Tag Archive | illness

You’re In More Control Than You Think

Oct29

Grief, stress, “life,” and the people around you can definitely have a profound affect on you, as well as affect the overall quality of your life. Until a few years ago, I never could have realized how much of an affect.

Then I got sick. Really, really sick.

At the time, I was used to running 3-5 miles a day, playing disc golf several times a week, practicing tae kwon do daily, and basically doing whatever I wanted physically…because I had the ability to do so.

Then I not only got really sick…I completely lost my health.

It took me almost four years to rebuild my immune system and get my health back…and during that time, I couldn’t hardly do anything but sit. And sometimes, just sitting was painful. Some days were so bad, I couldn’t even get out of bed. My veins throughout my entire body felt as though fire was traveling through them, my hair started falling out, the fatigue and pain were both debilitating, and the weight gain began rapidly even though I was a very health-minded, clean eater.

My doctors explained to me that my illness was created due to prolonged stress…and the illness would be lifelong, attached to me like permanent superglue. They explained the difference between having typical day-to-day stress and being distressed to where the stress becomes toxic.

After I found out my illness could’ve been prevented (had I only simply set boundaries and controlled my surroundings and the people/stress I allowed into my life) I went through many emotions. Sadness because my illness wasn’t curable. Unforgiveness – for a period of time – at certain people or situations that had created extreme stress or hurt. Anger towards myself for not setting better and stronger boundaries. Fear because, at the time, I had no idea how to control my illness or its debilitating symptoms. Grief…because life as I previously knew it was over.

I felt as though I was thrown into oblivion and I had to figure life out all over again….what to eat, so as to not trigger or make my symptoms worse…what to do medically, so I could understand what the best medicines, supplements, and prescriptions were for regaining my health…what work or social events to accept or decline based on my health…which people to be around—or to not be around—so stress wouldn’t trigger symptoms…what to do spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally so I could prepare my heart to fight for my health (talk about self-work!). I was knocked down and wasn’t sure how to get back up.

It was a scary time of completely reevaluating my entire life in every area so I could regain my health…and prevent new and additional illnesses from forming.

This health crisis allowed me to find out something new that I had never realized before: I was so much more in control than what I had previously thought or realized.

I found that if I couldn’t control the actions of others, my circumstances, my grief experiences, or my environment, I COULD at least control the actions, thoughts, as well as the emotional and spiritual health, of myself. I had complete control over me and I had complete control over what I allowed to go on around me and inside my own heart.

As I worked with my specialists to regain my health, I intentionally removed anything and everything toxic in my life: toxic foods, toxic habits, toxic thoughts, toxic emotional baggage, toxic situations, toxic unwise schedules, and toxic people. This was difficult to do, but I wasn’t willing for my health to further deteriorate. Courage became necessary to regain my quality of life, and at the time, courage wasn’t exactly my forte. Having the knowledge my illness was lifelong, I realized this wasn’t going to be a quick fix—anything I did had to be “all-in” and longterm.

As I repaired my health, and my rheumatologist, hematologist, and endocrinologist conveyed the importance of a stress-free lifestyle, I realized just how much power stress has on a person’s wellness. As I took the steps to regain my health, I often wondered if my sister possibly could’ve prevented her illness (or death) had she only had the knowledge about the stress and illness correlation.

Whether it’s an illness, grief, trials, life circumstances…anything…we all are so much more in control than we think. I’ve been surprised by my strength to overcome obstacles in dealing with getting well. I know I never would’ve refined and sifted the contents of my life had I not been forced into doing so due to becoming ill.

Like anything I go through in life, I always try to find something good that can come out of any trial. The good that came out of my illness is I found out so much about life and myself: that health and wellness are absolute gifts that should never be taken for granted…what I’m willing to tolerate or put up with and what I’m not…what I love about life and what I don’t…that God is an incredible Friend and Comforter…that life is a gift to never be wasted…I also learned about setting wise boundaries and priorities…and I learned life doesn’t just have “to happen” and I don’t have to just roll with the punches—I learned that I am so much more in control than I previously thought.

