makes me wish a few trials I’m presently going through would experience the cheesiness of a Hollywood movie ending!

The thing is, that usually is not what happens in majority of people’s lives.

• conflict happens within marriages and families

• illness sometimes cannot be healed

• a child rebels regardless of how much their parent loves and treasures them

• a person gets laid off no matter how much good they’ve invested into their job

• people are rejected and mistreated by family (and others) no matter how hard they try

• people disappoint us and we disappoint other people

• terrible tragedies happen everyday

We live in a fallen world filled with fallible people…and we are fallible ourselves.

Life can be frustrating.

So how do we change things to make life better?

It’s not what you think…

We think we must change other people or our circumstances to find our happy ending…but the truth is, we must change ourselves and our focus then needs to be:

1. Delighting in God

2. Doing our responsibilities

3. Waiting on God to work in HIS time in HIS way

Difficult to do…Especially when your world around you is falling apart.

We desperately want our situation(s) to change. We want our loved ones to do the right thing. We want a great life. We greatly desire harmony in our marriages, families, and relationships. We want justice for the times we have been wronged.

We want to meet our goals, be successful, and also be valued for our work by our employers and colleagues. We want a better financial situation. We want family and friends to love and value us. In short…we all want the silver lining in every area of our life!

What if we never are given our silver lining? God has one question for us: “If our lives..or circumstances..never change, will we still love and honor Him and continue to be devoted and loyal to Him?”

On the journey to God’s best for our lives, we must first seek God. As we learn to love, obey, treasure, and delight in Him..regardless of our circumstances, grief, or losses…we find He is the true treasure we’ve always needed.

One of the best promises God gives to us is that He will be making up for all the heartache, pain, tears, frustrations, and failures we experience in life.

God is all powerful. Sometimes, He will give us the desires of our hearts here on earth; other times, He has us wait—and waiting is HARD. It goes completely against our human nature and tendencies.

I can guarantee you this: One day, all of God’s children WILL experience the happy ending they crave. God has a purpose and plan through EVERY situation.

It’s our job to love God and be loyal to Him, continue to do our God-given responsibilities, and to wait on Him to work out every intricate detail of our lives.

Lookup: Joel 2:23-27, Matthew 6:33, Psalms 37:4, Deuteronomy 8:2

(From the free YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships)

For more encouragement~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

You’re In More Control Than You Think

Oct29

Grief, stress, “life,” and the people around you can definitely have a profound affect on you, as well as affect the overall quality of your life. Until a few years ago, I never could have realized how much of an affect.

Then I got sick. Really, really sick.

At the time, I was used to running 3-5 miles a day, playing disc golf several times a week, practicing tae kwon do daily, and basically doing whatever I wanted physically…because I had the ability to do so.

Then I not only got really sick…I completely lost my health.

It took me almost four years to rebuild my immune system and get my health back…and during that time, I couldn’t hardly do anything but sit. And sometimes, just sitting was painful. Some days were so bad, I couldn’t even get out of bed. My veins throughout my entire body felt as though fire was traveling through them, my hair started falling out, the fatigue and pain were both debilitating, and the weight gain began rapidly even though I was a very health-minded, clean eater.

My doctors explained to me that my illness was created due to prolonged stress…and the illness would be lifelong, attached to me like permanent superglue. They explained the difference between having typical day-to-day stress and being distressed to where the stress becomes toxic.

After I found out my illness could’ve been prevented (had I only simply set boundaries and controlled my surroundings and the people/stress I allowed into my life) I went through many emotions. Sadness because my illness wasn’t curable. Unforgiveness – for a period of time – at certain people or situations that had created extreme stress or hurt. Anger towards myself for not setting better and stronger boundaries. Fear because, at the time, I had no idea how to control my illness or its debilitating symptoms. Grief…because life as I previously knew it was over.

I felt as though I was thrown into oblivion and I had to figure life out all over again….what to eat, so as to not trigger or make my symptoms worse…what to do medically, so I could understand what the best medicines, supplements, and prescriptions were for regaining my health…what work or social events to accept or decline based on my health…which people to be around—or to not be around—so stress wouldn’t trigger symptoms…what to do spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally so I could prepare my heart to fight for my health (talk about self-work!). I was knocked down and wasn’t sure how to get back up.

It was a scary time of completely reevaluating my entire life in every area so I could regain my health…and prevent new and additional illnesses from forming.

This health crisis allowed me to find out something new that I had never realized before: I was so much more in control than what I had previously thought or realized.

I found that if I couldn’t control the actions of others, my circumstances, my grief experiences, or my environment, I COULD at least control the actions, thoughts, as well as the emotional and spiritual health, of myself. I had complete control over me and I had complete control over what I allowed to go on around me and inside my own heart.

As I worked with my specialists to regain my health, I intentionally removed anything and everything toxic in my life: toxic foods, toxic habits, toxic thoughts, toxic emotional baggage, toxic situations, toxic unwise schedules, and toxic people. This was difficult to do, but I wasn’t willing for my health to further deteriorate. Courage became necessary to regain my quality of life, and at the time, courage wasn’t exactly my forte. Having the knowledge my illness was lifelong, I realized this wasn’t going to be a quick fix—anything I did had to be “all-in” and longterm.

As I repaired my health, and my rheumatologist, hematologist, and endocrinologist conveyed the importance of a stress-free lifestyle, I realized just how much power stress has on a person’s wellness. As I took the steps to regain my health, I often wondered if my sister possibly could’ve prevented her illness (or death) had she only had the knowledge about the stress and illness correlation.

Whether it’s an illness, grief, trials, life circumstances…anything…we all are so much more in control than we think. I’ve been surprised by my strength to overcome obstacles in dealing with getting well. I know I never would’ve refined and sifted the contents of my life had I not been forced into doing so due to becoming ill.

