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Want, Need, & Love~Better To Have 4 Quarters Than 100 Pennies

Aug26

If you want to know who is TRULY most important to you, consider the following:

1. If $10,000,000 magically appeared on your doorstep (wouldn’t THAT be nice!) and you had total say so over who you had in your life, who would you choose to enjoy life with?

These are the people you want.


2. If you suddenly became completely dependent on other people, due to a permanent lifelong injury or illness, who do you 100% know for a fact would be there for you? Who are the people that deeply care about you when you have absolutely NOTHING to offer them?

These are the people you need.


3. Which of your family & friends, if THEY had a major lifelong illness or injury, would you 100% be there for if they had NOTHING to offer you? Who makes you feel tremendously valued & treasured…and who do YOU tremendously treasure & value? Who do you willingly & unconditionally sacrifice for?

These are the people you love.


If you want to have a truly rich life, choose family & friends who genuinely care about you, sincerely love you, & want the best for you…a rich combination of want, need, & love.

The ultimate people are those who you want, need, and love, and people who want, need, and love you! Those are the people who make life sweet & worth living!

Too many times in life, we confuse wants vs. needs vs. love…Never truly thinking about or considering what a good relationship is.

Hardships, grief, and loss all have ways of being dynamic sifters of majority of relationships. We find out, through life events, who the true treasures are! 

Sometimes, this can be painful, but I also believe it can genuinely be liberating! It’s important to always & continually realize that it’s better to have 4 solid quarters than 100 pennies! 
Today, think about the people who have celebrated with you through the good times, and especially the people who have not only celebrated the good times, but those who cared enough to walk beside you —even carry you— through the hard times…the solid quarters in your life.

It’s never too late to say, “Thank you for being an incredible family member and/or friend!”

If you’re discouraged today because you feel alone in your grief, consider what family members or friends you know who can be there for you. Also, know that God is there for you 24/7…He’s the best friend you can ever have! He never leaves or forsakes anyone—and he’s available morning, noon, day, or night…always!

Relationships truly are a treasure, so treasure your relationships fully!

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.
❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Who Do You Know In The Military?

Aug21

Through Grief Bites, I occasionally have those who have served in the military contact me, seeking help for deep grief.

After talking to a young man who came back from serving overseas, my heart is heavy. 

He told me that the things he saw and experienced over there while fighting for our country were so bad that when he got back into the states and tested positive for a terminal illness, testing positive couldn’t even compare to what he experienced during combat.

Wow! Let THAT sink in for a minute!!

Can you imagine being better equipped to hear a devastating medical diagnosis because what you heard, saw, and experienced overseas was MORE horrific?

I think Americans as a whole are thankful for all of the sacrifices our military make…but I don’t think we are near grateful or appreciative enough. 

Not. at. all.

Today, when you play with your kiddos, there’s a serviceman or woman who doesn’t get that freedom…and many of them miss huge milestones such as the birth of their children, their child’s 1st birthday party, other birthdays, Christmas mornings, graduations, 1st day of school, goodnight kisses & bedtime stories, and other special occasions.

When you kiss, or spend time with, your spouse or significant other, there’s a serviceman or woman who is missing their loved one beyond words! They miss wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, Valentine’s Day, special events, and they don’t get the luxury of regular “date nights.” Some even get cheated on or divorced (through no fault of their own) due to being away serving our country.

When you get together with your best friends this weekend, realize there’s a serviceman or woman who not only buried their best friends…but actually saw their best friends killed during combat. Some have friends who experienced PTSD and killed themselves.

When you talk to or hug your spouse, kiddos, parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces/nephews, or any other family members…or you’re tempted to complain about any of them…remember there’s a serviceman or woman who would love to be able to enjoy that freedom—but can’t due to their service. They miss so many joyous family events & special occasions!

When you go to the gym this week, or go do a physical activity, there’s a serviceman or woman who is learning how to live with a severe disability or without a limb(s) because they fought for our freedoms.