It took me almost 4 years to regain my health, but I’m so glad God allowed healing to take place and allowed me to realize I had a lot of control over my life, illness, and wellness.

The thoughts that ran through my mind while I was at my sickest, I’ll share with you. They tremendously helped me and put my life in perspective. Maybe they’ll help someone else today:

What’s plaguing your heart today? What’s weighing you down? What’s preventing you from living life to the fullest? What past baggage is controlling your present life? What’s keeping you from fully knowing, loving, and enjoying God? What is your life purpose and how do you plan to cooperate with God to fulfill it? What’s keeping you from fully loving and enjoying your family and friends? What changes do you need to make to have better health? What kind of life do you want and what steps can you take to achieve it? What courage and character qualities do you need to develop to see you through? What do you need to do today to make all of this a reality?

Every morning I’d say two things to myself (I still do):

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life…make every ounce of it count”

“If it is to be, it’s up to me”

Consider if you’re truly happy with your wellness and the way life is going…or if you need to change things or tune life up.

You’re in more control than you think!

Gratitude & blessings,

Kim

A few inspiring websites* that may be helpful~

(*websites are for encouragement purposes only and are not an endorsement. View websites at own risk.)

©2015 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️

For more encouragement:

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (book): Click here for Kim’s book

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: (Coming November 4, 2015)

Grief Bites

Feb19

“Grief Bites.”

Such a simple sentence…yet complex and filled with incredible pain.

My sister called me one morning in 2010 to ask how I was doing.

“Grief Bites” is all I could say through my tears.

Little did I realize how such a little sentence would transform my grief.

That one random phone call, one question, and those 2 little words would eventually develop into 2 published grief books, a local grief organization, a grief ministry that would encourage & give hope to people through 5 church campuses, as well as 3 Bible Reading Plans on YouVersion that offer encouragement to millions of people.

The morning my sister called me in 2010, I was in the middle of experiencing a lot of grief. I was sick of grief…and sick of life.

In the 3 years leading up to that phone call:

  • my son had several consultations and surgeries for tumors throughout 10 months…we were in three different medical facilities in two different states
  • 3 of my son’s good friends died
  • my grandmother died
  • 2 family members died on the same day
  • my marriage crumbled to the point of divorce
  • I had a cancer scare that required 2 surgeries
  • my sister’s fiancé died suddenly (this was her 2nd fiancé to pass away..her 1st fiancé died a few weeks before our other sister’s death)
  • we lost our entire retirement savings due to a person’s foolish decisions
  • key relationships I dearly loved deeply changed
  • my son’s father died
  • I was diagnosed with a lifelong autoimmune illness

I felt incredibly defeated and depressed.

To go through several deaths, my son’s illness, my illness, heartbreaking marriage issues, relationship losses & changes, among other losses within 3 years was very challenging…but I knew I wanted good to come out of it. I wasn’t about to allow life or grief to defeat me, and I wasn’t going to sit down and remain a depressed mess. I had already done that when my sister died and that wasn’t going to be my reality again.

It was almost a “saving grace” that I had previously been through grief when I was younger. Grief had been second nature in my life pretty much since I was a child.

While growing up:

  • my dad was killed by a drunk driver
  • my favorite grandmother (who lived with us after my dad passed away) died a few years later
  • I lost my grandparents (and later 2 uncles and an aunt) to cancer
  • the pipes in our home froze and bust, flooding our entire house…we lost everything…and lived in a motel for several months
  • A traumatic event happened when I was 12. I was hospitalized in ICU and almost died.
  • my boyfriend died in a car accident while in high school
  • a friend was murdered
  • I went through an illness and was in ICU
  • two friends committed suicide
  • one of my best friends died after being in the hospital for a year…then a few weeks later…
  • I saw my 22 year old sister die after only being sick for 3 weeks

All of this before I was 20 years old…so I knew what grief could do. I understood the heartbreaking days and nights, as well as how difficult it could be to get through.

BUT 2010 was different. I didn’t want to just “get through” my grief. I was desperate to understand. I didn’t want to just be mad at God and life…I actually needed to deeply & heart-wrenchingly question God so I could come to peace with Him and find a new way of life that made sense.