Like anything I go through in life, I always try to find something good that can come out of any trial. The good that came out of my illness is I found out so much about life and myself: that health and wellness are absolute gifts that should never be taken for granted…what I’m willing to tolerate or put up with and what I’m not…what I love about life and what I don’t…that God is an incredible Friend and Comforter…that life is a gift to never be wasted…I also learned about setting wise boundaries and priorities…and I learned life doesn’t just have “to happen” and I don’t have to just roll with the punches—I learned that I am so much more in control than I previously thought.

It took me almost 4 years to regain my health, but I’m so glad God allowed healing to take place and allowed me to realize I had a lot of control over my life, illness, and wellness.

The thoughts that ran through my mind while I was at my sickest, I’ll share with you. They tremendously helped me and put my life in perspective. Maybe they’ll help someone else today:

What’s plaguing your heart today? What’s weighing you down? What’s preventing you from living life to the fullest? What past baggage is controlling your present life? What’s keeping you from fully knowing, loving, and enjoying God? What is your life purpose and how do you plan to cooperate with God to fulfill it? What’s keeping you from fully loving and enjoying your family and friends? What changes do you need to make to have better health? What kind of life do you want and what steps can you take to achieve it? What courage and character qualities do you need to develop to see you through? What do you need to do today to make all of this a reality?

Every morning I’d say two things to myself (I still do):

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life…make every ounce of it count”

“If it is to be, it’s up to me”

Consider if you’re truly happy with your wellness and the way life is going…or if you need to change things or tune life up.

You’re in more control than you think!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

A few inspiring websites* that may be helpful~

(*websites are for encouragement purposes only and are not an endorsement. View websites at own risk.)

❤️

For more encouragement:

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for Kim’s book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Foolishness, Wisdom, Guilt, & Regrets

Oct15

“You can live life like there’s no tomorrow, but tomorrow is still there when you wake up, full of consequences.” – Lecrae

Many have lived irresponsibly, foolishly, recklessly, or unthinkingly…only to realize they have brought a lot of loss into their own life, or worse, the lives of their loved ones.

Every choice we make will bring either a blessing…or a consequence. Our choices become our greatest assets…or our greatest liabilities.

Some choices bring about loss for a season, while other choices bring loss that will last a lifetime.

This is why wisdom is so very important. God says He will give wisdom to all who ask Him for it. There is an entire book in the Bible that is filled with teachings on wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and understanding. The book of Proverbs teaches us how to live a good life—a solid life that is built on wisdom.

You may not be able to go back in time to save yourself or others from a foolish decision you made in the past, but you do have the opportunity – starting today – to begin learning how to live a wise life.

Start to consider the choices you make…from this day forward…and make the commitment to strive to make wise choices.

When guilt or regrets come to mind? Use it as a signal to ask God to forgive you, make amends, and ultimately to choose and do better. Most of the poor decisions we make are made out of foolishness or a lack of understanding. If we KNEW better, we would have CHOSEN better. Give yourself some slack and some much needed grace…and then purposely become an intentional lifelong learner so you can then be freed up to make better choices.

Ask God for wisdom, understanding, and discernment to make good solid wise choices too…because good decisions are also a gift from Him. Also ask him for His grace and peace!

Consider reading the entire book of Proverbs. It is a wealth of wisdom and knowledge to know how to live a wise and great life, as well as a life that pleases God which releases His favor and blessings.

If you read one chapter of Proverbs each day, you’ll read through the whole book of Proverbs (all 31 chapters) each and every month.

You’ll be so glad you did!

(from the FREE 60-Day YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief)

For more encouragement, please feel free to check out all of the free Grief Bites devotionals on the YouVersion/Bible App: http://www.youversion.com

Kim’s book: Click here for book

Blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Cultivating A Relationship With Self

Oct8

“Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose” ~C.S. Lewis

I saw this thought-provoking quote from C.S. Lewis several months ago and it truly made me think.

Like majority of you, I’ve been through extensive grief, due to losing loved ones and going through major life challenging situations, so I first found this quote confusing.

Without truly understanding the significance, perspective, and meaning of this quote, it can at first seem as though C.S. is recommending a detached life, free from an emotional connection to people or things.

I believe C.S. is beckoning his readers to love others and cherish the goodness of blessings in their lives, but I also believe he is encouraging people to not place all of their eggs in only one basket (or two) throughout their life journey.

How many of us are guilty of primarily throwing our complete energy, love, and investment—our very prayers, blood, sweat, and tears—into only family, friends, pets, work, and maintaining possessions (home, car, appliances/electronics, clothing care, etc)? Which, unfortunately, are all people or things we can lose?

Do we mindfully, purposefully, passionately, and intentionally think about what we can’t lose…and take a gigantic step back to see the overall big picture of all our life can truly be? Do we continually refine ourselves and choose to do our much needed self work…while also developing and investing in our individual, personal life purpose?

I’ve always been told to be accountable to my family, church, and authority figures, and to develop my life purpose, but I began to wonder why there never has been an importance to be accountable to my own self…and the importance of truly getting to know myself…to better myself…to develop knowing exactly what I think and believe.
We should all demand accountability to, and of, our own selves. It’s life changing!

We need community, of course, (family, friendships, work and/or church relationships, etc), and we also need jobs, transportation, and things such as homes, food, clothes, appliances, etc, but, we also need more than that…we need a great relationship with God—and our own self.

Out of all the relationships on earth, the relationships we have with our God and our own self are truly the only relationships that can never end or be taken away…so wouldn’t it make sense to develop and invest in these two very important and vital relationships?

I have a tendency of neglecting myself due to heavily investing in my relationships with my family, friends, and those I encourage in my grief ministry.

I naturally put others first and always enjoy loving the people God has blessed me with.

One day, though, after seeing the C.S. Lewis quote, I felt God tugging at my heart as though to say, “Kim, before you were ever a wife…before you were ever a mom…before you were ever a daughter, aunt, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, neighbor or friend…before you were ever a writer or a part of Grief Bites…you were Mine. You were Kim before you were ever anyone or anything else. Before you even took one breath, you were you!”