When you go to work…or a place of worship…or speak your opinion…or go to a sporting event…or attend college or another school function…or vote or speak your mind about the upcoming presidential election…it’s all because someone willingly signed up to protect & ensure our safety & freedom—knowing it could very well cost them their very LIFE—so we can wonderfully enjoy all the joys of a free country!

Please join me in praying for all of our military today…and let’s keep them in our prayers each & every day! 

And if you personally know of someone who is serving, or who has served, (or you know a spouse who holds the fort down while their loved one is away serving…or you know a parent of a serviceman or woman) sincerely thank them the next time you see them! They truly deserve so much more gratitude than we can ever give them for their sacrifices!!

Beyond grateful today to everyone who has served! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Let’s pray for our military today and every day!

And if you’ve experienced great heartache or disability due to serving, I’m truly genuinely sorry for your pain…and sorry Americans (including myself) haven’t understood it from your perspective.
You truly are amazing heroes! 
Thank you so very much for your service & sacrifices!! May God richly bless you!!💕

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Finding Passion & A Love For Life After Grief~Part 1

Aug13

Anyone who has experienced deep grief understands how much life changes once grief hits.

Life goes from being lived in color, to being instantly, starkly faded to a black, gray, and white existence.

Whether it’s the death of a treasured loved one, the death of a relationship, disability, or any other loss, life becomes something just to “get through” during the first several weeks, months, or even years.

I remember life being instantly changed the month I lost a good friend (my middle sister’s fiancé)…and then losing my oldest sister a few weeks later.

Life was very, very fun before these two major losses occurred…and then the “lights” of life seemed to shut off. 

When life suddenly throws a grief situation at you, life becomes pitch black. It’s a struggle to do day-to-day life and it takes a lot of work getting life’s “light” to turn back on. There are times during grief you may even wonder if that’s even possible!

How do you go from “pitch black” back to “light” in life? How do you navigate through deep grief to get life to be back into vibrant color once again?

A lot of reflection. A lot of work. And feeling a lot of grief and emotions you don’t like to go through and feel. The very thing you hate (grief) is the very thing you have to embrace to have the ability to get to the other side.

My sister’s death crushed me unlike any other grief experience I had ever faced. Not realizing how sick she was…she was only sick a few weeks…didn’t prepare me for her death. I never in a billion years thought she’d die!

The days, weeks, and months after her death left me incredibly depressed. It took me a while to figure out how to press forward and truly love and enjoy life once again.

My next blog post will share how I finally got my life back…and how I was able to smile, laugh, and vibrantly enjoy life with great passion—in spite of these two losses…and major past and future grief!

I’m looking forward to encouraging everybody with my next blog post!

Stay tuned….😄

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Someone In Your Grief Group Dies

Jun8

There is a grief I hadn’t ever experienced before. A grief so deep, words can hardly express the depths. 

I lead a grief group. We have over 100 members. Sometimes a few people show up, sometimes dozens show up. Each week, God orchestrates exactly who He knows needs to be there.

I met my beautiful sweet friend a few years ago. I had just opened up our group to those who had suffered deep loss—instead of “just death,” our group began to include those who were experiencing heartache of any kind.

I remember the first time I met her. She had recently went through a tough divorce and was concerned how her kiddos would be affected. She was brokenhearted.

Today, her loved ones and I are brokenhearted. 

I’ve lost many loved ones but never someone in my grief group. It’s a pain like none I’ve experienced before.

When you’re a part of a grief group, you connect at such a highly emotional and spiritual level…you open up, becoming completely vulnerable, and share your greatest heartaches and disappointments in life. You share your triumphs, valleys, and how God is working in your life and grief. You quickly become loyal to each other, encourage each other, lifting each other up and sharing each other’s burdens. You ultimately become family.