Majority of the grief experiences we go through will never make sense…but I found that good can come out of any circumstance if you allow life…and yes, even grief…to teach you lessons. They are not fun lessons…but they do have value.

And eventually I learned, ironically through my grief, that God IS good. He healed my heart from major grief and heartache.

The reason I share my grief is not to solicit sympathy or pity. Absolutely not. It was through everything I went through that I found my purpose in life: I get the privilege of helping hundreds of thousands of people through their grief so they are able to live better lives.

So why blog about it? Why talk about grief? Because grief has a huge need to be more commonly talked about so that everyone can understand how to help those in grief.

And because grief doesn’t end on the day of the funeral…in fact, grief never goes away. Unfortunately, grief velcroes itself to your heart. It’s. there. for. life. And the greater the love, the greater the grief. Grief typically doesn’t stay as strong as it is in the first few years…but it lingers and can come back full strength at the oddest times.

Some grief experiences are minor, while other grief experiences are major. There is hope for major grief…but it takes a lot of self work and grief recovery to get to that point.

I also talk about grief because there is a great need for grievers to share their experiences to help others who are going through grief. It is also helpful for grievers to help others who have never been through grief to understand.

This blog is for anyone who has been through grief or loss…anyone who has been through a sleepless night…anyone who has had a broken heart and still wants to live the best life they possibly can live in spite of any circumstance they face.

I hope something I write encourages someone. I hope it allows someone to obtain the hope they need to move on press forward in spite of the heartbreak they have been through.

Notice that I drew a line through “move on” because anyone who has been through deep grief knows how frustrating that phrase can be.

I say “press forward” because if you are going through intense grief, it has to be a personal choice to press forward with everything you’ve got. I am NOT suggesting forgetting about your treasured loved one(s). In fact, I am a HUGE advocate of honoring a loved one’s memory… I’ll write more about that in the days to come.

By pressing forward after you have thoroughly grieved, you’ll prevent additional loss, guilt, and regrets from entering your life. If you stay still or stagnant in your grief, or ignore it, more loss develops…and then you will have so much more to deal with later on…and grief will have damaged your life further than you wanted it to.

Don’t allow grief to choose for you how you are going to live the remainder of your life. Grief does not deserve to make that decision for you. The only thing you should allow grief to do is teach you lessons on life…and the lessons are certainly there.

Choose TODAY to thoroughly go through your grief so that you are truly able to create the life you want to live in the years to come. Pressing forward allows you to grab hold of it though. It will NOT be easy. There is no such thing as “neatly” grieving or one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter-style grieving…there are no rainbows, unicorns, or cotton candy in grief recovery…nope, it is messy. It will most likely be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do…but one day you’ll look back and be so very grateful you worked through your grief and embraced it.

Life is too short to not live to the fullest every single day. Life is too good to not find joy in it…especially the “little things” in life. You only get one life…and you never get time back. Redeem the time and enjoy every moment life has to offer you as much as you can…in time…when you are able to.

Life is a canvas so throw all the paint on it you can so one day you will have the ability to look at the amazing picture you created in spite of heartache & grief.

That is the very best way to get back at grief…to get your breath back after grief & life have knocked it out of you.

It will take time and you will know when your heart is ready.

Grief bites…but we ALL have the power within us to bite back.

©2014 Grief Bites. All rights reserved.

❤️If you were encouraged by this post, please feel free to share it to encourage others!❤️

For more encouragement:

Kim’s blog: http://www.griefbites.com

Connect on Facebook by “liking” page: http://www.facebook.com/GettingYourBreathBackAfterGrief

Getting Your Breath Back After Life Knocks It Out of You (Kim’s book): Click here for book

FREE YouVersion reading plans:

1. Grief Bites: Finding Treasure In Hardships: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/912-grief-bites-finding-treasure-in-hardships 

2. Grief Bites: Doubt Revealed: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/954-grief-bites-doubt-revealed 

3. Grief Bites: A New Approach To Growing Through Grief https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/862-grief-bites 

4. Grief Bites: Hope For The Holidays: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/1964-grief-bites-hope-for-the-holidays

Making peace with God: http://peacewithgod.net

❤️