I began to feel convicted of not living up to my full potential and began to invest greater into my relationship with God, and graciously into myself, as well.

I’m not talking about a self-absorbed or narcissistic relationship with self, but a healthy relationship with self that realizes life is not about me at all. A healthy relationship that keeps me accountable to continually better myself…and keep myself in check…so I can better love, help, encourage, and minister to others.
Ultimately choosing to better develop and use my skills, God-given talents and personality, character, life events, education, ministry, and life purpose for a much greater good in life.

Dedicating and giving all of these things to God and resting in Him and allowing Him to energize my life has made a huge difference in how I live! It’s given me a better mindset and more energy to accomplish every task at hand…especially on days when I feel worn out.
Matthew 11:29-30, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

If you think about it, this verse is phenomenal. Getting away to be with God and yourself leads to a life lived freely, restfully, and lightly. It eases life’s hardships and day-to-day burdens…so learn from God how to keep company with Him as you develop your individual self with His help.

Living this way on a day-to-day basis, and developing my own self, has been rewarding, and has opened my eyes and heart to things I would’ve otherwise missed. I want to always develop my character and be so accountable to God and myself, and His and my relationship together, so I can look back and know that I spent the days (and the circumstances) of my life very, very well. I want to always live in such a way as to know without any doubt that I hit the bullseye of my personal best life possible. Passionately. Purposefully. Intentionally.

I also found that when you develop a healthy relationship and accountability with God and yourself, you’re not as apt to make harmful or unwise decisions.

After all, at the end of each day…and ultimately at the end of your life…you understand better the need (and importance) to answer for all of life’s decisions and for how you chose to live your life. When you realize you’re accountable to yourself, and you look into the mirror of your life, you don’t want to disappoint not only God or others, but you don’t want to disappoint yourself. You also realize it’s not too late to change things up so you can start living your best life possible—starting today.
And this becomes a very powerful way to live.

Everything takes on a new meaning as you say to yourself each and every morning, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life…how can I better develop my relationship to God, myself, and others…how can I spend today in the best way possible?”
Your relationships…your work…your life purpose…your goals…what you choose to do—or not do…Everything brilliantly changes and life begins to take on a brand new level of purpose.

Cultivating a relationship with yourself brings on a new dimension of living, and prevents you from wasting any area of your life…especially grief.

Truly be thinking about life and what life can fully be if you began to cultivate a relationship with yourself. You have the ability to choose to change your life and the potential to live a more brilliant life than you ever thought possible!
Gratitude & blessings,

Kim
❤️

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Doubt~The Unpopular Word In Christianity

Sep24

Doubt is a very unpopular word in Christian circles. Most Christians would be afraid to admit any form of doubt they might have—due to feeling guilty for having thoughts of doubt or due to the judgment of others.

When doubt surfaces, some consider it a lack of faith or a lack of believing God and His Word…so as a result, many suffer and struggle silently. Through their silent struggle, they can become stagnant in their walk with God.
Some can even leave the church altogether.

I’ve seen it time and time again…someone will go through grief, or an extreme life challenge, and it throws them into unknown territory.

Their Christian friends don’t know what to do with them…their fellow church members aren’t sure how to best help them (in fact, they’re not incredibly sure what to do other than say the customary, yet well-intentioned, “I’m praying for you. Let me know if there’s anything I can do”…after quoting Romans 8:28 for good measure).

At that point, the hurting person becomes discouraged since no real help or genuine solution was offered. And the hurting person is in so much pain they now simply choose to withdraw.
Then the hard questions and doubt start pouring in.

Is God real? Where do I fit in? Does God care? Do others care? Why am I having to go through what I’m going through? Why did God allow______?

You may know someone this has happened to…or you might be the one who is battling doubt and unending questions today.

It is imperative to know how to handle our doubt(s) so we can prevent bitterness or discouragement, and overcome any and every obstacle that is keeping us from experiencing the rich relationship with God we are fully capable of having.

Truly think about the doubts you have today.
Be completely honest.
Do you feel like God didn’t protect you from a situation? Are you discouraged by how other people or Christians have treated you? Did someone deeply wound your heart and fail to make it right?
Are you doubting that God can heal your broken heart…save your marriage…help you financially…forgive you…fully accept you…heal your broken soul…work in the life of a rebellious spouse or child? Are you doubting that He can provide…or that He can work in any other situation that is tearing you apart inside or making you worry?

I have intensely worried and doubted God in some situations…and, sometimes, not even have known or realized it at the time.

There are many reasons we doubt.

Many doubt God cares. But did you know that God actually bends down from Heaven to hear our prayers, heartaches, concerns, and even our questions?

He’s so good! He doesn’t have to bend down to hear us, but out of His great love, He willingly chooses to.

Did you know that God has collected every tear you’ve ever cried and written every heartache you’ve ever experienced in a ledger?

God truly cares about each and every heartache and heartfelt question or request we have. He cares about each of us and every situation we face—past, present, and future.
He even knows how He plans to cause good to come out of the tough situations we face after we trust Him and lay our situation(s) at His feet. The good comes after we trust God and fully allow Him to work in us and through our doubts.

You may be thinking, “Fine, but I feel disconnected. I really don’t even feel like praying.”
If you feel stale in your relationship with God, doubt is most likely the culprit.

Do you wonder how God handles doubters? In scripture, God shows a loving example of mercy and compassion to the most famous doubter, Thomas.

Jesus didn’t judge Thomas, and He wasn’t harsh with him. In fact, the exact opposite happened. Jesus showed sheer love and understanding to Thomas.

Today, truly think about and label your doubt. Ask God to reveal any doubt(s) you hold in your heart. Be completely honest and transparent. The answer(s) revealed just might surprise you.