I was blessed to be a part of her grief recovery. Where there once were tears, I saw her press forward and choose happiness. Where there were insecurities, I saw her choose confidence and the pursuing of her dreams. Where there once was deep hurt, I saw her open her heart and fall in love again with an amazing man. A man who is so incredibly good to her kiddos and loves them like his very own.

My heart is terribly broken today after losing my sweet friend. Our grief group lost a treasured and much loved sister!

Today, in honor of my friend, I’d like to ask everyone who reads this a favor:

Live life BIG in honor of my friend and all of your family members and friends. Don’t just glide through life! I learned this through my friend…she lived life so passionately! Don’t wait to be happy! Don’t wait to truly live! Don’t ever be scared to be yourself or to have fun! Don’t wait to achieve your goals! Serve God and your church family, and truly care about others! Each and every day is a day you will never get back! My sweet friend knew this and lived an incredible life in the few years I was privileged enough to know her and “do life” with her. You never know what life will bring so never take one single breath for granted! 

Right now, you may have things in your life that are knocking the living breath out of you. You may have trials that are so overwhelming that they’re attempting to absolutely drown you. Overcome every obstacle, thoroughly go through and experience every pain, opportunity, and lesson grief has to offer you, and choose to extravagantly love others and to live your life with everything you have in you!

Today is the very first day of the rest of your life—live well, grieve well, love everyone you do life with to the best of your ability! 

I’ll never forget my sweet friend. I’m so thankful God allowed me to know her—and I am thankful I’ll see her again one day! She loved God and her fiancé, kiddos, family, friends, and church family so much!

Rest in peace my sweet friend—you are forever missed and deeply loved! May we all love and celebrate life…even while going through hardships…like you did!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com
Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:
1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

When Mother’s Day Hurts…

May8

Mother’s Day: a day filled with warm memories, joy, flowers, Hallmark cards, and celebrating moms everywhere, right?

Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone.

There are many who will enter Mother’s Day with a heavy heart of grief, confusion, lost hopes, disappointment, intense sadness, and regrets:

  • some have experienced the death of their beloved mother
  • some moms are desperately missing their much treasured child who died
  • some have experienced a miscarriage or stillborn birth
  • some have never had the ability to have children
  • some have regretted having an abortion
  • some have placed their child up for adoption
  • some have a very tumultuous relationship with their mom; some moms have a broken relationship with their child(ren)
  • some adult children allow their spouse to keep them away from their mom; some moms allow their spouse to interfere in their relationship with their children
  • some realize that this is the last Mother’s Day they’ll have with their mom or child due to age or illness
  • some mothers have written their child off; some children have written their mother out of their life
  • some moms will not get to spend time with their child(ren) due to custody issues
  • some moms will not see their child due to military duty, travel for work, or they don’t live close by; some children will be missing their moms due to deployment, work duties, or location
  • some were adopted or raised by an aunt, grandmother, family member, or friend and are missing their mother deeply due to death, circumstances, or location
  • some have mothers or children who are incarcerated
  • some have mothers who have alzheimer’s or dementia who do not remember their children
  • some are stepmoms with stepchildren who are less than kind and vice versa
  • some moms feel rejected, uncared about, or unloved…some won’t even be acknowledged or appreciated

There are many heartbreaking situations and reasons why this Mother’s Day will be less than ideal and very heartbreaking for so many people.

Life, and holidays, can be excruciatingly unfair and painful. It can be difficult to see others who still have their moms with them…those who have all their children…those who were blessed enough to become a mom…or to see happy families when you are in devastating heartache and pain.

Here are some tips of how to show compassion to all who are discouraged, hurting, or dreading Mother’s Day:

  1. Show compassion and concern. Ask how they are doing, tell them you are thinking about them, and ask what you can do to make their day better.
  2. Realize how hard the day will be for them and go out of your way to make them feel special. Ask if they’d like to go out for brunch. Send or give them a card, buy them a special gift, ask to make them dinner or ask if they’d mind if you had dinner delivered to them, or buy them some beautiful flowers.
  3. Invite them to a movie, out to dinner, or out for coffee. Let them freely talk about whatever they’d like to talk about…without judgment and without unsolicited advice. Sometimes, it helps to have somebody genuinely care who will compassionately listen. Ask them to share something special about their mom or their child(ren).
  4. Acknowledge their loss and heartache. Mention their loved one by name and tell them what their loved one meant to you. You won’t be hurting them by bringing up their name…trust me, their loved one will be on their heart and mind all day.
  5. If you have a vacation home or extra timeshare points, offer to give them the gift of a weekend getaway.
  6. If you know of someone who is hurting, invite them to church and/or invite them to spend the day with you. Include them in all your plans for the day or a portion of the day.
  7. Think of a special way to remember your family members and friends’ moms, child(ren), or loved one. Light a candle in their mom or child’s honor, or help to decorate their loved one’s grave with flowers or items you know they would’ve liked. Do something you know they would’ve loved.
  8. Love them and “hug” their heart with compassion and kindness. They do not need a lecture on how they should feel or what they should do — and they definitely do not need to be told to “get over it.” They sincerely need people in their life who allow them the beautiful freedom to miss and deeply mourn the treasured person they are grieving, missing, and deeply love. Remember: the greater the love, the greater the grief.
  9. If someone you know has a difficult relationship with their mom or child, reach out to them. Tell them you’re thinking about them by calling them, making them a gift basket, giving them a card, or by inviting them to do something that gets their mind off of their struggles.
  10. If you know of a military mom, send her a care basket. Be sure to send letters from her kiddos and photos, too. If able, set up a time to FaceTime or Skype as well. If there is a mom whose husband is deployed, consider doing something sweet for her too!

What if you are the one who is hurting? Here are some creative ideas of how to get through the day:

  1. Pamper yourself. Clear your schedule and remove any uncomfortable expectations others may place on you. Take a day off and do whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, happy, or peaceful.
  2. Take some time to look at photos or home videos of your mom, child, or loved one. As you look at each one, remember the special bond and incredible memories you shared together.
  3. Take the day to journal or make a special scrapbook of your loved one and all the wonderful memories you shared together.
  4. Write a letter to your mom, child, or loved one and share what’s on your heart and mind.
  5. Spend the day doing what you normally would’ve done if your loved one was here…or go to a place that was special to the two of you. Know that your loved one loves you so very much, they want you to experience love, encouragement and comfort.
  6. Celebrate your loved one or honor your loved one’s memory by having a “garden day.” Plant a tree or some special flowers in their memory and create a beautiful space where you can go in days to come to celebrate or remember your loved one. You could also make a pathway out of memory stones or buy a special bench, hammock, or chair to enjoy in their memory.
  7. Have a relaxing movie day by either going to a movie or ordering take-out and renting movies that will make you feel closer to your loved one. Don’t forget yours & their favorite movie snacks and a comfy blanket.
  8. Invite others who are missing their mom or child to do something fun or meaningful. It truly helps to be around others who “get it.”
  9. Have a day of “writing & learning”: writing letters of gratitude to those who have had a positive impact on your life..it could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, child, family member, pastor, schoolteacher, friend, etc. If you have children, or nieces and nephews, be sure to share the warm memories and stories with them and teach them what was taught to you.
  10. Consider spending the day doing a relaxing hobby and including others in your day. I had a teacher who took a special interest in me by teaching me how to make pies, and I also was taught to bake by my mom and sister. I really enjoyed investing in this hobby and teaching my younger family members how to bake, too.
  11. Watch a church service online and have a “God day” where you spend the entire day with just God and you. Go to a park and have a picnic lunch, lay in a hammock while listening to music, read your Bible and pray. Pray for everybody in your life. Share with God everything that is on your heart. “God days” are very refreshing and can set you up for a much better week!
  12. Last, but not least, make Mother’s Day whatever you would like for it to be. You may feel comfortable doing the usual familiar traditions that have been passed down to you…you may wish to spend and enjoy the day with your remaining loved ones…or you may want to create brand new memories, traditions, and experiences. Go out of town, take a day trip, and/or do something relaxing or special. Surround yourself with love. Pour into others. Encourage others who are hurting. There are many ways you can choose to celebrate or remember your treasured mother, precious child, or loved one, and many ways to remember or celebrate the day.