Choose today, like Thomas, to take your doubts to God…have the courage to have a bold, beautiful, breaking conversation with Him…and place your doubts in His hands. He already knows what is in your heart so be honest and transparent. Invite God to work in your heart and through your life challenges—pursue Him and His amazing heart with everything you have and don’t quit! The reward truly is a closer and much richer relationship with Him!

Lookup:
Psalms 116:1-2
Psalms 56:8
Psalms 17:6
Matthew 7:7-8
John 20:24-29

If what you read was helpful, please feel free to share it❤️

❤️Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Living in the Moment

Sep23

In life, we usually are either running TOWARDS our future or FROM our pasts…rarely are we truly living in the MOMENT, simply allowing God to mend and mold our hearts.

And it’s easy to want to run away from grief, problems, issues, or circumstances.

No matter what happens in life: illness or great health, betrayal or commitments, grief or favor, good times or bad times, success or failure, family/marital harmony or family/marital conflict, etc…ALL situations in life reveal so much about ourselves.

Every situation reveals our level of commitment, love, and loyalty to God, our love, loyalty, and service to others, and ALL reveal our true character.

EVERYTHING in life has the power to refine us, strengthen us, or weaken us—each shows us a true glimpse of our heart.

It’s up to us to continually allow our hearts to be molded by God and allow Him to polish us up to shine for Him…in good times and bad.

Sometimes being present in the moment is very difficult to do, but these moments can oftentimes be the times we look back on and realize that God accomplished the most in and through us.

As we seek God’s heart and call on Him, we realize He has a great plan for our lives. He truly is worth seeking with our whole heart!

What are you running from or towards today? Truly focus on simply being in the moment.

Run to God’s heart today, then rest in Him. He holds our past, present, and future in His hands so we truly can trust Him with the details of every moment…past, present, and future.

Once we trust Him (and this can be difficult to do in the midst of loss), living in the moment becomes a true joy.

Ask God to help you to live in the moment each and every day.

Lookup: Matthew 6:31-34

(from the free YouVersion Bible reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships by Kim Niles)
❤️
Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Want, Need, & Love~Better To Have 4 Quarters Than 100 Pennies

Aug26

If you want to know who is TRULY most important to you, consider the following:

1. If $10,000,000 magically appeared on your doorstep (wouldn’t THAT be nice!) and you had total say so over who you had in your life, who would you choose to enjoy life with?

These are the people you want.

2. If you suddenly became completely dependent on other people, due to a permanent lifelong injury or illness, who do you 100% know for a fact would be there for you? Who are the people that deeply care about you when you have absolutely NOTHING to offer them?

These are the people you need.

3. Which of your family & friends, if THEY had a major lifelong illness or injury, would you 100% be there for if they had NOTHING to offer you? Who makes you feel tremendously valued & treasured…and who do YOU tremendously treasure & value? Who do you willingly & unconditionally sacrifice for?

These are the people you love.

If you want to have a truly rich life, choose family & friends who genuinely care about you, sincerely love you, & want the best for you…a rich combination of want, need, & love.

The ultimate people are those who you want, need, and love, and people who want, need, and love you! Those are the people who make life sweet & worth living!

Too many times in life, we confuse wants vs. needs vs. love…Never truly thinking about or considering what a good relationship is.

Hardships, grief, and loss all have ways of being dynamic sifters of majority of relationships. We find out, through life events, who the true treasures are!

Sometimes, this can be painful, but I also believe it can genuinely be liberating! It’s important to always & continually realize that it’s better to have 4 solid quarters than 100 pennies!
Today, think about the people who have celebrated with you through the good times, and especially the people who have not only celebrated the good times, but those who cared enough to walk beside you —even carry you— through the hard times…the solid quarters in your life.

It’s never too late to say, “Thank you for being an incredible family member and/or friend!”

If you’re discouraged today because you feel alone in your grief, consider what family members or friends you know who can be there for you. Also, know that God is there for you 24/7…He’s the best friend you can ever have! He never leaves or forsakes anyone—and he’s available morning, noon, day, or night…always!

Relationships truly are a treasure, so treasure your relationships fully!

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Who Do You Know In The Military?

Aug21

Through Grief Bites, I occasionally have those who have served in the military contact me, seeking help for deep grief.

After talking to a young man who came back from serving overseas, my heart is heavy.

He told me that the things he saw and experienced over there while fighting for our country were so bad that when he got back into the states and tested positive for a terminal illness, testing positive couldn’t even compare to what he experienced during combat.

Wow! Let THAT sink in for a minute!!

Can you imagine being better equipped to hear a devastating medical diagnosis because what you heard, saw, and experienced overseas was MORE horrific?

I think Americans as a whole are thankful for all of the sacrifices our military make…but I don’t think we are near grateful or appreciative enough.

Not. at. all.

Today, when you play with your kiddos, there’s a serviceman or woman who doesn’t get that freedom…and many of them miss huge milestones such as the birth of their children, their child’s 1st birthday party, other birthdays, Christmas mornings, graduations, 1st day of school, goodnight kisses & bedtime stories, and other special occasions.

When you kiss, or spend time with, your spouse or significant other, there’s a serviceman or woman who is missing their loved one beyond words! They miss wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, Valentine’s Day, special events, and they don’t get the luxury of regular “date nights.” Some even get cheated on or divorced (through no fault of their own) due to being away serving our country.

When you get together with your best friends this weekend, realize there’s a serviceman or woman who not only buried their best friends…but actually saw their best friends killed during combat. Some have friends who experienced PTSD and killed themselves.

When you talk to or hug your spouse, kiddos, parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces/nephews, or any other family members…or you’re tempted to complain about any of them…remember there’s a serviceman or woman who would love to be able to enjoy that freedom—but can’t due to their service. They miss so many joyous family events & special occasions!

When you go to the gym this week, or go do a physical activity, there’s a serviceman or woman who is learning how to live with a severe disability or without a limb(s) because they fought for our freedoms.