God loves you and cares about every intricate detail of your heart and life. He wants to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered life and help you to rebuild it. It may not be the exact life we signed up for or wanted, but God can help us realize that life is still an adventure worth highly valuing. Take the time you need to rebuild your heart and life…it takes time and it is totally okay to break down or be disappointed as you process your deep loss. Learn new things each and every day. Learn from past mistakes and always look for better ways to live life. Look for and secure the support you need from family and friends…tell them what you need. Feel what you need to feel.

To experience the death of a mother or child is excruciating. Be kind to your heart and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. As long as you’re not hurting God, others, or yourself, whatever you choose to do is appropriate.

To every mom, grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, sister, niece, and woman in the world, I wish you a wonderfully beautiful, relaxing, and highly blessed Mother’s Day! Thank you for all of the ways you make (and have made) the world a wonderful and better place! You are so incredibly valuable, special, and unique and life wouldn’t be the same to your loved ones had they not had you in their lives! Pamper yourself this weekend—you deserve it!

Wishing everybody an incredibly peaceful, blessed, comfortable, and memorable Mother’s Day! Allow yourself the freedom to do whatever brings you comfort and makes your heart smile!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

🌹If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

For more encouragement:

🌺Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

🌷Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

💐Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

🌸Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

🌼FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

💕

What If….

Apr29

“What If” are two of the harshest words known to a griever, followed only by the ultimate harshest words, “If Only.”

Going through grief, guilt, regret, and hardship can be excruciating…it can totally weigh a person down.

Something I’ve learned through intense grief is that the decision to love living life again has to be a daily choice. It’s not an easy choice sometimes but it’s a choice that is vital to make each and every day.

Today, choose to exchange the negative meaning of “What If” for a positive reflection of those two words.

“What If” can hold good meaning, too—life changing meaning!

  • ❤️💕What if, TODAY, you begin to actively choose to dwell on the positive instead of any negative
  • What if you choose to see all that is good & right about life, your child, spouse, family, and friends instead of what was/is bad or wrong
  • What if you choose to give someone grace instead of judging or holding a grudge
  • What if you choose to reach out to someone you know you hurt instead of ignoring them or the situation 
  • What if you choose to reach out to someone you know who is hurting from deep grief…or allow someone to encourage you
  • What if you choose to forgive yourself and see your true value
  • What if you choose to bless someone with encouragement, kindness or love
  • What if you choose to do whatever you need to do to create a new life—not forgetting your former life or loved ones, but learning from the past and building your life up so you feel joy every single day
  • What if you choose to seek God, reconcile with Him, accept His overall plan, & delight in Him with all your heart—regardless of life’s difficulties?

Life is an uphill battle…and grief can make it feel as though you are carrying a huge backpack of heavy rocks.

Begin, starting today, to let go of the heavy burdens you have been carrying…one rock at a time.

Be kind to others and yourself!
Every time you feel yourself thinking a guilt-filled, “What If,” turn it around and seek to learn all you can so you can do better from this day forward. 

What if you look back one year from today and see how much life has changed for the better—all because you changed the negative meaning of “What If” into a positive one?

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~
Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 
2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 
3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships – Adultery & Betrayal

Mar30

I’d like to talk about a topic many grievers don’t want to think about…Adultery.

During times of grief, as one spouse (or both spouses) are grieving a tough life event, they can become distracted due to grief. It can simply be overwhelming to maintain a romantic relationship/marriage when you’re grieving the worst event of your life.

Also, when two people don’t share the same grieving style, there can be a disconnect as well.

It’s usually someone close to the family or a coworker who innocently asks “how are you doing”… and then that can lead to further conversations… and then an emotional or extramarital affair can occur.

If you’re struggling with this, about to be caught in the middle of this, or if the grief experience you’re going through stems from an affair…you’re not alone.

If you’re walking through the treacherous fires of adultery or betrayal, please know that God loves you so very much. He is holding you, He will carry you through the entire situation, and He has the power to bring good out of the pain.

If you’re about to betray your spouse or family, please please please reconsider. The pain and recovery is horrendous – and as a marriage coach, I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve sat with and heard heart-wrenching stories of how horrible the aftermath is. The enemy doesn’t just hurt the spouses and their marriage, the enemy goes after the entire family.

I wrote about betrayal in my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships. I’ve included it below to encourage anyone who is walking the path of betrayal.

Wishing all of the Grief Bites Family a blessed day of God’s comfort & healing!💗

Day 4 from my YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships.

Day 4~

Have you ever experienced the bitter sting of betrayal…a betrayal so deep it cuts and shreds every ounce of your heart?

It is a terrible experience to go through the deep heartache of a spouse’s adultery or a spouse who no longer wants to be married.

After such an experience, the sting wraps itself around you and threatens to forever break or harden your heart. As the tears fall and your heart is breaking, it feels as though the betrayal stings your soul a thousand times each day. 

It’s easy during times like these to not just harden your heart, but to become hardened towards God…and place misplaced blame onto Him.

Don’t think for one second that God did not do everything in His power to convict your spouse’s heart and warn them to choose another path. God did. 

God gives each of us free will…and sometimes, people misuse their free will to betray loved ones.  

Sadly, some spouses choose to harden their heart to God’s convictions (and good character) and not listen.

The moment you found out about your spouse’s deep betrayal…the moment your heart shattered into a million pieces…God’s heart did too. He hurts for you and deeply grieves that your covenant mate chose the path they chose to walk.

God is concerned for you. Every tear you’ve cried, He has placed in a bottle. Each heartache you have experienced, He has written in His book. God has kept track of every toss and turn on your sleepless nights.

If you are crying out for help, He IS listening. He knows the heart-wrenching agony you have experienced – and are still going through – and He strongly desires to help you catch your breath.

God’s huge heart breaks for anyone whose life has been affected by betrayal. His heart sincerely breaks for the children and families affected too.

Today, I encourage you to pour your heart out to God. Share with Him your deepest heartaches, thoughts, and feelings. 

He DOES care….and if you ask, He WILL help you through this painful time in your life. Ask Him to guide and direct you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you!

There is hope and God does heal.

Draw close to God’s heart and He will draw close to you. He is the best way to truly get through the devastating heartache and sting of betrayal.

‭‭~Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬‬‬, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

James‬ ‭4:8‬, “Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners! Purify your hearts, you hypocrites!”

Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

JAMES‬ ‭4:10‬, “Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”

Proverbs‬ ‭6:32, “Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.”

( from Day 4 of the YouVersion reading plan, Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships — https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships )

God’s promise of love and healing is for ALL. Whether you’ve been wounded by adultery…or if you’ve made the heart wrenching mistake of adultery…or you’re the “other” person, God cares about each person and the entire situation. Anyone can make peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

©2019 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!

⭐️For more encouragement:

❤️Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

❤️Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

❤️Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

❤️FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

5. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Christmas: http://bible.com/r/3V5

6. Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: Happy New Year!: http://bible.com/r/3Zv

7. Valentine’s Day: Experiencing Holidays With Jesus: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/14059-valentines-day-experiencing-holidays-with-jesus

⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is copyright protected material. Please ask for permission to copy, use, or print.