When you go to work…or a place of worship…or speak your opinion…or go to a sporting event…or attend college or another school function…or vote or speak your mind about the upcoming presidential election…it’s all because someone willingly signed up to protect & ensure our safety & freedom—knowing it could very well cost them their very LIFE—so we can wonderfully enjoy all the joys of a free country!

Please join me in praying for all of our military today…and let’s keep them in our prayers each & every day!

And if you personally know of someone who is serving, or who has served, (or you know a spouse who holds the fort down while their loved one is away serving…or you know a parent of a serviceman or woman) sincerely thank them the next time you see them! They truly deserve so much more gratitude than we can ever give them for their sacrifices!!

Beyond grateful today to everyone who has served! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Let’s pray for our military today and every day!

And if you’ve experienced great heartache or disability due to serving, I’m truly genuinely sorry for your pain…and sorry Americans (including myself) haven’t understood it from your perspective.
You truly are amazing heroes!
Thank you so very much for your service & sacrifices!! May God richly bless you!!💕

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Change Begins With God

Aug8

Change your ______, change your life!
Each & every day presents an amazing opportunity…the ability to change things up. Every change you make can domino into other areas of life.

Of course, this can be misused—and lead to horrific consequences.

But if you choose to wisely change & better your life & relationships, there’s incredible blessings that can make life more awesome than you can currently comprehend.

If you’re not liking how life has turned out, you most likely can’t fix it in just one day.
It’ll take sitting down with God, asking for direction…and taking action.

When you don’t know what to do, the best place to start is God.

Next is to do your part by cleaning up your life: stop doing what you know is wrong or whatever is hurting your life, and start doing what you know is right.

Sometimes, God is waiting for us to do our God-given responsibilities and the obvious next right thing so He will be freed up to bless our lives and propel us forward to a much better, new season.

God loves you, wants the best for you, & has great plans for you! (Jer. 29:11)

Your life is valuable! God truly does care so never give up!

Stop what you’re doing right now & spend some time with Him.😄

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but step-by-step, life can become much, much better!

Think about life…Think about God’s purpose for your life…Consider what brings you great joy, as well as what will make getting out of bed everyday something not to dread.

What can YOU choose to CHANGE today to change your life? With God’s help, what do you think you should stop doing? What responsibilities do you need to begin doing consistently? With God’s grace, what do you need to start doing?

Having the ability to “fill in the blank” of change to create the life you want is a gift! Ask God for the wisdom to know what to fill in the blank with each and every morning.

No matter your current life circumstances, and no matter how hard life is today, unwrap the gift that life truly is starting TODAY…It’s worth it!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief
FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Why the delay, God?

Aug5

Have you ever been in a tough situation where you’ve cried out to God…only to be met with silence?

Times like this can be mistaken for apathy, but nothing could be further from the truth.

To understand the way God works through situations, you have to understand God’s heart…a feat no one on earth can ever fully accomplish. His heart is good…His ways are perfect. His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.

I once heard it said that our comprehension and ability to understand God would literally be like dipping a thimble into the ocean. The water in the thimble is our mind’s ability to wrap itself around knowing and understanding God compared to the overwhelming knowledge of God that is truly the ENTIRE ocean!

What if you find yourself going through excruciating heartache or grief…you’re seeking God with your whole heart to find an answer or some resolution for a tough challenge in life?

I HIGHLY encourage you to not give up!

Sometimes God will ALLOW (allow, NOT cause) you to go through extreme and unfair situations because He knows the treasure and blessings He has in store for you after the storm has passed.

Sometimes, it can seem as though God isn’t dealing with someone or a situation. He may be giving the person a chance to do the right thing because of His great mercy…but God will even allow a person to continue on in their sin so that their wickedness will finally demand that they are disciplined.

It’s very important to realize this because it greatly helps us to understand why God sometimes doesn’t “instantly” help us…even if we are claiming scripture like crazy!

He’s looking at a MUCH bigger picture, the grand scheme of things, that focuses on EVERYBODY in a situation…even GENERATIONS…sometimes even people who haven’t even been born yet!

Trust God with whatever tough situation you are facing today, remove the “deadlines” you may have unintentionally placed on God, and allow Him to work throughout the entire situation.

Remember: He has the power to do more in a MOMENT than we could ever do in a LIFETIME!

God will never sacrifice what is best in the long term to make us feel better or more comfortable in the short term.
Although painful, disillusioning, and sometimes disappointing, God asks us to trust Him and His plans, not understand Him.💕

There are MANY stories in the Bible where people couldn’t initially see God’s plan—yet chose to trust and obey God regardless: Joseph with his brothers, Esther, Moses, Joseph & Mary, Jesus, the disciples, Paul, etc!

Think about the following scripture, as well as the consequences, had God stopped short and gave short term comfort vs the long term best:
“After this, Abram had a vision and heard the Lord say to him, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I will shield you from danger and give you a great reward.” But Abram answered, “Sovereign Lord, what good will your reward do me, since I have no children? My only heir is Eliezer of Damascus. You have given me no children, and one of my slaves will inherit my property.” Then he heard the Lord speaking to him again: “This slave Eliezer will not inherit your property; your own son will be your heir.” The Lord took him outside and said, “Look at the sky and try to count the stars; you will have as many descendants as that.” Abram put his trust in the Lord, and because of this the Lord was pleased with him and accepted him. Then the Lord said to him, “I am the Lord, who led you out of Ur in Babylonia, to give you this land as your own.” But Abram asked, “Sovereign Lord, how can I know that it will be mine?” He answered, “Bring me a cow, a goat, and a ram, each of them three years old, and a dove and a pigeon.” Abram brought the animals to God, cut them in half, and placed the halves opposite each other in two rows; but he did not cut up the birds. Vultures came down on the bodies, but Abram drove them off. When the sun was going down, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and fear and terror came over him. The Lord said to him, “Your descendants will be strangers in a foreign land; they will be slaves there and will be treated cruelly for 400 years. But I will punish the nation that enslaves them, and when they leave that foreign land, they will take great wealth with them. You yourself will live to a ripe old age, die in peace, and be buried. It will be four generations before your descendants come back here, because I will not drive out the Amorites until they become so wicked that they must be punished.” When the sun had set and it was dark, a smoking fire-pot and a flaming torch suddenly appeared and passed between the pieces of the animals. Then and there the Lord made a covenant with Abram. He said, “I promise to give your descendants all this land from the border of Egypt to the River Euphrates, including the lands of the Kenites, the Kenizzites, the Kadmonites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Rephaim, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.” (Genesis 15:1-21 GNB)