⭐️⭐️All content on the Grief Bites blog and website is for encouragement purposes only and is not in any way to be construed as medical, emotional, mental, relational, or psychological advice. We hope to serve as a bridge to encourage others by sharing our personal grief and life experiences. Please contact a qualified healthcare professional, mental health professional, or qualified pastor.

Make Your Grief & Life Count!

Mar12

When famous fighter Muhammad Ali was once asked how many sit-ups he did, his response was, “I don’t count my sit-ups. I only start counting when it starts hurting. When I feel pain, that is when I start counting, because then it really counts. That’s what makes you a champion.”

Grief, loss, and trials can truly knock you out…but…they can also change, challenge, and refine you, creating a better life.

Before grief, loss, or a hardship hits, life hasn’t truly had the opportunity to fully challenge you, change you, or even bring out any hidden greatness.

Today, if you are going through a tough time in life, I encourage you to get as much as you can out of the life experience you are going through. Allow it to sink in..change you..challenge you..help you..make you a better person…and create a brilliant, vibrant, purpose-filled life.

There is great gain that can be created out of great pain. 

Life may be kicking your tail today…you may resent life and your current situation more than words can say…but truly understand that the here-and-now heartaches and trials you are going through do not have to permanently keep you down.

Make the decision to get up. Grow through your pain. Make your pain count!

Begin “counting” today, choose to do whatever you have to do so your pain is not in vain, and fight back by going out of your way to create and live the best life possible.

Only you can seek and find the treasures your grief and loss experiences have to offer.

They are there so start counting and find these hard earned treasures starting today!

A year from now, you will either look back and be in the exact same place you are at today…or…you will be able to look back and know you did whatever it took to fight towards a better life.

You have GREAT value and your life COUNTS! Always remember that!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

Resources~

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 
4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Grief Bites

Feb19

“Grief Bites.”

Such a simple sentence…yet complex and filled with incredible pain.

My sister called me one morning in 2010 to ask how I was doing.

“Grief Bites” is all I could say through my tears.

Little did I realize how such a little sentence would transform my grief.

That one random phone call, one question, and those 2 little words would eventually develop into 2 published grief books, a local grief organization, a grief ministry that would encourage & give hope to people through 5 church campuses, as well as 3 Bible Reading Plans on YouVersion that offer encouragement to millions of people.

The morning my sister called me in 2010, I was in the middle of experiencing a lot of grief. I was sick of grief…and sick of life.

In the 3 years leading up to that phone call:

  • my son had several consultations and surgeries for tumors throughout 10 months…we were in three different medical facilities in two different states
  • 3 of my son’s good friends died
  • my grandmother died
  • 2 family members died on the same day
  • my marriage crumbled to the point of divorce
  • I had a cancer scare that required 2 surgeries
  • my sister’s fiancé died suddenly (this was her 2nd fiancé to pass away..her 1st fiancé died a few weeks before our other sister’s death)
  • we lost our entire retirement savings due to a person’s foolish decisions
  • key relationships I dearly loved deeply changed
  • my son’s father died
  • I was diagnosed with a lifelong autoimmune illness

I felt incredibly defeated and depressed.

To go through several deaths, my son’s illness, my illness, heartbreaking marriage issues, relationship losses & changes, among other losses within 3 years was very challenging…but I knew I wanted good to come out of it. I wasn’t about to allow life or grief to defeat me, and I wasn’t going to sit down and remain a depressed mess. I had already done that when my sister died and that wasn’t going to be my reality again.

It was almost a “saving grace” that I had previously been through grief when I was younger. Grief had been second nature in my life pretty much since I was a child.

While growing up:

  • my dad was killed by a drunk driver
  • my favorite grandmother (who lived with us after my dad passed away) died a few years later
  • I lost my grandparents (and later 2 uncles and an aunt) to cancer
  • the pipes in our home froze and bust, flooding our entire house…we lost everything…and lived in a motel for several months
  • A traumatic event happened when I was 12. I was hospitalized in ICU and almost died.
  • my boyfriend died in a car accident while in high school
  • a friend was murdered
  • I went through an illness and was in ICU
  • two friends committed suicide
  • one of my best friends died after being in the hospital for a year…then a few weeks later…
  • I saw my 22 year old sister die after only being sick for 3 weeks

All of this before I was 20 years old…so I knew what grief could do. I understood the heartbreaking days and nights, as well as how difficult it could be to get through.