It’s interesting that the Bible makes it a point to share how the vultures came down but Abram (who would later become Abraham) chased them off. The same goes for our tough situations…something or someone will try to thwart God’s best for our lives, or will attempt to take our eyes off of God. We can be tempted to quit, or to think God isn’t listening or doesn’t care, but it is up to us to chase the temptation away. It’s our responsibility to love and obey God through hardships—and it’s God’s responsibility to see our situation faithfully through.

Today, have a heart to heart with God. Share your heart and tell Him everything you’re thinking, feeling, and going through. Ask Him to do a God-sized work in you and through you, and grant you the encouragement, help, and/or miracle you need.

Trust God today…obey Him…love Him…praise Him…allow Him to see you through!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️If you found this post encouraging or helpful, please feel free to share it!

What to do while waiting on God? Listen to this song for encouragement: http://youtu.be/DoqbKyeKOBI

For more encouragement:

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net~

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites&nbsp

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

When Someone In Your Grief Group Dies

Jun8

There is a grief I hadn’t ever experienced before. A grief so deep, words can hardly express the depths.

I lead a grief group. We have over 100 members. Sometimes a few people show up, sometimes dozens show up. Each week, God orchestrates exactly who He knows needs to be there.

I met my beautiful sweet friend a few years ago. I had just opened up our group to those who had suffered deep loss—instead of “just death,” our group began to include those who were experiencing heartache of any kind.

I remember the first time I met her. She had recently went through a tough divorce and was concerned how her kiddos would be affected. She was brokenhearted.

Today, her loved ones and I are brokenhearted.

I’ve lost many loved ones but never someone in my grief group. It’s a pain like none I’ve experienced before.

When you’re a part of a grief group, you connect at such a highly emotional and spiritual level…you open up, becoming completely vulnerable, and share your greatest heartaches and disappointments in life. You share your triumphs, valleys, and how God is working in your life and grief. You quickly become loyal to each other, encourage each other, lifting each other up and sharing each other’s burdens. You ultimately become family.

I was blessed to be a part of her grief recovery. Where there once were tears, I saw her press forward and choose happiness. Where there were insecurities, I saw her choose confidence and the pursuing of her dreams. Where there once was deep hurt, I saw her open her heart and fall in love again with an amazing man. A man who is so incredibly good to her kiddos and loves them like his very own.

My heart is terribly broken today after losing my sweet friend. Our grief group lost a treasured and much loved sister!

Today, in honor of my friend, I’d like to ask everyone who reads this a favor:

Live life BIG in honor of my friend and all of your family members and friends. Don’t just glide through life! I learned this through my friend…she lived life so passionately! Don’t wait to be happy! Don’t wait to truly live! Don’t ever be scared to be yourself or to have fun! Don’t wait to achieve your goals! Serve God and your church family, and truly care about others! Each and every day is a day you will never get back! My sweet friend knew this and lived an incredible life in the few years I was privileged enough to know her and “do life” with her. You never know what life will bring so never take one single breath for granted!

Right now, you may have things in your life that are knocking the living breath out of you. You may have trials that are so overwhelming that they’re attempting to absolutely drown you. Overcome every obstacle, thoroughly go through and experience every pain, opportunity, and lesson grief has to offer you, and choose to extravagantly love others and to live your life with everything you have in you!

Today is the very first day of the rest of your life—live well, grieve well, love everyone you do life with to the best of your ability!

I’ll never forget my sweet friend. I’m so thankful God allowed me to know her—and I am thankful I’ll see her again one day! She loved God and her fiancé, kiddos, family, friends, and church family so much!

Rest in peace my sweet friend—you are forever missed and deeply loved! May we all love and celebrate life…even while going through hardships…like you did!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com
Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

When Mother’s Day Hurts…

May8

Mother’s Day: a day filled with warm memories, joy, flowers, Hallmark cards, and celebrating moms everywhere, right?

Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone.

There are many who will enter Mother’s Day with a heavy heart of grief, confusion, lost hopes, disappointment, intense sadness, and regrets:

some have experienced the death of their beloved mother
some moms are desperately missing their much treasured child who died
some have experienced a miscarriage or stillborn birth
some have never had the ability to have children
some have regretted having an abortion
some have placed their child up for adoption
some have a very tumultuous relationship with their mom; some moms have a broken relationship with their child(ren)
some adult children allow their spouse to keep them away from their mom; some moms allow their spouse to interfere in their relationship with their children
some realize that this is the last Mother’s Day they’ll have with their mom or child due to age or illness
some mothers have written their child off; some children have written their mother out of their life
some moms will not get to spend time with their child(ren) due to custody issues
some moms will not see their child due to military duty, travel for work, or they don’t live close by; some children will be missing their moms due to deployment, work duties, or location
some were adopted or raised by an aunt, grandmother, family member, or friend and are missing their mother deeply due to death, circumstances, or location
some have mothers or children who are incarcerated
some have mothers who have alzheimer’s or dementia who do not remember their children
some are stepmoms with stepchildren who are less than kind and vice versa
some moms feel rejected, uncared about, or unloved…some won’t even be acknowledged or appreciated

There are many heartbreaking situations and reasons why this Mother’s Day will be less than ideal and very heartbreaking for so many people.

Life, and holidays, can be excruciatingly unfair and painful. It can be difficult to see others who still have their moms with them…those who have all their children…those who were blessed enough to become a mom…or to see happy families when you are in devastating heartache and pain.

Here are some tips of how to show compassion to all who are discouraged, hurting, or dreading Mother’s Day:

Show compassion and concern. Ask how they are doing, tell them you are thinking about them, and ask what you can do to make their day better.
Realize how hard the day will be for them and go out of your way to make them feel special. Ask if they’d like to go out for brunch. Send or give them a card, buy them a special gift, ask to make them dinner or ask if they’d mind if you had dinner delivered to them, or buy them some beautiful flowers.
Invite them to a movie, out to dinner, or out for coffee. Let them freely talk about whatever they’d like to talk about…without judgment and without unsolicited advice. Sometimes, it helps to have somebody genuinely care who will compassionately listen. Ask them to share something special about their mom or their child(ren).
Acknowledge their loss and heartache. Mention their loved one by name and tell them what their loved one meant to you. You won’t be hurting them by bringing up their name…trust me, their loved one will be on their heart and mind all day.
If you have a vacation home or extra timeshare points, offer to give them the gift of a weekend getaway.
If you know of someone who is hurting, invite them to church and/or invite them to spend the day with you. Include them in all your plans for the day or a portion of the day.
Think of a special way to remember your family members and friends’ moms, child(ren), or loved one. Light a candle in their mom or child’s honor, or help to decorate their loved one’s grave with flowers or items you know they would’ve liked. Do something you know they would’ve loved.
Love them and “hug” their heart with compassion and kindness. They do not need a lecture on how they should feel or what they should do — and they definitely do not need to be told to “get over it.” They sincerely need people in their life who allow them the beautiful freedom to miss and deeply mourn the treasured person they are grieving, missing, and deeply love. Remember: the greater the love, the greater the grief.
If someone you know has a difficult relationship with their mom or child, reach out to them. Tell them you’re thinking about them by calling them, making them a gift basket, giving them a card, or by inviting them to do something that gets their mind off of their struggles.
If you know of a military mom, send her a care basket. Be sure to send letters from her kiddos and photos, too. If able, set up a time to FaceTime or Skype as well. If there is a mom whose husband is deployed, consider doing something sweet for her too!

What if you are the one who is hurting? Here are some creative ideas of how to get through the day:

Pamper yourself. Clear your schedule and remove any uncomfortable expectations others may place on you. Take a day off and do whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, happy, or peaceful.
Take some time to look at photos or home videos of your mom, child, or loved one. As you look at each one, remember the special bond and incredible memories you shared together.
Take the day to journal or make a special scrapbook of your loved one and all the wonderful memories you shared together.
Write a letter to your mom, child, or loved one and share what’s on your heart and mind.
Spend the day doing what you normally would’ve done if your loved one was here…or go to a place that was special to the two of you. Know that your loved one loves you so very much, they want you to experience love, encouragement and comfort.
Celebrate your loved one or honor your loved one’s memory by having a “garden day.” Plant a tree or some special flowers in their memory and create a beautiful space where you can go in days to come to celebrate or remember your loved one. You could also make a pathway out of memory stones or buy a special bench, hammock, or chair to enjoy in their memory.
Have a relaxing movie day by either going to a movie or ordering take-out and renting movies that will make you feel closer to your loved one. Don’t forget yours & their favorite movie snacks and a comfy blanket.
Invite others who are missing their mom or child to do something fun or meaningful. It truly helps to be around others who “get it.”
Have a day of “writing & learning”: writing letters of gratitude to those who have had a positive impact on your life..it could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, child, family member, pastor, schoolteacher, friend, etc. If you have children, or nieces and nephews, be sure to share the warm memories and stories with them and teach them what was taught to you.
Consider spending the day doing a relaxing hobby and including others in your day. I had a teacher who took a special interest in me by teaching me how to make pies, and I also was taught to bake by my mom and sister. I really enjoyed investing in this hobby and teaching my younger family members how to bake, too.
Watch a church service online and have a “God day” where you spend the entire day with just God and you. Go to a park and have a picnic lunch, lay in a hammock while listening to music, read your Bible and pray. Pray for everybody in your life. Share with God everything that is on your heart. “God days” are very refreshing and can set you up for a much better week!
Last, but not least, make Mother’s Day whatever you would like for it to be. You may feel comfortable doing the usual familiar traditions that have been passed down to you…you may wish to spend and enjoy the day with your remaining loved ones…or you may want to create brand new memories, traditions, and experiences. Go out of town, take a day trip, and/or do something relaxing or special. Surround yourself with love. Pour into others. Encourage others who are hurting. There are many ways you can choose to celebrate or remember your treasured mother, precious child, or loved one, and many ways to remember or celebrate the day.

God loves you and cares about every intricate detail of your heart and life. He wants to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life and help you to rebuild it. It may not be the exact life we signed up for or wanted, but God can help us realize that life is still an adventure worth highly valuing. Take the time you need to rebuild your heart and life…it takes time and it is totally okay to break down or be disappointed as you process your deep loss. Learn new things each and every day. Learn from past mistakes and always look for better ways to live life. Look for and secure the support you need from family and friends…tell them what you need. Feel what you need to feel.

To experience the death of a mother or child is excruciating. Be kind to your heart and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. As long as you’re not hurting God, others, or yourself, whatever you choose to do is appropriate.

To every mom, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, sister, niece, and woman in the world, I wish you a wonderfully beautiful, relaxing, and highly blessed Mother’s Day! Thank you for all of the ways you make (and have made) the world a wonderful and better place! You are so incredibly valuable, special, and unique and life wouldn’t be the same to your loved ones had they not had you in their lives! Pamper yourself this weekend—you deserve it!

Wishing everybody an incredibly peaceful, blessed, comfortable, and memorable Mother’s Day! Allow yourself the freedom to do whatever brings you comfort and makes your heart smile!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

🌹If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

🌺Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🌷Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

💐Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🌸Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

🌼FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

💕

Grief Bites

Feb19

“Grief Bites.”