BUT 2010 was different. I didn’t want to just “get through” my grief. I was desperate to understand. I didn’t want to just be mad at God and life…I actually needed to deeply & heart-wrenchingly question God so I could come to peace with Him and find a new way of life that made sense.

Majority of the grief experiences we go through will never make sense…but I found that good can come out of any circumstance if you allow life…and yes, even grief…to teach you lessons. They are not fun lessons…but they do have value.

And eventually I learned, ironically through my grief, that God IS good. He healed my heart from major grief and heartache.

The reason I share my grief is not to solicit sympathy or pity. Absolutely not. It was through everything I went through that I found my purpose in life: I get the privilege of helping hundreds of thousands of people through their grief so they are able to live better lives.

So why blog about it? Why talk about grief? Because grief has a huge need to be more commonly talked about so that everyone can understand how to help those in grief.

And because grief doesn’t end on the day of the funeral…in fact, grief never goes away. Unfortunately, grief velcroes itself to your heart. It’s. there. for. life. And the greater the love, the greater the grief. Grief typically doesn’t stay as strong as it is in the first few years…but it lingers and can come back full strength at the oddest times.

Some grief experiences are minor, while other grief experiences are major. There is hope for major grief…but it takes a lot of self work and grief recovery to get to that point.

I also talk about grief because there is a great need for grievers to share their experiences to help others who are going through grief. It is also helpful for grievers to help others who have never been through grief to understand.

This blog is for anyone who has been through grief or loss…anyone who has been through a sleepless night…anyone who has had a broken heart and still wants to live the best life they possibly can live in spite of any circumstance they face.

I hope something I write encourages someone. I hope it allows someone to obtain the hope they need to move on press forward in spite of the heartbreak they have been through.

Notice that I drew a line through “move on” because anyone who has been through deep grief knows how frustrating that phrase can be.

I say “press forward” because if you are going through intense grief, it has to be a personal choice to press forward with everything you’ve got. I am NOT suggesting forgetting about your treasured loved one(s). In fact, I am a HUGE advocate of honoring a loved one’s memory… I’ll write more about that in the days to come.

By pressing forward after you have thoroughly grieved, you’ll prevent additional loss, guilt, and regrets from entering your life. If you stay still or stagnant in your grief, or ignore it, more loss develops…and then you will have so much more to deal with later on…and grief will have damaged your life further than you wanted it to.

Don’t allow grief to choose for you how you are going to live the remainder of your life. Grief does not deserve to make that decision for you. The only thing you should allow grief to do is teach you lessons on life…and the lessons are certainly there.

Choose TODAY to thoroughly go through your grief so that you are truly able to create the life you want to live in the years to come. Pressing forward allows you to grab hold of it though. It will NOT be easy. There is no such thing as “neatly” grieving or one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter-style grieving…there are no rainbows, unicorns, or cotton candy in grief recovery…nope, it is messy. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…but one day you’ll look back and be so very grateful you worked through your grief and embraced it.

Life is too short to not live to the fullest every single day. Life is too good to not find joy in it…especially the “little things” in life. You only get one life…and you never get time back. Redeem the time and enjoy every moment life has to offer you as much as you can…in time…when you are able to.

Life is a canvas so throw all the paint on it you can so one day you will have the ability to look at the amazing picture you created in spite of heartache & grief.

That is the very best way to get back at grief…to get your breath back after grief & life have knocked it out of you.

It will take time and you will know when your heart is ready.

Grief bites…but we ALL have the power within us to bite back.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️