Such a simple sentence…yet complex and filled with incredible pain.

My sister called me one morning in 2010 to ask how I was doing.

“Grief Bites” is all I could say through my tears.

Little did I realize how such a little sentence would transform my grief.

That one random phone call, one question, and those 2 little words would eventually develop into 2 published grief books, a local grief organization, a grief ministry that would encourage & give hope to people through 5 church campuses, as well as 3 Bible Reading Plans on YouVersion that offer encouragement to millions of people.

The morning my sister called me in 2010, I was in the middle of experiencing a lot of grief. I was sick of grief…and sick of life.

In the 3 years leading up to that phone call:

my son had several consultations and surgeries for tumors throughout 10 months…we were in three different medical facilities in two different states
3 of my son’s good friends died
my grandmother died
2 family members died on the same day
my marriage crumbled to the point of divorce
I had a cancer scare that required 2 surgeries
my sister’s fiancé died suddenly (this was her 2nd fiancé to pass away..her 1st fiancé died a few weeks before our other sister’s death)
we lost our entire retirement savings due to a person’s foolish decisions
key relationships I dearly loved deeply changed
my son’s father died
I was diagnosed with a lifelong autoimmune illness

I felt incredibly defeated and depressed.

To go through several deaths, my son’s illness, my illness, heartbreaking marriage issues, relationship losses & changes, among other losses within 3 years was very challenging…but I knew I wanted good to come out of it. I wasn’t about to allow life or grief to defeat me, and I wasn’t going to sit down and remain a depressed mess. I had already done that when my sister died and that wasn’t going to be my reality again.

It was almost a “saving grace” that I had previously been through grief when I was younger. Grief had been second nature in my life pretty much since I was a child.

While growing up:

my dad was killed by a drunk driver
my favorite grandmother (who lived with us after my dad passed away) died a few years later
I lost my grandparents (and later 2 uncles and an aunt) to cancer
the pipes in our home froze and bust, flooding our entire house…we lost everything…and lived in a motel for several months
A traumatic event happened when I was 12. I was hospitalized in ICU and almost died.
my boyfriend died in a car accident while in high school
a friend was murdered
I went through an illness and was in ICU
two friends committed suicide
one of my best friends died after being in the hospital for a year…then a few weeks later…
I saw my 22 year old sister die after only being sick for 3 weeks

All of this before I was 20 years old…so I knew what grief could do. I understood the heartbreaking days and nights, as well as how difficult it could be to get through.

BUT 2010 was different. I didn’t want to just “get through” my grief. I was desperate to understand. I didn’t want to just be mad at God and life…I actually needed to deeply & heart-wrenchingly question God so I could come to peace with Him and find a new way of life that made sense.

Majority of the grief experiences we go through will never make sense…but I found that good can come out of any circumstance if you allow life…and yes, even grief…to teach you lessons. They are not fun lessons…but they do have value.

And eventually I learned, ironically through my grief, that God IS good. He healed my heart from major grief and heartache.

The reason I share my grief is not to solicit sympathy or pity. Absolutely not. It was through everything I went through that I found my purpose in life: I get the privilege of helping hundreds of thousands of people through their grief so they are able to live better lives.

So why blog about it? Why talk about grief? Because grief has a huge need to be more commonly talked about so that everyone can understand how to help those in grief.

And because grief doesn’t end on the day of the funeral…in fact, grief never goes away. Unfortunately, grief velcroes itself to your heart. It’s. there. for. life. And the greater the love, the greater the grief. Grief typically doesn’t stay as strong as it is in the first few years…but it lingers and can come back full strength at the oddest times.

Some grief experiences are minor, while other grief experiences are major. There is hope for major grief…but it takes a lot of self work and grief recovery to get to that point.

I also talk about grief because there is a great need for grievers to share their experiences to help others who are going through grief. It is also helpful for grievers to help others who have never been through grief to understand.

This blog is for anyone who has been through grief or loss…anyone who has been through a sleepless night…anyone who has had a broken heart and still wants to live the best life they possibly can live in spite of any circumstance they face.

I hope something I write encourages someone. I hope it allows someone to obtain the hope they need to ~~move on~~ press forward in spite of the heartbreak they have been through.

Notice that I drew a line through “move on” because anyone who has been through deep grief knows how frustrating that phrase can be.

I say “press forward” because if you are going through intense grief, it has to be a personal choice to press forward with everything you’ve got. I am NOT suggesting forgetting about your treasured loved one(s). In fact, I am a HUGE advocate of honoring a loved one’s memory… I’ll write more about that in the days to come.

By pressing forward after you have thoroughly grieved, you’ll prevent additional loss, guilt, and regrets from entering your life. If you stay still or stagnant in your grief, or ignore it, more loss develops…and then you will have so much more to deal with later on…and grief will have damaged your life further than you wanted it to.

Don’t allow grief to choose for you how you are going to live the remainder of your life. Grief does not deserve to make that decision for you. The only thing you should allow grief to do is teach you lessons on life…and the lessons are certainly there.

Choose TODAY to thoroughly go through your grief so that you are truly able to create the life you want to live in the years to come. Pressing forward allows you to grab hold of it though. It will NOT be easy. There is no such thing as “neatly” grieving or one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter-style grieving…there are no rainbows, unicorns, or cotton candy in grief recovery…nope, it is messy. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…but one day you’ll look back and be so very grateful you worked through your grief and embraced it.

Life is too short to not live to the fullest every single day. Life is too good to not find joy in it…especially the “little things” in life. You only get one life…and you never get time back. Redeem the time and enjoy every moment life has to offer you as much as you can…in time…when you are able to.

Life is a canvas so throw all the paint on it you can so one day you will have the ability to look at the amazing picture you created in spite of heartache & grief.

That is the very best way to get back at grief…to get your breath back after grief & life have knocked it out of you.

It will take time and you will know when your heart is ready.

Grief bites…but we ALL have the power within us to bite back.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️

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